Would you care if your spouse lied to you?

United States
September 30, 2008 5:24pm CST
I hate liars! I don't like them at all! And, if I found out that my spouse had been lying to me, it would really hurt a lot. Of course, he doesn't lie to me. And, I don't lie to him. But, sometimes, he does keep little things from me. He doesn't tell me about problems on his job. Sometimes, I wish he would. That way, I'd know if he were about to lose his job and could make other arrangements. Most likely it would be a small thing that he had been keeping from me. I don't really consider that a lie. It's more like an omission. Sometimes, in life, we have to keep things from other people so they won't be hurt. What do you think? Would you be mad if your spouse lied to you or didn't tell you something? Would it be a deal breaker?
7 people like this
36 responses
@katsmeow1213 (29047)
• United States
30 Sep 08
It depends on the lie. My husband has lied to me about things that in the grand scheme of life.. aren't that big of a deal. Once he took his mother shopping with him and the kids. Well his parents and I were on the outs at that point, and I had put my foot down about them seeing the kids, so of course he didn't tell me he had taken her. Then a week later I bumped into her and she mentioned it to me. I was mad and gave him heck, but it wasn't a huge deal. I do get upset when he lies, regardless how big or small. I believe if you can lie about something small then you can lie about something big too, so whenever he tells any sort of lie I catch him and we talk about how important it is to tell the truth. He's never lied to me about anything important, he's really not a great liar to begin with, lol.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Sep 08
Mine isn't good at lying either! When he's hiding something and talking to me, or he tries to fib a little bit, his eyes wonder off. It's so funny to watch. But usually it's a tiny white lie about cookies he has eaten before dinner time. I try not to give him too much heck.
• United States
1 Oct 08
You've got a good point!
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
30 Sep 08
My husband tells me lies of omission. He is a protector and wants to keep me safe from 'things he thinks I can't handle'. It has harmed our relationship in the past and we struggle to overcome this aspect of his nature on a regular basis.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Oct 08
At their hearts, most guys are still cavemen. They don't understand the subtlety of society and relationships.
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
1 Oct 08
So right! And the thing is, they mean well. Just doing what they know.
@Ithink (10500)
• United States
1 Oct 08
Liars are something I do not like either. My husband doesnt lie to me and I dont lie to him. We have a very good relationship and we both know that to make it work, honesty is a very important thing. With the work thing I think that they can get so stressed they dont want to discuss it at home. It can also be that they dont want to make us stress on things. It wouldnt be deal breaker but it would cause big discussion time!!
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Oct 08
We've learned to deal with each other in a much more straight forward manner and it's made us better partners.
@Marvin42 (279)
• United States
1 Oct 08
I hate liars too. But sometimes they just don't want to trouble you, if they got a problem,they don't want you to worry about it.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Oct 08
That does make sense.
@SViswan (12071)
• India
1 Oct 08
I'd be really mad if my spouse lied to me. I hate liars too...and it might be one of the first steps to breaking up. I wouldn't be able to trust him on other matters and it would always be on the back of my head...whether he was lying about something or telling me the truth. I can't live with that kind of thing.
1 person likes this
@chengbeb (285)
• Philippines
1 Oct 08
There are certain situations wherein we can lie to our spouses. Sometimes we really have to have our little secrets. Secrets that don't really have a great impact to our better halves. It's a way to keep our individuality. Although we are married and is considered as one body to keep the spark we should have a little bit of space. Although I'm not saying that lying is right at least little white lies would be fine.
1 person likes this
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
1 Oct 08
I can't stand being lied to by ANYONE..doenst matter who it is BUT of course the closer a person is to me, like a family member rather than just a casual friend, the more ticked off I get.. If my husband lied to me I would be absolutely FURIOUS and yes it could very well end our marriage..I have ZERO tolerance for it and everyone in my life, including him, knows it.
1 person likes this
@sharra1 (6342)
• Australia
1 Oct 08
Yes it would be a problem for me. I am not so sure about forgetting to tell me something because we both have memory problems but if he lied then I would be very upset. Our relationship is based on trust and that can only come from total honesty. Without honesty the trust is lost.
1 person likes this
@shoeb000 (321)
• India
1 Oct 08
well it depends on the matter, what she is lieying.. there are instances when we dont want to give headache to our better halves.. at that time, though we are with lot of problems, we dont sharewith our spouse... i do lie in these kind of instances
1 person likes this
@shell94 (990)
• Canada
30 Sep 08
In one word YES!!! I too hate liars. Lying is one thing that I have a really hard time getting past. It may not necessarily be a deal breaker but it would definitely cause some major issues in the relationship. Hopefully my relationship would be strong enough to endure it...I hope I do not have to find this out first hand.
• Canada
30 Sep 08
My husband and I know better than to lie to eachother. We have both been lied to people in the past, and we love eachother enough not to want to do that to eachother. We are not lying people to begin with. We both agree that there is something wrong with people who lie.
• United States
30 Sep 08
Yep!
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
8 Oct 08
I don't like lying either and even little ommissions signal to me that my partner is not comfortable confiding in me. I don't consider those little ommissiond out right lying & certainly not deal breakers but it does make me sad that he he feels he can't for whatever reason confide in me. I wouldn't be mad but it would signal to me that our relationship needs some work. Much would depend on the situation. Omitting something & lying about it are pretty close to being one and the same. Is he for the most part honest? Even the little lies will eventually break down trust and trust is everything in a relationship.
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
7 Oct 08
Yes, I would be very hurt. In fact, I would be so hurt just enough to leave him for it.. Especially if it was a scornful lie... I dislike any kind of liars. They get no love from me..
@samijo719 (1054)
• United States
7 Oct 08
I hate liars in general, period. And one thing that frustrates me the most is lying about little things. Cause the way I view it if it's somethign that's not even really essentially a big deal and the person could lie about that, what stops them from lying about big things? I would be very hurt if my boyfriend lied to me but I would talk to him about it and want to know why he felt like he needed to lie and work it out not just walk away from the relationship.
@GreenMoo (11842)
7 Oct 08
I guess that it depends on the extent of the lie. If he told me a little fib in order to keep a present or a surprise a secret then I would forgive him instantly, obviously! Something more serious would take a little more effort and a big extended lie would probably mean big trouble. For me, I think it would also depend who else knew about the lie. I would it far harder to forgive if lots of other people knew the truth and it was just me that was being deceived. Similarly, if it was a 'new' lie that would be harder to forgive than something that happened a long time ago.
@moneyandgc (3430)
• United States
5 Oct 08
I can't stand being lied to. My husband knows this but still lies sometimes when he thinks I am going to get mad. It's stupid because he knows that I will find out, he just doesn't want to deal with it at the time. And it is usually about dumb stuff that I could care less about anyway, and for some reason he thinks I am going to be mad. I have tried to get through to him that I am NOT mad for what he did, I am mad that he LIED about it! A lot of it was lying by omission as well. As far as I know he hasn't lied to me in a long time. And I have tried not to have a huge reaction when he does tell me stuff that he thinks will upset me. As for being a deal breaker, it all depends on what he lied about. Cheating is a definite deal breaker.
@williamjisir (22903)
• China
5 Oct 08
Hello beauty queen. I think that it depends on the situation. If it is out of her purpose not wanting to hurt me, why not? You know, sometimes a lie is intended to be good so that one will not get hurt mentally. If there is no need to tell the truth, then let it be. But I can understand why your hubby does not want to let you know about his job affairs. It is probably because he does not want to get you worried about it on his side while on your side you would like to share with him about his job so that you can always make a decision what to do next, which shows that it is considerate of you. Well, I always talk about my job to my wife to let her know about my current job situation. I love to keep her known about it. If I plan to make a move to work in another place, I talk to her first to see how she thinks about it. It is always better to have two heads work together. In fact, it is the same with my wife when she has something to make a decision. Take care, my dear friend.
• Philippines
4 Oct 08
I hate liars as well as i hate lying to the ones i loved. No matter how small a thing is i would prefer to let my partner tell me about it because in that way i feel important to her and i want to let her feel she's important also. That's why i want to know no matter how small that is as long as she's willing to let me hear it and share it to me.
@nini89 (670)
• India
3 Oct 08
Hi Beautyqueen26! I dont lie and I hate liars. If i found him lieing I will be disturbed. I cant do anything and just sit a side. He never used to do but sometimes some matteres which we should not come to know of his family matters or something he never used to tell me, and if I come to know then I used to ask and have quarel. He used to keep some matters inside him only and get tensed if they share it the burden gets lesser but he never used to. Happy mylotting and have a nice day.
2 Oct 08
of course, we all hate being lied- who would not. But if my honey lied to me for certain reasons that will save both our relationship, i would accept it. Sometimes there are things better kept and unsaid.. Whats the use of saying it if in the end it would ruined your trust and respect. Like all they said... white lies dont hurt as long as its for your own good.