Should I tell or keep quite?

@agrant10 (1446)
United States
October 16, 2008 6:22am CST
I saw something I wished I did not see, do I keep my mouth shut or do I tell. My co-worker's husband was having dinner in a public place with another woman, if that was it I would not have been so torn, He did not see me and my spouse. We saw him lean over the table and kissed the young lady on the lip. when they were leaving he was really hugged up with her. My spouse wants to tell his wife. I'm not to sure because these things do not turn out too good. Should we mind our own business or tell her?
1 person likes this
10 responses
@kedves (728)
17 Oct 08
well for me i would have made it known to the guy i was there in first place and just said a friendly hello and afterwards the following day would have said to the wife that i was having a meal and thought i saw her husband there i guess he was on business dinner .. just so she knows he was there and that i did not consider anything wrong because i openly told her. what she did with that news then would be down to her and him to sort out. but put yourself in her shoes would you prefer to know and sort things out or would you prefer to stay in the dark and have other people know he may be playing around and does not care to conceal it making you look stupid? so for me as i said earlier i would mention it to her i saw him but say it innocently as you didn't see anything else you just noticed him there.
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@agrant10 (1446)
• United States
17 Oct 08
Well, if it was me I would want to know I just would not want to be the person to mention it.
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@kedves (728)
17 Oct 08
like i said if you mention it in passing as if its not important then it is up to her to decide how to handle it and she can not blame you because you did not insinuate anything you just mention you saw him.
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• United States
18 Oct 08
I think you should not say a word...because it is not your business. and also as someone else mentioned, these type of things could end up turing out bad. She will find out when the time is needed.
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@relundad (2311)
• United States
16 Oct 08
Who wants to be the bearer of heart breaking news? Not me! These situations are so tricky because you never know where you will end up. I would probally just keep my mouth shut and pray that she finds out. Just not from me. That has always been my way, but then I haven't had this to happen to a very close friend or relative. You didn't mention if your relationship was more than a co-worker situation. I guess that will also have some bearing on my decision.
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@agrant10 (1446)
• United States
17 Oct 08
Not a family member. Yes, a co-worker. Normally if you tell they end up hating you. I'm not sure I want to look in their face 5 days a week, knowing that I caused them so much pain.
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@relundad (2311)
• United States
17 Oct 08
If this happens again you can just make sure that he see's you and he will probally go to her to cover his tracks and it will be enough for her to get suspicious. If she ASKS you then there's your pass.
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@agrant10 (1446)
• United States
17 Oct 08
When this happens again I hope that I'm nowhere around.
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• Malaysia
17 Oct 08
Don't tell the wife because you might be forced to become a "witness" if you told her. She will surely drag you out to confront the husband or at least use your name to argue against him. Both results will not do you any good. The wife will find out sooner or later anyway. If you really want to tell her, then do it anonymously like dropping a message or something. Keep your identity unknown.
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@agrant10 (1446)
• United States
17 Oct 08
I never thought about a note.
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@ronaldinu (12440)
• Malta
17 Oct 08
It depends on the type of relationship you have with your co-worker. If you have a good relationship with her, yes I would tell her. If you think she will be mad at you and she ll create more trouble for you, I would prefer to remain with my mouth shut. I think that honesty is the best policy but sometimes when telling the truth will create more turmoil and more problems for the persons involve.d
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@agrant10 (1446)
• United States
17 Oct 08
Maybe if I did not have to see her 5 days a week. Then I have to think about my job as well. I would not want her to do anything drastic to make us loose our jobs. This is not some petty thing. It is very serious and relationships hang in the balance. Even though I do not know how she would take it, but I would be devastated.
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@laxram (181)
• India
16 Oct 08
U better d'ont say anything now .. however very sooner she'll be recognizing about her husband
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@agrant10 (1446)
• United States
16 Oct 08
I'm hoping she will find out on her own or maybe she already knows?
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@donn_juan (325)
• Philippines
16 Oct 08
hard case - but if i were you i'll just shut my mouth. the wife will soon find out about the affair, lets just hope so. on the other hand, if you're really friends with the wife, i think you owe her the truth..after that it's up to her. let the burden off your chest.
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@agrant10 (1446)
• United States
16 Oct 08
Yes, I'm really between a rock and a hard place because if I tell I'm afraid I might loose her friendship. If I don't tell I feel miserable. To tell or not to tell that is the question. Maybe she will find out real soon.
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@kmurti (100)
• Russian Federation
19 Oct 08
I f i were you i would tell..and have done so and spoilt my relationship with my sons tuition teachers wife..she listened to me set her hubby straight nd then thanked me but broke up with mee!! its fine but it saved a mrriage from breking and taught that dirty husbandof hers to be faithful..one cant buy loyalty,trust. faith.It has to come from within..but sometimes when things go wrong we must give ita go and see if pple reform and change their ways..if not..its a diifrnt story alltogether.isnit?
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• New Zealand
17 Oct 08
Is the couple close friends, to you & your husband, or just aquaintances?...Cos' if a close friend of mine knew, something like that...I would want to know!...Good luck with whatever way you both decide to go...Either way...She will find out... If she doesnt secretly, know already!...Happy days
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@lingli_78 (12844)
• Australia
17 Oct 08
i will keep quiet if i were in your position and pretend not to know anything... i believe that the wife will find out about her hubby's disloyalty by herself in one way or the other... or you might not know that she already knows about it and decided to just keep quiet... i don't like to mind into other people's business... so i will choose to keep quiet... take care and have a nice day...
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@skysuccess (8882)
• Singapore
17 Oct 08
agrant10, First of all, as you had already decided that you would not want to be the bearer of this bad news, then you should just let this case rest and leave it to your colleague to meet for herself. I think you have your valid reasons for doing this and I am coming from the following reasons: * You are not a close friend with this colleague so even when you disclose this, she may not treat this as a favor. Different interpretation and your well intentions may be taken in a different light. * You are not in the right frame of mind. Hesitation on your part will be seen as an unwillingness on your part to disclose. Under this circumstance, you would not go well just by telling. * Office politics. At the end of the day, as you have already thought of and mentioned here that your job may be on the line here. Sour relations not of your doing is just not the right ingredient for a healthy working environment and relationship. So you will need to handle this tactfully. * If you are not sure of your colleague's family / relationship situation and problems, then it will be better that you step a step back. You need to be aware that couples nowadays can be quite casual and frivolous, at the same time they want their privacy and low profile. So, not knowing their situation and your position here will tell you what is better for you. I hope that the above will help you. Take care.