excess baggage... is it harmful in a relationship?

Philippines
November 7, 2008 7:24pm CST
hi mylotters. some people go into a relationship with excess baggage. still living n past, not enjoying the present and afraid for the future. in mu own opinion, having an excess baggage will really hamper you from having a healthy and happy relationship. its better to deal with it before jumping into another relationship. how about you, what is your opinion? how will you be able to deal with having an excess baggage? thanks for sharing your thoughts.
4 people like this
15 responses
@n30wing (4771)
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
I think having a excess baggage is not healthy to go on with another relationship.I just believe on the rebound stage. I think also their is always a right time with everything. You have to let go of the passed,and think about your self first. For not committing the same mistakes. Well for me it's healing first the wounds. Accepting the passed and not sorry for myself. I'll think of things first what I wanna do like focusing on my work or do things that I never did when I was in that relationship. We just make our own life. Excess bagage can also help us grow and be a stronger person. I just don't wanna be unfair and hurting other people by having a relationship that I still think of the passed. Anyway have a nice day!
2 people like this
@skysuccess (8882)
• Singapore
8 Nov 08
chellymarz, The risk factor you mention "excess baggage" is nothing but the existence of fear where Love absolutely cannot tolerate. Hence, it began to chip at your relationship until the cleft becomes a hole and before you realize it, you have lost the relationship to some self-generated fear, topple with adverse circumstances. In Love, so what if the relationship fails? Where is the picture of the other party who is equally accommodating, understanding, supportive, faithful and most of all loving to you? What about giving him a chance to work with you on this "excess baggage"? What's with this obsession with a failing relationship anyway? Have we become so rationalized with obtaining 'perfect scores' and 'good results' that we cannot have the imagination and higher understanding that there are times in love (and life) when we must fall in the beginning to win later? Failure suggests growth and not degeneration. The irony of Love is that why focus on the fact that a relationship would fail when one should focus on leading the relationship while it last and make the best out of it? Interestingly, you don't always lose when you have failed in your relationship. Remember, trials and tough times are there not to defeat you and in the words of another one of my favorites Thomas S. Monson: “The past is behind, learn from it. The future is ahead, prepare for it. The present is here, live it.” Hope you get my point here, take care and have a nice day.
• Philippines
10 Nov 08
thanks for sharing your thoughts. i really like it. indeed "Failure suggests growth and not degeneration". i hope many can read this and be encourage. happy mylotting.
@rsa101 (13336)
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
Definitely, you need to let go of that excess baggage before jumping into another one. Do not expect that the new relationship will solve that pain and replace it unless you let go of it only then you will enjoy the new relationship. I have heard from a seminar that before trying to love another relationship you should first love yourself and only then if you finally learned to love yourself again will you be able to love others back again.
@deedeehall (1144)
• United States
8 Nov 08
i think a person really needs to give it time to get over what they have been thru and all so they need time alone to become aperson again on thier on.some people come into a relation ship with children be sure you can except this to for every ones sake.
@cathya (705)
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
for me,excess baggage will harm a relationship. when you still carry your excess baggage it only means that you haven't overcome yet your past and not yet really ready to have another one. it will be unfair to your partner having this excess baggage because for sure it will keep on haunting you and you can not give your full amount of attention to your present relationship.
1 person likes this
@anikakim (364)
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
Excess baggage is harmful in a relationship. Before you commit to another relationship you better heal that heartache in your heart rather than divert it to other person. Sooner you will realize that your just playing yourself or making pain to it. Have fun first. And do not use others just to please your wants. It's really hard to forget the past and face the present one. I'm happy that my only first boyfriend for 5 years is my husband now for 2 years. Good Luck
1 person likes this
@gracie04 (4555)
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
before jumping into another relationship, you should leave all your worries behind.. just forget the past and move on..keeping the excess baggage while in you're in a relationship will lead to nowhere.. so the best thing you can do is forget the past, live the present and face the future..
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
there are two things that will really remain with us. bad memories and relationship scars which will pierce our individual hearts. I personally say that it is always wise for an individual to close a part of his past before moving on to the next relation. This will totally leave one the burden of that past memory. There are many ways to do away such burden. One way I heard from my friends, is to write them all in a piece of paper. Burst all those memories. And later on, burn them in symbolic fashion. Seeing those memories burning will be one way of getting away and going in for the next day.
1 person likes this
@Shar1979 (2723)
• United States
8 Nov 08
It really depends on how well you will handle that excess baggage. To be honest, I wouldn't go into a relationship if I am not really ready as it won;t be fair to either of you and the relationship will definitely be affected.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
9 Nov 08
Yes it is true that there are people who enters another relationship inspite of the fact that they have excess baggage. It becomes a package deal therefore on the part of the other party either to accept or not. But when you truly love the person, no matter what his or her status, you can willingly accept even if he/she does have excess baggage...I have written related article to this. Read more at http://www.helium.com/users/466256/show_articles.
@Erssyl (617)
• Philippines
9 Nov 08
Excess baggage is really not good in a relationship.As for my experience I would like you to learn when you forgive you should also forget.It will really hamper the happiness you should be feeling in your relationship.If only I have learned to forget his having an affair with his sister in law we could be more happy.Because after twenty five years that I decided to completely forget that our life became peaceful.
• United States
9 Nov 08
yeah its harmful some times but i think its almost impossible unless you have never had a relationship and even then you could have baggage from your family etc.. you just gotta try to work it out and make it through and understand the other person and how your baggage might be making them feel
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
Entering into a new relationship still having unresolved issues from past relationship may cause problems along the way. It is better to be open about these excess baggages to your new partner because it will make him/her understand you better and even help you move on. While it is true that it may prevent you from nurturing a relationship, it may also be the key to not just resolving your issues but to developing a better and more meaningful relationship with the right person who is able and willing to help you move on.
@SeishiroX (1076)
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
Excess baggage. That is exactly the reason why I avoid going into relationships so soon after the last, especially if it's too traumatic. It causes strain because, admit it, you'd probably be comparing the past from the present. That means, like you say it, you are unable to live the present times and this will greatly affect your relationship. You might probably not see your partner for what he/she is, but instead you'll see with your past as a reference point. The past does not become excess baggage though if you let go of them before starting a relationship. Move on. Live life. I don't agree that going on a new relationship right away will take away the pain. It's better to stay single for a while before deciding to commit yourself once again. Cheers~
@ScottyM (12)
• Canada
8 Nov 08
Excess baggage is very rarely a good thing to go into a relationship with. For the most part when people talk about excess baggage they're talking about bad experiences with ex's and things like that don't really have a place in a current relationship, especially when it starts hindering the progress of it because of things that you can't let go. If you deal well with your troubles though but just can't seem to shake them it's probably okay to go into a relationship with it so long as it's possible to get rid of it in time with being in the relationship. Never put the burden of solving those problems on the person you're in a relationship with unless they really seem to want to help, although if they really want to help in my opinion that's a sign that the baggage is affecting the relationship enough for it to be necessary in the eyes of the other person. I think dealing with excess baggage in and of itself all depends on what it is. A lot of it can be solved at least in my experience just by talking it through, but even doing that can be tedious at times so it's a matter of how much you're willing to share and how much another person is willing to listen. Personally, I try to realize that the past is the past regardless, and worry about it does nothing productive, and only hinders the future. Learn from any mistakes or problems that you've had in the past and use them to your advantage, either climb on top of them to stay afloat or ultimately end up drowning under them. Above: Excess baggage is bad, try to deal with it beforehand through problem solving.