Will sharing a bed with your children kill your marriage?

@zandi458 (27952)
Malaysia
October 23, 2008 11:42am CST
Sharing a bed with young children is a common practice in Asian families as they think that it makes the family closer. Some people think it's a horrible prospect and it kills a couple's intimacy. But even with that kind of arrangement many Asian families are productive and are able to produce babies in the dozens. Do you think that sharing a bed can really destroy your marriage? Should you allow young children to share your bed?
3 people like this
18 responses
@suruchi86 (1873)
• India
8 May 09
I hail from India and I also share my bed with my two little children and yes, it has affected our intimacy with my spouse. But I think, after sometime, my children would became bold enough to sleep alone, then I'd start sleeping them in seperate room.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
8 May 09
In conservative asian homes children normally sleep with their parents until they are big enough to sleep independently. You can imagine if all the kids a couple have sleep together in one room, it will definitely kill their intimacy. This can give rise to a cold relationship in the long run.
@suruchi86 (1873)
• India
8 May 09
Yes I agree with you.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56563)
• Delhi, India
24 Oct 08
I won't say that sharing a bed with kids actually kills the marriage. However, I would definitely like to say that if your kids are sleeping with you, you cannot feel free and cannot go for love making, as and when you feel like. Sometimes, situation is such the people live in small houses and they do not have any other option, but to share the bed with kids and their partner, in that case, in my opinion, couples do feel uncomfortable about it. When children start growing up and say they cross the age of 10 years, if possible, they should be accommodated in a separate bed and if possible, in a separate room, so the a couple could enjoy their privacy. An excellent Post!
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
24 Oct 08
That is the lost of freedom that will slowly eats up the intimate part of a couple. By and by the situation worsen if intimacy has become cold and stale as most agree is the one item that sustain a loving relationship between couples. If man does not get it from home he starts to find the comfort outside.
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@dpk262006 (56563)
• Delhi, India
24 Oct 08
I entirely agree with your views. I also face the same situation many a times at home - that we share our bed with our son. But we somehow, find opportunities to fulfill our desires and needs. We try our best to sustain our relationship as far as availing opportunities for loving making are concerned.
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@checapricorn (16066)
• United States
23 Oct 08
[i]Hi zandi, I don't think it will kill the relationship if the love is there...Couple will always find time for themselves, I know a lot of families are doing this not only with that reason but also some have small houses and they don't have rooms for kids, so, they tend to just sleep in the floor altogether. In my case, I will maybe allow my kids but not every night and I will try to provide them room so that they will also learn to become independent in a way![/i]
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@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
24 Oct 08
Childen who sleeps with their parents grow up to be needy and over-clingy, but may not be the case in most cases. But it is good that they learnt to be independent from young so that they be more confident in future.
• United States
24 Oct 08
At the same time I think that it is ok for children to cling to their parents. I would rather them hold on to me than run off on their own when they get older.
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@airakumar (1555)
• India
26 Jun 09
Sharing a bed with kids can never kill marriage rather it makes it more strong. It doesn't destroy marriage.The most important thing is understanding in each other. If I would have a kid, I will definitely share my bed with him/her.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
26 Jun 09
Of course it won't totally kill the marriage but certainly it has a little impact on the intimate part of the relationship. Maybe when the kids are small they still can share the bed with their parents but once they reach certain age, it will not be appropriate to share the same bed anymore.
@maximax8 (28570)
• United Kingdom
27 Oct 08
Personally I like to have a new baby in a moses basket or cot next to my bed. Then my baby will be safe and I can get him or her out for feeding and changing the nappy. My sister always has her baby sleep in her bed and her husband is fine about that. She feeds in the natural way so she finds her baby sharing her bed convenient. My sister has an excellent marriage and so I think that sharing a bed with her youngest child doesn't kill her marriage. She got her child into their own cot when she was pregnant the next time. Now she has 4 children.
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@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
29 Oct 08
It seems it works well with your sister. Having kids sleeping in the same bed did not get in their way during intimacy. Thats good.
@quinnkl (1668)
• United States
25 Oct 08
I know this question is debated over and over again. I don't think children should share the parent's bed on a continuous basis. Everyone should have their own bed to sleep in. But I don't mind kids coming in to sleep with parents off and on. I do think it definitely cuts down on the privacy and intimacy - especially here in the US where people are big on that. In other countries the intimacy is viewed differently, and as you pointed out, it doesn't stop Asian families from reproducing so it obviously works fine for them. It is another one of those issues that depends on how the people involved feel about it, in my opinion. What works for some doesn't work for another, etc.
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@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
27 Oct 08
It is only right that children have their own rooms and does not share with parents. I think it hinders intimacy when the kids are around. Asian families have different kind of mentality so they prefer to allow the kids to be at arms length every night.
@excellence7 (3477)
• Mauritius
24 Oct 08
No I don't think sharing a bad with children will kill a marriage. It depends. IF the children are grown up, it;s better to give the children some freedom, i.e. their own rooms.
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@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
24 Oct 08
Any disturbance in the bedroom will put off the mood.
@jackiew (915)
• Canada
24 Oct 08
I see no problem with sharing the bed with your children on some occassions.I wouldn't let it become a routine.They have to learn that they have their own room and own bed for sleeping in.If the child is not feeling well,I would allow them to share the bed.If the child had a bad dream,I would let them share the bed.If the child is upset about something,I would let them share the bed.Some children just like to cuddle with mommmy and daddy and i see nothing wrong with that as long as it doesn't become a steady routine.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
24 Oct 08
thats understandable if the kids are sick and they need the comfort of their parents arms but I think letting them share the matrimonial bed is going to ruin the marriage in the long run. The mother has no problem but the father will start to feel uneasy if his appetites is not being satisfied.
@tikei18 (359)
• Philippines
24 Oct 08
No i don't think it wont kill marriage. It is not a hindrance for their relationships. If love is in the air it would never ever kill marriage just because of that simple reason. I think if couples feels the urge, they could do it somewhere else or in the other room.
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@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
24 Oct 08
Couples may have spontan urge to have intimate relationship especially in the comfort of the matrimonial bedroom but with children around they have to make a special arrangement to do it elsewhere.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
24 Oct 08
i do not think it will destroy. i am from asia and its common practice. children need parents as well as they need themseklves for relation. May be that is the reason many asian families are more clsoe knit
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@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
24 Oct 08
Don't know about that but the divorce rate in my country is very high.
• Singapore
24 Oct 08
We share our bed with my daughter. This is because we do not have space in the other room for a bed. To a certain extent, I think it's true that there is less intimacy between the couple. But I guess it is a more a matter of making time for each other. If you do that, I don't think the marriage is at stake. It is also important to express closeness outside the bedroom too, and not just restrict it to the bedroom environment. So far so good for me.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
24 Oct 08
You are right we can make time for each other but the cosy environment of a bedroom is the most appropraite place to spend our private moments together.
@tianli (311)
• China
24 Oct 08
Yes , I think it is not a wise behavior to share a bed with child ,of course, if it is just a occasional phenomena , I can accept , while if ask me to share a bed with my child everyday, I will be mad . I cann't imagine how discomfiture that a couple make love when their child is by the side of them , although I haven't got married, I think it is also harmful to a child's psychology and a couple's intimacy cann't have a whale of a good time.
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@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
24 Oct 08
Co-sleeping doesn't improve family life at all and neither does it bring husband and wife closer as the children will literally divide the intimacy part of a couple.
• Malaysia
24 Oct 08
Sharing bed with the children is okay but there should be an age limit. Babies or toddlers are fine or else when caught in the act by a older child. There be lots of explanation to do.. There should be some privacy..
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@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
24 Oct 08
Bigger children should have their own bedrooms. Wouldn't like them to see live show.
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
24 Oct 08
Co-sleeping (sharing a bed) happens with a lot of couples of newborns and infants, regardless of culture. It happens to be something very common in attached parenting and for a nursing mom it means that both mom and baby get more sleep. I do think after they get older that it should stop. Kids around age 4 and older start wanting privacy, and they can understand that other people might want privacy too. It's hard to get productive rest when you have a squirming toddler flopping all over you, crawling on you, lying on your neck, face, etc. My daughter is a cuddler, she likes to cuddle before she goes to sleep, but as she has gotten older, she also will roll away to actually sleep. I coslept with her from the time she was a newborn. I hope she enjoys her own room soon lol. I agree that couples have to get more creative if you have kids who sleep in your room or your bed, but it doesn't kill intimacy if you both crave the same level of it and are both determined to grab any opportunity you get. If you wait around till all conditions are perfect, then you'll never get any. I also think that both parties have to be on board with what you decide, whether that is cosleeping or making your babies and children sleep in their own spaces from the very beginning. Tiffs and arguments about those parenting things cause more trouble with marriages than a united decision, regardless of what it ends up being. I don't think cosleeping is for everyone, and I don't think it necessarily causes marital problems. For people that probably shouldn't do it, it COULD cause marital problems.
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@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
24 Oct 08
This is a sensible advice.
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
23 Oct 08
not when you are makng love no way! and kids need to be in there own bed to know that is thiers and not momma and daddys bed . Its very wrong for them to sleep together all the time!
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@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
24 Oct 08
I agree with you on this.
@vijigopi (991)
• United States
23 Oct 08
I don't really know what to say to this, because our kids sleep with us. And we've not had any problem with our marriage so far. In fact we both love to have the kids sleep with us. I would be worried if they were alone in another room all by themselves. I guess it depends on how we are all brought up. I slept with my parents until I was a teenager and that too only because I was studying late into the night and didn't want to disturb them with the light on. Most of the time, I woke up in the morning with my book on my face . Sometimes I do think maybe my kids need a separate bed atleast because they will be all over me and I wake up in the middle of the night with backache. Those are the only times I get annoyed, but I just push them over to one side and fall asleep again... I don't even remember I got annoyed after I wake up in the morning.
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@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
24 Oct 08
Sharing your bed with your children is one of the most natural and healthy practices.
• Philippines
23 Oct 08
Its absolutely no problem in sharing ur bed with with your childrens. It never destroy marriage. Yes but sometimes when your partner feel some intimacy try to avoid childrens on your bed. Hey its absloutely fine dear.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
24 Oct 08
If it is fine for you then there is no problem but the intimacy part will take a back stage. `
@Hatley (164469)
• Garden Grove, California
24 Oct 08
zandi here in the US we just dont do that as the marital bed is for the parents and the cribs are for the kids, how can you make love if you have a bed full of todlers. they belong in their own little beds in their own little room. you can bond with your kids in your bed for a few minutes but not all night, have some common sense, your bed belongs to you and your mate. for other countries thats fine for them, but for us no thats no fine.Another thing its not a very safe thing either as either parent can roll over on a small child and crush him or her, why take that chance? let them have their own beds in their own rooms.
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