November 6, 2008 9:54am CST
I have 2 little girls and I am a stay at home mom. My hubby works 12 hours a day and on the weekends he plays sports every chance he gets. He never ask me if I would like to go out shopping or something while he takes care of the kids. When I do have to do something and he is home he will offer to come with me. It seems like he doesn't want to be left at home with the kids. I do the job 24/7 why can't he do it for a couple of hours? Is it just me or is he running from being at home with his girls. Monday we were talking about my mom and I going shopping b/c we have to finish up some shopping before going on a trip. He said do you want to go with me instead of your mom so we can do all of our shopping. I said no b/c I have to get for her and her husband and its easy when she says she wants something and I am with her to go ahead and get it. I said but you can watch the kids so we can do it faster and easier. He said ok I will take them to do something. Well yesterday he calls me and says he made plans to go and play football. ??? I reminded him that he was watching the kids and he tells me thats all I want to do is shop. ??? So why can't I get a break? Is anyone elses husband like this?
• United States
6 Nov 08
I think that situations like this just aren't fair at all to women. My husband does work a full time job and I know that he is tired but he does appreciate from time to time the fact that I need a break from being a stay at home mother. Of course we just have one five year old son but it can still be a job nonetheless. I like to have time to my self and it is only normal. You certainly deserve it. I don't think that a marriage should be one sided. Two people need to help. Yes, I do understand that your husband works long hours but you have a job with the children. That can't be easy. He complained to you that all you want to do is go shopping. No. I disagree with that. It sounds to me that you are not getting out enough! A couple of hours caring for the children wouldn't kill him. He needs to think of you too if he really loves and respects you. I believe that somewhere along the line you will have to stand up to this. A woman needs her independence whether being a married woman or mother. It is only fair. By the way, how long have you been married? Write back.
• United States
6 Nov 08
Sounds like he may just not know how to handle the kids. Our DD is 5 months old and my DH enjoys spending time with her. I went back to work the instant I could after being off maternity leave and my DH has been really good about taking care of our DD if I get a call in the middle of the night or if I get held up at work and can't make it by the daycare on my way into work. Have you asked him flat out why he won't watch the kids? Ask him if he's scared to be around them or ask if he just doesn't know how to handle them. You didn't say how old your kids were in the post. Some men are afraid of being around smaller children for fear they won't know what to do if one of them cries or has a bad dream and needs to be comforted.
11 Nov 08
I think that you do deserve a break. Being a housewife does not mean sitting pretty. I am a houseman during the three months of my summer holidays. I do a lot of housework during my holidays but I do demand to get a day or two off just for myself. © ronaldinu 2008
7 Nov 08
my hubby is like that too in a way, not that he does not want to mind the kids but he says I am better on that aspect and so when I need t go out or go some place he always say that I have to call my mother to assist him. Well I think most fathers are like that, I think hey are not that secure or confident to handle the kids that is why they don't want to look after them.
6 Nov 08
Hi Mflower, I really feel for you on this one. I don't think some men realise how demanding being a 24/7 mum can be and that you do need a bit of you time too. I am a single parent now and have no help at all but I wouldn't change it for the world although at times I want to be Ellie rather than mum for a while if that makes sense. Your husband doesn't see what you do as work and works hard all week and relaxes in his way at weekends. I would politely ask him to cancel his football plans as he had already arranged with you as you have made your plans becausde of it. Tell him how you feel and how much you value a bit of YOU time whether that be shopping or just a couple of hours on your own without the children. Good luck. Huggles. Ellie :D