I'm not their hero any more?

@omar0913 (943)
Legaspi, Philippines
October 19, 2008 3:32am CST
My third cousin who happens to be my neighbor has 2 young kids with a problem on attitudes. when this kids played with mine, and they were defeated on some kid's game, the eldest will start to throw stones on my kids. I know nothing about it, till my wife was all fed up with those two children, first, what I did was to talk to my kids not to play with them anymore, I did not talked to my cousin and his husband about this, cause they will not gonna understand me for they were as well pain in the Big Letter A. They never listen to any reports of abusing manner of their kids, infact if you have complaint you will end up having troubles with them. As for me, I hate troubles, and enemies as well, so I just shut my mouth. Untill another abuse came, my youngest which is 5 years old went home crying and holding his right eye, my wife asked what happen, our youngest relate that while he is playing with his toy outside the eldest of the worst kids came and grab his toy, and punch him in the eye. My kid got blackeye on the right, ofcourse my wife was very mad she then rush to the house of my cousin and they both quarelled. I arrive in the house on that day, and too my surprised my wife and my cousin were shouting at each other, so what I do, I took her home, closed all the doors and windows and I asked my wife to calm down, instead of calming down she turn to me and blame it all on me, as if it was all my fault, that I never do anything to stand for my kids. It's true, because of my eagerness not to have any troubles with any of my neighbors, I simply let go of everything. One thing that hearts me most is what my wife says, "your children says that their father is not acting like a man, and that their fathert can't stand and fight for them." I' not a coward person, all I just wanted was to have peace with everybody specially wth my neighbors. Do you think It's really are my fault? What do you suggest for me to do?
2 people like this
9 responses
@kun2349 (23475)
• Singapore
19 Oct 08
U are in the wrong here.. No matter what happens, u should always protect your fmaily 1st, especially the kids.. NOw that u are married, u should think for the whole family, not just yourself.. If u are alone, not married or with any kids, your thinking is correct, for u dun wanna cause trouble or any conflicts.. U are able to take it lying down.. But now, your kids and wife are involved, they are part of u now.. So u have to cast yourself aside, and think for them.. It's time for u to show that u are a husband and father to the family, solve the problem when it's not that serious.. But now, things have escalated due to your own selfishness, and they have to suffer.. So what u should do, is to confront them and solve the problems once and for all..
@omar0913 (943)
• Legaspi, Philippines
19 Oct 08
Yeah I know I should have acted earlier. What I am doing was also to protect them, It's not that I only think of my self, I always think of them and I realy do'nt like them to leave me. Only that they do'nt understand, I'm trying to protect them from much worst trouble. I know what my cousin's capable of doing, and she also know what kind of a person I am... She's abusing my silence, if I will hear another word that attacts my family, she'll again, witness my past self. I hope it and pray that this delima will not reach to that. Thanks and take care....
2 people like this
@syankee525 (6295)
• United States
19 Oct 08
i think you should had handle this. because the other kids are bullies. you can handle this in a peaceful manner. but telling your kids to ingore this wont help at all. teaching the to handle this will. you need to stand up to the other parents and let them you aren't going to sit around well their kids beat the crap out of your kids. belive it or not this will teach your kids the wrong way to deal with things when they are older. let things settle down and go talk to them, and let them know if their kids ever lay hand on your's you will call the cops on them i used to get bullie all the time, i heard from my dad just ignore it. i got in so much more trouble by him not dealing with it. being a man is just dealing with it, not hoping for it blow away. those kids will keep bullie your kids and the parents will always be a jerks
2 people like this
@omar0913 (943)
• Legaspi, Philippines
19 Oct 08
This time it's enough for me, my cousin has gone too far, I will stand and fight back if it will happen again. I will deal with it myself. This time, I have warn them all not to do thesame crap to my family, or else.... I will try to make my family calm down, and trust me with this situation. Thanks bro! I used to be a trouble maker since. But now as I was baptized as a christian, I change, but silence was broken. It's time to fight back..... Take care....
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Oct 08
yeah not matter what ya have became my friend. if it's been awhile since this had happen then yeah wait for the next time, if it's only been a few days i wouldn't wait.. boy your cousin should be glad he's not dealing with me. i understand you have changed your life, but don't lost touch and relatiy really is.. good luck bro man..
1 person likes this
@omar0913 (943)
• Legaspi, Philippines
20 Oct 08
Thanks Bro! No matter what, my actions will be of Godly ways.
@savypat (20247)
• United States
19 Oct 08
Communication is the key here. You must give this a lot of thought and face the problem without emotion or ego. Discuss it with your wife and children, yes even the smallest one and ask what they think should be done. Do everything out in the open, this is a great time to teach how to deal with problems in the world. Look at it as a opportunity. Good luck
@omar0913 (943)
• Legaspi, Philippines
19 Oct 08
After becoming a Christian, I never go back to my old self. That's the reason why my cousin was too abusive on my silence. With God's grace, communication on the proper way will truely resolve this problem. Thanks and take care.......LOL
1 person likes this
• Guam
19 Oct 08
You did what you think was best at that time. There is no use making trouble in your own neighborhood when you know it will just cause more trouble. But I also think you should talk to your wife and your children about this. Explaining your actions to your family will help them understand why you did what you did. Help them understand that every action has a consequence and that fighting back is not always the best solution. If possible you should have a seat with your cousin, if she truly trats you like family she will not be close minded about the things you are about to tell her. If she cannot accept the things you tell her, at least you have done your part. Every problem has a solution, but you should always think carefully of the things you would do and the steps that you'll take so not to make it complicated. Happy mylotting.
2 people like this
@omar0913 (943)
• Legaspi, Philippines
19 Oct 08
Thanks chicha0522, you know my cousin will not going to listen to me after what had happen with her and my wife, she's a hard headed women, a type of person who does not consider other's explaination, in short she only believe what she know is good for her. Anyway, I'll try your suggestion of explaining to my family why do I make those kind of actions, I know they will understand. Thanks!!! and take care....LOL
1 person likes this
@wolveren (1568)
• Cebu, Philippines
21 Oct 08
I think everyone has their own way of doing things my friend. Your ways maybe peaceful but then again it doesn't solve a problem of having your neighbors or cousin or anyone accept their mistakes for that matter. Don't get me wrong, I am primarily a very peaceful person. I live in a very bad neighborhood, I don't even want to describe how it is. But everyone treats me with respect because they know what I am made of. I generally am the last one to finish anything off in our hood. Being really small, I just watch and observe everyone doing everything they do in the hood. If asked what I think, I just say its none of my business, unless you make it mine. There's a thin line between being a peaceful man and standing up for yourself and for the people you love. That's why whenever I or my family is pushed to a corner, I change and get em all off guard. I will destroy everyone who tries to hurt me or my family. I push them back with everything I have. I don't know it must be the fury inside. I always say to them. How would you feel if I hurt or even killed all of you and no one believed you that I did it? Have respect for others or it won't matter if I die as long as I take a whole pack of you. Lol. I bully the bullies from where I am. Using force, wit and cunning. Whatever it takes. At first I try to talk to them nicely and ask for some reconciliation. Ask them to reconsider, try to look at the facts, find the truth, seek advice. All in a civilized way. If that doesn't work (there are really those people who don't respond well to nice and peaceful ways and would look up at you only if you show them your force, I don't understand these morons), well, too bad I'd have to hurt all of you for doin that to my family. Lol. Well it must be a sickness, I always bully the bullies.
@omar0913 (943)
• Legaspi, Philippines
21 Oct 08
It simply means that you are a good friend but a hard enemy. I myself was like that before, even just a word that hurts involving my famiy, I react furiously. But things had change the way I see myself, I've been eluding troubles and hate to be involve. Now my family was harrassed and my silence was broked, I can't take it anymore, I'm exploding with enormous anger and ready to kill someone if necessary. That's why I warned my cousin in front of her husband not to do thesame and discipline their kids or I will. Thanks bro, courage can never be measure by how big a person is, we need discipline and big heart to prove it. Take care Bro....LOL
@wolveren (1568)
• Cebu, Philippines
21 Oct 08
That's the spirit bro! Be as peaceful as a priest. But be ruthless when as a wolverine when your peace is broken. Mag ingat sila sayo bro! hehe.
1 person likes this
@trixyteddy (1072)
• India
3 Nov 08
It is very difficult to comment on something, when we are not in the situation. As I see it, you did not do wrong initially, trying to maintain the peace. But eventually, when things started getting out of hand, you should have stepped in. I don't blame your wife at all. I think she had more than enough patience. I would have blown the top of my head long ago. You should stand by her and your children first. At least keep them away from such unruly children. If those children parents don't know how to guide their children (they are innocent and need help), then you cannot do anything about it, just keep your children away.
1 person likes this
@omar0913 (943)
• Legaspi, Philippines
3 Nov 08
I've tried that keeping my children away, but the hitting comes like they used to doing it with anyone. So I think there should be a word and an action to stopped them, and so I did, now my children can play and walk outside without getting hurt. Anyway your suggestion is purely right, but sometimes there are people who are not contented of doing things, unless they feel it in return. Thanks and take care...
20 Oct 08
Somebody throwing stones at your children and I don't care who that is, is unacceptable. A bigger kid taking your child's toy and hitting him is also not acceptable in any circumstances. Have you heard the expression that god gave us our friends and the devil our relations because this is the situation here. You should go and tell your cousin that her children's behaviour is just not good enough and you are instructing your children not to associate with her children any more unless she can positivly guarantee that there will not be any more incidents like this. It sounds as though she is a bully and her kids at taking after her. I know that this will probably cause a rift in the family. That may be a shame but with people like that a rift is probably the best thing. IF she refuses to give you that guarantee you then tell her that if there is another incident of one of her children assaulting one on yours or attempting to do so you will go complain to the authorities. I don't know who that would be in your area but here it would be the local police. If you do this you will find that you will be far more respected in your neighbourhood as those kids have probably not only done it to your children but to other children in the area and they should be stopped. You may also find she will just back down bullies often do.
1 person likes this
@omar0913 (943)
• Legaspi, Philippines
20 Oct 08
In our community we have this social workers who are working in women and child division of our local police. already I have filed a complaint and two officer workers had been to my cousin's house and I accopanied them. They had warned my cousin about their child's actions, but my cousin answered the officers in the wrong way, so I mixed up with the conversation and gave my final wrning.... and my cousin closed her mouth. Thanks for the great advice and always take good care!.........
@tryxiness (4548)
• Philippines
20 Oct 08
Hello. I guess, you need to talk to your cousins. Your kids are much into trouble with your cousin’s kids. The issue of having a peaceful relationship usually neutralizes when your kids are involved. Like a hen to her chicks, every mother will do anything just to defend their kids (thus, I understand why your wife uttered those words). I believe that, it’s time for you to be incharge, tell your cousin that his her children have had enough. I believe that if his or her kids have been abusive, it’s not only with your kids but with other kids too. So keep your cool. Your relationship with your cousin might be temporarily restrained, but it’s ok. As long as your kids are ok and are free from abuse, what more could you ask?
1 person likes this
@omar0913 (943)
• Legaspi, Philippines
20 Oct 08
I have warned my cousin and her husband about that matter yesterday ( I hope that they will comply ). They both knew me, since we grew up together in thesame neighborhood, I hope they will take my warning as the last. For if not I hate to say this, but I'll give them the worst trouble they ever had.
• Philippines
19 Oct 08
You're kid got an black eye? i think you're the one who should make a stand for your children. i understand what you are trying to do but it will definitely give the impression that you're a coward. take a stand, fight for your kids.
@omar0913 (943)
• Legaspi, Philippines
20 Oct 08
I know God will permit me of doing things that are necessary to fight for my kids and my entire family. My cousin grew up with me as her guard, she'll never had the impression that I'm a coward and she had witnessed my manly characterestics. If those things happen again (I hope not),as I have warned them, things will be very bad. Any way thanks and tke care always