First Birthday Party Blues!

@sev123 (45)
United States
October 17, 2008 12:44pm CST
I need help! My son is having his first birthday party, which should be a joyous occasion, however I am dreading the day. My mother-in-law insists that I should have his party at her house. My mother wants it at her house. I already had plans, but I don't want to hurt anyones feelings. Should I let them do what they want or should I tell them that 3 different parties for a 1yr old is too much? Ever have this problem?Any suggestions about how to tell them "no"?
4 people like this
14 responses
@Amberina (1541)
• United States
17 Oct 08
I would politely tell them both that this is your child and you have first dibs on the party plans, they can have many years to have a party for him but you get the first one, and any other one's you think are special. Like the 16th birthday is special and the 18th one oh and the 21st one too.
2 people like this
@sunshine4 (8709)
• United States
17 Oct 08
I would do what you planned. Then if the grandmothers want to do something special with your son, let them after you have had his first birthday party. I would kindly tell them that you think it is very nice that they want to host his party, but you have been looking forward to this and dont want to hurt either of their feelings. Tell them if they want to have him over for just a celebration dinner with your immediate family and them, you would love to do that.
2 people like this
@psspurgeon1 (1109)
• United States
18 Oct 08
My family and in'laws are all crazy. I had my daughters' firsts' at our in laws church gymnasium. It was a big place with a full kitchen and enough space for all the people to spread out. My babies ran around and socialized with everyone, nobody was forced to be fake nice bc we were at someones house, and at the end everyone pitched in to clean up. I have done it ever since, it's been 6 years and not one single problem. I find it's easier with clashing family members to just take matters into your own hands and use a neutral place. The last thing you need is for one of them to act/feel superior like they are in control of the party cause of the location. Good luck, and happy birthday to your baby boy!!!
1 person likes this
@sev123 (45)
• United States
18 Oct 08
I really like your idea of having the party on netural ground. I will definatly plan on something like that. Thanks!
@Hatley (164485)
• Garden Grove, California
17 Oct 08
hi sev123 yes have that special birrthday party for your son, his first is really so special and make mom and mom in law understand that they can have parties for him too but the first one has to be at home as it just too special to do a nything else. they will understand or else they wont but dont back down. have fun and happy birthday to the birthday boy.
1 person likes this
@sev123 (45)
• United States
19 Oct 08
Thank you for your response. I am really getting some great advice from all of you. This is just want I needed to hear. I will make sure that he has fun and hopefully everyone will just relax and enjoy his day.
• Canada
17 Oct 08
I would just give them an excuse ,tell them that you want to the party were EVERYONE would feel comfortable.wether its at your place,or a resaurant or spotrsplex . Cause really having a party at someone elses house is uncomortable! i know my parents would feel uncomfortable going to my mother in laws and same other way around..lol
@sev123 (45)
• United States
17 Oct 08
Thanks so much for your advice. I agree that it is uncomfortable having a group of in-laws together. Not only that, but my parents are divorced and don't get along well. Plus everyone lives about an hour apart. I guess that I'm just going to have to be honest and hope that everyone can accept that
@ms1323 (259)
• United States
17 Oct 08
Do they know you already have plans? If yes, then they are being overbearing and you need to make it clear that he is your child and you will make the decision. If no, then you need to, diplomatically but firmly, tell them that you have already made plans, tell them what they are, that you, as the mom, are excited about them and hope that they will respect your decisions. Good luck!
1 person likes this
17 Oct 08
you could always compromise and let her organise a family only type of party and then you can arrange a friends party for your little one, double the fun for your child and double the presents and jelly
1 person likes this
@CanadaGal (4304)
• Canada
18 Oct 08
How fantastic that so many people love your son so much that they want to throw him this party!! If I were in your shoes (and I have been), I would make the "big" party at my home for everyone, and then agree to the "smaller" parties at the grandmother's homes on different dates, and then let them do all they want to do for the occasion... on their chosen/designated day. You have to look at the long term with this. I assume you won't want them to host his main birthday parties every year after this one, so it's important that you set the standard now. For example, when he starts school and has his own friends he wants to invite to a party, those will be his "big" parties, and you will more likely than not be the hostess (or at least the organizer if you have it hosted by a local establishment). And on those days, you wouldn't expect the family parties to be going on at the same time. You would have another "family" birthday party instead. So think of this first one as the same as those. Good luck! And enjoy your son's 1st birthday partIES!
18 Oct 08
I am afraid the answer is simple ,the child is your child and where he has his first birthday party is completely up to you.It certainly would be a great shame to spoil the milestone birthday by having a disagreement over where the party is held.His first birthday is one that you will remember but he will have no recall of,have you thought of hiring a small hall,say a church hall and having everyone together there,maybe putting on a few more sandwiches for the adults.I know that the church halls are fairly inexpensive to hire,maybe you could seek the advice of both mothers then.and say that the hall needs some decorations,the table needs to look good,the cake needs baking,I am sure that once their mind is taken off of the venue then they will forget all about it.
@SketcherD (1114)
• Canada
18 Oct 08
I would have the party at my own house and tell everyone that one party is enough otherwise the child will be overwhelmed. Invite both families if you have the room for it. But I think 3 parties for a 1 year old is overboard. He will just get fed up with all the commotion. At least I know my children would have at that age. A party for very young children is more for the adults anyway. So have it at your house so that you can control the happenings more yourself. You will be able to put him down for a nap when he needs it and he won't be so overwhelmed if he is in his own familiar place.
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
18 Oct 08
He is your son, not theirs. You only get this one chance to have YOUR son's first birthday party. So you should do what you want, not what they want. And, why can't both of them come to your party? As for how to tell them no, simply say hey, he is my son and I want to be the one to plan the party. But you are welcome to attend!
1 person likes this
@robert19ph (4584)
• Philippines
18 Oct 08
hello sev123, I understand how you feel and luckily I have not encountered that problem that you're having right now. In my own opinion, I guess you better go ahead and do your plans. But you need to talk to your mother and mother-in-law firts before doing it so you'll not hurt their feelings. This way, maybe they can help you make your party even more fun and memorable one to everyone but most especially to your son. Having three different parties now a days is not practical, better save the money for your son's future.
1 person likes this
@chengbeb (285)
• Philippines
18 Oct 08
There's no good way out of this. This happened to my eldest daughter. She was the eldest granddaughter to both parties so they had their own ideas on how to celebrate it. Although it would hurt them I had to put my foot down and insist that they do it my way. We are the mothers and what we want should be first in line. If they want to throw another party then let them but not on the child's exact birthday. Or they could incorporate what they want into your own idea. That could help too. But nonetheless whatever the outcome maybe the baby is still number one priority.
1 person likes this
@relundad (2311)
• United States
18 Oct 08
I would tell them of my plans, which would probally include everybody that they plan on inviting, and tell them that if they still want to do something special before or after then thats fine. They will most likely not.
1 person likes this
@jfeets726 (775)
• United States
22 Oct 08
I would do what you have planned. First, I would stop stressing about this. It stinks because all this tension will take away from you enjoying your son’s first birthday party. The fun is celebrating a joyous event and planning it. Don’t worry about anyone else but you and your son. Since, he is too young to voice his views, just do what you want. After all, you are the mom. For my daughter’s first birthday party, we rented the fire station. They have a separate room that is used for training and stuff, but it is also rentable. It was really cheap and it came with tables, chairs, and all that good stuff. I considered having separate parties because my family and my partner’s family are all divorced and some do not really get along, but I said the heck with it. I didn’t care. If they didn’t want to come, then don’t. When it comes to children, I think all family members should get along even if it is only for a two hour party.