Parenting a girl child, turned stubborn

India
October 31, 2008 12:02pm CST
I have a child of three and a half she is cute but now getting stubborn. Actually I believe in teaching through love. I never get angry on her, never scold her and always try to explain things. But now a days she is getting stubborn, every time we ask her some thing to do she denies, she dosent listens to what we tell her not to do and above all she did not wanted to go school today. What do you people think. How should we parent her?
2 people like this
10 responses
• United States
31 Oct 08
Just wait until she hits puberty. I know I was a big pain in the butt in my teens. I was always talking back, cussing, disappeared for 1-3 days at a time, and even got pregnant(oops). But, maybe you should try to express feelings of anger when she does something wrong. Right now she thinks it's okay to act like that because you're acting the same as always.
1 person likes this
@emarie (5451)
• United States
31 Oct 08
i don't have anything wrong with teach with love, but you have to make yourself the authority. you may not need to get mad, but you do need to stand your ground at least. me and my husband do get angry at my kids, but my husband it a lot more intimidating then i am and they listen to him more. she's probably just going through her testing phase seeing if she can get you to budge. just stand your ground and she'll eventually learn.
• India
31 Oct 08
Seems good Idea, I will try to take stand. I am afraid she should not feel dipressed as she gets hurt too fast also.
• United States
31 Oct 08
In my opinion, you have to start first off by letting your child know who is the PARENT and who is the CHILD. Because right now it seems that your child thinks that she can do whatever she likes. Children nowadays learn very fast at a young age, and i am sure that once and when you put your foot down she will know the proper way to react when Mommy or daddy tells her do do something, or to stop doing something. All of this can be done without you yelling at her or seem like the most meanest person in her eyes. Its just that she seems more stubborn to you now, because she has been getting away with her actions for so long, she is use to acting a certain way.
• India
31 Oct 08
I agree, But most of the times when she gets too much we feel hurt.
• United States
2 Nov 08
Is this the first year she is in school? Is it a daycare or preschool? She is at an age where she is going to start testing to see if she gets her own way. I know it is hard but she has to listen to you, she could hurt herself if she doesn't. If this is her first year at school she could be learning it from the other children. When she didn't want to go to school did you ask her why not. I have found that when my little one doesn't want to go there is a reason. I would talk to the teacher and see if anything is going on at school. Also check what she is eating. I found that with mine if she got to much sugar or presevitives she would not listen like normal or she would get really hateful. It took awhile but I figured it out. If she continues maybe take away a show she likes to watch and explain why she doesn't get to watch it. She might be upset at first and I know it is hard when they are upset, but she is only three and she will get over it fast. I don't like it when my little girl is upset. I only had to do this once or twice. She still will occasionally say in a minute when I ask her to do something. This is partly my fault because when she asks for something I will say in a minute. They learn from us and there little minds are like sponges. Good luck, just keep trying she will learn.
• India
1 Nov 08
She is so young to be stubborn. She is just understanding the world and you are doing good work my making her to understand by love. But I am sure she is also looking for some favour from her parents ever time she need. so this should be the right time to deny it for sometime just because she was stubborn earlier.She will understand what you felt when she was stubborn . this is the best way to teacha child good manners. Should understand others feeling also. I am sure she will pick up.
@SViswan (12071)
• India
1 Nov 08
You have to be firm and ignore her tantrums (even when it breaks your heart). If you let her know that her stubborness will get her way, then she's going to take advantage of it. Being a parent of two boys and a kindergarten teacher of 19 students (most of them boys), I know that it's hard....but you have to be FIRM. Please note I said firm...and that does not mean yelling, shouting or hitting. A time out as punishment is fine even when she's crying or throwing a tantrum. Ignore it. Soon she will realize that being stubborn doesn't work in her favour. When she refuses to go to school....and cajoling doesn't work, then let her stay home (missing one day will not make a difference in kindergarten). But make sure it's not going to be fun at home. You go about your daily chores and keep her toys away. In the evening, you can find a suitable time to explain to her why it's more fun to go to school than stay home with you because you have work to do (just as her work is to go to school and learn and have fun)
@Hatley (164450)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Nov 08
hi soniyapriyank she is still in the terrible twos but by four she will be less stubborn so love her and tell her no when you have to and explain what you can but sometimes you have to be firm a nd cannot explain every thing.So you need to start a short time out when she misbehaves on things she wont understand yet but still with love and explaining.you are the mom, she is the child ,make her realize that and you will be fine.
• United States
31 Oct 08
I hope it is ok to recommend books here. I checked back to the guidelines and did not see anything against it as long as I do not profit from it. So here goes: The book I am recommending is called 1-2-3 Magic:Effective Discipline for Children 2-12. The author is Thomas W. Phelan. I picked up my copy on either Amazon or eBay, I don't remember which. The book deals with how to get your child to stop doing something and then how to get your child to do something. I was having some similar problems with my then 7 year old daughter. At the age of 3 you would only need to concern yourself with the first half of the book. The second part is mostly for older children. The book tells you how to use time-outs to change behavior. There is no yelling, screaming, discussion, spanking or anything else you may find to be objectionable. After the first few days, all I had to do was start counting and my daughter would do whatever she was asked or stop doing whatever she was told not to do. It also explains about every possible situation you may encounter such as what to do if your child refuses to comply with a time-out. It's been about a year since I started using this system and I have had very little trouble with my daughter's behavior. I will still use the counting if needed, but only do it once or twice a month now. Best of luck to you.
@mienkoos (95)
• Netherlands
31 Oct 08
It's very good you teach her with love. But parenting with love doesn't always mean you explain things. Think about how much your girl understands at this age. You can not explain her everything and some things she just needs to do without explanation. The being stubborn is also a way of trying to understand the relationships between you parents and her. As a baby completely depended on you, now she can do things on her own and is trying to find her own limits. You should set these limits (without going into discussion) because that's the thing she needs to learn right now (and is asking from you by being stubborn). It's completely normal that a child of this age is getting stubborn and a lot of parents feel they can not control and reason with their child anymore. But it is a fase every child goes through.
@ShellyB (5244)
• United States
31 Oct 08
Wow, school at 3? I think she is in the age of learning to say no, and you have to be on the age of letting her know why and the consequences of saying no sometimes. Just remember the terrible twos, they do not end on two. It is quite common. and well, a lot can be learn by your little girl and you. Good luck.