Are you over protective towards yoru children?.Then this is a point to ponder
November 10, 2008 1:51am CST
If we try to spare our children every disappointment and difficulty,when they are young,we rob them of the opportunity to learn and mature and grow strong enough to face and overcome disappointments and difficulties that will come when they are older........
10 Nov 08
yes roseo this is so true. Every difficulties along the way are but an opportunity to grow and learn from it. If we keep on holding our child and spare them, they will be the most difficult child to handle when trials and problems comes their way.
• Delhi, India
12 Nov 08
I tell my kids to face the challanges in life with courage and bold attitude and tell them that difficulties and disappointments do come in our life and we have to face them and over come those difficulties. I tell them that you have to self-dependent and they should try to learn to do their little jobs themselves, instead of depending upon us. They do it sometimes, and sometimes they igonor my advice. We are not over protective and being a working couple, many a times we leave them alone at home, to manage their affairs, in our absence.
12 Nov 08
Hi Dpk....yes with both parents working,children soon learn to be more responsible and mature.And of course children sometimes tend to disobey.......It's thir way of showing that they are "big" and "grown" up and can look after themselves....But as long as they know that their parents love them and care for them they will remain good,and soon overcome this passing phase of rebellion.......Mark my words,dPk...and good luck to you..........
• Delhi, India
16 Nov 08
Hi! Rose! I buy your observations that when we both are working, kids would learn to be more responsible and independent. They have become habitual of staying alone in the house, without our presence and do not feel afraid. They do show us their rebellion attitude both my son and my daughter - perhaps to show that they are 'grown up' now. Hopefully, as the time passes, they will become more mature. Many thanks for the best response. I am delighted. dpk So now you have changed your avaar to RED Rose, it is looking good and attractive.
16 Nov 08
hi DPk........I felt you deserved the Br this time...... Yes I chanegd ny avatar today,just for the heck of it......Somehow my former one appeared drab and dark and I did get hints from some of ny friends,that it should be more colourful......And dpk,I thnink there are more of pink roses than red in the bouquet....
24 Nov 08
Hi Rose,I think I am not the one. My kids are too small and needs some protection at this stage. But I am against over protection. Infact I am facing some problems at home between the kids because of their age gaps. Now elder one needs assistance from me for his each work. Earlier he used to eat his food by himself but now I have to feed him and the same demand arising on other works including bathing, brushing etc. I know I am doing all the things for the younger and after watching all those he behave like this. I am trying my best to make him understand when he was at this age I have done everything for him and he got more attention than his brother (because he is first child) etc, but I can't find out any use on such lectures. I know you are an experienced mother and expect some nice suggestion from you. Thank you in advance, have a great day!
24 Nov 08
Hi Sree let me assure you ,your children,especially the elder one is behaving normally,as is the custom of older children..............But believe me, he will get over it....Lectures will not help dear.You just act impartially and make both the children realise as they grow up that u love both of them equally.....And you can just tell the elder one,instead of giving lectures,how his younger brother is so uncapable of doing things himself,and is always dependent on you,while the elder is a gem who does everything himself,and is quite a big boy like his father,and how you wish your younger one will be like his elder brother...etc etc....It might do the trick.....good luck sree.......
24 Nov 08
Hi Rose, Thank you very much, I will try. But you may laugh some of his findings, his school van is coming around 7.30, now in winter it is difficult to wake up early so his complaint is, younger one can sleep but you don't let me to sleep. I said to him, when he will be at this age, I won't let him sleep, he is too young that is why he is sleeping. There are lots there, but sometimes I am enjoying too. Thanks again for the nice reply.
10 Nov 08
Hi Rose08 i am not sure about other area but in our Area, i mean indo pak, kids are strongly protected till some age, but meanwhile strong base of personality and character id developed, as kids are brought up in secure area, they are not worried about their finances and other problems, so they complete their studies in one go and mature enough to face practical life. I wont say all are same, their are kids which dont end up that confident, but these are every where, and those kids who are left alone to face brutality of life end up with shatered character and confused personality. i do agree that every tghing should be balanced,, but still i firm believe that guidance , and free end towards worries of finances is right of every kid till they mature Take care
22 Dec 08
I'm definitely not an over protective mother. But in today's world, I can't realy open up to the idea of setting our kids free like in the previous generations. They are kids for a shorter period of time than we were...and I feel they grow up sooner. But as far as value of life and principles are concerned, I stick to them and make sure my kids understand what it means....even when my heart says give in, I am able to maintain a stoic stand and not budge if it is in the interest of my kids for their future.
2 Jan 09
Hello SV....you do have some valid points here,and its true bringing up kids in todays world is not an easy task........And often we feel two pairs of eyes,ears hands etc are not sufficient to control and watch and protect them.......They tend to grow up too fast and its hard to make them understand about the big bad world they are living in......Any way I know you are good in handling your kids the right way,teacher.....
25 Nov 08
Hi sudipta.....I am only stressing on over protection....Children nedd the love and care of their apretns,and it is only as they grow older that we should let them shoulder more responsiblities and keep a watch on them,to be their guide and friend if they faulter.......Yes suditpa, I am sure you are doing the right thing and good luck to you...........
11 Nov 08
When my daughter was quite young... i must admit that i was over protective of her... but as she grows older... and learn skill and other knowledge... i try to remove that over protectiveness little by little... I see her as an independent child... so shielding her form experiences that will shape her in to growing up a better person is not the right way to do it... and i think that should be the case with all parents... giving our kids little freedom... since experience is the best teacher of all..
10 Nov 08
Hi Rose, I don't think I have ever been that way but I know that many parents are, even after the children are grown. Of course my family is grown now, but part of being a good parent is teaching your children to make their own decisions. We advice them of course and try to set a good example, but they have to realize that we won't always be there and besides maybe their decisions might be better than those we made. Teach them to believe in themselves. Blessings.
10 Nov 08
in my eyes ,if a child has been spoiled by parents and grandparents, consistently considered as the sole little emperor or princess at home ,he or she is apt to be annoyed and arbitrary to everything .anyhow ,when taken him or her away outside ,he or she tends to act as a cowardly and quiet kid. kids is badly encouraged to cultivate the good habits ,well informed to form their own life style before being sent to nursery or kindergarten.as their eldership ,teaching them how to fishing evidently far better than giving them fishes.
10 Nov 08
I am not over-protective towards my children. It was the way I was brought up. Explore, but be wary and prepared for the dangers. For instance when I was still young my mother said if I wanted to climb up the tree do so. But if I fall ensure one of two things. Ensure I survive the fall with minor injuries or ensure I die. I was not supposed to cause inconvenience to others by surviving but suffering from maybe multiple injuries, multiple broken bones, paralysed, or fall into a coma. This taught me to weigh the risks and make possible preparations before doing anything. I am teaching my children the same way.
1 Jan 09
It is all too easy to overprotect our children and we can do so without even realising it. When my daughters were young, then yes I was overprotective and they took full advantage of it too, as children are going to do if they think they can get away with it. That partly stemmed from when my ex-wife and I separated as I tried to spare our children as much as I possibly could. In fact in some instances I probably went overboard in my endeavours to see that they came to no harm as I was not with them every day and sometimes I did not see them for a couple of weeks. However I did learn a few lessons along the way. Firstly my favourite brother and sister-in-law told me that my daughters were manipulating me so they could get their own way. Although I thought they might be right, I was not really prepared to believe them too much thinking my daughters could so no wrong. But one day my brother and s-i-l told me of a conversation they overheard my girls having about how they would get me to do a few things while I had them on holidays. My sister-in-law steered the conversation in a certain direction and sygested an alternative to what my daughters wanted to do. Actually her suggestion made sense and so I agreed with her that it was a better option. Sure enough the comments the girls made plus the waterworks they turned on was the proof in the pudding as the saying goes. They did and said just what my sister-in-law says they would. Nothing like a deluded parent geting a rude awakening. lol Then I met my partner and as she also had children we needed some common rules which applied to all of our children. She had been stricter with her children and with little money she bought only what they needed and not necessarily what they wanted. It took a while for my daughters to get the message but they did learn that they would sometimes fail to get what they wanted. They also learnt that Dad was no longer going to buy them everything they wanted and nor was he going to drive 5 hours (one way) to pick them up on a whim or because they had an argument with their mother and wanted me to sort it out. We have always treated all our children the same way. We were one family, albiet a blended one but still the one family unit and nobody received more than anyone else. Once we were able to get them to understand that they could not always get their own way, that they had to help around the house with things like setting the table, washing the dishes etc, life was much better. They did become a bit more responsible, at least during those times that they were with me but they still pulled the same stunts on their mother. When she got involved with a man who was divorced with children as well, she then got a bit tougher with them as well. Eventually they came to the realisation that whichever home they were in, there were rules to be followed or there were consequences. Although they are adults now they still come to us for help at times. We will listen to them, talk about the issue and perhaps make some suggestions on what they can do to change the situation they find themselves in. Yes we have lent them money as well but if for example they have a bill which needs paying, we pay the bill directly and do not give them the actual cash money. They are also made to pay the money back and we would not pay any more of their bills or whatever until the previous amount has been repaid. To make it easier for them we insist that they pay so much each payday rather than in a lump sum because we know that if we waited for the lump sum then we probably would not get it. A couple of years ago we told all the children that they had to sort their own finances out because they were now adults and had to take responsibility for their own actions and decisions. When one of my stepchildren asked for some money, my partner decided that we should not help her that time and so soon enough all of them knew that. Then I refused to pay a parking fine for one of my daughters because she shouldn’t have parked where she did in the first place. Since that time none of them have asked us for any money at all so maybe they are finally starting to grow up and I believe they are managing okay. It is now over 2 years since any of them have asked for financial help from us. Now I just wish that we had been a bit tougher with regards to their finances a few years earlier than we were because they would have learnt some harsh lessons in reality earlier. That is more so when it comes to my daughters than my stepchildren who learnt their lessons in life at a very young age.