Autism: Parents... I have a question!

Autism Sign - Autism is NOT a DIRTY word!
@Foxxee (3653)
United States
October 2, 2008 7:19pm CST
My son is Autistic && he thinks your weird too! I love that saying! LOL! Anyway this discussion is about parents with Autistic children. I have an Autistic son who is just amazing && I wouldn't change anything about his personality. He lights up my world! For those parents out there with an Autistic child, I have a question for you && I want an honest answer from the heart… Here it goes… Okay, you already have a child with Autism && you want another child, but you were told your next child would be Autistic as well… 1. Would you just not care that the next child could be Autistic && go ahead planning for baby #2? 2. Or would you just not have anymore kids biologically? My answer would be 1! Why would that stop me? If I could honestly have a choice, I wouldn't mind having another Autistic child. I look at my son && I feel sooooo connected! I see nothing wrong with him && who cares if he is Autistic because he is still my little guy! I'm just curious how other parents of Autistic children feel… Some parents out there that DON'T have an Autistic child feel if they had the chance to know their child could be Autistic, they wouldn't have the child. Some also feel, if you have one Autistic child, you just shouldn't have anymore kids because there is a chance you might have another Autistic. My opinion on this…? WHO CARES! I think anyone who doesn't have an Autistic child or any special needs child is the one missing out! I think having a child with Autism has opened my eyes more, I see things differently. I wouldn't change one thing && if I was told my next child would be Autistic, I would say… "So… bring it on!" Even if I was told that my 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th would be Autistic, I'd still be blessed && if I wanted 8 kids && 6 were already Autistic, I would still have my 8! A child is a child… Autistic or not… So many people feel sorry for parents with Autistic children…. Why? So many other parents thank God everyday THAT they DON'T have an Autistic child…. But you know what… I THANK GOD EVERYDAY FOR SENDING ME MY LIL AUTISTIC BLESSING! *Sticks tongue out!* && whats up with people saying our children are not normal && healthy? Excuse me… that is ignorance && people need to do their research because my Autistic son is healthy, healthy && well as for being normal…. What is normal? Did you ever stop to think that maybe he thinks your weird to? *sticks tongue out again!* Anyway…. This is just a rant, but I would like to know your views as well… Reason for this discussion was because I ran into another discussion on here that kind of got under my skin because I feel to many people out there are just ignorant && should really stop being so closed minded about Autism. Lots of love to you all! Foxxee :)
8 people like this
9 responses
• Singapore
3 Oct 08
hmmm, your thinking is very good. i am not a parent with an autistic child but i does volunteer work in an school for the autistic. the kids are are quite bright as well it might even surpass normal children. they just dun interact well with others which make them at a disadvantage. but whats wrong with an autistic child, there are many people dying to have children and cant get one. i say there is nothing wrong with having a child that is autistic. every child have the right to live their live the way they want it.
4 people like this
@grammasnook (1877)
• United States
3 Oct 08
There are many different forms of autism some are mild and some are very aggressive, It is up to the parent on whether emotionally they can provide what the child needs. I dont believe people are ignorant I believe people fear what they do not understand. I am betting the whole time you where pregnant you wished for a typical healthy child notice I said typical and not normal right. Now that you have your blessing you understand it. I have worked with many different disabilities both emotional and physical and they all have wonderful ways about them but some can be very challenging and become an emotional strain, and the people that say they will not have another child in fear they will be autistic are being truthful with you. When I was pregnant with my last son they thought he might have down syndrome and my doctor gave me choices whether to have him or not. I looked in my doctors eyes and told him it wouldn't matter if my baby had a food for a hand and sat on his brains he is mine and I will love him unconditonally. Blessings come in many forms for many different people and your son is very lucky to have you.
3 people like this
@Foxxee (3653)
• United States
3 Oct 08
Very well said... && when I was pregnant, all I wished for was a healthy baby && I got a healthy baby. I do understand what your saying though... && your a good person && I'm sure you know a little what I'm talking about... But if you were told your next child would have DS again, would you still feel the same way && go on with the pregnancy?
3 people like this
• United States
3 Oct 08
I would have to not get pregnant He would have been my last one. The reason for this is that with most DS you are a guardian for life they usually live with you for your whole life. I would worry about who would care for my grown child after I was gone, would he be treated with respect and dignity? Along with DS there is a big chance of alzheimers begining as young as 40 years old. So it would definately be a different choice but then again lots of children that are autistic need alot of support to live on there own if they make it out of the home. So there is my personal opinion.
2 people like this
• United States
3 Oct 08
not opinion but my personal feelings of my own circumstances. After reading that it appeared rude and that is not me at all.
1 person likes this
@barehugs (8986)
• Canada
3 Oct 08
Well I agree with you in principal. I know several grownups who are autistic, and they are remarkably different. The one guy knows every car's owner by the license plate number on his car. There are hundreds of cars in the area that he knows, so he knows hundreds of car owners by their first names. While this is different, its not really remarkable, but this autistic person is always happy and is enjoying life as much as anyone else. However the real reason I responded to your (very well written and well researched) post is, Why do you use 2 && signs when one would do? These 2 signs together really get my attention, and sorry to say, I can't for the life of me imagine why the Mom of an Autistic Child would do this repeatedly throughout her Post? Are you Autistic too by any chance?
3 people like this
@Foxxee (3653)
• United States
3 Oct 08
Can I ask why you would think someone could be Autistic just because the way they type or because they might double a sympol? I find that a little funny, but at the same time a little annoyed with that remark. Maybe you didn't mean nothing by it, or maybe you were being funny, not sure, but either way, I think it wasn't really called for. But to fill you in about my little double (&&) symbols... I actually do this because it's just something I picked up on... I guess you can call it my trademark. I was writing a letter one day && my key got stuck && I just so happened to like it && have done it ever since. But if you look back on my older post, you can see I didn't always use the (&&) symbol. I do now, because I just like it. So although 1 will do, I like using 2. So for right now 2 will have to do! We went way off topic... LOL!
2 people like this
• United States
3 Oct 08
See when I seen the double symbol I just imagined you speaking and that you where looking for the right words to say...
2 people like this
@Foxxee (3653)
• United States
3 Oct 08
Me && You... Me and You... Me & You... Same meaning, same thing, just different look... :)
3 people like this
• United States
3 Oct 08
What a breath of fresh air your post is! How old is your son? Is he your only child? My daughter is 9 and she is my only child, and she's autistic. I do often find myself wishing I could have a full conversation with her. But we have a deep and rich relationship, and I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world! It's hard for me to answer your question, because I had a LOT of unusual hardships after my daughter was born. We were harassed by social workers, which I now realize happens to a LOT of parents of autistic children. Also, I had no help with her at all for most of the 9 years. And she was born on my 42nd birthday, and we were in a very serious car accident a week before she was born. So all that taken together makes me REALLY TIRED! That is the main reason I would think twice about having another autistic child. However, if I had been younger when she was born and had not been injured in an accident, I would probably not care much whether a second child was autistic or not. That notwithstanding, I know there are times when it is very hard being the parent of an autistic child, especially if the child is fairly severely autistic. And the child has a harder time in life, too. Still, my daughter is so CHEERFUL and FUN, most of the time. The autism spectrum has such a wide range of symptoms and a wide range of the degree of each symptoms. Some parents may be seriously suffering, and others may be mostly enjoying their child like any other parent. Even when suffering, the kids are totally loveable, and I doubt many of those suffering parents would trade those loveable kids!
1 person likes this
@Foxxee (3653)
• United States
3 Oct 08
He is almost 3. I have another child, a daughter who is 6. I can understand your situation, seems like you had a hard time. As for me, right now, I'm not ready for a child this minute, but would love another chance at it in a few years. I know its work raising an Autistic child, but it's work raising any child. I count my lucky stars that my son is healthy. He is also very joyful && happy! Thanks for your comment && good luck with everything!
2 people like this
• Philippines
3 Oct 08
Hi foxee. I am just wondering how the doctor was able to diagnose your son with autism that early? My nephew is autistic. He was diagnosed at age 5. Our country is not so medically advanced with regards to this and the doctor said it would be difficult to diagnose a child before he turns 5. He has regressive autism, that's why. He is now seven and on speech therapy. My brother (his father) was told that if my nephew would not be able to learn how to talk now, it would be impossible for him to do so after age seven. This saddens the whole family. But we are still hoping against hope. We all want to give the best to Ethan (that's his name.)
@Foxxee (3653)
• United States
3 Oct 08
You can diagnose Autism early. My son actually started with Early Intervention. We had a team of doctors, a total of 3 the first visit. They came to the home && sat && did different things with him for 2 hours. They then wanted to get his hearing tested. ONce we did that, the hearing test came back ok && then they set up to where a therapy teacher would come to my house && work with my son. At this time he still wasn't diagnosed, they wanted to wait. Time went on, he had another intervention with the same 3 doctors && took notes from his therapy teacher. He had all the signs of Autism, but they still didn't diagnose him until months later. We ended up taking him into the child study center where he was watched && several tests on him were done for over 4 hours. They watched him play, they did a lot of stuff basically to see where he was at. We actually got 2 diagnoses of Autism. From what I hear you can actually test for Autism earlier then 2. But it's not a cake walk. It takes several interventions && a team of doctors. Well, it did with us anyway. My son has always had a problem with eye contact since birth. He would never look at us && when we talked to him or made noise, he never would turn his head, like some babies should. I thought he had a hearing problem at first. I never knew what Autism was until he was around 18 months. From birth he did seem to develope ok. He even was talking really good at 10 months. It's almost like his Autism was always there, but it was triggered. I don't know, we still ask ourself everyday why we didn't notice the signs or why was he talking then && not talking now... But anyway, yeah you can diagnose a child with Autism earlier then 5.
2 people like this
• United States
3 Oct 08
3. Have a vasectomy. Sorry, but as much as I love my son I really don't see the point in rolling the dice on whether or not the next child will be only out on the very fringes of the spectrum and totally capable of eventually making his way in the world (like my son) or winding up with a kid who is profoundly Autistic whom we can enjoy the privilege of taking care of until the day we die. Sorry if it seems selfish but my wife and I need to have a life, too.
1 person likes this
@Foxxee (3653)
• United States
3 Oct 08
Hmm... Okay... is your first child Autistic? If so, then I respect your choice. Only you know if you can take on another Autistic child. I guess it's not for everyone.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
3 Oct 08
Well my son was already one too many. Let me explain. He was the 2nd child. You know, first you have the girl, then you have the boy. He was going to be the last anyway. But guess what, it was twins. He has a twin sister also. So that's 3 children where I was planning two, one too many. Love them, think I'll keep them, but one more? Noooooo..... But if he had been the first and I had been told that, I would most likely have said "nonsense" and gone ahead and had the second one.
1 person likes this
@biggerb (2028)
• India
3 Oct 08
I do not have an autistic child but I know two people who do have autistic children.One is a friend of mine.Her eldest son is autistic and she had a second baby who is a normal boy.I know without any hesitation she went ahead with the second baby.In India, we do not have much facilities for an autistic child.She traveled to many places to find good schools.Finally in her quest to better her son's life they moved to America.Her son is 15 years old.Its been 3 years since she moved.She says now there is slot of improvement in him.He goes to school and the training they give has helped alot.My husband's boss has an autistic son who is 24 years old and they have a second son who is perfectly normal too.The mother went to UK had some training and she came back and started a school for her son and now she has many autistic children in that school.I am in touch with both these children and we don't treat them differently.They are very nice.I truly admire your spirit.
@sumiirajj (1983)
• India
3 Oct 08
Hi friend,My brothers kid is autistic.But my brother and his wife are ignorant of autism.They know very well that something is wrong with the kid and even some doctors gave some hint they are not able to accept that their kid is autistic.I find the boy to be very bright,very hyperactive and follows certain manners which even normal children wouldn't follow.Only thing is his interaction capability is very less.Otherwise he is very good,he is going to a regular school.Some children are mildly affected and some children have high functioning.Society looks upon the child differently and the child suffers when people ignore autistic child.As a parent it breaks our heart and unbearable when the society looks upon the child as autistic.The child cannot survive in a normal way in this world.That is the only reason we refuse to have an autistic child.I love my brothers kid so much and excited when I see his extra ordinary skills.thanks for sharing.happy mylotting.
1 person likes this
@skysuccess (8882)
• Singapore
3 Oct 08
Foxxee, I am for the 2nd option - Would not have anymore children biologically. Until there is some way that sciences could aid through genetic engineering or whatever to help with having a normal child. I think managing your current one already is quite a task already and that we need to consider the future for the baby when he grows up. There will be more challenges for him and his path is not an easy and inexpensive. We just need to think and look further and anticipate more for him. I feel that this is not only being practical but responsible on our part. If we still have room for another, then I would consider adopting as there are many unfortunates out there that really needs our care and love. Pardon me here, but I am not being closed minded about Autism here. Rather, I just want to be more attentive to a more demanding situation.
@Foxxee (3653)
• United States
3 Oct 08
No, I don't think your bring closed minded. I'm wanting to hear the views of others. I am starting to see why some might not want to chance it again... I know some are okay with having more then one Autistic child, && I also know some can only take on the one Autistic child && I understand && respect that choice. Not everyone has it in them... but there are people out there that look past the Autism && are actually willing to take on a bigger task.
2 people like this
• Singapore
4 Oct 08
I think looking past is one thing but looking towards the future for them is another. We all have a limited time for our young ones and when they are left on their own after our departure the daunting future will come into our minds. I don't think I can bear to think what will and how it will be for them, then. We may be capable to have a few more in our lifetime, but then, what happens when we leave them on their own?
@Foxxee (3653)
• United States
4 Oct 08
Thats something I'm sure parents don't want to think about. I hate thinking about it myself because there is a chance my son wont be able to live alone or do the things he has to do to live on his own, but there is also a chance he will be able to. But I'm lucky I have a lot of family. Plus there are so many support groups out there && aids that help people with a disability. It happens && I guess keeping that option open is something parents should do.
1 person likes this