Choosing Civility

@SaintAnne (5453)
United States
October 15, 2008 7:15pm CST
So I was flipping through channels on TV earlier and finally, Oprah talked about something that made me interested enough to watch her show for a few minutes. The show was about rudeness and she mentioned the book "Choosing Civility: The 25 Rules of Considerate Conduct" by Dr. Forni. So I looked up the book online and found the 25 Rules of Considerate Conduct mentioned in this book. http://www.districtboards.org/Learning/25%20Rules%20of%20Considerate%20Conduct.pdf I think the one I need to work on the most is number 3 (Think the Best) and 22 (Refrain from idle complaints). What about you? (By asking this question, I think I'm not following number 18: Avoid personal questions). Here is also the link to the Author's foreword. I just enjoyed reading it especially the very last paragraph. http://sites.jhu.edu/civility/foreword.html
2 people like this
6 responses
@LadyMarissa (12161)
• United States
16 Oct 08
I had the pleasure of watching that show. It was indeed interesting!!! I was fortunate enough to be raised by parents who believed & raised me to believe Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you...But DO NOT DO IT FIRST!!! I learned at an early age that if I didn't like having it done to me, then I should NEVER do it to anyone else!!! You get what you give!!! According to the show yesterday, I'm more rude than I'd like to think. But according to people she spoke with in the audience, I'm not that bad!!! One of the things that amazed me was 86% of the people in her audience admitted that they took somebody else's lunch from the fridge at work. Not only is that rude...it is STEALING & most thought it was OK because the person who brought their lunch could go out & buy something else.
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
16 Oct 08
Hello LadyM... Thanks for the link, I just took it. I caught the end part of that rudeness test on the show and it's rude to take someone else's lunch from the work fridge because that person took the effort to buy the ingredients, put them together and pack them. You are right, it is stealing, a lot of people pack lunch for work in order to save money and then they find out that they have to spend their money again? Hmmm... I think not a lot of people know the additional line (Do not do it first) to the golden rule. Thanks for reminding us!
@alokn99 (5717)
• India
17 Oct 08
Thanks for sharing the link. And as much as i would think that there are quite a few i need to seriously work on,all of them in a way seem interlinked and dependant on the other. In other words i don't think i can be like 18 out of 25 and not pay attention to the other 7. This would make the 18 as well seem incomplete.
1 person likes this
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
17 Oct 08
Thank you for pointing this very important point, alokn. Sometimes we focus on one or a couple "rule of conduct" that we forget or ignore the other ones.
@checapricorn (16066)
• United States
16 Oct 08
[i]Hi Anne, I actually copy this and want to share to friends! LOL! it's nice! I need to work on accept and give praise since when I will get some presents and I don't like it, I am open to my feelings especially if the person who give it is close to me..LOL! and number 7 also, don't speak ill, when I am mad and betrayed like past experienced with friend, as much as I want to control myself, but I really speak something to her that is true but painful in her part![/i]
1 person likes this
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
16 Oct 08
Hello checapricorn. I'm glad that I was able to find something you actually made a copy of. Your gift story made me smile. I'm sure we've all have accepted gifts that we don't like or even understand why we're getting them. I'm pretty good about keeping mum while the people are still there but sometimes I couldn't help it but wonder out loud to people I confide in why I got such a gift. Sometimes, we don't even have to say a word, they can tell when we don't like the gift from the time we opened it up. But we always have to remember to be grateful and appreciate the thought, money and effort they put in for getting us these gifts. "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all." I don't know who said that but you hear that all the time. My words can be very, very hurtful, mean and cruel when someone makes me mad and I get fed up. So I also have to work on that but I don't go around talking about other people behind their backs. Take care, Che and I hope your friends appreciate the list too.
@drannhh (15247)
• United States
16 Oct 08
I like number s 9, 17, and 25 best, that is "Respect even a subtle 'no'" and "Assert yourself" and "Don't shift responisibility and blame." They are all very good, but I'd like to say that asserting oneself appropriately is so very important, because passive aggression is sometimes even more creepy and dangerous than overt aggression.
1 person likes this
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
16 Oct 08
I'm glad you like the list, drannhh. Number 9 is a good one too. Our society have been hearing the message "Don't take no for an answer", that such a "rule' is actually a refreshing reminder. Okay, I think I am mostly passive-aggressive. I'm trying to work on that, asserting myself even more and I do agree that it could be more creepy and dangerous as it could lead to more misunderstandings, hurt feelings and "that's-not-what-I-said/meant" arguments. Thanks, drannhh.
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
16 Oct 08
Hi anne, Very interesting! Nice list! I think I should copy it and stick it on the refrigerator or somewhere where I can see it at all times. I know right in front of the computer for when I am getting ready to break some of them while mylotting like now! I think that it is hard to keep to that list in particular. I did think that before I read it that I tried to remain civil most of the time. But, according to that list nope! I am not civil pretty much any of the time, or at all for that matter! So what am I supposed to do? Is it me or is it the world around me that makes me this way? I just don't know and I don't know how to fix it! I did enjoy what the author was saying, I just don't know how I'm supposed to follow his advice. I would say that I would try, but then I would probably end up being a complete hipocrit and a liar and that would probablly be worse then being uncivil. Ok, now I have a dilema! What do you think anne?
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
16 Oct 08
I wish I could have found another site that elaborates more on this list but I guess we just have to get the book. Everything on that list sounds pretty simple and self-explanatory but if you really think about it, they're not. I think our selves are at fault and the world around us too. I don't think the blame should be pointed at just one single entity. I'm glad you took the time to read what the author has to say about the book. "Although I try to practice what I preach, my conduct–like Cicero's–is far from perfect. I remain a flawed messenger bearing a good message" (Dr. Forni). I know it is hard to follow the list to a T but the point is in trying. I'm sure everyone who goes by this list would find themselves being hypocrites and liars if they don't admit that there are days they simply could not help but go off it. Thanks Opal.
@mnflower (1301)
• United States
16 Oct 08
I watched that episode and yes there is way too much rudeness in the world, I think of people would just stop back and really listen to what they are saying to others they would think a little bit more instead of just going off on people...With the fast pace economy people are just out for themselves and don't have the time to relax and appreciate just how good they got it. Rudeness is bad and it really does not look good on anyone.
1 person likes this
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
16 Oct 08
I don't think rudeness fits any person well although there are a lot out there who revel in being rude. And I know most misunderstandings escalate into something worse because both parties don't take the time to listen and take in what's really being said. Thanks, mnflower.