Fight, Fight, Fight

Fight, Fight, Fight... - Fight, Fight, fight...
@twoey68 (13662)
United States
October 5, 2008 7:53am CST
Most ppl have ppl in their family they don’t get along with…with me it’s my youngest brother’s g/f. She’s in her mid 20’s, bi-polar and, to me, spoiled rotten. She gets angry at the drop of a hat, screaming and yelling, slamming doors and swearing up a storm. Finally she’ll go stomping off down the street and my brother has to go after her in the car to get her and calm her down. Most of it I can ignore it’s the swearing that sends me over the edge . She’ll call me and my Mom b*tches when she’s mad but then afterwards acts like nothings wrong and wants to make nice. My brother deals with it by taking her shopping or out to eat…his reasoning is that if she’s in a happy mood then she won’t blow up. The thing is the moods never last very long and he says he’s working with her...I say he’s encouraging bad behavior. Several years ago while they were living with Hubby and I, she got mad and called my Mom a b*tch in front of me…I blew up and told her that if she was smart she wouldn’t do it again unless she wanted my foot in her a*s. Well, I thought she got the message, then the other day she my Mom says she has been doing it again even when my Mom is in the room (they live with my Mom, Stepdad and Grandma and make them a nervous wreck but my Mom doesn’t want to put her “baby” out). I told my brother if she said it in front of me I’d pop her in the mouth for it. Well, my brother and I planned to go to the store the other day and before we got out of the parking lot here she had called insisting he come and get her. We got there and she was standing outside crying…then she starts screaming and calls my Mom a f*cking b*tch and that was it. I got out of the car and she took off down the street. He took off after her and off they went. I went in and saw my Mom and calmed down. The next morning his g/f called to ask me if I wanted to go to yard sales with them… I told my brother he’d do well to keep us apart b/c she is a hairs breath from getting the sh*t slapped out of her and then I’ll go to jail and she’ll go to the nut ward. Have you ever had to be seperated from ppl to keep from physically fighting with them? Do you think he’s encouraging bad behavior by taking her out and “rewarding” her tantrums? Do you think she should be able to blame all of this behavior on “her problem”? What would you do if someone called your Mom something like that? [b]**AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~[/b]
10 people like this
46 responses
@tyc415 (5706)
• United States
5 Oct 08
As far as I know I don't know anyone who is bi-polar but the way your brother's girlfriend act I do agree it seems like he is making matter worse. She acts out and gets rewarded??? You reward for good things not bad things. Heck, she will keep doing those things just to get what she wants. If anyone ever talked to may mother or about my mother like that I would have really been hurt and upset and I don't see how your brother can allow her to do this.
2 people like this
@twoey68 (13662)
• United States
5 Oct 08
I talked to him about that yesterday...the whole rewarding her for bad behavior. I think he realizes it now but whether he does anything different or not remains to be seen. [b]**AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~[/b]
@ElicBxn (59922)
• United States
5 Oct 08
Anyone calling my mom names would probably have to fight not only me, but a whole lot of other people - every body I know that knows my mom likes her. However, if I had been in your shoes I'd've gone after her to. I'd've also told your brother to let her go off down the street - that he is encouraging her behavoirs. She needs help - and some good meds.
1 person likes this
@twoey68 (13662)
• United States
5 Oct 08
To be honest, it surprised me that no one else is bothered by it. The best thing I can do is stay away from it. She's on meds and alot of them...I don't see that they help alot. [b]**AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~[/b]
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (59922)
• United States
5 Oct 08
I've met people that forgive people things that they shouldn't because "they are sick." There's sick and then there's bad - and the 2 behavoirs shouldn't be confused. She's getting away with bad behavior because she's passing it of as part of her sickness. She can learn better behavoir, but only if others are willing to correct her too.
@msedge (4012)
• United States
25 Dec 08
I hate when someone hurt or humiliated my mom.I would do the same as you did.I may say your brother is not helping her but instead he is tolerating her.I can understand he don't want to hurt her also.But disrespecting your mother is not a good attitude.Later on she will become your sister in law and if no one will make her realized her mistakes then she will continue to be like that.
@PrarieStyle (2504)
• United States
10 Oct 08
I had a daughter in law just like her. She didn't sware thought which really surprised me. I'm tired of people who are spoiled and selfish, claiming they have the mental illness, bipolar. That's just an excuse to be rude if you ask me. She mananged to ruin every holiday and every birthday party by making everything about her until one birthday party for my grandson I told her "You know what, it's not about you today, it's ______s birthday and you are not going to ruin it, if you don't like it you can go home." Shortly after that they broke up. I also had a problem with my son in law. They were staying with me and he was turning my yard into a junk yard. He brought an old junk car without even asking and I lost it and told him to get rid of it NOW. He stood in my house, got im ny face and said "Shut the f___ up before I punch you in the face!". Wow, I about lost it and we got physical. Me in my 40s, he 20. I don't know why I didn't call the police, but they ended up moving out on the spot. Your brother should stop rewarding her for disrespecting his family and your mother should stop spoiling him and tell him she has to respect her in her home or get out.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Oct 08
Don't worry about her! She's just a nut job like you said. It's all hormones and bad upbringing. Her mama didn't teach her no manners. She'll calm her a*s down when she has her first baby. Hopefully she'll have the baby with another guy (not your brother) and you won't have to deal with her anymore.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Oct 08
My boyfriend throws the same fits. But you know what I don't encouge it, by giving him anything. I fight back with him and give him a good a*s kicking then he clams down and says he is sorry then he knows I'm not putting up with it. And then he starts showing me a little respect.
1 person likes this
@checapricorn (16072)
• United States
8 Oct 08
[i]Hi twoey, ohhh....your bother is just tolerating her attitude and it's not helping at all for her to overcome such behavior! Anyway, If someone will call my Mom like that, she will not regret and will get all the slap and kick from me! LOL! I hate to be around with people like that! SO far, in the family, we don't have the same problem...I have only one sister and married now...we are actually small family, only 6 this time and hopefully, have kids soon to add more members![/i]
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Oct 08
if her moods flip flop that radically,it sounds like she's not on meds. a lot of it is her sickness-i had 6 relatives with manic depressive (i prefer the old term as more accurate)and they were very very hard to be around when they weren't under treatment.they could be happy one moment,then threatening to kill you the next. there was a major difference when they were on lithium tho,the moods were stabile.
@Katlady2 (9925)
• United States
5 Oct 08
That girl would have been eating pavement the very first time she called mom a b*tch if I had been in your shoes! OMG! How disrespectful! Heck, my sister in law called HER mom a stupid f'ing b*tch in front of me, and I went off on her big time (and mom in law just sat there with a great big grin on her face). I agree with you that your brother is encouraging her more than discouraging her for her behavior. He needs a good bust in the chops right along with the g/f.
1 person likes this
• Canada
5 Oct 08
Well when it comes to pp who are bi-polar, they are hard to deal with when off their meds and it does not sound like she is taking them at all. If she is she should be given a stronger dose. I know ppl who are bi-polar and do not act like this unless they are off their meds. Most bi-polar ppl don't remember what happened during on of these so called fits so it's hard to say he is giving into her and that is probably why she acts as though nothing has happened. When you said she took off running one day and the next she was calling you up I am betting that is why. She does not remember what she is saying or doing. I would first talk to your brother and ask him if he actually sees her take her meds and if he doesn't someone should be watching her when she takes them to be sure. alot of bi-polar ppl won't admit to having a problem or they admit it to your face but don't believe it so they decide not to take their meds.
1 person likes this
@nannacroc (4049)
5 Oct 08
Your brother is just continueing the spoiling started by her parents. If someone doesn't let her know she is not the centre of the universe she will carry on behaving like a two year old. That won't be good for her or the people around her. I think this is a 'cruel to be kind' situation. Let her run off and leave her. There is never any need for bad language and this girl needs to be taught how to respect others.
1 person likes this
@rusty2rusty (6751)
• Defiance, Ohio
5 Oct 08
People will a mental illness such as bi-polar are hard to live with. Let alone deal with. Everyone has feelings of happiness and sadness once in a while. Feeling high and feeling low are part of life. But for someone with bipolar disorder (sometimes called manic depression), these feelings can be extreme: These ups and downs can be too much for a person to cope with. They can interfere with daily life. Sometimes they can even be dangerous. Bipolar disorder is a lifelong condition. It doesn't go away. but there are ways to help control it. These include medicine, talk therapy (psychotherapy), and learning more about the condition so you can take care of yourself. Is your brothers girlfrind getting any of these types of help? If not maybe you should talk to your brother about it in order to get her the help she needs.
@moondancer (7434)
• United States
5 Oct 08
Your brother "rewarding" her for her bad behavior will only make her do it more. I had this problem with my youngest brothers wife. She was a sl*t and was using him for his money. He worked 7 day/12 hors a days. She would keep him up all night and she would sleep all day. She wouldn't cook for him or clean house. Never made him a lunch or anything. She got his check and would go to bars and blow his check on other people. I got this info, from her own mouth. I was mad as a wet hen. I told her she was a wh**e and not good to my brother, they were staying in my home. I knocked the sh*t out of her...knocking her off of the porch. I told her and my brother she was not welcome in my home any longer. That he could stay there but not her. I hated what she was doing to him and I hated putting him in that position, but if he was going to stay with her after learning what he did about her then that was his choice. And he was going to live with it. But not in my home. That I guess is what your family needs to do. You can't and don't have to put up with the things your broters girlfriend is dishing out to the family because he chooses to be with her. That is his choice not you alls. If he wants her then so be it. let them go some place and live together, but not causing havoc in the homes of the rest of the family. It is not fair to your mother, father, and grandmother for them to have to deal with this women and her mouth and her attitudes. She is playing on you alls love for your brother to get her way. And she's getting it to you alls expense and that is not fair to you all. You all as a family need to sit down with your brother and if your parents won't do it, then you need to and let him know that what he is subjecting your parents and granmother to is not right. He knows his girlfriend haas problems. Having her going off on everyone is not fair to them. He needs to move her to a place of their own. Therfore, stopping some if not most of the bickering and problems from them constantly being around each other. And couple or any grown person has to have a place of their own. This is just self preservation. They will continue to have problems and they will exculate until the couple moves out. Yes, your brother is encouraging her bad behavior by taking her out. She knows she will be rewarded by bad behavior so she will do it more. You need to bring this up to him, or maybe someone else does. Since you have an adverse reaction to her and he knows this. So what you say in anyway negative about her he may not listen to or take as you being against her. But you need to talk to your parents and tell them your concerns. And she will only get worse to get more from him. Good luck to you and your family. She also needs to see a doctor and get on meds if she is bi-polar.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31185)
• United States
5 Oct 08
It's too bad you can't put people like that in institutions and force them to get help. She needs it badly. I hope your brother is able to either get out of that relationship or get her some help. Your mom shouldn't put up with that. Maybe if she kicked them out your brother would be forced to do something for his girlfriend.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Oct 08
Hey Twoey68: It's been a long time since I've logged onto MyLot but your post forced me to respond. First, I can't believe that your mom allows your brother and his girlfriend to live in their home. This is especially true considering the girls outburst. Unless your brother is paying your mom rent ect. and your mom needs this financial assistance, he needs to grow up, act like a man and get his own place. Further, I can't believe that your brother allows his girlfriend to speak to your mom and you like that and by him not taking the appropiate action against her, he is only encouraging her actions. HE IS AS GUILTY AS SHE IS !!!!!!!!!!!!!. As for the girlfriend, if several of you would hold her down and wash her mouth out with soap every time she cursed y'all, I'll guarantee she'd soon stop. If she is using bi-polar as a excuse for her actions, she's lying. I know too many other people with bi-polar and they don't act like that. Let me clarify that, if she is being treated for bi-polar and taking meds, she wouldn't be actting out like that as a result of her bi-polar. Instead, I would bet she came from a family that's somewhat dysfunctional, where cursing and outburst were common place. It sounds to me that both your brother and his girlfriend has a lot of growing up to do.
1 person likes this
@stephcjh (32385)
• United States
5 Oct 08
Yes. I separate myself from alot of people. They like to get on my last nerve and push all of my wrong buttons. I stay away from them to keep from hurting them or their feelings. I also stay away to get peace of mind also.
1 person likes this
@Chevee (5915)
• United States
5 Oct 08
Just reading this I am with you all the way, I wish I could help you beat the snot out of her, I think she is using her condition to get away with these things she knows that your brother is going to take her side. It sounds like she doesn't have any home training to me. If she needs to be on medication she should see a doctor. I would not be another b____h, and she would have to put up or shut up. Enough is Enough
@BarBaraPrz (16333)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
5 Oct 08
She sounds like a two-year-old that needs a good spanking... Why isn't she on medication?
@BarBaraPrz (16333)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
5 Oct 08
Let me amend that... why isn't she on medication that works?
• Canada
2 Dec 09
I think your brother is spoiling her rotten. The girl needs a bite of a reality sandwich, and maybe your foot up her @$$ might not be a bad idea, if that's what it takes. I have a bi-polar step-daughter, and she used to have some major swings. Unfortunately it took a near-fatal car accident to straighten her out, but now she is doing fine, because her survival skills have kicked in, and she knows what she needs to do to keep her grip on life, because she does not have the abilities and privilages (independence) she did before. She is still very independent, but she needs help now with things that were perfect only three years ago. She's now paralyzed from the waist down, but does great, and has a wonderful outlook on life. As much as her father and I hate that she had the accident, we both realized that the way her life was going, that was probably the only thing that could happen, to get her to stop and think. Sad but true. We're still NOT glad it had to happen that way, though.
• United States
8 Oct 08
I have a hair trigger temper myself ,so the First time she called my mom a b*tch in my presence, she would have woke up in the hospital. Or I wouldn't acknowledge her existence ever again. If she were bleeding in the street, I would walk by. I would tell my brother he can hang out with me Or his girlfriend but Never us two together, ever.Knowing my mom, she would have kicked her out the house and my brother would have a huge choice to make.