November 7, 2008 11:51pm CST
Lately I have been thinking… it’s not that I am being melodramatic or anything to that effect.. I just want to sit back… relax… and do something productive. If loving somebody means accepting that person for who he is, what he is, and whatever he may be.. then does it mean that we do not have a choice if we are in love? I mean, what if I cannot accept the fact that he is someone that I did not expect him to be.. does that mean that I don’t love him? What a question. Like fo instance, recently, Chito (my better half) and I had a fight. Thisparticular instance brought out the worst from both of us.. Hurt. Pain. Suffering. Everything. We’ve both experienced it in just a matter of time. Two .. three hours max. Both of us were thinking of ending whatever we have. But still… of course.. it did not happen. Why? Because we love each other. He asked me to change for the better and I did the same. And so on… and blah blah blah.. yeah yeah… the usual ending happens. We’re still together. The weird part is.. I am certain that I am still in love with himand he is to me. But after what he did .. and probably, after what I have done to him… theere is this something.. a thin red line between the two of us now. It’s just not the same anymore. I look at him differently already. He may see the other side of me– the monster side whenever he is sleeping beside me or when we eat together. I don’t know. Maybe. I am just speaking for myself. Its just that I was not expecting something so cruela nd so intense from a person like him. From me it is possible coz I have been a pain in the a$$ and a b!tch eversince I was born. But from a sweet person like him,… it was just unexpectable. But what if, he is that kind of person. What if he can really leave me crying in vain all alone in our house without anybody to be with on the night of our monthsarry everytime that he is angry? What if he can really talk a lot of sh!t about me with his friends not only when he is mad but everytime that he wants to? What if he is different from what I have expected? What if I cant bear that and vice versa? What if? Love is not there anymore? Im not inlove anymore? Is that so? I think it is not. I believe on the 10-90 rule. 10% of what is happening to us is brought about by destiny. By God for the believers and by fate for those who don’t. 90% of what is happening to us is brought about, on the other hand, by our choice on how to react to what is happening. Like for instance… I found out that my Chito is lying to me about something and about someone… someone I don’t really like… it’s destiny that I found it out. It’s fate that led me to the discovery of his lies. Right? Then what happened next is of course.. being the smart a$$ and the bratinella that I am, I freaked out.. panicked, I shouted.. cursed.. and treated him like nobody else treated him before. Causing us to fight and to hurt each other a little bit more. And then he went out with the people I don’t “like” hahaha leaving me all alone.. crying… in pain… in misery. This was our choice. 90% of what happened that day was our choice. I could have chosen to confront him like how an educated person will do. I could have asked him not to do it again in a better way. A way that a man deserves to be treated. And probably he would have never chosen them over me… in my face. That is how it goes.. the 10-90 rule that I believe in. Now… going back.. What if he is not the person iwanted him tobe and not the kind of lover I’ve expected him to be? That is 10% of what may happen and 90% will depend on my decision on how I will take it. As of this moment.. I really don’t know. But for sure I’ll be better next time that I would decide… told yah…. Lately I have been thinking… it’s not that I am being melodramatic or anything to that effect.. I just want to sit back… relax… and do something productive. i am doing something productive right?
1 person likes this
8 Nov 08
WOW, you really brought out your inner self with this discussion and I proud of you for bringing it out to open. I wanna start telling you that "struggles is natures way of making us strong". I really cannot tell exactly of how to entangle you out of this troubled thoughts but I believe that life is about choices, it makes who we are. There should never be regrets but a life long appreciation of choices we made. Life is riddled with so many uncertain things and it is never fair if we have to think about it but there are just things that is so hard for us to understand. There are things we can't see but choose to believe in and there are reasons that we have but can't explain. People are rational and capable of change whether for good or bad and only you would know about it. Having spent a lot of time with him is one way. I am not sure how severe the problem is and it's cause but I just want to say something about the male side that, we don't want to be nagged at. When we are angry, there are so many things that comes out of our mouth without knowing that it already hurts someone and that is so painful than any physical harm. It will leave a mark forever, we can forgive each other but there is no way we can forget about certain circumstances in life specially when we are hurt by someone we love. Life rarely turns out the way we want it to be, do what it takes to make that difference in your life. God has reasons for allowing things to happen in out life, sometimes (if not most) we don't understand it or even refused to understand but we have to simply trust His will. We have our own differences in life, the family that we came from and the circumstances that we have. If we keep ourselves be affected of that differences then it will tear you apart instead look beyond the differences and find a way to walk the path together. I'm not saying you do this alone but both of you should talk it out without accusing any side. Communicate and talk as decent person as you are. And as you have said, there are alternative way of talking it out with him than nagging.
• United States
8 Nov 08
i'm sorry for your troubles. it's the hardest job you'll rver encounter living w/someone & u can really get disallusioned w/them when u see a side come out u haven't seen before but just remember it's there. there'sa very thin line between love & hate in a relationship. good luck.
9 Nov 08
It happens. Sometimes, even the ones we love the most can hurt us, just as we can hurt them too. We are all only human beings. We don't deliberately want or intend to hurt the ones we love, do we? The thing is, if the love between you is true, is real, then there will always be forgiveness. You can forgive him, and he can forgive you... and you both can go on with life showing each other how important you are to one another. If your love for each other is strong enough, nothing can bring you down. Even the toughest moments can be overcome, simply because you love one another. I hope things will be fine with both of you. Think about the best things that love has brought about between the two of you, and forget the pain that occurred on those incidents, and everything will be ok. Good luck and I wish all the best for you.