How do we earn the favor of our mothers-in-law?

@dharlz (12)
Philippines
October 5, 2008 8:42am CST
My soon to be mother in law hates me.
8 responses
• United States
7 Oct 08
Mother-in-laws are no differnet than the rest of us and if we are all lucky and want children maybe some day we will be lucky enough to have a daughter or son in law of our own. Just remember to treat them better than you were treated. I used to think my mother-in-law didn't care for me but I think in the end it was a mutal misunderstanding of each other. She is a wonderful person and as I raise my children, her grandchildren we have found a bond that only she and I can share- that bond is we both love the same three people with our whole hearts. She and I are as different as chalk and chesse (a comparison she once used that I now love) but we are bound together by our love for the same people and in the process found love for each other. I hope you are as lucky. Good Luck.
• United States
7 Oct 08
I am lucky enough to have a daughter-in-law who loves my son and treats him like gold and is also a great mother to my grandaughterand I can't help but love her for that!
@Shar1979 (2723)
• United States
7 Oct 08
just be yourself. don't be somebody you're not just to please her. also if she see that you are taking care of your family and she see that her son is happy with you...she'll learn to accept you
@mjhicks (319)
• United States
6 Oct 08
Like many of the others here I say don't worry about pleasing her. Love your husband and give his parents respect and be as nice or as civil as you can in dealing with them. For many mothers nobody will ever measure up to their expectations as a wife for their son. So long as you and your husband realize your marriage relationship come first and not allow either his parents or yours to have any negative influence.
@quinnkl (1668)
• United States
6 Oct 08
It is a pain and hurts, but hang in there. My sister's mom-in-law was just a mean and awful person to her. But as the year went by and she saw how happy and content her son is and how much better of a person he is with her, she has slowly come around. My sister just learned to ignore the verbal jabs and move on. And it is working well for them (after 20 yrs of marriage)!!
@censae (72)
• United States
6 Oct 08
You should not have a goal of earning your mother-in-law's favor. It would be great if you had that. Your goal is always to love and honor your husband. After all you both have something in common ---YOUR SPOUSE. Usually the mpther-in-law is dealing with her own issues.Leave her to come to terms with them. They are her responsibility not yours or your spouse's. Time will bring about change. The most you can hope for is acceptance. If not, then, it is her loss because you have the desire to please."Don't throw pearls at swine".
@jenj38 (51)
• United States
6 Oct 08
Hi, At least you know. I have been married to my husband for 15 years and i just found out about 2 years ago that not only does his mother not like me but neither does his whole family. I met my husband brother new girlfriend and she told me that one evening when she went to visit his family they all was in the living room and was talking bad about me. She said it was almost like a family meeting to talk about me. She said she did not believe them because she did not know me. It hurts in a way but then more than half of me really does not care. I'm tired of pouring my heart out for people to like me. I'm definately not going to cry. My husband loves me, my children love me and I love me and that's all that matters. So...I wouldn't worry about it. That's her loss to not like you. Don't worry...Be Happy!:o)
@sunshine4 (8709)
• United States
5 Oct 08
If you find the answer to that one, I would love to hear it. My mother in law doesn't really care for me either and she doesn't hide it! I have been married to her son for 21 yrs and have tried everything. I am sickening sweet to her, but that doesn't work. After years and years of trying to get her approval, I have decided who cares what she thinks...my husband loves me and that is all that matters. Good luck to you.
@mauier113 (688)
• Philippines
5 Oct 08
Well, it is something very very hard...I'd been married for 12 years now, I did everything to please my mother-in-law, but stil I would say, she always sees the negative sides of whatever I do. And I can't seem to understand why, I even asked my husband but even him can't understand. She would only be nice to me if she will ask a favor or when I'm giving her monthly financial support from us.(even if we're giving her that, it seems not appreciated, although my husband is the only one giving her monthly support from other siblings. My mother-in-law is too complicated, but we just let her but little by little we're going apart from her...