GrandParents are NOT babysitters

I had a daughter that 32yrs I seen my first grand son when he turn 1 yr. now he is 10years old I have not seen him since then. Then my grand daughter was born I seen her then at the hospital and that was it. she is 8yrs. I don't why my daughter dose this to me I still got all there Christmas presents. waiting for them to pick up. cd

Yes, that happens all the time. I have never once asked my mom to watch my son, she has always volunteered to do it. I have always told them if it was too much to let me know and I would find someone else to watch my son. My brother on the other hand doesn't seemed concerned about how tired their 4 years old makes my parents.

Well maybe you don't want to watch or babysit your grandchildren but that doesn't mean all grandparents don't. My in-laws actually ask to babysit the kids. It's not an everyday thing but when my husband and I need some time to ourselves or when things come up, they are one of the first people we ask. My parents use to watch the kids too before they moved. Neither set of parents had any objection to watching the children. So again maybe YOU don't want to babysit but that doesn't mean every grandparent in the world doesn't.

My Mother told us point blank that she had raised her children and to never decide to use her as a babysitter. The problem is that when you do it for one, you have to do it for all, so you're better off to say they can visit, but they can't live here. Some people are young grandparents like in their 30s or 40s, if they want to get involved in that, that is one thing, but I have a friend who is 73 years old and taking care of her greatgrandchildren. Luckily, only about 4 hours a day, but she's having a rough time. Luckily only one child at a time and her kids and grandkids are having financial problems and one couple has cancer to contend with. So how do you say no if they can't afford a babysitter and if they don't both work, bills won't get paid,they could become street people or when someone has cancer. So you have to say that from the start and stick to it, I'm not a babysitter.

Actually i wouldnt prefer them always baby sitting and whe get outr things done by going out.This is kind of bad and I feel we are using them.I very rarely make my son be with them unless and until it is an emergency work and I have no alternative other than be with themOtherwise I make sure that I take him where evr i go. Regards

I couldn't agree with you more. It seems so unfair. I see so many grandparents raising their grandchildren and although I respect them I feel it is so unfair to them. My children are grown now but when they were younger they were in daycare while I worked. One time my youngest one had broken his arm and had surgery on it and my mother asked me if she could keep him until he got his cast off. She was worried about him going to daycare with it. And I told her it would be fine as long as she allowed me to pay her the same as I paid the daycare. She did and as soon as he was out of the cast he returned to daycare. It gave her a little extra spending money and he certainly enjoyed the pampering! LOL I think grandparents should have the opportunity to enjoy their grandchildren and spoil them. Not raise them!

I think the quality of care an 80 yr. old woman can give 5 little kids might be limited. For the safety of all involved, it would be wise for the parents to find an alternative babysitting situation. Putting the kids in daycare will be costly but they also will be learning as they play. I'm all for daycare and pre-school. Nothing is a replacement for the parental love kids need but when both parents need to work, there are other options. Some of the senior citizen communities don't allow kids in their facility. Guess it depends on the state and their laws. I don't have the luxury of babysitting our grandkids since they live in another state. I would be more than happy to help our daughter as needed. But, I am also 20 yrs. younger than the older lady that stayed with her grandkids. I can still get on the floor and play games with the kids. We are expecting another grandbaby in about 4 weeks. She will live in the same area where we are so I offered to help out when our daughter needs me. I wouldn't want to make a career from babysitting since I love my freedom but am anxious to be with the new baby.

I agree with you, it shouldn't just be taken for granted that the grandparents are a built in babysitter. Any time that my daughters stayed with my parents, it was because she asked them if she could, or I didn't have any other choice, but I always asked, if they had said no, then I would have figured something else out. The said part is, your mother had to say something to the son, he didn't even think anything about it, and for them to just expect her to take care of 5 kids at her age, that is just stupid and insensitive on his part. But, it was free babysitting. I mean any parent is all for helping their children if they can, but it should never be taken for granted that they will always be able to help. I'm glad for her that your mother took it on herself to say something. This does happen too often, and grandparents raising their grandchildren, for whatever reason, also happens too often.

When my first child (who is now 17 years old) was born my mother-in-law watched him. She loved doing this. As a matter of fact, my mother-in-law and father-in-law asked to have him spend the night all the time. This was really nice for my husband and me because we got to have alone time alot. Sometimes it seemed he was there more than at home. It was nice for them because they got to bond with him and he got to be with his grandparents. It was very convenient for all of us because we lived across the street from one another so we could just go over at a moment's notice. My mother-in-law watched my son until he was 3 years old. When he turned 3 she had a massive stroke and became partially paralyzed. She was not the woman she was her entire life. She lost all short term memory and became incontinent, etc. I am thankful that she got to enjoy him before she could not care for him any more. It kept her young, both her and my father-in-law. My children all look like my husband, especially my oldest son. For them it was like their son was a baby all over again and I really think it was like they were re-living his childhood through their grandson. He never lacked for attention or love. It was a wonderful thing. After my mother-in-law got sick then my mother took over watching him. My mother has lived with us since I was pregnant with my 17 year old son. She does not pay us rent, we buy her everything and she watched him and our other 2 children. We needed a two income family otherwise I would have been a stay at home mom. I now have 4 children - the youngest is 3 years old. When I was 8 months pregnant with her I decided to become a stay at home mom for the first few years of her life. I still am at home, I have the 4 kids like I said from 17 down to 3. I love being home with her. Unfortunately my mother got sick as well and has dementia and hardly knows who anyone is anymore. She is in a nursing home now for the past year. That was a difficult situation too as I was watching her and my children, but she requires so much care nowadays and wanders off etc, that I could no longer take care of her. So, anyways I look forward to the day when my children are parents and I can watch my grandchildren. I think it is wonderful when grandparents watch grandchildren. They are raised with the same values as the parents, brought up with the same language/languages - we speak English and Spanish, and you don't have to worry about your child being molested, etc. I think it is a win-win situation. But it should not be a forced situation. It should be agreed upon by all parties. [b][i] Have a great day and happy myLotting!!![/i][/b]

although one Filipino culture i consider best is grandparents taking care for their grandchild/grandchildren while parents are at work. but for an aged person to look for 5 kids would really be exhausting. i would still prefer my parents or in-laws to look for my kids while we are at work (in case they're willing to do so but with a helper of course) because the concern is different from someone hired to do the job who in anyway is not related to us. if my parents or in-laws in any case cant do the job, i would always prefer a relative to look for them.

I agree and I disagree because it depends on many factors. We asked my daughter to come home for a few years after she got pregnant and the father ran off to parts unknown. We fixed up the basement as an apartment so they could have their own space and we watch the baby while she works. Yes, it cuts into our freedom, but when she's not around, we miss her, too. It was our choice and we would not give it up for a moment. We love seeing her grow up and will be sad when they leave. But, on the other hand, if I were having trouble watching her, it was making me ill and wearing on me to the point of exhaustion, she would have to find an alternate babysitter. Does your mom really want to watch them or just feel obligated? If she is not really wanting to do it, it's not fair, but some grandparents love doing it. It just depends on this factor. Is she compensated for it? When my mother-in-law watched my niece and nephew for my sister-in-law, my sister-in-law paid her as it was 5 days per week.

Hi Brinbai Yes I agree with you in this siutation as a matter of fact I dont agree that anyone should leave theier child and ecspecially 5 children with anyone 80 or above for one its too much strain on the grandparents and obviously in this case he hubby is sick so now shes taking care of 6 people plus herself and what would they do if something happened to her while the kids were thereas for them not paying her anything thats wrong no most family does not expect payment but this is an elderly couple who most likely lives on a fixed income so now shes not just feeding 2 shes feeding 7 and with the price of grocreys this day that has got to be hard on them

i agree with you immensely-my mother would gladly babysit for me if she was not doing anything or if i wanted to wait until her evening activities were done.My mother is a very busy woman-she goes non stop-if we wanted to go out in the evening-she would say i will be up around 10 if you want to go out but i am not giving my night up for you until that time.I respected her for that and i never expected her to give her time up to watch my boys.If she was free she would take them at anytime but if she had things to do-no way

Well it really depends, if the kids and grandparents enjoy it, i would think they should be able to do it. If the grandparents are somehow forced to, then no. When i was young and parents went to work every morning, i was dropped off at my grandma's house and looked after by my loyal grandparents. They enjoyed having me around and i enjoyed being with them too.

I agree in this situation. It isn't fair for grandparents to be imposed upon like this; a person should not be taken for granted. And 5 children for an 80 year old is entirely too much. (On the other hand, my MIL assumes when we have kids that she will get to take care of them and speaks enviously of those of her friends who babysit - we'll see how she feels about it after we have kids. I think she's remembering the fun bits and ignoring the crying).

I do agree that grandparents deserve a rest. However we are living in a society where both parents need to work to make their ends meet. I would prefer to leave my son with my grandparents than with complete strangers. I do feel more at ease to leave my son under the care of my mother. I do feel safe like that.

As a grandpaarent I can tell you that we want to help our family anyway we can but we resent being taken advantage of. Especially with children who have behavior problems. We took care of our grandchildren when they were ill, like chicken pox and couldn't go to child care. But This was so their parents could continue to work and was necessary so they could get by. But it was hard on us and the kids who didn't feel their best and didn't like being away from home. It really didn't help our relationship with them, but it did show them that families stick together and help each other.

I agree Grandparents are no babysitters but in case they live wid u and u are working isnt it that they look after ur kid rathar than babysitters?

really its worst situation and i never encourage grand parents to still look after kids .or engaged with any other work.........brecause .all they worked way inn their life ..and made their grandeors for settle ment.but happens they neglect them complete ....ita bad on ur human culture............i pray god to punish them seriously who really do this very severely

Such situations are becoming really common these days. The younger generations need not pay them,they'll take care of the kids and help out in some household work also. Mere exploitation of the affection the old people have for their loved ones. This is not fair and a person with true conscience will never do such things but people have become so narrow minded these days,confining their views and ideas to THEIR comforts and THEIR happiness. Old people are actually in their second childhood stage of their life. Just being without troubling them and giving them atleast some MORAL SUPPORT can bring a lot of difference in their lives.