How do you deal with household finances?

@soccermom (3200)
United States
October 26, 2008 8:31am CST
Back in May my husband and I decided we were going to separate our bank accounts. I have my own checking he has his, and we both contribute to our savings, which is untouchable without the others consent. This came about because we shared a checking account, but our spending priorities differ, and I was always feeling as though he was spending money on stupid stuff that I was getting no value out of. It is working out well, we split the household bills. He has the mortgage, his credit cards and the electric bill. I have the gas bill, my car payment, the life and car insurance, my credit cards and groceries. We both agreed that our bank accounts were not each others business as long as the bills are paid. Which they have been. Here's the problem. I'm a saver. He's not. He impulse spends, and usually with credit cards. Which in this economy is driving me nuts, but it's not my bill to pay. I found out he went over limit on one of his cards, but I don't want him to know I was looking into his finances. I have made little in passing comments about how important I feel it is to not use credit, and to pay balances. He then says he agrees, but I know different. Are we the only ones who have this arrangement? Should I say something to him when I made it clear back in May that I agreed there is no need to "co mingle" funds?
2 people like this
8 responses
• United States
26 Oct 08
You made an agreement that his finances were his business you have no right now to questions how and what he does with his money. As long as the agreed upon bills are paid then that is all you should be concerned about.
1 person likes this
@soccermom (3200)
• United States
27 Oct 08
you're right. And he never says anything about what I do or don't buy. But what gets me is that we have each others names on our credit cards, so if something would happen we have access to it. I know for a fact that he is over limit on one of his cards, but I feel like I can't say anything.
@ZephyrSun (7385)
• United States
26 Oct 08
Oh soccermom your husband and my husband could be long lost brothers. My husband is the same way. We just got in an arguement because he never wants to pay the bills, we also keep seperate accounts, and so I am suppose to pay the bills out of his account. Which I have no idea what kind of money is in there. It's a nightmare. I'm a saver very frugal and he spends like the Clintons are in office lol. If he is making the payments then I guess there's really nothing you could do. I know how you feel, I get so angry over our finances and sometimes it makes me so crazy I have to vent to someone and usually start feeling better. Maybe this will make you feel better as well.
1 person likes this
@soccermom (3200)
• United States
27 Oct 08
It did make me feel better. I guess I get irritated, and it is my own doing because I always have put everyone else before myself and I expect him to do the same. I worry about the kids going to college, unexpected emergencies and stuff and it just behooves me that things like this he doesn't seem to give a thought to. I am lucky that he religiously pays his part of the bills, it's his use of credit cards that drives me nuts. I'm glad I'm not in this boat alone.
@ellie26 (4128)
• Malaysia
26 Oct 08
I have this kind of arrangement too. However, I am the one who spends as I like while my husband is more on the saver side. He never say anything about my spending. But if he did, I would be very upset, after all it is my money and I did my part in paying the bills too.
@soccermom (3200)
• United States
26 Oct 08
And that's what my problem is, I can see his side of it. I wouldn't want him telling me what I could and couldn't do. But most of my spending is on stuff we can do as a family, where as he spends all on himself. Which I know he would tell me is my problem. Thanks for your perspective as a "spender". I appreciate it!
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
26 Oct 08
One of my sons and his wife do this have different accounts but some time she has to pay the bills on line out of his or he might not pay them oops but they come out of his check. only way for them to do it I never saw anything into this hubby made the money I paid teh bills got the groceries and bought what was needed he hardly ever touched the account!
1 person likes this
@stephcjh (32328)
• United States
26 Oct 08
My husband and I always put all of our money together. I am the one who figures up and pays all of the bills though. I make sure all of the bills are paid and we buy things for ourselves out of what is left over or we try to save it to pay off other debts.
1 person likes this
@ladynetz (968)
• Canada
19 Dec 08
Agreement is an agreement. He does not question you, you don't question him.Only if you're very worried. But, he must not know you're "spying" on him. Maybe you could have a talk about the future. That maybe you should have a saving account, on both names, and each month, you both should contribute a certain amount. That might stop him from being such a big spender - realize that life is short and you need some insurance... Hope it helps.
• United States
19 Dec 08
Sounds like a good system for you. We used to do it that way when my husband and I both worked outside the home. Now that he is the main bread winner, we just pay all the bills out of one account. I do pay the bills, though. He just goes to the ATM and takes out cash when he needs it.
• United States
29 Oct 08
Wow, I can relate to this one! My husband and I also have separate bank accounts which has worked out very well. In addition to paying child support to his ex wife, I feel he overindulges his basically grown kids, something I am not happy about, so keeping separate accounts has been good. I am a money saver, my husband is not. Because he is not, I have set up up a joint money market account where we both transfer an amount out of each paycheck into this account. I set it up online to do this every Friday. That way hubby has no choice. The money goes in and is used for vacationing, Christmas gifts, emergencies, etc... My husband has a lot of credit card debt, I have almost none. I am torn on whether to help him with his debt because it seems like when I do, he turns around and charges something else! So for now, I have quit helping and I just take care of my own finances. I pay almost all the houshold bills except the water bill that he pays. He takes care of 1/2 the grocery bill. I just wish he could get his finances under control and stop the guilty parenting!