The man that was supposed to marry me married someone else!.....................

United States
October 23, 2008 8:46am CST
We were having problems in our relationship and I thought we were on the same page as far as working things out. He told me that the relationship was over but then all of a sudden I started hearing rumors about him being married or getting married and of course the wonderful liar he is, he denied it. Well I just heard about enough and a friend of mine asked me "How long are you going to deal with John knowing that he is married?, Are you that naive or desperate?" I was told of the location of where he supposedly got married. I called, gave the woman the names of the two person that got married and said that I needed her to confirm it for me. Well the next day it was confirmed. He got married on August 20th, 2008. I wanted to say some mean, hurtful words because I was angry, and the more I thought about things the more angry I became He had the nerve to say from his lips that he loves me. Is he serious? Love does not lead a woman astray, deceive her, and then go marry another woman........that's not love! But to God be the glory! I am going to be okay!
12 people like this
56 responses
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
23 Oct 08
Oh! That's quite an experience you got there. But you know what? The other woman married him, that means she's actually going to carry all those problems about her man having affairs (maybe he's got more than you and her in his sleeve right?). You should rejoice finding out before you committed the worst thing you could do in your life! The nerve of that guy! Did he ever show his thick face to you again? What did you do if so?
2 people like this
• United States
23 Oct 08
Actually he has been trying to talk to me but I told him that there is really nothing for us to say to each other. You're married I said and he had the nerve to say he loved me. I don't think he knows the true meaning of the word.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Oct 08
What an A$$ he is! I can't believe he is still telling you that he love's you after marrying somebody else. Does he think he can play you forever? Laydee is right, he probably does have others in his sleeve. How long were you with this guy?
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Oct 08
I was with John for over 5 years and all for nothing!
1 person likes this
@donsky14 (5963)
• Philippines
23 Oct 08
Aw...some guys could be such a**holes. Anyway, I do hope you are okay...God bless. Maybe you can relate with this song: Its "Take a Bow" by Rihanna Oh How 'bout a round of applause? Yeah Standin ovation Oh woah Yeah Yeah yeah yeah yeah You look so dumb right now Standin' outside my house Tryin' to apologize You're so ugly when you cry Please Just cut it out Don't tell me you're sorry, Cause you're not, And baby when I know, You're only sorry you got caught But you put on quite a show. Really had me goin' But now it's time to go, Curtain's finally closin'. That was quite a show. Very entertainin'. But it's over now. Go on and take a bow. Grab your clothes and get gone. You better hurry up, Before the sprinklers come on. Talkin 'bout, 'Girl I love you, you're the one.' This just looks like a rerun. Please. What else is on? And don't tell me you're sorry, Cause you're not. Baby when I know, You're only sorry you got caught. But you put on quite a show. Really had me goin' But now it's time to go, Curtain's finally closin'. That was quite a show. Very entertainin'. But it's over now. Go on and take a bow. And the award for the best lie goes to you! For makin' me believe That you could be faithful to me. Let's hear your speech. How 'bout a round of applause? Standin' ovation But you put on quite a show. Really had me goin' But now it's time to go, Curtain's finally closin'. That was quite a show. Very entertainin'. But it's over now. Go on and take a bow. But it's over now.
2 people like this
• United States
23 Oct 08
I looooooooove that song by Rihanna and it is so perfect for my situation but I will be okay donsky and thanks for your words. God Bless!
1 person likes this
@donsky14 (5963)
• Philippines
24 Oct 08
God bless you too...I'm sure your gonna find a better man. ^_^
2 people like this
@ganda8831 (816)
• Philippines
24 Oct 08
We actually have the same situation. The only difference is that after he broke up with me, after two weeks he called me up and told me everything about the girl he got pregnant and is set to marry. He was totally honest and said sorry alot of times. He said that he regrets what he did to me and asks for my forgiveness and that im the one he loves. You know what? I dont believe a word he says. Or probably i just dont care anymore. Once trust is broken, it's gonna be hard to bring it back.
• United States
25 Oct 08
You can say that again ganda! I see him as an ugly person right now but at one time, I just knew that God had sent the man of my dreams my way. Do you think he is still coming? I pray so. Take care and God Bless.
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
23 Oct 08
Oh linda, I'm so sorry! What a miserable SOB! He was telling you all along that he was still going to be with you and he married someone else! Oh, I'm so sorry! I had that happen to me a long time ago! Men are such miserable pieces of crap! They will lie and lie and not care how they hurt someone and what for? How long did he think it would take before you found out! How can these men think that we are so stupid? That is just so cruel and I know how much you are hurt and I know how you would just love to kill him and I know what is going through you mind and I know I know I know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't do anything! Just breathe and Pray!!!!!!!! If you want to talk, I'm here and I do understand and you have no idea how much! Remember I'm just a bus ride away!
2 people like this
• United States
25 Oct 08
Okay Opal and yes, I remember. Part of me feel so stupid for falling for his lies but like you said, he is good at what he does. I just don't want to feel this way for a long time. Right now I am on an emotional rollercoaster but then again, you know how I feel. Take care and God Bless and I may just take you up on that bus ride one day
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
23 Oct 08
Wait a sec here..let me make sure I have this correct...You were in a relationship with a man, things were a big rocky but you'd been trying (so you thought) to work it out..and behind your back he went and married someone he was previously with while still giving you the impression you two were still together??? Am I getting this right??
2 people like this
• United States
23 Oct 08
You are absolutely correct Ravenladyj! It was confirmed to me Tuesday that he got married on Aug. 20th...and he had the nerve to try and deny it and say that he still loves me.....the absolute nerve! 5 years with him and for what. I guess to learn a valuable lesson.
1 person likes this
@psspurgeon1 (1109)
• United States
23 Oct 08
I'm sorry for your situation. That is truely heartbreaking. But you know, you are right when you say you are going to be ok. You are a better person for not having him in your life to cause pain and uproar. You will be able to heal and move on and that persons wife will probably find herself in a similar situation before to long. When our heart does accept someone into it and embrases them it doesn't like to let them go. But eventually it will and each day will be better. You are obviously a very loving and forgiving person and someone will come along who is looking to be loved very much and is willing to love the same in return. What does not kill us only makes us stronger and I believe you will rise above this situation and be better because of it. Good luck to you and God bless. I mean that.
2 people like this
• United States
23 Oct 08
Thank you so much for that psspurgeon1. It meant a lot! Take care and God Bless
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Nov 08
I can so relate to what happened to you! Almost ten years ago I started seeing someone, we got engaged about four years ago, he kept putting off setting a date since he had a bad divorce in the past. I took a job in a bar to make extra money, all the while he was telling me about houses he had found etc. for our future, he became increasingly jealouse of my clientele at eh bar, we hit a rocky patch in our relationship we were working it out as were you, things seemed to be okay I started looking for other jobs when one of my customers told me he had seen him with someone else, when I asked I found out his ex had to move in with him becasue she fell on hard times I was not happy about it but we had come up we some barriers to offset each other. I trusted him. He went so far as to accuse me of ceating with a customer. Still we were working things out he was with me every day we were going on with our lives. He told me she had moves on and we were moving forward. Our relationship hit a rocky time in february when he left to go to austalia with a friend of his, I knew about he trip ahead of time and was happy he was going to be able to see the land down under. He left on my birthday which was teh 19th we were together everyday prior and everyday since, in August 2008 we were at a party here in town when he shows up with HER of all people, he promised me there was nothing going on he did not bring her ther etc etc I believed him and he told me over and over how much he loved me that I was the only person in his life he was so convincing I thought I was going crazy. One week later I had a visit from the local police about a complaint she made against me, when I told the police he was my fiance of five years the local police informed me he married her on february 19 2008 at the courthouse, oh yeah, did I mention that is my birthday? He still wants to come to me and see me and call himself my boyfriend and has told her in front of me that he loves me. She knew all about me but did this anyway, what kind of a person does this? I guess they are made for each other, what do you think?
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Nov 08
Hello marybethdevore! For him to marry her on your birthday is so cruel. I mean, I don't know what to say. The one I was with also said the same thing about still loving me and he denied marrying her but I know that he did. You can really relate to me. Wasn't it heart breaking though? I went through a series of emotions and I feel that the "lonely emotion" is starting to creep in. Don't believe what he says marybethdevore because he is a liar.............a big liar! I know you probably still love him because after all, just like me it was 5 years and feelings just don't disappear. Just try to be strong and keep active. Yes he is going to pop into your mind every now and then but don't give into the lies. The man I was with tried it with me but I wasn't going for it. I do miss him and wish that he never did what he did but that's life. Take care marybethdevore and God Bless!
• United States
11 Nov 08
Thank you so much! This may sound idiotic but I kept this to myself until tonight this is the first time I have been able to get passed the humiliation to utter a word about it! You are right I know he is a liar and he is not going to change. I have spent the last two hours comparing him to every pathological liar on the internet. And he fits the bill. I am not buying the lies, even though it is hard. I am going to hang in there. I know god has a plan for me and I know the next time I won't be so naive. You take care as well, I never thought in a million years there was another like him out there! I'm glad you are getting stronger! I will as well.
1 person likes this
@lexus54 (3576)
• Singapore
24 Oct 08
I am very sorry to learn of your hurts and disappointment in this relationship. It is always hurtful and sad to break off a relationship and lose someone you feel you love. The speed at which he has progressed with this other relationship to the point of marriage just shows that he kept his options open previously and wasn't fully committed to only one serious relationship. Probably your problems with him just him the trigger to move forward with the other relationship. Now he is too embarrassed to tell you the truth about his marriage. Whether you felt deceived or otherwise, the writing's on the wall and you will have to move on with your life, since he is already officially married and any reconciliation is not possible. I know it's painful but it is better to forget him and don't let what he did hurt you even more. Look towards a brighter future instead in your love life. You never know, all these that happened may be part of God's plan to bring someone more deserving of you later into your life. You only need to trust Him and God may just surprise you.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Oct 08
The words you said are very inspirational to me and I thank you very much and I love surprises......well nice ones anyway! Take care and God Bless
@lexus54 (3576)
• Singapore
26 Oct 08
You know, Linda, I've had a few friends (all gals) who have had relationships that didn't work out. One of them even had a 10-year relationship with this guy. They were so close to marriage until irreconcilable differences made them go separate ways. Today they are all happily married with family. They've had their disappointments in their relationships. But there's something common about their stories. They were God-loving people and they trusted God despite their disappointments. God didn't forsake them and still rewarded them with a suitable life-partner. He can and will do the same for you. You only need to place your trust in Him and He will be gracious towards you.
@msedge (4012)
• United States
27 Feb 09
I can see your pain but i think he was not the right man for you.He never deserve even a single beat of your love.Forget him and you will definitely be fine.Your right man will come at the right time.Good luck and rejoice!
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Apr 09
I am rejoicing msedge because now he is a problem to someone else. God is good! : )
@JPeralta (44)
• United States
26 Oct 08
Wow... Thats quite an experience. But you know he married that other woman, I feel much more bad for her. That poor woman is gonna have to deal with him cheating on her, maybe after they have children and all. I'm sorry I don't know how long you guys had been dating but it's ovbiouse he dosen't care about either of you. Frankly he's just one big selfish a-whole!.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Oct 08
June 9th made 5 years. That is longer than most marriages today. He had me good but that's alright, I'll be okay with my Savior by my side. Take care and God Bless!
@quinnkl (1668)
• United States
25 Oct 08
I understand your anger. I would be angry too. But thank goodness he married someone else and it isn't you who has to put up with his dishonesty. It sounds like he is NOT going to be a good husband. So in the long run (and you will see this one day too), you are the lucky one. What a jerk this guy sound like!
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Oct 08
He is what you would call a Smooth Operator! Good riddence (hope I spelled that right)
@bellis716 (4806)
• United States
25 Oct 08
You are lucky to be rid of that man. Don't let him tell you any more lies. Even if he splits from his wife, do not under any circumstances have anything else to do with him. You can do better, but even being by yourself is better than being involved with a liar. Once a liar, always a liar.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Oct 08
Amen!, Amen! and Amen!
• United States
24 Oct 08
I have been there. I was in love and we were together for 3 years. Both in the Navy. I spent so much money on him and we had a house and everything. I went out to sea and he left me over e-mail on our anniversary! When I got home, I found out that all those times he went out to sea over the weekend, he was going to DC to see a girl he met online. I was devistated and even let him stay in the house in separate rooms. I did not have many friends of my own and found out that he had been telling lies about me to all of our friends. I had one guy that was new where I worked and we went to dinner one night as friends. Since that day we have never spent one apart if we could help it. We have been married for 3 years now and have 2 children together. I now see what all my ex did to me. He was verbaly abbusive because I was better then him in many things. I gave them up because he told me that I would never make it and I was not any good. I was nice when I left too. He was out to sea so I left all of the utilities on. He never put them in his name and never paid the bills. There was his lap top loan that was in my name, and the down payment for his car that he never gave back to me. I sued him. It was over 4000 in bill due at christmas time. I had a child that I wanted to see (she lived with my parents because of my sea duty and was not either of theirs) and I had to pay these bills instead. The man I started to see got me a ticket home for a present. Trust me, someone will come along when you least expect it and sweep you off your feet. Mine did it litteraly. Keep your head up and forget about him. Even though I sued, I have not seen a dime and that was 4 years ago. I never will but it will stay on his credit report. He married that person and gave her the ring that I had on my hand. It will hurt but you really need to get out there. There is someone out there for you and he will come along when the both of you have grown and are ready for it. I had several chances to meet my current husband. I was due to go to his command at one time, and we hung out at the same bar for a few years before we started to even talk. trust me you are better off without him. Let your anger out and cry. Then walk away. I am still working on my self esteem and my husband is great with it. My oldest is now with me and I have left the Navy behind me except for the fact that my husband is still in. We have expanded our family and are extreamly happy. You will find it and just need to do something for yourself to get over it. Save money and do a makeover. Buy new close and change everything if you want. It can help.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Oct 08
You know why I love mylot? Because at least I know that I am not alone in this. Unfortunately it has happened to other women but I am so thankful for the encouraging words and support. Take care and God Bless shortbunny!
@mtrekster (179)
• United States
24 Oct 08
darn, that man did that to you? may a thousand fleas make him itch, and may the woman he married leave him faster than he knows what to do with. if you ask me, i think you did a lot better than him by just leaving him . my mother got remarried once to a guy who she thought was her number one. well, to put it bluntly, there were more skeletons in his closet and many more problems than she liked to deal with. along with that it seemed that his daughter as well had quite a few matters which were not good. she ended up divorcing him as well. she was divorced from my father for many years after i was born. in her case, it was either divorce my father and live, or stay as die due to abuse. and he really would hurt her. you will be better because of what you have had to go through. and you will heal from it and be much wiser.
• United States
25 Oct 08
I like the that idea of a thousand fleas making him itch
• United States
23 Oct 08
That's a horrible experience, but it comes to show you that he was not the kind of guy that was ment for you. If he really loved you and if he had really wanted to remain in the relationship, he would have told you and he would have actually wanted to work things out. Unfortunatly in this case it looks like he was with someone else while also with you. You will find better. You deserve someone who will be there for you, not leave you astray.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Oct 08
Thank you bettyarchut! You're right, I do deserve someone better. God Bless!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
23 Oct 08
ouch! that really hurts! first, it's not your fault. cheaters like to play it dangerously. they try to not get caught and when they do get caught, they try to test their ability on how to make the woman believe that what they are telling is real, they act as if they would do everything to keep you. the best thing to do right now is just move on. ignore him. you don't want to tolerate what he has been doing,do you? he cheated on you and that's the end of it. i'm sure that god has better plans for you. never mind John! you'll meet someone you truly deserve and someone who will not cheat even lie to you.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Oct 08
The sad thing is is that he had the nerve to part his lips and say that he loves me............the man is obviously dimented and I plan to do just that..........move on! Thank you for your lovely words of encouragement gorjuzliz and God Bless!
1 person likes this
@annjilena (5620)
• United States
23 Oct 08
OMG now i have heard it all how could he do such a thing what sort of man does this to a woman. this is a weak man because a man would never do such a thing OMG i just can,t believe he would hurt you like this no one deserve this treatment.iam crying for you right now i feel so much pain reading this oh lord what is this world coming to.i must say iam so so sorry i feel your pain here.remember god loves you so much talk to him to help you through this because god is love.now that you know better is what you will get your husband is still out there let him come to you.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Oct 08
I am asking God to help me get through this because it is a terrible, terrible thing. He is a coward; not a real man at all and I am so glad that I didn't marry him. To God Be the Glory!! Thank you for your words of encouragement and God Bless!
1 person likes this
@sudalunts (5526)
• United States
23 Oct 08
That really su*ks, the nerve of him. He evidently was playing you both, while he was involved with you. Well be thankful that someone else now has your troubles, of lying, deceiving and betrayal. Go on with your life and don't look back, he as you can see is not worth it. As you said "God be the glory", that says it all. I wish you luck, try not to stay angry, forgive him in your heart and move on, because what goes around comes around, and he will get his.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Oct 08
Thank you sudalunts and you are right. I am going to forgive him because I am commanded to do so by my Father in Heaven but today I must say it is hurting.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Oct 08
Wow, I know how hurtful that can be because the same thing happened to me. Like a few years back before I met the love of my life and we got married like six months ago. What happened the guy me and him were supposed to be married but I was going off to school and he told me that he would wait for me, until I finished school, which was only like a year. After returning home from graduating from the school I went to I found out that he did not wait for me after all and married another girl.The thing was that he was always sending me letters and we wrote each other back and forth. With that said, its good that you found out when you did instead of letting him pull you on believing that you and him were going to work things out. When actuality he married someone else. It showed you who he truely was and after seeing the true him that should tell you that he is someone that you wouldn't want any way especially if he is going to be cheating on his wife and going behind her back. So I definitely feel sorry also for the woman that he married because she does not know what is going on.
• United States
23 Oct 08
People can be so mean! That was cruel what he did because he was telling me that he wanted to work things out and he was coming to my job buying me breakfast and everything. I mean, my heart is really aching but one of these days it won't bother me but today it is.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
5 Nov 08
What a heart wrenching experience for you, but you should consider yourself lucky becuase you are free from him as early as now, imagine what would be the wife's problem in the future to wed such a cheating husband.