How can someone be with someone they don't trust?

Canada
November 10, 2008 9:17am CST
Ok, so this girl I know, we will call her Jill. She is dating this guy, we will call him Mark. Mark has cheated on Jill a few times and he always hangs out with different girls when he isn't with Jill. Jill doesn't trust him at all, but she's like totally in love with him and refuses to completely break up with him. So she texts my boyfriend every single day of the week because my boyfriend was always with him. She would ask him when football starts, how long it goes til, and always wants to know when my boyfriend gets home, because she knows when he is home, Mark should be home as well and she always has to know where he is. It drives me nuts because Mark has told Jill that he doesn't want her talking to my boyfriend anymore because she's so effing insecure about her relationship, and it seems like my boyfriend would rather mess his friendship up with someone he has known for so long JUST to help this girl spy on the guy she's dating. They aren't even really dating anymore, she broke up with him but they're still sleeping together and are pretty much seeing eachother. And to make things worse, I HATE Jill because she's so annoying! She talks to my boyfriend EVERY single day about this crap and he spends more time listening to her whine about her lack of a relationship than he does even talking to me about anything!How does this make sense? And what can I tell my boyfriend to make him realize he can't be involved in their relationship, because it's causing ours to fall apart. I'm going nuts.
6 responses
@nadooa247 (1097)
• United States
10 Nov 08
Ahh the crazy things people do for what they claim is love. It isn't love if she is sleeping with the guy, doesn't trust him, and broke up with him. It's sounding more like what you call friends with benefits? It sounds like you are jealous of the attention your boyfriend is giving to "Jill", i can't blame you, he is treating her more like his girlfriend since he listens to her often. Perhaps he feels trapped in a sense, between his friend and the girl. It might be he thinks if he doesnt give her the info she wants then she'll jump to conclusions. Make it clear without making him feel like you are mad but all the same make it clear that you miss him and he should be working on your relationship and not his friends. Also, that it isn't his responsibility to try and keep things afloat with the two if they clearly are not able to do well without him being the go between.
• Canada
11 Nov 08
I'm far from jealous, because he isn't like hanging out with her or calling her and stuff, she's just CONSTANTLY messaging him and like we hardly ever have alone time anymore 'cause when I turn around she's asking him about her boyfriend, it's retarrrrded! And he told her yesterday I guess that he's not telling her things anymore because it's just making his friendship with this guy weird.
• United States
12 Nov 08
I hope that this girl doesn't mess up the relationship that you have with your boyfriend. It sounds like she needs not be trying to involve your boyfriend in trying to entrap her significant other. I have been with somebody that I didn't trust before, but thank God that I don't have that problem anymore. And I hope that I never do!
• India
11 Nov 08
It is simply the same cycle of actual emotional abuse whereby the abused person in the relationship (Jill here) gets hooked onto the abuser (Mark)hoping that he will change for the better. Since the honeymoon period of the relationship is usually fantastic with the abuser being the epitome of care, the abused gets caught in the emotional wind whirl just like a spider in the net who convinces everyone around it is safe. Take her to a good counsellor who can make her understand this and call quits to the relationship.
@dodo19 (26680)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
11 Nov 08
One important thing about being in an intimate relationship, in my opinion, is that you should trust your partner. It's good that your friend, Jill, loves her boyfriend, Mark, but she doesn't trust him. From what you're saying, she has good reasons to be, but nonetheless it isn't a healthy relationship as he cheats and she doesn't trust him. I'm not entirely sure how their relationship can work. I also think that you should talk about how you feel to your boyfriend. You should tell him how you feel about Jill. Trust me, I had a similar situation with my fiance about one of his friends. I remember on at least (and I emphasize the 'at least') one or two occasions when I stopped by his residence room last year and he asked me to come back later because this friend of his had called him and needed to talk to him about whatever problems she was having. And believe me, it was really bugging me. I spoke to him about it and it helped. Honestly, I think you should do the same.
@ladysakurax (1163)
• Canada
10 Nov 08
Jill has to understand that everyone has problems. I mean each person has something to worry about and their a limit to help others. She should be thankful that your boyfriend warns her that she is being taken for a fool and that's something she has to fix on her own. Your bf won't be there forever. I don't think this is bkreaking up if they sleep with each other still. Your bf should tell her :"sorry but I don't know how to help you anymore. there's nothing I can do about it." And it's true. Your bf can't change Mark or force him to change his lifestyle. Mark has to decide this on his own because it is his life...unless he does illegal things and it would be for his own good. Jill should break up already and if she decides to stay with him, she choose the path to endure this. She choose it.
@Bytemi (1553)
• United States
10 Nov 08
I would tell him just that. Tell him that you feel that your relationship is suffering because of the time and attention he is giving Jill. He should understand that and hopefully you guys can come to compromise to put your relationship back on track.