someone stoled my place in my daughter's heart!!!!

@dloveli (4366)
United States
October 6, 2008 4:27pm CST
I think it has finally happened. My daughter doesnt need me as much anymore. She has met someone who fills her needs more than I can. I think he is a good man. I just wish I could have my baby back. I remember when it was just her and me. We played school. I miss her sooo much. Every time I get off the phone with her I cant help but miss her that much more. How could this have happened. My beautiful girl has grown up. I some how thought it happened to everyone except my babies. NOT!. She is a special girl. I am the only one who knows how to make her feel better. Sometimes I think she doesnt even know I am her mother anymore. I remember everything about her. SHe can be very aggrivating. SHe was my annoyance. RIght under my nose she went and grew up and fell in love. I thought she would be with me forever. I wished it anyways. I feel as if something inside of me has died. How will I ever get over it. I want my baby girl back. I only hope she knows how proud of her I am. SHe is a great woman. I love her with every breath I take. Any advice? Has this ever happened to you or your mother?
3 people like this
27 responses
@savypat (20216)
• United States
6 Oct 08
It's the fate of all Moms, now if you'll let her you will be able to enjoy her as an adult. Your relationship will change but if you allow it to be equal you will be in for delight. How many adult women can you be tht close to and just wait until you have a grandchild. So much life awaits you don't ruin it by holding on to the past. Blessings
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
6 Oct 08
I dont think I want to be called nana yet. I can wait on that. I do enjoy the time we share together as adults. Its such a hoot to hear her rationalizing to her younger sister as I did to her. I know I have taught her what she needs to become a good, mature, woman. thanks. dl
• China
7 Oct 08
The parents always regard their children as the most imporant baby in the world. Whatever he is young or he is growing up, the parents still care of their children for ever. Beause they always think it is natural to take care their baby.However, the children will grow up . They will leave from you sooner or later. They also need their space and catch for their life.If you care of your children, you should make them ease so that they can work and study without pressure.
1 person likes this
• Canada
6 Oct 08
I still love my mother very much and although she knows that I don't depend on her the way I did as a little girl, she's still my mother, and she is still very loved, and very important, as is my father, and as are my other relatives. All kids grow up.
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
6 Oct 08
Thank you very much. I think I needed to hear from anothere daughter. I am a daughter but I have a different relationship then me and my mom have. We are still the same way we have always been. I cant tell my mother everything. I made sure that me and my girls were different. My daughter calls me everyday. I just dont like the fact that she isnt always around anymore. I used to have her 24 hours a day. Now Im lucky if I see her once a week. I dont like it. I do know that I am also very proud of her. I would never let her know that I am missing her to the point of tears. I dont want her to feel bad. I am glad I have you myLotters to be here for me. Thanks again. dl
• Philippines
6 Oct 08
Awwwww..No daughter nor Son can ever forget their mother. Children do grow up we have to accept that and they fall inlove, get married and live away from the parents. What you are feeling now is what your mom felt when you had a family of your own. I have 5 kids and I know someday they will grow up and leave me too which is why I am making the most out of it while they are young. Don't worry much your daughter treasures you..even if she doesn't show it you will always be a part of her life. Smile and be happy ..now she gave you a son (her man)
1 person likes this
@msedge (4011)
• United States
31 Dec 08
Not yet!But one day i know it will happen to me.I could imagine how hurt it is for me either.I would miss her.We've been together since she was born but i know one day she will get married.We all wish the best for our children.Most of all we want them to be always happy.I wish we could provide the happiness a man can give for them but lets face the fact that like us they also want to build their own family.I wish my daughter just stay a child and don't grow so that she will be with me forever to care and play for.I could understand your feeling because i am a mother also.And one day i would feel the same too.You must be very close to each other like me and my daughter.Sometimes, i would think that if that time comes it would just me and my husband will be left home and out together because the three of us always go together,watching movie, eat out and going somewhere.Without one would be so sad for us.Go to your friends and try to enjoy yourself.Its the only thing we can do i think or probably you should visit her.I hope you are feeling good right now since i responded late on your post.I am sorry about that.Just been very busy lately and could not be able to come online on time.
@lilcee (2703)
• United States
7 Oct 08
Hi dloveli. I know exactly how you feel. When my daughter was in school, I homeschooled her. We did everything together. We shopped together, went everywhere together and at one time, even had a job together. Then she got married and got job on her own. I don't get to see her as much as I would like. I remember when she first got her job without me and I cried a lot. I missed her so much. Then she got married and moved out and I thought I lost part of me. She doesn't live far away but she has 2 jobs now and she has a best friend and a husband that has pretty much taken all her time. I miss her a lot. We text each other often and talk on the phone but it's not the same as having my "baby" with me. She's my only daughter and the youngest of my 3 children. She a special person too. I know EXACTLY how you feel. It's hard when you are so close to your daughter. To make it worse, I have an empty nest now and I miss my kids a lot.
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
8 Oct 08
It sad to think that she's not dependent on me anymore. I, do, have another daughter at home. She is the opposite of my other daughter. I do things with her when she's not busy with school and other activities as well. She is still a mommy's girl. I thought that would help. It doesnt. I have special things that only my oldest and I like. We share the same taste. She gets really excited about the same things as me. Although we are different, we like the same things. I think that I miss the complication of our relationship. To everyone else it was confusing. To us it was perfect. I feel for you. I only wish we lived near each other so maybe we could do something together. I will keep you in my thoughts. Dont worry mom youre not alone. If you need to talk, Send me a message and I will get right back. Happy MyLotting dl.
@lilcee (2703)
• United States
8 Oct 08
I know what you mean. My daughter and I have a lot of likes and dislikes too. I'm just glad that when she got married she didn't move far away so we can at least talk to each other if we can't get together to do something. Take care.
@mflower2053 (3223)
• United States
8 Oct 08
I don't want to think of the day my girls will be gone from my everyday life. Just being gone from them a couple of hours makes me ache to hug and kiss their tiny little faces. I know my mom and I were not close when I was growing up and I was kind of afraid of her but now since I got married and had babies of my own we have this new relationship and she more of a friend to me then a mother. Yes she still gives me motherly advice but shes there for me and thats how I need her most. I don't know what I would do without her. Just keep in touch with her she will be back in your life when she needs you most.
@kwenge (2487)
• Kenya
8 Oct 08
yes it has happened to me but not directly. I was reading your discussion and the same words you used are the same i heard from my mother some months ago when i was wedding my dear husband. When we broke the news that we were engaged, she almost cried saying that am too young to get married, i tried to tell her how hapy i am with him but she said " dont you realise how hurt i am by the decission you made? must you get married? i want you to be mine alone." she shed tears that night. and on my wedding day, she cried all the way down the isle. i also cried. I wish my mother was the one typing this message, she could have explained to you how she felt but I know its a mixture of feelings.
@quinnkl (1667)
• United States
7 Oct 08
I am sure every mother goes through this (mine aren't old enough yet, but the time is coming). I know it must feel bad right now, but I think you have to be happy for her and that she is finding her independence and her own life. Now it is time for you to find new things to enjoy in your own life. Try thinking of it as a freeing feeling for both you and her, instead of just for her! By the way, tell her how proud you are of her! And don't ever forget, that children ALWAYS need their moms! She will never be totally out of your life!
@steeleIC (107)
• United States
7 Oct 08
I can understand this because my son has went from a lil boy to a teenager in what seems like the blink of an eye. I know that in only a few short years he will find that special girl who becomes his whole life. As sad as it is, it is all a part of life. Don't feel bad because she has grown up, encourage her independence. She will have many tough decisions to make as an adult and the best thing you can do is be her number one support system. Then she will realize that even though she may not need to be mothered like she was as a child, she still needs you in her life. Be there for her and always let her know she has you to come to for anything. Get to know her new love and you might just find out you've gained a very nice addition to your heart instead of losing the biggest part of it.
@belk89 (1103)
• Philippines
7 Oct 08
Seeing your kids grow up is hard specially when they start dating.But that is part of life and every mother experience fear when they think about life without there kids. We are use to it that we always have them around us and they are still little. The best thing to do is teach yourself to accept the fact that part of life is constant change. Everything around us doesnt stays the same. Time will come we really need to deal with it even how sad it is to see our kids grow up and there attention are no longer focused on us but on there partner. For sure your daughter loves you and proud of having you as her mom. She may be with someone but at times when she needed advise and help she will still run to you. The best thing to do is support her and be there by her side no matter what.
• United States
8 Oct 08
Being a mom to four daughters this has happened to me several times. The oldest two daughters it did not hurt as much as we were not as close. Daughter # 3 moved out of my home and in with her boyfriend a year ago. At first we were still quite close but he seems to resent any time she spends with me. It is hard to let her go but what chose do we have. I used to love spending time with her but have learned to cherish the little time I am given now. Daughter #4 is almost 17 and I have grown very close to her but she often reminds me that in a year she will be leaving home as well. I often feel like I have lost my best friend.
@suegt31 (165)
• Australia
8 Oct 08
I have four children myself. The two youngest ones are girls. They are 17 and 15 years old. My circumstances are probably different to yours, but when they get to a certain age i think things change. My 17 year old and i use to have the best relationship. We did so much together and then one day it just seem to change. I don't know if she just grew up or what. She spends more time with friends these days. She doesn't talk to me about everything anymore. She feels so far away. She even went as far as moving out a couple of times, but soon came back home. I know exactly how it feels to miss them and feel as though you are no longer needed anymore. It's hard to fill that spot in your heart that aches for what once was. As i said at the start i have four children and i don't think it really matters if they are boys or girls. The feelings are the same. It's so hard to get over the fact they don't need you anymore.
@deedeehall (1144)
• United States
15 Nov 08
he has only part of her heart there will always be a part of her heart that belongs to you .that is just a given.she still loves you and will always need you just in diffrent ways .good luck and take care
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
7 Oct 08
yup mine did the same thing. But We sort of solved her moving away we bought a house together. SHe has only been away from me about a year of her life and we wouldnt wantit to be any other way!
@cripfemme (7698)
• United States
7 Oct 08
I'm sure you still have a place in her heart. You just need to share her with more folks now. My mother, I imagine, felt the same way when I grew up. I loved her, of course, but my growing up was hard on her, as I'm sure it will be on me when I have my own kids. How old is your daughter?
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
7 Oct 08
I'm sorry that you feel that way. My daughter is 16 years old. she is growing up fast and has a boyfriend now. She has someone new in her life but I still have a place in her heart that he could never fill. I think your daughter feels the same way.
• India
7 Oct 08
Well, I don't think anyone can "steal" your daughter from you. A mother is a mother, and her place cannot be taken by any lover. So rest assured, your daughter is not stolen. She has only grown up. :) I am sure about this because I am a daughter myself. My Mom is still my Mom. Of course, we many disagree and argue sometimes. But nobody can take her place. Certainly not a man!! :) Cheers and happy mylotting
@rowe0525 (677)
• China
7 Oct 08
how do you do ? you know ,,i love my mother beyong measure,,she is the man ,,she brung in us,,,that is great ,,mother,i love you ..i love you more than i can say ,wish you have a good health
@Shar1979 (2722)
• United States
7 Oct 08
i feel your pain but i'm pretty sure that she still love you just the same. your baby is now a lady. you will never stop the role of being a mommy...when she has problem or any situation regarding her love life...she will still run to you for guidance and comfort. cheer up :) you will have a new son :)