Am I in love with this guy?

China
November 13, 2008 8:09am CST
Hi mylotter friends, I think I am having a problem here. Recently I have been chatting with one of my colleagues and we have very nice talks. He has good sense of humor and likes me and we are really having great fun in this little talks. But now I think it's getting serious. We plan to have a trip together, not bisiness trip, but to have a holiday. God, I don't know what I am doing coz I have a boyfriend who is working abroad and this guy is married with a kid. Even we like each other, this will go nowhere, before calling it a relationship. I love my bf, yeah, no doubt. But why I am feeling like I am in love with this guy? Like the first time I fell in love with someone, so sweet to be appreciated. Am I cheating on my bf? Pls give me some help!!!
10 people like this
67 responses
@ratyz5 (7829)
• Philippines
13 Nov 08
I guess the absence of your boyfriend makes you entertain that appealing co-worker of yours. I mean, it happens to anyone who is in a long distance relationship but, since your aware of everything, it means your reasoning hasn't completely faltered and relented. You might as well make it clear that you don't want anything complicated to happen between you and that colleague of yours. To make it safe, don't go to that trip with him. This would be among those things that tests couple's fidelity with each other when it comes to relationships.
@Nhey16 (2519)
• Philippines
14 Nov 08
i agree with you... one's absence would make you look for someone to talk to... and since you know that he's married, you can refrain from going in that trip, if that colleague of yours is a real friend then he would understand you and would not force you to go along.
3 people like this
@ratyz5 (7829)
• Philippines
14 Nov 08
See? Even Nhey16 agrees that you shouldn't do anything with that colleague of yours...
2 people like this
• China
14 Nov 08
Hello ratyz and NHey16. Thanks for yr advice and concern. Seems it is absolutely wrong to have a private trip with him. I haven't talked with him today and he didn't talk to me either. I know we have to stop the little chats coz it's playing with fire. Sigh, I like the talk and I miss it, but I have to stop!! Thanks again for responding.
3 people like this
@1corner (744)
• Canada
13 Nov 08
Hey, Maybe you should ask him what he thinks of you and this relationshhip BEFORE you go on this trip. Will it include other people or just the 2 of you? No, you're not cheating YET. It could definitely lead to it later on, though, if you don't sort out your thoughts/feelings about him and your bf. Not sure what you meant by "feeling in love." (Not the same as "being in love"?) If the trip involves ONLY you TWO, I'd CANCEL on it. If you love your bf, as you say, and your co-worker is married, it'd be wiser to steer clear of opportunities where it'd be possible for you to cheat on your partners. If/When that happens, you'll lose your bf, and in his case worse, a family. (Frankly, it doesn't look good to me, if his wife and kid aren't a part of this pleasure trip). It'd be wrong, not to mention, unfair.
@Optimize (201)
• Canada
14 Nov 08
hey denise. Dont think of it as cheating! But i guess you just have to look deep into ur heart and see who you love more and break the bad news to one of them.
1 person likes this
@savypat (20247)
• United States
13 Nov 08
Are you crazy? A married man, you know he only wants one thing and that all that friendly talk is just to get it. Can you live with the guilt you are about to have? Please really look hard at what you are doing, it leads to trouble.
• India
14 Nov 08
I agree with you savypat. You better be careful regarding this relationship (as u'd like to call it.) Else there might come a day u'll be very guilty and lonely deserted by both the guys......
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Nov 08
It is common nowadays what you are going through. It is really difficult when you and your love is so far apart. For the most part it is best to fight off what you are feeling because this other guy is hitched. It is easier said than done but I was cheated on my ex-wife and it really devastated me. I am speaking for your real bf. Hope it just explain some reality. Please pray for guidance.
2 people like this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
13 Nov 08
yup ya are! And him being married too is a very big problem. you are just missing your BF. Get a grip dont go on this trip!
2 people like this
• Philippines
14 Nov 08
im going to be frank to you denise: yes both of you are cheating. that married guy you're talking about? he just want you under his bed sheet. a married guy wanting to have a vacation with you and not telling his wife? that just so cheap of him. he's already flirting with you without you knowing it. are you in love with him? yep and that's what he wanted in the first place so he could get in your pants. oldest guy trick in the book: let the girl fall for him so it would be easy for him to control you. 100 percent of guys flirting is for having s*x and 90 percent of them will dispose of you once you've done that. what happened to the other 10 percent? they just want repeated s*x that's all. maybe your wonderin' how i can tell these things. very simple: i'm a man, have guy friends, been thru hearing a lot of braggadocio machismo s*x stories and they all say the same thing "i flirt because i want to have s*x with that girl". it may hurt your feelings denise but that's the reality hope it helps. "our agonies and sorrows are futile compared to other's sufferings in their lives. i just want to go home with you"-broken sword, from the movie "hero"
1 person likes this
• China
14 Nov 08
Really? I can't believe it. I mean, we are just talk and nothing else. We haven't had any date yet and don't see each other in private. I don't know his thoughts behind and deep in his heart. Maybe he is also searching some freshness and I believe he is a good man, for no reason, heehee. So I sigh here, cause I have to stop the chat with him. It's hard but I have to do it. Thanks for responding.
1 person likes this
• China
14 Nov 08
i think you feel so lonely and just need one bf. Maybe he is not the perfect one, but he comes in the right time and place, and then he affects your special heart and sensitive mood. To be honest, your surprise and exciting heart only implies the different love or like experience, or the puppy love. However, the life consists of ups and downs and the couple have to face many and various problems and pressure. the most important of all is the crazy is temporary and life is full of adversity. PS: i come from the homeland in China and the first use in english to expree my opinion and feeling.
1 person likes this
• China
14 Nov 08
Hey freedomwang. You have some right points about the excitement and adventure. That's the thing that makes this so nice and fresh to me. I should stop this. Hey, this is your first post and i am happy it's to my discussion. Thanks for yr response and happy mylotting.
1 person likes this
@krebstar5 (1267)
• United States
13 Nov 08
If you "feel" like you are in love with this guy, then you might want to start being a bit more cautious. I think that if you just thought of this gentleman as a friend, this situation wouldn't be so stressful. But from what you wrote, I am going to guess that it isn't so. If you feel torn, then you might be getting into some murky territory here. I wouldn't say that you are cheating on your boyfriend though, so long as your relationship with this guy remains a friendship and nothing beyond that. This trip though could very well give you opportunities to engage in activities that are crossing that line into cheating though. My advice is this. Sort out your feelings. It could be that you are in love with this guy and no longer in love with your boyfriend, but you need to be really sure because pursuing him might be a rocky path. I guess the basic idea of what I'm saying here is think very carefully about what you do from this point, and if there are any doubts about how you feel, don't go on this trip. The time alone together could be even more confusing than the signals you are giving each other now. I'm not sure how helpful all that was, but I wish you the best of luck. No matter what you do, try to follow whatever would make you the most happy. Everyone deserves happiness.
1 person likes this
• China
15 Nov 08
Hey krebstar. Yeah, you are right and I need to sort things out. This is weekend for me and I can't see him or talk to him, I can feel the void, but I am not confused coz I am not making things complicated. Just stay away from him and time will prove everything. It's hard, but I ma doing it, keep myself busy. Thanks for your kind words.
1 person likes this
• China
28 Nov 08
I don't think you love him, you may be feel lonely when your bf work abroad.I advise you to spend more time to talk with your bf through telephone or web, this will make you feel close to your bf. If i were you, i would not have a trip with him.
@cortney09 (1346)
• United States
28 Nov 08
I am not sure about this one. I would be careful, no matter what, especially if you think you are falling in love with this man. Because your boyfriend might consider this cheating, whether you do or not. I know that you will do what is best for you and everyone involved though.
1 person likes this
@quinnkl (1668)
• United States
18 Nov 08
You have answered your own question. He is married with a child. You have a boyfriend you "love". You are in other relationships. You should not be going on "holidays' together. Does his wife know about the planned holiday? Was she invited along? Please don't get into this type of relationship. You know it is wrong or you wouldn't be asking. Don't let it go any further. Don't tempt yourselves.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31556)
• United States
17 Nov 08
You would be cheating on your boyfriend and he would be cheating on his wife if you go on a trip with him. As someone whose husband cheated and left his family for another woman, I can tell you firsthand the pain and hurt it causes when a husband strays. The damage it does to the children is horrendous and will sadden them for the rest of their lives. Add to that the lack of respect he has for you--asking you to take a trip with him is doing everything but calling you a wh*re and that's probably how he thinks of you. When people get involved with married men and women, they're always sorry. And remember, if he'll cheat on his wife he will cheat on you and that's a guarantee. I hope you break off any deep relationship with this man. If your boyfriend is working abroad and you're not in love with him, it's time you set him free and each of you date other people--but definitely not married people.
1 person likes this
• China
17 Nov 08
it is really silly problem,but i think i am in the same situation with you.recently i have been chatting with my ex-gf and both of us are enjoying the nice talks like we had done before,without the chat i feel very empty,i had send her a very precious jewelry to celebrate her birthday yesterday.we all konow there is no posibility for us to restore coz we have different life path.but it is really too hard for us to abandon this kind of feeling.i have no idea what to do ,help me ,my friends!
1 person likes this
• Australia
17 Nov 08
i dont think you're in love. You're just miss having you bf around. Being co-workers makes it easy and feel safe to start talking but when the color is getting out of the line, you should stop. I have a friend who dated a married man. That brought her nothing but broken heart at the end of the day knowing that their relationship is not gonna working (even that guy promised her a divorce!! we all knew this means nothing but just to get a girl to the bed). So go wash your face and shake you heads for few times. have a walk or run to clear your mind and dont go on the trip coz if you go, that'd be the first step of cheating your bf. Keep him as friend is the best.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Nov 08
Be careful, you might be playing with fire there. Going on a vacation with a married man might not be the best thing to do and sounds like it could cause many problems. A long distance relationship can be very difficult to deal with, but if he's not the guy for you, go mess with somebody who is single. A relationship with a married man is probably going to bring you nothing but heartache. Also, even if he breaks up with his wife and you two get together, you just might end up having a hard time trusting him cause you'll already know he's sneaky. Good luck to you.
1 person likes this
@SexxyT (6)
• Saint Kitts And Nevis
15 Nov 08
Hey denise_tung I can understand what your tarking about for I myself was in a situation similiar to yours. If i my asked doesn't your boyfriend appreciate you as well. I guess what I am trying to really say is when all come to come the person who will be hurt most will be you for I doubt if this guy gonna leave his wife for you and you and your bf falls out who will you then have. I am living in the caribbean on a little island name nevis and my hubby lives in South carolina and I must say its not easy dealing with temptation and all so I work alot or I keep lots of friends I can socialize with in and out of work just to keep my mind off my missing my husband.
@MsTickle (24991)
• Australia
14 Nov 08
Have you told your boyfriend about this guy? Told him you are going on a holiday with him? If not, then you are cheating. No two ways about it. Anything you do that you think your boyfriend would dislike or disapprove of is wrong. Would it be ok with you if your bf behaved this way? If this is the case I think you do not value your relationship with your bf. Sure, long distance relationships are hard but that's a sacrifice you have chosen to make. Be strong.
1 person likes this
@ronaldinu (12445)
• Malta
14 Nov 08
Most probably you are having a crush. It's a normal thing if you can control it. If not problems can occur since you are already committed to someone else. Beware before taking any false steps. © ronaldinu 2008
1 person likes this
• India
14 Nov 08
Sorry in the previous post some mistakes are done this bcoz when i thought as i had the same everyone will talk at their complete modesty with girls to attract them
1 person likes this
• India
14 Nov 08
My dear the think of love from your mind is nothing other than just attraction for the new...you say that you have a bf then how can you take other new seriously.It just the mind tendency to get attracted for new bcoz "I TOO HAD THE SAME FEELING AS U" - now sometime when thought for that then i came conclude that everyone will talk at their with girls so as to impress...See i tell you these chatters you find in air,outside ,in road also but having a man who could stand with faithfully is the one ---------Sorry this hurts you but this the fact as i experienced solution is to forget him -who chatter or bf.......Its left to you