why are couples today opting to walk out of their marriages so easily ?

@Roseo8 (2947)
India
October 28, 2008 11:53pm CST
A fine marriage is like a fine wine,It improves with age.When a couple get married ,they 've made a concrete commitement with each other,not only emotionally but also legally and very often based on their religious faith also.A married couple has a much stronger motivation to retain their relationship and make it through rough times ,because they know that the alternative-divorce -is so terrible. Todays generation is making a tragic mistake,by totally missing out on what gives life to a relationship,on what makes it work.Today they no longer view marriage as a virtue ,as something worth sacrificing and letting go of themselves for.It is as if they are afraid to commit,and want to jump out of it at the first opportunity.They are thus sadly missing out of thier relationship and of the beauty of life as well....
7 people like this
28 responses
@dpk262006 (56217)
• Delhi, India
29 Oct 08
Yes, you are quite right in your assessment. I totally buy your arguments. Many couples do not understand the real meaning of sacrifice and putting aside one's ego. When ego comes between a couple, problems in the married life start erupting, they forget about the sanctity and sacredness of a married relationship. Once either of the partner starts behaving as a boss over the other and starts expecting that the other partner should obey all his/her commands, then the problems starts brewing. Those who have spent 20-25 years of married life together can well realise about its virtues and can feel the emotions of having attached to their respective partners. When the children grow up and start staying independenty may be due to job etc., then the importance of the other partner becomes all the more important. An excellent post!!
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (56217)
• Delhi, India
29 Oct 08
I also wish the same!!
1 person likes this
@cupid74 (11394)
• Pakistan
29 Oct 08
Hi Rose08 intresting topic Life style is changing Thinking style is changing Patterns of life are changing First it was Joint Family Then Nuclear family system was encouraged as they dont want old parents and sibling to interfere their privacy and now they want to be independent, life is thrill for them, thet are so much intellegent that they can decide for themselves, relation, values have no values. opps, i think i am getting serious Byeeee
2 people like this
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
29 Oct 08
First of all cupid marriage is not a joke and you have to be serious when you think /talk of it....... Yes you do have some valid points here regarding relationships and marriage.Old values and family bond are being scorned at by todays generation.They tend to be materialistic and self centered and have no time for family or relationships.Marriage is a contract they get into and soon end it when they get bored because they value thie independence more.I wonder where this world ifs getting to...sigh..
1 person likes this
@cupid74 (11394)
• Pakistan
30 Oct 08
i know thats why i was serious and to avoid getting more serious, i just cut it off And we are getting western, liberal, So we are going towards Modernization
1 person likes this
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
30 Oct 08
Hi Cupid,aping the west and opting for liberalization is ok to a certain extent.But does cutting off the very roots of the tree one is sitting on bring liberalization? Cant they realize they will ultimately fall down in the dumps?
• United States
30 Oct 08
Sadly, people are divorcing all of the time, and there are many reasons why marriages end. Some of them do not work out, and some of them should have never been. Take my niece for example: She got pregnant by her ex-husband and she was forced to marry him. They may have loved each other at one time, but after she gave birth to her son, he could not stand her and so he just left. Another example: My cousin who is in an arranged marriage. The woman he married is miserable, but does he see it, he will not until have she has her nursing degree and she has her citizenship. I hate to say it, but divorce happens because bad marriages happen.
2 people like this
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
18 Nov 08
Yes its a sad state of affairs rogue.....I guess if people enter into marriage with right intention and with proper understanding,then they will not fail .....
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Nov 08
Honestly, marriage should be for love. People should be together for at least two years before getting married, they should take a class on how to be married before getting married, an economic class, and everyone should take blood test (so as to make sure that the person that you are in love with is not a sibling or a cousin). I know that some of you may not like my ideas, but there really should be stricter laws on marriages, so that divorces can be prevented.
@Sreekala (23379)
• India
30 Oct 08
Hi Rose, I agree with you. Now the divorce cases are increased tremendously. Younger generation is not much bothered about the same. They want freedom, they want equality and they want to win and at the same time they failed to understand each other, they forget to love each other, they forget to listen their inner voice instead they listened to others and valuing their words and much depends on them and the worst part is, 'they' are not their well wishers. Earlier Marriage was treated as a sacrifice, commitment between two persons. Husband got the position equal to GOD. Wives are meant for doing the household works and look after the kids. But things get changed much now. Women started works in all fields. So Men and women are arguing for equality. In the meantime they forgot to live for themselves. Despite the equality, women much depend on her ancestral family. If a small problem arises she tries to inform her family and when family interprets it will be a big problem and ended up with divorce. The problem could have ended up between the two persons, when it handed over to family members things will lost from their hands. I think both person should ready to do some adjustments they won't face any problem. Problems will be everybody's life and those who know how to handle the situation will always win. Thank you for putting the excellent discussion!
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
31 Oct 08
Hi sree thanks for your beautiful response.If more and more people took time to pause and analyse their marriage once in while,they will be able to make a success of it,there is no doubt about it...Yes there is too much talk of equality of sexes and all that but people get misconceived notions about it and do not stop to analyse and act rationally.This results in misunderstandings and heart aches and people tend to run away from their marriage at the slightest pretest......If couple tend to act in a practical manner,I am sure they will find more happiness....
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
30 Oct 08
I have no idea. I guess they figure that it is easier to break up then to work things out. The trouble is that it is just as hard to find someone new, or herder because you have to find someone who is not like your ex spouse. And that new spouse does not trust you especially if the reason you broke out is that you did not try hard enough. I do not know about improving with age, but I do know that it is so much easy to stay together then to get a divorce.
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
31 Oct 08
why dont you try out about knowing whether marriage improves with age?...Good luck.....
• United States
30 Oct 08
The human of this world does one thing over and over.(make mistakes) That is right depending on your faith too. If you were not saved and you pick the wrong person. You should do what God commands and find a Godly person. If you are not religios, why would you stay with somebody that you do not love, speacialy if you do not love them. I think you have the right to be happy.
2 people like this
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
31 Oct 08
Yes Friend,I agree
@seabeauty (1480)
• United States
30 Oct 08
My soon to be ex husband and I did try to work out our marital differences but we are just two different people. Two people who got married too quickly. Then he wound up cheating on me. He wanted out of the marriage to be with this woman so it was his choice to file. We were together longer than most famous couples though so the decision to get a divorce was not made in haste.
2 people like this
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
31 Oct 08
its sad seabeauty,but you had no other choice...
@ronnyb (6120)
• Jamaica
29 Oct 08
I think the institution of marriage has lost its appeal. This is as a result of several reasons .Notable among these are the relative ease into which people enter into these arrangement,the ease at which annullment can be obtained and the fact that many people are unprepared . The fact that a marriage is available just about anywhere even Los Vegas and anyone can be a pastor .You may enter las vegas to have an hedonistic pursuit and leave married is a travesty against this noble institution.In addition getting a marriage license is as easy as going online and doing a course - a certificate is mailed to you a couple weeks later further exacerbates the problem.So what we have are people getting ready access to marriage without the trappings of the traditional marriage setting the flowers,the cake friends and families,the organist.This may be good for people who are really interested in this institution and cannot afford it but for others it trivializes the process and creates persons who take the institution for granted Just as easy as two people can be married, they can similarly be divorced with relative urgency .A popular song once said "its as easy as a mexican divorce" .Once again this serves to destabilize the process and encourage separation without actually trying to redeem the marriage.It is my belief that if a divorce wasn't so easily obtained persons would be more inclined to try and save their marriages .I know this may sound draconian but even implement a penalty for marriages annulled before a certain time would serve to reduce the attrition in modern day marriages Modern movies and Hollywood creates the impression that marriages are just butterflies in the stomach and meeting your soulmate and forever happily after.Very few however, convey the idea that marriage involves hard work and constant effort .So many people enter into marriage thinking this will be a breeze,so when they encounter problems they are unprepared for it. Another factor which increase the chances of failure are the absence of the support structures for the "instant marriages" as I mentioned above. Finally and how could I forget,person who enter into marriage for the wrong reason - money or satus are bound to find the union unbearable and are likely to separate.Movie stars are often the major culprits of this kind of behaviour, they marry someone for wit a view to improving their status and line their pocket only to separate later So people, without being preachy, guard against trivializing the institution of marriage by entering into it with a commitment and a seriousness to staying together and you will do just great
2 people like this
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
31 Oct 08
Yes its a sad state of affairs you have picturised ,friend.......And I hope at least a few people will benefit from your tips....
@kiran8 (15354)
• Mangalore, India
29 Oct 08
In my opinion, there are very few happy marriages, where the couple are happy and comfortable with each other.Staying together for a long time doesn't mean that the marriage is successful.Many a times it is a compromise , for a variety of reasons.Here in most cases it is the woman who suffers the most, especially if she is financially dependent on the husband. When you see the modern day generations, they are more independent and there is bound to be some assertiveness which might spoil the relationship.But it is difficult to say whether this good or bad..
2 people like this
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
31 Oct 08
thanks for your comments ,kiran
• Philippines
29 Oct 08
hi. They opt to walk out of their marriages because they have not really planned for it. They decided while they are walking on the clouds so happily and passionately in love, looking only the joy of having a partner. They have not thought of what will happen when problems or struggles by reason of the marriage or some other factors may arise. They have focused on one side of the relationship only. It is awful for people to choose divorce as the best and first option because they finally gave up the relationship without even trying their best. They hurt each other as well as the children if they were already born. It is indeed selfish for parents to do it without thinking of the welfare of the children. It is the children that suffer much because their parents have not made wise and concrete decisions when they got married. And broken families is the spawning ground of greater social problems.
2 people like this
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
31 Oct 08
Hi prince I agree with you fully.I hope others too will read your comments and get some positive energy from it.....
@paid2write (5202)
29 Oct 08
I agree with all you say and the responses so far. We have all seen those big celebrity weddings, and just a few years later the same couple announce they are splitting. I think it goes back to the old Hollywood days when most of the big stars were married several times, and it continues today when even lesser celebrities marry more than once. I don't mean that marriages should not end when they break down, but divorce should be the last resort, after every effort has been made try and sort out the difficulties. I was married many years ago, and sadly it ended after nine years. I did try to stay, but I had good reasons to leave.
2 people like this
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
29 Oct 08
hello paid,thanks for sharing your views.Yes its true divorce should be considered the last resort.There are some marriages which are not destined to work out and I am really sorry about yours.But what I am trying to say is about todays youngsters who marry and then jump out of it in a jiffy.....
• Qatar
29 Oct 08
In many societies marriage links not just nuclear families but larger social formations as well. Marriage often arranged by families through the services of match maker. some culture practice trial marriage, the couple lives together before deciding whether they should marry. Todays generations, they not totally plan for it thats why when problem occur in their married life they seem to break down without a talk; and mostly, kids suffered a lot. Happy mylotting
2 people like this
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
29 Oct 08
hi grace ,thanks for sharing your comments.Its true that most people marry today wihtout understnding its true implications and thats why they are ready to end it at the slightest pretest......
• Philippines
29 Oct 08
because life has become fast-paced that people nowadays dwell more on what is instant and by this, they have been psychologically altered without them knowing it. They hate waiting, they hate repetition, they hate redunduncy, they hate commitments, they hate the feeling of being enchained and burdened. All these things kills what is essential in a relationship and they think everything including commitment is something they can turn away from easily because in this modern world they believe there are always better options AND THEY ARE EASIER.
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
30 Oct 08
yes Lady cayote you have some very valid points here and appreciate your sharing.I hope these people will soon ralise wht they are losing out on and amend their ways.....
@subha12 (18453)
• India
29 Oct 08
it may be they are not giving the relationship another try at all. they think its better to leave the relationship.i have seen in earlie rtimes it was not like this. people were more patients
2 people like this
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
29 Oct 08
Hello Subha,yes you are right.Earlier people went out of thir way to make thir marriage work.but today people ahve no patince for anything and always messing up thier relationships for silly reasons.....
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13736)
• Philippines
29 Oct 08
There are so many factors why marriages break so easily... and media is one factor... people see a lot of celebrity marriages break up easily even only afte days of being married... and some couples... especially the young ones tend to immitate this... My husband and i have problems... that could escalate to sometime me wanting to get out of the marriage... but we are always able to solve the problem... and being away from each other really helps...
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
10 Dec 08
Oh Rose! We are all seasoned women with 26 yrs [in your case and 30 in mine] of marriage behind us. I am sure we all had our rough patches but we believed in this concept of marriage forever and our upbringing is largely responsible for it. I grew up on a diet of allowing the man to be the superior in the family and that women ought to keep quiet and be patient without arguing as equals. [Not that it is easy and that I have abided by this rule totally in my married life though broadly I give in a lot when the going is tough in order to preserve peace]. This level of tolerance was to a greater percent exhibited by the woman of old times and another advantage is that women of old times set their expectations low. When the expectations were high still they would continue in an unpleasant marriage for so many reasons [society, financial dependence etc] By and large, there were patience, tolerance and low expectations from both partners. Today, expectations are higher, tolerance is lower, girls have financial independence and are [in many cases] fed on a diet of’ “see if things work out or else you can always split up and take care of yourself’. [They are financially independent and are encouraged to be less tolerant] Most children are from nuclear families and their level of tolerance is on the wane, Boys and girls do have greater expectations than in our days and are not willing to give it a long rope. This is the reason. Incidentally, thanks for the message! Even without knowing your identity, I seem to have been responding to your other discussions. In which place are you? I am in Mumbai and my mother tongue is Tamil
1 person likes this
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
10 Dec 08
Hi Kalav..thanks for this great comment....You have hit the nail on the head,and pointed out exactly the reasons bugging marriages today,especially so in our country.I must admit women in the olden days were a wee bit too tolerant,and the girls of today are taught to be finacially independent,but also to be head strong,and to enter marriage as a testing ground.They are given green signal to step out at the slighest sign of discord or incompatiblity,and this isn one reason marriages break just as soon as they are made. I am from Kerala and will PM you my details......Happy mylotting to you..........kalav
@youless (92271)
• Guangzhou, China
10 Dec 08
There are many reasons to it. First, today the women have independent status. They have their careers and they don't have to depend on husbands only. This is why they can have the choice to be divorced. Second, today people don't pay attention to the marriage seriously. Love is a selfish thing. You can't share it with others. When they love another, then the marriage is ended. I love China
1 person likes this
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
10 Dec 08
Hi youless.......You are right,women no longer have to stay married,if they are unhappy and easily walk out of it,whenever they want.But now a days ,most people are not patient enough to try to make their marriage work ,and walk out at the first instance.And it is the children who are left without love and become victims of broken homes........
@ejohn82 (155)
• India
9 Dec 08
Marriage is a bond which shouldn't be broken so easily. It is not something which you can letgo the moment you find things not going your way . You need to make several compromises, adjustments and sacrifices. You need to be accomadative. Movies and serials show people getting married 3-4 times, people watching them get influenced by them. Marriage loses its sanctity, its pureness. Every marriage has its ups and downs. Its how you deal with them that matters. We find people opting for divorce at the drop of the hat even for flimsy reasons.
1 person likes this
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
10 Dec 08
Thnaks for sharing your views,ejohn.And happy mylotting to you........
@Ithink (10673)
• United States
30 Oct 08
There are different reasons for different couples. I think part is unrealistic thoughts, like; we are in love so nothing else matters, this will be easy as all that matters is that we love each other. Anyone that is truthful will admit marriage can and does take work at times, just like any other part of life. I think that when you are younger most just think love will carry you thru the hard times. I admit the love helps but there is lots more to it. I agree if you hold on and fight for it when things get bad, you can have one the most wonderful, fullfilling, dynamic relationship! It is awesome how things can come together later if you only fight for what you really want. Im so glad that with all we have been thru we kept it together. Going strong after 26 years together, married 24.
• China
30 Oct 08
people become more and more selfish, irreponsible,lonely.They walk into the marriages easily as they are lonely not having prepared well enough for accepting another's drawback or facing the rough time together. they care each other little as they are selfish,they walk out of their marriages so easily as they are irreponsible.it's just so.
1 person likes this
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
31 Oct 08
Yes I agree peteryu that one should be prpared and ready to make the marriage work before entering into a commitment...