men go to their caves?
October 1, 2008 7:31am CST
hello every one... i read in a book that men tend to go to their CAVES, when they do not want to discuss their problems with their spouse... i.e they become quite, and want to be alone... and do not want unsolicited advice from their spouse... as a wife do you think its true... does your husband do this?? and if yes... wht you feel and wht is your strategy???
1 Oct 08
Yes the book does not mean they literally go and find caves but they do need alone time and silence, time to think, especially if they are introverts. I would point out that some women who are also introverts also need alone time. My partner for example needs quiet time when he wakes up so I try very hard not to talk to him first thing. For me it is a matter of respecting his needs. He needs time to wake up and get ready for the day. With me it will be a matter of needing time to think in a crisis but I am getting better at sharing now rather than withdrawing.
2 Oct 08
No I don't feel hurt that he needs quiet time. I love him very much and to me that means respecting his needs as he respects mine. Sometimes I forget and talk to him and he looks at me with that hurt look and I feel sad that I did not give him his time. You see to me part of marriage is to respect each others needs and since this is a need of his then I respect it. I can't feel hurt by giving him what he needs.
• United States
4 Oct 08
Yes my husband HATES talking about problems or issues we may have. He has gotten better with time but I think only because I have learned how to deal with the situation better vs nagging him until he gets angry. I have learned that if I have something on my mind, I cant wear it on my sleave but also can not say anything until the time is right (not while he is at work, just waking up, just got home from work or about to fall asleep). And if he is already in a bad mood you need to rethink yourself... is the problem that you have bad enough to let be known? Will it only get worse if I do not say something now? When I do say something to him, his first reaction is usualy "I do not want to talk about it right now" so I leave it alone. If it is important to him then he will come back to me about it when he is ready. If he gets angry about it then he usually goes to our room and plays X Box 360 while he gives it some thought and then comes to appologises to me... lets me know that he was listening to me and then tells me what he has to say about it... and it ends in a hug, kiss, I love you and problem solved. The key is patients, give them time, if i seems to bother them, leave it alone and they will come to you. It could not be any easier. Ask yourself... Will what is bothering me now bother me 5 years from now? Will it still be a problem or worse? If not then leave it be.