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Lately I have been thinking… it’s not that I am being melodramatic or anything to that effect.. I just want to sit back… relax… and do something productive. If loving somebody means accepting that person for who he is, what he is, and whatever he may be.. then does it mean that we do not have a choice if we are in love? I mean, what if I cannot accept the fact that he is someone that I did not expect him to be.. does that mean that I don’t love him? What a question. Like fo instance, recently, Chito (my better half) and I had a fight. Thisparticular instance brought out the worst from both of us.. Hurt. Pain. Suffering. Everything. We’ve both experienced it in just a matter of time. Two .. three hours max. Both of us were thinking of ending whatever we have. But still… of course.. it did not happen. Why? Because we love each other. He asked me to change for the better and I did the same. And so on… and blah blah blah.. yeah yeah… the usual ending happens. We’re still together. The weird part is.. I am certain that I am still in love with himand he is to me. But after what he did .. and probably, after what I have done to him… theere is this something.. a thin red line between the two of us now. It’s just not the same anymore. I look at him differently already. He may see the other side of me– the monster side whenever he is sleeping beside me or when we eat together. I don’t know. Maybe. I am just speaking for myself. Its just that I was not expecting something so cruela nd so intense from a person like him. From me it is possible coz I have been a pain in the a$$ and a b!tch eversince I was born. But from a sweet person like him,… it was just unexpectable. But what if, he is that kind of person. What if he can really leave me crying in vain all alone in our house without anybody to be with on the night of our monthsarry everytime that he is angry? What if he can really talk a lot of sh!t about me with his friends not only when he is mad but everytime that he wants to? What if he is different from what I have expected? What if I cant bear that and vice versa? What if? Love is not there anymore? Im not inlove anymore? Is that so? I think it is not. I believe on the 10-90 rule. 10% of what is happening to us is brought about by destiny. By God for the believers and by fate for those who don’t. 90% of what is happening to us is brought about, on the other hand, by our choice on how to react to what is happening. Like for instance… I found out that my Chito is lying to me about something and about someone… someone I don’t really like… it’s destiny that I found it out. It’s fate that led me to the discovery of his lies. Right? Then what happened next is of course.. being the smart a$$ and the bratinella that I am, I freaked out.. panicked, I shouted.. cursed.. and treated him like nobody else treated him before. Causing us to fight and to hurt each other a little bit more. And then he went out with the people I don’t “like” hahaha leaving me all alone.. crying… in pain… in misery. This was our choice. 90% of what happened that day was our choice. I could have chosen to confront him like how an educated person will do. I could have asked him not to do it again in a better way. A way that a man deserves to be treated. And probably he would have never chosen them over me… in my face. That is how it goes.. the 10-90 rule that I believe in. Now… going back.. What if he is not the person iwanted him tobe and not the kind of lover I’ve expected him to be? That is 10% of what may happen and 90% will depend on my decision on how I will take it. As of this moment.. I really don’t know. But for sure I’ll be better next time that I would decide… told yah…. Lately I have been thinking… it’s not that I am being melodramatic or anything to that effect.. I just want to sit back… relax… and do something productive. i am doing something productive right?