hey my close friend has some problem in her love life..help her to solve

@srikool (936)
India
October 14, 2008 10:33am CST
hi frendz..my close friend is in love with a guy for four years..they are very true lovers..so cute to see too..but they are from differnt religion...now in that boys home all came to know about this love matter..all are asking about this..this girl is crying now..i dont know how to convince her..she is online only..if you give some response means i will give it to her..just now i told to her..mylot friends will help in this like that..she afraid about her future ..she wants to marry him..give her some bold words..
3 people like this
15 responses
@vidhyavini (6112)
• India
15 Oct 08
I was also having this problem. I am a Hindu and he was a Muslim. Practically thinking inter religious marriage is very difficult. Which religion are they??? Whatever religion it is, either one of them must convert to other religion. If your friend is ready for that and if her parents will accept for that then ask her to proceed. Otherwise I don't think it will be wise to proceed. Their kids will have to face the consequences. Which religion are they???
1 person likes this
• Pakistan
15 Oct 08
hi Friend Sorry for disturb u But u have written that u have also faced a problem liked that that u r Hindu and he/she is Muslim So whats Ur decision. and sorry again for interrupt Your personal life Prince Sad
1 person likes this
• Philippines
15 Oct 08
hi, it is really hard to choose between the faith and the one that we love. are your friend and her bf's religion the exact opposite like Muslim or catholic or Buddhist and Taoist? one of them should give up his/her religion..because it cannot be, one must sacrifice. let them talk about on what will they do with their religion. they will really hurt their loved ones if they will not settle the problem as soon as possible.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
15 Oct 08
asselg1984, I would like to address this issue from another perspective. What makes one think that we are loving, when what we decide and do will hurt those around us? What makes one think that it is love when we bring so much strife into the other's lives and eventually ours as well? We can never anticipate how our love will begin or turn out because back in our childhood days, we often fantasize how romantic or splendid our relationship will be in the future, loving the seemingly perfect mate in bliss and happiness. I used to wonder why some people have this penchant of falling for married man/woman or man/woman of staunch faiths. Of course, apart from being karmic in nature, sometimes, it's just the quality of unavailability that attracts itself on higher level. It's subconscious in nature and appears to defy logics – after all, how can someone being unavailable be an attractive factor? I remember a friend of mine used to say this to me: 'We attract the quality we exude.' And I found that there is some logic there as when our unconsciousness are apt towards people who are unavailable or apt towards the notion of a 'suffering love' - such scenarios are likely to happen and we see ourselves getting entangled in them, bleeding from the tentacles of erred perceptions. Loving him/her is one thing, being suitable is another - many people often claimed about how much they loved their so and so, but seriously does that constitute to suitability? And eventually, how has the relationship turn out to be? Is love enough to sustain all the challenges? Or rather, is this love something close to what you have pictured it to be after 'X' amount of years? You simply can't make an unsuitable cause/person... suitable. Hope this rant of mine will be thought provoking for all here. Have a nice day.
• India
15 Oct 08
Serious Problem! But it can be solved. Please suggest her to have courage, act intelligently, to prepare herself to take bold decisions and steps. They must have ability to stand their own feet, so can take good decisions. Hope, these helps... Love is sweet :)
@srikool (936)
• India
17 Oct 08
thank you so much for your response..she has read this reply
@becnh83 (806)
• Philippines
15 Oct 08
hi..a four years of being together is a very tough to forget...just keep her touch everyday and tell her to pray everyday that everything will be alright there's nothing impossible with GOD.
1 person likes this
@srikool (936)
• India
17 Oct 08
ya you are correct..thank you so much..
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
15 Oct 08
I'm divorced so not a good one to advise other than I do know many couples that have come from different backgrounds and gon on to have very successful marriages. If they love one other strong enough, religion won't matter on either side. they need to let go of fears of what family and friends will think. They are making their vows to each other. If family does not accept that, then that is sad but really it is the families's loss.
1 person likes this
@srikool (936)
• India
17 Oct 08
thank you so much for your reply
@kekexinfeng (1303)
• China
15 Oct 08
It is a difficult thing,emotionally,I hope very much they get merried,and I think the most important thing is two people in love,even if there is the concept of race,if two people is not love each other,they will be in pain. However,marriage is not a matter of two people,but the two families get together,if the two families are opposed to ,then their situation will be very difficult,and time will be far from easy. I have seen a lot films about this thing,it is hard to say,but I think they should be in one mind,and they should convince the people of two fimilies,that's the best. Good luck!Wish they will be together.
1 person likes this
@srikool (936)
• India
17 Oct 08
thank you so much..have a nice time
• United States
15 Oct 08
I'm not sure, does she have a problem with his religion or is it the families? I would guess that it is the families. If they really love each other then I don't think that religion should matter to them but it's more complicated if it's because of their families. It's also more complicated if she lives in a really strict society that would look down on her if she married him because then she has to deal with thesocial stigma. I don't think that she should end a relationship based on religion though because their religions shouldn't change the way they feel about each other if their love is real. I hope that the boy's family can get to meet your friend and get to know her and see that she's a good person and suitable for their son even if she is from a different religion. I don't think that religion should be a main issue because judging someone based on the religion that they practice doesn't mean that that person is good. There are people from all different religions that do atrocious things. Once they love each other and are both good people I think that's all that should matter. I'm sorry that my saying this doesn't really help the situation though if they can't get the families to see this. I wish your friend the best and I hope that her boyfriend's family can see that she's a nice person and that religion whatever religion she is doesn't change that.
@srikool (936)
• India
17 Oct 08
thank you so much for your response..she has read all these..she felt so happy about it
@ganda8831 (816)
• Philippines
15 Oct 08
So the problem is they come from two different religions? I think it depends on how important their religion is to them. Another question would be if their respective families will allow them to get married. Here in the philippines, when couples belong to different religions, the woman usually is the one who converts to her husband's religion. If she's catholic, she'll convert to islam.
@srikool (936)
• India
17 Oct 08
thank you so much have a nice time
@afmshajib (197)
• Bangladesh
14 Oct 08
My friend, tel your friend to think positive. Tel her to ask herself, whats her mind say to her. If it is yes then go to your boyfriend and marry him. Or else try to start from the beginning. Everything depends on your social environment. His & her family is the main fact. If you she think dat she live without her family then she leave there family and start a new life. But my friend this world is very cruel. It will very hard to live without family. Think about your parents. How much they love you & what they wants from you. But everything else its all depend on you and your boyfriend. If you think that you can make it. Then don't think twice. Go to him & marry him(if he wants to marry you). If you cant marry him. Don't think everything has finished. Theres nothing to loose. Love will come to you many times. World is full of love. Just find it. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@srikool (936)
• India
17 Oct 08
thank you so much..have a nice time
• India
14 Oct 08
You have not told us how old she is. If she is a minor, then she might as well foget about it. if she is an adult, thenshe has to speak to her parents and reason it out with them. Most parents do not agree to a inter religious marriage initially, but once tehy realise that their child is serious qabout it,they ultimately succumb. The problem is generally not the parents but the relatives and friends. parents worry about what they will say. That said, life is not a bed of roses after marriage. There are a lot of hardships to be faced. Realitiy strikes after marriage. She must take a wholistic view and give it a deep thought before taking the next step. Without support of her parents and in-laws, things could get quite difficult.
@srikool (936)
• India
14 Oct 08
she is 21 year old..she is my classmate in my college
1 person likes this
• Philippines
14 Oct 08
conflict in religion is an issue that is very hard to solve. there are times when there is really no compromise that can be done. if love is strong, it should be able to overcome any obstacles right?
1 person likes this
@srikool (936)
• India
14 Oct 08
yes you are correct..she sign out from gtalk..i have to call her..byee
1 person likes this
@psspurgeon1 (1109)
• United States
14 Oct 08
My husband came from a totally different religious background than me. He was penticostal and we were just barely christian. He left his religion and I made mine stronger and we decided what to do together. We chose lutheran christians and we are both happy. His parents do not like me but we are both ok with that. All that matters to us is that we believe in God and try to live a good life and raise our kids to believe. It isn't important us that we have a certain label or that his parents don't agree with us. We matter. Our life and our kids matter. The rest is just background noise. Tell your friend that if the religious differences doesn't matter to her and her boyfriend then go for it. If they agree, who cares what anyone else thinks. If it is something that will always cause conflict between them then they are probably better off apart. Religion is not something to argue over. Love also shouldn't cause a religious argument.
1 person likes this
@srikool (936)
• India
17 Oct 08
thank you so much for your response..have a nice time
• Pakistan
15 Oct 08
hi Friend u have make a bold work to say it over here but u didn't give the full description of her so pls tell us about religion of both of them thanks Prince Sad
@gotetet (197)
• Philippines
15 Oct 08
hello!you mean it will end up mix marriage? i think one must sacrifice and learn the essence of giving up in lieu for his/her love.
@skysuccess (8881)
• Singapore
15 Oct 08
srikool, There's a saying that goes: "Don't give advice, unless it is really asked for." I understand the concern and love for your close friend here, but you are not her. What is going through and her real thoughts are not yours to disclose and/or in the best position to do so. Please do not take offense here, as any caring individual member, I am just as eager to help by contributing encouraging words and advices. However, not knowing in detail and the vital specifics, I am just afraid that you may end up with a wild goose chase. Or, even worse to be given some wrong directions and advices. Anyway, I will just let you have some questions here for you to set her thinking: 1. Does a Non Believer who wants to marry need to convert in order to have the marriage approved? 2. Why do you think your friend's parents are against converting? 3. Does your friend know all that is required for this conversion? 4. After conversion, is your friend aware what is involved - practice, custom, change of name, child upbringing and etc.? (I think one must be fully aware what one will be going into and through. In all your parent's reservations are just common and just would not want their child to be loosing themselves meaninglessly.) Here is my exact words and thoughts over this conversion matter: As much as, how you want to convince and remind yourself that you are not converting because of marriage I do not for one single moment have any conviction that you are not. I mean let's be frank, would you want to go through this if you are given a choice? Do you think there is a choice over at the other end? If there is, then I am sure this discussion would not have been started at all. Living and loving peacefully till the ends of time, isn't this what we are all least looking forward to? I am just sad that some quarters in the religious circle is just being to dogmatically straightforward and closed, you just need to join and convert to be accepted. What can we do? Well, hey, that's life isn't it? I just hope that your friend could now sit down and think about this relationship's direction. There is no point applying any anesthetics of ignorance and care free because the decision period will be approaching some day close. Better to be prepared than be totally lost and suffering the consequences that comes with it.