Toddler Behavior

@lbinkley (1079)
United States
November 7, 2006 12:56am CST
My son doesn't listen to me, but he listens to my husband and everyone else close to me. He slams doors, he screams, and throws a terrible fit whenever I tell him to. Not to mention he has issues with slapping. Nothing that I have tried seems to help. Does anyone have this problem with their own child/children? If so, any advice?
3 people like this
17 responses
@Tanya8 (1734)
• Canada
8 Nov 06
This is a sign that you are the person closest to your son. Kids (and even adults) endure various upsets and stresses throughout the day, and when they're with the person they feel most comfortable around, they let all the tension out, often by behaving badly. My kids are now 4 and 7, and I've read that on the half-year or so (i.e. 1 1/2, 2 1/2, 3 1/2 etc, they tend to go through a developmental spurt, where their behavior gets temporarily out of control for a few weeks. I do agree that it's wise not to give into tantrums, or to allow him to slap (I always tried to catch my kids' hands in mid-air when they were about to and show them how to let frustration out a better way). However please don't blame yourself. It's perfectly normal, and probably a temporary phase, that he will soon move out of. Just make sure (and I know this is very time consuming), that you're always close for a little while, so that you're there to catch doors before they slam, and hands before they do anything destructive. I also recommend "not asking" for a while, with things that tend to lead to tantrums. For example a toddler might happily put on his shoes when asked for months, and then during this phase, start throwing tantrums when you ask. Instead of asking, just get the shoes, act as though you're going to put them on him, but give him the option to do it himself if he wants. If he refuses, just put them on him matter of factly. It's very annoying, when you've gotten used to having a cooperative little person around, but again, these oppositional phases don't last very long. I think they were usually about 2 to 3 weeks.
3 people like this
@jray721 (1973)
• United States
8 Nov 06
this was VERY informatable
2 people like this
@lbinkley (1079)
• United States
8 Nov 06
Thank you very much for taking the time to write all of that. Great information, I think it might help!
2 people like this
• United States
8 Nov 06
pinch him a little
3 people like this
@lbinkley (1079)
• United States
8 Nov 06
Thanks for your reply!
1 person likes this
@jray721 (1973)
• United States
8 Nov 06
omg.. i have the EXACT same problem. my hubby just got back from iraq in sept and now he only listens to his dad. when my son is doing something wrong, i tell him no in a stern voice and he just smiles and does it anyways. when my hubby tells him no, he listens without a doubt. the only way my son will listen to me is if my hubby is around. drives me nuts. sorry, i dont have any advice. hopefully its just a stage =/
2 people like this
@lbinkley (1079)
• United States
8 Nov 06
I hope you are right! I am about at my wits end with the whole deal! Do you think they are just good for Dad, because Dad isn't ever around as much? I don't know!
1 person likes this
@jray721 (1973)
• United States
8 Nov 06
im not sure, thats a good question though. good luck and try to keep your sanity =)
1 person likes this
@sweetcakes (3506)
• United States
8 Nov 06
If you feel that your child is using tantrums as a tool to get his own way, give him verbal cues and use body language that says you don't do tantrums. Be aware that toddlers know how to push their parents' buttons. If you are a volatile person, it'll be easy for your child to trigger an explosion from you, ending in a screaming match with no winners. You send a clear message when you ignore his fits or walk away. This teaches him that tantrums are not acceptable. This is part of toddler discipline.
2 people like this
@lbinkley (1079)
• United States
8 Nov 06
Thank you for your advice!
2 people like this
• United States
8 Nov 06
your welcome
@krizz420 (4389)
• Canada
8 Nov 06
From what Ive seen most kids do listen to the male figure. I moved in with my girlfriend 2 years ago and her kids where bad. Today I only have to ask for something to get done once and they listen with no problems. The only thing is they are mean and do the same thing to my gf as your kid is doing to you. We are still working on things so not much advice except stay firm and dont feel bad when you punish them. Kids are great at making adults feel guilty but hang in there it'll get better I hOPE!lol
2 people like this
@lbinkley (1079)
• United States
8 Nov 06
Thanks for your reply
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Nov 06
My son went through a similar phase when he was in daycare, it has gotten a lot better since I took him out. I ignored most bad behavior, like tantrums and such, he stopped. He just wanted attention, weather it was good or bad.
@lbinkley (1079)
• United States
8 Nov 06
Thanks for your reply!
• United States
7 Nov 06
call nanny 911 LOL Or just watch it with him!!! We started watching it with our kids & it made them think god i don't wanna be bad like that LOL or make mommy crazy LOL We also started doing earning $$ for chores...like cleaning rooms etc. & also withholder $$ for bad behavior or having to be told to many times to do their chores!! it's funny to watch how wise they will spend their hard earned $$ Hope you get a handle on it now,cuz it will only get worse!!
2 people like this
@lbinkley (1079)
• United States
8 Nov 06
I know it will only get worse. I never thought of watching that show WITH him. I wonder if he would really comprehend what was going on if I did that. Something to think about though. Thank you!
1 person likes this
@Aeval39 (774)
• United States
7 Nov 06
Ahh you're like me. I don't have children, but I worked in a pre-k for a while, and the kids adored me but they didn't listen to me. I think it's important to make sure that your son knows that you're an authority, and that what you say is law. If he does something bad, take him to a time out corner, or something of the sort, and have him sit and do nothing for a few minutes. Make sure he stays there, and doesn't do anything. Don't let him get away with doing something bad and not getting in trouble for it. I think he just assumes that he can get away with things around you. That's just one bit of advice, and I'm not an expert by any means, but I did watch the teachers around me, and a couple of episodes of super nanny lol. Good luck to you, and I hope you sort things out.
@lbinkley (1079)
• United States
8 Nov 06
Thank you for your response.
@Beagle (43)
• United States
7 Nov 06
How much do you give in to him? I've worked as a nanny before and what frustrates me the most is when people aren't firm with their children. You have to be as stubborn as humanly possible; NEVER give in! If you say no, then he starts screaming his little head off and you give in after ten minutes, he only learns that he can get whatever he wants by misbehaving. Children have boundless energy; it's not very taxing on them to throw temper tantrums. You have to learn to ignore him (be patient; it could take a while) and in turn he'll learn that negative behavior doesn't get him the attention he wants. And you must be consistent.....never give in no matter what. Good luck!
2 people like this
@lbinkley (1079)
• United States
8 Nov 06
Thank you for your response!
@gotOBX (764)
• United States
7 Nov 06
Say what you mean and mean what you say. Be firm and not wishy-washy. He obviously finds you to be a push over. My son is 4 and he pushes all the boundaries. But he is starting to learn what he can and cannot get away with. For instance the other day out of the blue he wanted to ride a scooter a neighbors kid was riding. When the other boy wouldn't share my son got upset and hit the boy. For now I have a zero tolerance policy. My son knows that is wrong to do. So when something like that happens, it is the end of the play-date and we leave or go inside the house in this case. Set the rules and follow them, you will make the difference and you're setting important boundaries for your toddler. Good luck. Oh and one more thing. It is tough, don't get me wrong, I am learning as I go along too. It isn't easy.
2 people like this
@lbinkley (1079)
• United States
8 Nov 06
Thank you for your response. I think we all learn as we go...
1 person likes this
@mtdewgurl74 (18122)
• United States
7 Nov 06
not all kids are like that as some have said.. I have asked about this because i have no children myself.. But they say a child will listen to the others because a child knows he may be corrected.. I don't know if you correct your child or not but if you don't then the child thinks there is going to be no consequences to his actions atleast from you. But if he knows that everytime you say stop and he doesn't and you show him you mean business he will start to listen alot more it may take a few times or just once depends on the child.. But be patient but be assertive and show him you mean business and be consistant then when the child knows that if he does something he isn't suposed to you will correct him then all it will take is you telling him to stop next time because he will think he will be corrected.. and toy taking,grounding, etc...doesn't not work the childrens service have stated you can whip your child if you do it properly on the behind and no where else..so good luck hopoed this helped..maybe you should watch a show they have called super nanny that may help and give you some ideas..
@lbinkley (1079)
• United States
8 Nov 06
Thank you for your response
@momto2 (472)
• United States
8 Nov 06
Maybe he lets out all his anger and agression with you? Kind of like when a child is at daycare all day long, and then acts out at home. My son is generally behaved with me, but as soon as daddy comes along (whether he be in the shower, etc) he starts acting out.
1 person likes this
@lbinkley (1079)
• United States
8 Nov 06
Thanks for the reply!
@lbinkley (1079)
• United States
8 Nov 06
Thanks for the reply!
@anju_113 (339)
7 Nov 06
kids are like this these days...be cool
1 person likes this
@amsharma (1863)
• United States
7 Nov 06
Well, that was a great response! lol
2 people like this
@lbinkley (1079)
• United States
7 Nov 06
exactly what I was thinking amsharma! LOL
• United States
8 Nov 06
My almost two year old pushes me to no limit. He listenes to EVERYONE but me somedays.. I finally had to just show him I was the boss. We have started to sit down together in like a time out until I can get him to calm down. It seemd to be working. I don't know what else to do and I wont spank him!
1 person likes this
@lbinkley (1079)
• United States
8 Nov 06
Thanks for your reply!
@Fitmom (17)
• United States
8 Nov 06
I have a three year old I give him time out for 3 minutes. I put him in his room and sit him on a chair, and if he comes out I put him back. Usually by then he is crying and at the end of the time out he is sorry and asking me if everything is Ok. I hope this helps.
@lbinkley (1079)
• United States
8 Nov 06
Thank you for your response!
@shawnasie (390)
• United States
8 Nov 06
How old is your son?It sounds like you are going through the same thing I am going through. Mine is almost 2. I have found time out works best. Let me know if that helps.
@lbinkley (1079)
• United States
8 Nov 06
Time out used to work for my son at that age. He is 3 now. And time out stopped working a long time ago! That is why I am at my wits end... nothing that I have tried seems to make a difference. It will work for a while, but then it just doesn't phase him anymore!
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Nov 06
How old is your son? Sounds like he's testing his limits with you or trying to gain more attention from you. My son went through a similar stage. When he acted up like that I ignored the behavior. When he listened to me I praised him alot. He realized I wasn't going to interact with him when he was misbehaving, and he stopped the bad behaviors.
1 person likes this
@lbinkley (1079)
• United States
8 Nov 06
He is three. He is a great kid when his dad is home. But my husband is gone a lot because he is military, and he just doesn't listen to me. I think he is trying to test me too! Thank you for your response!