Some of us get easily discouraged.

@alokn99 (5717)
India
October 30, 2008 2:55pm CST
What advice would you give someone who is a good friend or family member who is easily inclined to become discouraged,despondent or even sceptical at a few disappointments or failures ?
5 people like this
5 responses
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
31 Oct 08
Alok The ability to withstand failures and disappointments vary from person to person. I am not in a position to give advice for most definitely I need some. However, I am good with the theoretical part of it. Laugh, smile, chuckle, giggle even cackle as much as you can even when your are upset. That helps. Follow your heart. Once in a while indulge in pampering yourself with a good pedicure, manicure or a foot massage. Eat chocolates, hot dogs, junkies and all alluring stuffs that you are not supposed to have. Devote more time to people who matter. Spend quality time with your family, with friend with parents, kids. Eliminate people with whom you do not gel with and who do not exude a nice , happy feeling. Revive good old memories. Once in a week make sure to talk to someone who had once been very close to you. Like old friends, teacher, relatives with whom you hardly get time to talk to but still have the inclination. Let go, forgive, forget, move on. This is very helpful. Do not be perturbed by what others have to think about you. When someone says that you are a bad person it doesn't really make you bad, isn't it? You must not be slaves to others thoughts. People have their choices and priorities and you have yours. So, ignore and just let go. Expect less from others. A lot of unhappiness occurs when we do not get in return what we expect. When you buy a gift for someone, make sure you do it just out of the love and not presuming the return. So, do something for someone only when your heart wants to and not out of compulsion. Initially it would be difficult but gradually people will love you for that. Increase your self esteem. No one is perfect; learn to live with your physical shortcomings, which you cannot change. Instead of nagging over a crooked nose try to live with it. Instead highlight how beautiful your eyes are! Trust me, you will feel better. Follow your heart. Once in a while indulge in pampering yourself with a good pedicure, manicure or a foot massage. Eat chocolates, hot dogs, junkies and all alluring stuffs that you are not supposed to have. Devote more time to people who matter. Spend quality time with your family, with friend with parents, kids. Eliminate people with whom you do not gel with and who do not exude a nice , happy feeling. Revive good old memories. Once in a week make sure to talk to someone who had once been very close to you. Like old friends, teacher, relatives with whom you hardly get time to talk to but still have the inclination. Always remember that life is but full f imperfections, disappointments and we have to live with all of it. smiles for you always...
1 person likes this
@alokn99 (5717)
• India
31 Oct 08
Mimpi, If a person needs encouragement , he most certainly will change his attitude after reading this fantastic response. The best way to encourage a person is to tell them to do the things they like the way they like, because that gets them to have a positive attitude. With the change in attitude there is no hesitation in trying again again. For success will come. It does vary from one person to another and what better advice to give you then to make you read your words and remind you once in a way to follow them. Actually i'm sure you follow these becuase a lot of theory in this matter comes in from our own experiences. Thanks for this
2 people like this
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
31 Oct 08
Thanks alok but I found myself being preachy there and James would agree but that's was autobiographical in the sense I have been there and happened to feel better after practising those.
2 people like this
@James72 (26829)
• Australia
31 Oct 08
It's only being preachy mimpi if you were to choose to share all of your points in a directly related manner. They are all 100% valid but to share them effectively with a person feeling down they need to be humanized as much as possible otherwise they will just be blocked out by the person on the receiving end.
1 person likes this
@balasri (26554)
• India
31 Oct 08
I just ask them to look at my life.I am not filthy rich .But I have no debts.I have my own house,car,and a decent bank balance.I had my ups and downs in my life worse than the raids.But I remain the happy go lucky guy in my family.I always knew my strength and I never gave up trying believing in God that my potential will be rewarded.It has happened.So if a person make himself worthy of something and strive for it without getting tired it will happen one day.
1 person likes this
@alokn99 (5717)
• India
1 Nov 08
You are a great example Bala. No doubts. What better way then to keep striving with an excellent real life example in mind. Thanks
2 people like this
@balasri (26554)
• India
1 Nov 08
Thanks a lot Alok.
@alokn99 (5717)
• India
1 Nov 08
1 person likes this
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
2 Nov 08
There's this song I like and I usually listen to it when I'm discouraged and despondent myself. It's called Float On by Modest Mouse. "Don't worry even if things end up a bit too heavy, we'll all float on... good news is on the way." My friends and family have seen me at my lowest points in life. I have lost hope and desire for a while but with their support and encouragement, I managed to get through it and now I feel like I'm a much better person. I don't think I can really give them advice. All I can do is let them know that they are not alone in the world and I am there for them as they were there for me. I can tell them that I made it out because of them and now I want to do the same for them.
1 person likes this
@alokn99 (5717)
• India
3 Nov 08
Kind words, and letting them know that they are not alone certainly does help. And thanks for sharing those meaningful lyrics of the song.
1 person likes this
@anonymili (3138)
31 Oct 08
I had a friend years ago who for several years was unable to get a job - she was very negative in her approach to job-hunting and would always say "look at me, I'm fat and ugly, why would anyone give me a job!" One day I got so annoyed with this constant self pity that I turned around and said to her "Of course you're fat and ugly and that's what an employer is seeing if you're going along to every interview with that feeling in your head! Don't be such a martyr! Go to your next interview feeling confident about yourself and thinking "I know I can do this job, now I just have to prove it to this interviewer!" and you might see a difference." She was stunned by my bluntness but guess what? She changed her attittude and got the very next job she went for and was there for years and moved up the ranks to a senior position. That was probably quite an over the top example of getting someone to change their attitude. In general I am approach people much more gently now and would use similar tactics but in a softer way. If the soft approach doesn't work, I would rever to short sharp shocks! Mind you, I would only do this with people I am close to. It's not appropriate for casual acquaintances...
1 person likes this
@alokn99 (5717)
• India
1 Nov 08
The change of attitude is the thing to bring about. Sometimes it works in a subtle way and sometimes a sort of shock therapy and being blunt helps. Thanks for sharing this experience. It was very useful
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@James72 (26829)
• Australia
31 Oct 08
We have all fallen victim to these thoughts at one stage or another in our lives and the fact of the matter is that in an absolute majority of cases we end up looking back on these circumstances in due course and wonder what the fuss was all about. When it comes to dealing with a friend or family member that is despondent I personally don't feel that advice will work at all. Advice will be seen as somewhat preachy and will not be absorbed by them well at all. Think about the times when you are in a similar situation yourself? The last thing you want is for someone to start telling you how it's all going to be fine and blah, blah, blah. This is just counter productive. The approach taken with people that feel this way has to be entirely subliminal in nature and actually quite cunning. Their attitudes can only be changed if we are able to manipulate their minds into areas of thought that do not incorporate the situation at hand much at all. We can steer them towards positive memories, uplifting stories and humour for example; which in turn will work towards lifting the cloud of negativity they have surrounded themselves with. The key is to keep them preoccupied and it is only then that we can start to sneakily slip in the "advice" we wish to give. But it does have to be masked as much as possible. We know from our own experiences in life that time heals all wounds but we have to carry them through the initial stages so that time can do just that. If we move straight to empahetic and sympathetic tones with people like this then we have a very strong chance of being immediately shut out and their barriers will rise very, very quickly. We KNOW that experiencing lows helps us appreciate the highs; we KNOW that in time things will get better; we KNOW that every cloud has a silver lining..... And deep down they know it too. We just have to carry them through the darkness so these things can slowly beging to prove themselves.
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
31 Oct 08
This was certainly not preachy! I always knew you are a good counselor and trust me you are a great team leader as well. All I can say is the happiness is sweeter because of the sadness that we experience before that. Or else happiness or success would have been as good or as and as failures or bitterness in life. Thanks.
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@James72 (26829)
• Australia
31 Oct 08
I am glad that my comments weren't seen as preachy mimpi. To term a cliche; we are far more potential than we are actuality! Sometimes people lose sight of this though so we need to carry them back to this mindset. Whatever doesn't kill us only makes us stroner..... etc, etc. Now both these terms drilled into someone varbatim is definitely being preachy; but we can still get these messages across subliminally without being so specific.
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
31 Oct 08
Sometimes being preachy is good and when it comes from you its so subtle that the message becomes more prominent than the preacher and that's what's more important. You are much beyond your apparent worth James.
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