Hard to say "No"

@annierose (18195)
Philippines
November 1, 2008 11:05pm CST
We all know how it is being a student. The school or the university gives us a lot of chance to know different personalities and to meet friends which is of different kinds.In our studies, for sure some of us wants to belong to a group to feel the idea of belongingness and security. Knowing that there are certain people or group of people we can run to whenever we need help of something makes us feel confident.Because of this some tends to agree with what the majority of the group wants just for them not to be out of place even if sometimes, the situation does not favor you much. This situation occurs not only on a group but along with your classmates also.Was there a time that your friend in the class is asking you to give him an answer on item no.1 of the examination? And then, after giving him an answer, he again asks you for the answer on the next item on the test? Because of friendship's sake, you cannot do anything but to give him an answer. You do this in order for your friend not ho think of you as a selfish one. Have you experienced those things when you are or when you were at school or university? Have you ever tried to say "No" with those close friends, classmates and acquaintances of yours?
13 responses
@miketagz (8832)
• Philippines
2 Nov 08
If someone would invite a friend to go somewhere, its possibly hard to decide answering "no". I have an example, my friend request me to invite at their house to do some favor, and it says "would you help to finish the program code?" its so quite complicated to do that favor, and also I'm busy to do making a program, so I decide to prioritize myself than the others. Its not bad to help my friends but its only a matter of time. However, some friends would be abusing me, that's too bad (Im not a selfish but I want a friend who are honest, and trustworthy)
@annierose (18195)
• Philippines
2 Nov 08
I get your point. It also happened to me that my friend requested to help her with her works in school but I also have important things to do. If a person is really a friend of yours then that person will not be angry if such circumstances happen but instead that person will understand you.
@miketagz (8832)
• Philippines
2 Nov 08
Yeah i agree that my friend. :D
@annierose (18195)
• Philippines
2 Nov 08
It is a nice feeling when you can talk to someone here in mylot even you don't know each other but you understands each. Thanks for the comment.
@phyrethyme (1267)
• Philippines
2 Nov 08
This never happened to me during high school because I had good friends and a good environment. But in college, there was a time when my friend was asking me for answers.. It wasn't difficult for me to refuse because I got used to a "clean" environment before entering college. I have to admit, in my high school, we were trained to be honest and all with everything we do. College was culture shock for me but it didn't intimidate me.. So there, it isn't hard for me to say no. Maybe because I don't have much close friends in the university too.
1 person likes this
@annierose (18195)
• Philippines
2 Nov 08
This is so good. If every student will be just like you, then there will be honesty always.Practicing independence especially during examination is a good start for a person to have a believe in her or his own self.
• Philippines
2 Nov 08
I am like this because of the confinement I was in during high school.. The school I was in was strict and religious and all. I know people who are like me, too. :)
@annierose (18195)
• Philippines
2 Nov 08
That is great. Yes , I agree with you. Schools which are under the supervision of a priest or nuns are quite strict in giving disciplines with their students.
@hiddenwing (3721)
• China
2 Nov 08
Yeah, I experienced the thing. For my friend's sake, I found it difficult to refuse. However, this really annoyed me. They should be more self-policing, didn't they?
@annierose (18195)
• Philippines
2 Nov 08
Yes. you are lucky because you are more mature than your friend. I think you should give your friend a bit of advice with that behavior.
• China
2 Nov 08
In my opion, Every school, colleage, university may have many underachievers. They do not like studing for many reasons: Some have good family background,some do not like to go all out even come from indigent village etc. For general tests, we should definitely say "No" to them , it will destroy their colleage dream.We can explain to them clearly and help them catch up missed lesson. For most important examination, just like university entrance examination. If we have enough time or have confidence in high marks, its ok to help our friends to pass the examination, or he(she)will bear next whole year to challenge again. Most important he(she) will thanks for you for whole life if they succeed.
1 person likes this
@annierose (18195)
• Philippines
2 Nov 08
You have a very good point. Helping your friends while he or she is studying is better than allowing him or her to cheat. Saying No is not bad, in fact it is good because you are just directing your friend in the right path.
• Philippines
2 Nov 08
In exams, never shall I give my answer even if he is my best friend. Who knows, my answer could also be wrong. In high school, my classmates behind me often peek with each other and even on my paper. I think they are desperate to pass. I just let them but I know they are the ones who would suffer college life since rules are pretty much strict when it comes to dishonesty. Its not selfishness for me, and why would they be angry about it if you know they are the ones doing wrong.
1 person likes this
@annierose (18195)
• Philippines
2 Nov 08
Thanks for you response. I agree with you but so far, if students have same thinking with you, then it is good. Unfortunately, people have different views in life and sad to say some students just depends on cheating just to pass the exam.
• United States
2 Nov 08
Absolutely I would say no. You're not in high school anymore. In college, it's time to grow up and be an adult on your own. In the workplace, your "friend" won't have anyone to get the answers from. He or she will have to handle it themselves. You aren't doing them any favors by helping them cheat. It is time for them to grow up and get the grade they deserve. If they fail the exam it is because they didn't prepare. Just like in life. It may be tough, but it's a learning experience for them.
1 person likes this
@annierose (18195)
• Philippines
2 Nov 08
Yes, it is absolutely true. Based on my experience the toughest job of all is the most rewarding. One cannot say fully that he learn from school if he practices cheating. One must learn how to work on having good grades by himself and not by the knowledge of other people.
@ladysakurax (1163)
• Canada
2 Nov 08
Well I just think that at the point of going to college or university, it's getting silly to cheat. It hapenned to me when I was in college that a classmate was cheating. She asked me an answer from math exam. It scared the crap out of me because if we would be caught, not only she would be in trouble but I would also be in trouble. But seriously, i didn't care much. If she wanted to copy my whole exam, I wouldn't care. Because if she does, soon or later she will be stuck in a higher level. I mean how can u go on on the next level if you don't understand the basic stuff. If that person was a real friend, I would not let her copy. I'd rather help her studying and help her if she needs to retake the class. So when your friend of yours will get a job, he/she won't be able to work since the material taught was not understood. Anyway, at university level, it's just impossible to cheat. When it's the final exam, there's like 20 walking in the room to check if your cheating or not. I wonder how your friend will success.
1 person likes this
@annierose (18195)
• Philippines
2 Nov 08
Thanks for a wonderful response. I agree with you that if someone is true to his or her friend he or she wouldn't allow the latter to do cheating. Instead he or she will help his or her friend how to avoid it by seriously studying. For sure, it will bring a good result on both of you.
@romfreak (40)
• United States
2 Nov 08
decision eh? seriously that's one big flaw in friendship,when your friends ask you for something wrong and you can't say no.Basically your view doesn't match their own and they mark you selfish
@annierose (18195)
• Philippines
2 Nov 08
Yes, I agree. That is why "communication" is one big factor in friendship. For friendship to last there must always be open communication between you and him or her and understanding should always be there.
• United States
2 Nov 08
The main problem is that for them it isn't wrong,if I ask someone they'll say that they are not your true friend but I know they are my friend,all they need to do is to change their thinking
@pryce_mbg (716)
• Philippines
2 Nov 08
honestly, i never say no whenever my friend or even just a classmates ask me of those things specially when i know that i have an answer and i can help them. yes, it is true that it is very hard specially for me to say no to them. most of the time, this thing is really my dilemma. i had this experience when we had our final examination just this semester. my friend (older than me) sat beside me because she reason out that she just like to. during the exam, she ask me for a clue in one of the questions. i gave her the answer because i know that she knows that i know the answer! i don't want to be selfish and don't like her to label me so and that is why i helped her. then again, she ask another question and many more..i really felt sad because she even got a higher score after checking the paper. as for me, id still continue helping others and try not to be selfish but i think i should change something in myself.
@annierose (18195)
• Philippines
3 Nov 08
Sometimes when we feel something is wrong within our self, we must reflect for a while and if we need to change, then it must a step we must do to be a better individual. Helping others is a good thing but if helping others will just bring bad result then I think something is wrong with that. Allowing someone to depend on you always will not be good to both of you.
@ronnyb (6119)
• Jamaica
3 Nov 08
Its never easy to say no to someone you care about however saying no will be something you will have to learn as hard as it may be This is so for two reasons,one there are many people who will play upon your kindness and always ask you to do favours for them ,oftentimes asking you to extend yourself beyond what is humanely possible.Also these people normally have no conscience and even when you help them out for ninety eight times the minute you are unable to help them thats the time they critisize you and say you are never there for them. The other situation in which you should learn to say no is when it clashes with you moral convictions as was the case when you were you were asked to cheat in an exam and repeatedly so.This is also a feauture of persons who have no conscience ,they usually have no moral character as well. Learn to say no,it might hurt others but it will prevent you from over-exerting yourself or loosing your moral compass.
• Australia
2 Nov 08
It is hard to reject whatever your close friends ask of you but in university, rules are stricter, and subjects you're learning are at a higher level. It is best you know your material while in uni before your last year is up and you have to go into society and find real work. To help your friend, don't help him cheat and make sure he knows that it's not about being selfish. For me I don't have this problem as my friend is doing a different course and my other friend's in a different uni. Other than that i don't have any new friends in the school.
• Vietnam
2 Nov 08
then you really have a problem or is quite difficult and also has an answer for exactly this issue because to say "no" depending on the truon for a friend of his. I thought that if you you need help, then we need to help them is correct but we need to consider issues that they need help if it is not harmful, we should also do the same as if the situations in which you stated we also should be limited because it is unfavorable to both.
@leomyoma (47)
• India
2 Nov 08
obviously it is not possible to help ur friend in a competitive exam.u want or not u hav to say no,thats the truth.....still u cant say no if u consider urself highly confident of succeding the exam,or u too want ur friend"s success.otherwise in class exams it would be wise not to say no...u dont hav to say no other times,unless and until ur position or selfrespect is hampered.thats it.be wise.