Who parents your child??? Who really takes care of them????.....

United States
October 22, 2008 10:11am CST
I just was wondering how your parenting situation works. Is it you or your spouse that diciplines, makes the decisions, etc of your children? Me personally, I am the main parent. My husband earns the living. He does take interest in all our kids do but I am the main decision maker and disciplinarian of our kids. The final decision comes down to me. Not saying I do a better job, I'm just alot more pigheaded when it comes to our children. I do ask his opinion, but ultimately I decide. I don't think it's a terrible situation. He just seems a bit extreme in his decisions, more black and white/no grey and I don't agree with that most times. I think that there should be a measure of patience and self discipline and he is just a very "do it my way" kind of guy. Therefore, since I don't agree with his decisions most of the times, he doesn't get the last vote. I know it sounds really mean but it's just the weird way our marriage works. What about you guys? Who really takes care of the kids?
2 people like this
10 responses
@sunshine4 (8709)
• United States
22 Oct 08
I think that I am the main decision maker inour family too. I do discuss things with my husband, but when it comes down to it, my kids even know that I make the final decision. Also reading this reminded me of something someone just said to me the other day. I run a daycare and one of my daycare kids just started preschool this year. The parents went to the conference and the teacher told them that their daughter is so well behaved and very well mannered. The mother said to me that she wanted to thank me for that. She said, "After all, you raised her for the last 3 yrs, monday-friday all day." I thougth that it was so nice that this mom recognized that I do have a part in how these daycare kids turn out.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Oct 08
It is nice to get some recognition. I think in our situation it is working. In others it may not, but for here and now it's ok. Thank you for your response!! :-)
@sunshine4 (8709)
• United States
24 Oct 08
Thanks for BR. I do agree that some families wouldn't function like ours do.. It takes the husband and wife to agree from the beginning who will be the final decision maker when it comes to the kids.
• China
23 Oct 08
I spend most of my time parenting my son, sometimes i would complain to my son:"you just like a kid in a single family, it seems that you have no father." my husband spend less time at home, we couldn't see him several days. Beside work he would play cards or the other entertainments. I have to make all the decisions by myself including buying furnatures or the other things, i am really tired of that. i hope he could help me a lot.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Oct 08
I hope you get what you need also. Sometimes, it's hard for fathers to feel like they fit in if they're gone alot and maybe it makes him nervous or uncomfortable. Maybe there is a family activity you could plan for all of you and that may help. Also maybe a little bit of counseling, He may not know you feel this way! Good luck and thanks for responding!
@kayedanda (1850)
• Philippines
23 Oct 08
we're quite the opposite. i work for us and the hubby takes care of our five-month child (turning six this nov 1 ). for that reason, i am the more permissive parent, since i like to make it up to our daughter by giving in to her every wish. my husband gets angry at me for this, but what can i do? i love my child so much and feel so guilty about not being able to spend more time with her that i end up being that way.
• United States
24 Oct 08
You are fullfilling most mommys wishes of giving them what they want and you are compromising the discipline. Nothing wrong with that. I'm glad it works for you and that your husband gets to play a vital role in your childs life. Thank you so much for responding!
@JUNGLE (1157)
• South Africa
23 Oct 08
I am a man and I agree with you 100%,because thats the way my parents did and thats the way we do it.My opinion is where kids are concerned, "Nobody does it better than Mummy"
• United States
24 Oct 08
Thats very kind of you. And if there is something my husband is passionate about, so be it we shall compromise but he LETS ME make final decisions because he knows that I will be the one following up with it and making sure it's done. We have a great balance and our kids feel loved beyond what I could have hoped for and my relationship with my husband is amazing so it must be working, for us anyway. Thank you for responding! :-)
@Nhey16 (2519)
• Philippines
23 Oct 08
with my situation as a mom, the kind of parenting i have is just like yours, though there are times my husband also do the decision making, but since he knows that im the on who stays most of the time with the kids, he lets me do the decisions.
• United States
24 Oct 08
Yes, my husband trusts me to make those decision. I don't just steamroll him, he lets me do it! I am with them 24.7 and sometimes there are things I am a little more informed about and he is ok with that. thank you for responding...
@hildas (3031)
22 Oct 08
Yeah my partner, 'works' I dont. So I think he thinks I should to everything. Except diciplining, oh thats his job. Everything he says goes. There's no in between either. It's just what he says goes. I think he is to hard. The best sollution is to talk about things though.
• United States
24 Oct 08
I agree, talking is very important!!!
@belk89 (1103)
• Philippines
22 Oct 08
I dont have grown up kids but i am currently pregnant. Soon i will be a parent too and we already discussed this matter with my husband. I am not the only person who will discipline our kids. Both of us will implement rules inside the house and we wont take side. If he was giving punishment i must not make our child feel that i feel bad seeing him/her cry. I know it will break my heart though but sometimes we need to be tough to our kids so that they will grow up to be a well discipline and respectful individual.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Oct 08
That is true and I do hope that your able to do what it is you want to do once the baby is here. It is not a job and it does take both parents if their available and I wish you the best of luck with your little bundle of joy!!! :-)
• China
23 Oct 08
I don't have any child now.If I have a child,I will take care.him by myself.I would like to see how he grow up/
1 person likes this
@glords (2615)
• United States
22 Oct 08
In some ways its the same with our family. My husband does not brush teeth, feed, or change diapers, however when it comes to making the decisions, he feels that he has every right to make whatever decision he feels is best. I appreciate his input most of the time. I guess we just usually would make the same decisions regardless.
1 person likes this
@mimico (3619)
• Philippines
23 Oct 08
I don't have a child yet, but when I was younger my mom really was a hands on mom. She didn't go to the office at all but stayed with us and even brought us to school herself. She's see to our meals, homework, and after school activities. She only started having time for herself again when we were in high school. I think it's a very martyr thing to do because most oms would just leave their children with nannies nowadays...
• United States
24 Oct 08
yea, I've never been big on leaving them anywhere. My hubby and I only go out on a date alone together twice per year and my only time alone is grocery shopping sometimes! but it's the life I choose and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world! I'm glad you have such a strong mama, it will make an even stronger person out of you! Thank you for responding! :-)