I am hiding this from my boyfriend

China
November 14, 2008 10:01am CST
I am now feeling so hard. I didn't talk to my colleague today, the one to who I am falling for. I know it's wrong to contiue chats with him as I have already had a bf and he is married and I don't want to play with fire. Even we like each other, this will go nowhere. This the first day that we didn't talk. Really hard for me, but I have to insist it. And this is the first time that I can't share my trouble with my bf. I am feeling low and when he is chatting with me trough the internet, I am just bored. I used to tell him all my troubles and things that concern me, but I know this is an exception. I have to hide the little chats between me and my colleague. I am fighting alone!!! Don't know whether I can succeed at last, but dear mylotters, do you believe I am doing the right thing? About the back off that married colleague and hiding this from my bf as well?
18 people like this
55 responses
• United States
14 Nov 08
Stop chatting with the married guy and get rid of your current boyfriend. The reason you need to get rid of your current boyfriend is obviously he's not enough for you. He's either not listening to you, not paying enough attention to you, or is simply not into you. Reasons for not chatting with the married guy should be obvious. Happy MyLotting!
3 people like this
• Philippines
14 Nov 08
I agree with PrincessKitten. The reason you're drawn to the other guy because you are trying to fill a void that your current boyfriend can't fill. You may love him, but as the song goes "sometimes love just ain't enough." And stay as far away from the married guy. It's not wrong to fall in love with him, but it's definitely not right to pursue a relationship with a married man.
@celestos (814)
• United States
15 Nov 08
I also agree,it seems you are seeking something that your bf isn't providing and your married friend can't give you:(
2 people like this
• China
16 Nov 08
Hey guys. I am just trying to figure things out. Definitely I am not talking to my coworker again and even talk, it's just common worker's talk and nothing special. As for my bf, I am still thinking, is there anything that I am searching but he can't give me. If there is, what is it??? Thanks for your kind responses.
@AmbiePam (50950)
• United States
14 Nov 08
You are certainly doing the right thing by keeping away from your married coworker. It would be prolonged heartache for you if you continued even a casual relationship. Temptation is easier to resist if we aren't around it. I know you must feel guilty, but by not acting on your feelings, you have shown great courage. As long as you continue to not act on your feelings, I don't think there is anything to tell your boyfriend. So long as you still care for your boyfriend, which I assume you do.
• Philippines
16 Nov 08
[i]I agree with you AmbiePam. There is nothing to tell the boyfriend and I think you co-worker will get it when you avoid him now. Unless he has a true feeling for you and try to pursue you. Just be strong and do what is right. Regards.[/i]
• China
16 Nov 08
Thanks guys, I am doing it now. I am not talking to him and I try my best to just take him as a common co-worker. Forget all those feelings and stop being confused...Thanks again for your kind advices.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36471)
• United States
14 Nov 08
u are being very smart to back off from the married man. that will bring u nothing but heartache. as for telling your boyfriend i don't know what to tell u. u know it will cause trouble between you. sometimes u just need to keep things to yourself butplease whatever u decide to do don't fool w/the married man again.
2 people like this
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
14 Nov 08
I gave my openion before about your married new boyfriend.I'm requesting you again please avoid this married person.Don't betray your lover.
2 people like this
@savypat (20245)
• United States
14 Nov 08
Since you have made up your mind why not tell your bf. Clear the air, it will also show him that others find you attractive. Just make sure you put it in a positive manner, Laughing tell him you'll never guess who made a pass at me and not only that he's married. Don't let your bf know you were temped to go on with the relationship. You could also ask your bf for advice on how to handle the situation. Good Luck
• Philippines
15 Nov 08
Hello there denise! Well, since i PARTLY know what's going on more or less what I am about to say to is just an opinion. Your final decision is still up to you. It is indeed right to back off and leave your married colleague alone, for three reasons: 1. He is MARRIED (eventually, when things do go your way, and they did split up, you have to remeber at the back of your mind, you just RUINED SOMEBODY ELSE'S MARRIAGE) 2. HE HAS A KID ( you are, not only ruining somebosy else's marriage, you are about to ruin a kid's life) 3. HOW WELL DO YOU TRUST THIS GUY? The fact that he is being friendly with you despite the fact that he is married with a kid says a lot about his fidelity. Imagine, if ever that you and the married guy get into a relationship, don't you think he will do the same thing he is doing to his wife right now? Your future relationship will be based on deceit and lies. Lastly, do no start a relationship on the wrong foot. You can not be truly happy if you know at the back of your mind, you ruined a relationhip, a marriage, alife, just for you to be happy. About hiding things to your boyfriend, it is up to you. If you feel that nothing good can come from telling the truth so be it. Do not tell him. You said that you are deeply saddened that you cannot share this to your boyfriend, but then maybe you should tell him. You can not be fully confident in a relationship if you are acually hiding something, not all things can remain hidden for the rest of your life, and it will be more hurtful if he finds out from somebody else other than you. And if he really loves you as much as he said he does, whatever spur of the moment insanity you did, he will eventually forgive you. Just tell him everything and explain to what extent your relationship with the other guy progressed. And make sure to tell your bf how you really feel about him. The purpose of forgiveness is to unburden our hearts and the hearts of others from unnecessary pain, to free us from carrying around the baggage of mistakes. in the long run, it really doesn't matter who did what to whom, what is more important is the peace of mind that we withhold from forgiveness.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
15 Nov 08
One last thing denise, I know you feel somehow that you did something wrong. It is very brave of you to recognize your faults in this situation. The hardest part of all this is i think forgiving yourself. But then i know you can do it. Forgive yourelf, so that other may see it in their hearts to forgive you as well..
1 person likes this
• China
16 Nov 08
Hey emorales. You are so wise there and I think I amm gonna take your advice. I think it over and it's right the points you mentioned. I am romaticize the married colleague and in m mind he is perfect coz he is not avalable. Now I am not talking to him and just take him as a common co-worker. It's hard but I have to do it because I am sure is the right thing to do!!! Thanks for your advices, really appreciate.
@camomom (7536)
• United States
14 Nov 08
If you are hiding it, you are lying to him by ommision. I think if you really love him you should wait until you see him face to face and tell him about it. You are doing the right thing about staying away from your colleague.
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
14 Nov 08
I disagree about telling him. Would you really want to know every time your spouse was attracted to another woman? Not me! I think telling such things only makes the confesser feel better and now makes the bf feel terrible. What good does it do unless you are intending to act on your feelings for the married person?
1 person likes this
@camomom (7536)
• United States
15 Nov 08
I guess you have a point but if I were planning on taking a trip with someone else I'd feel like it was about to go further and that needs to be mentioned, just my opinion.
1 person likes this
@rusty2rusty (6762)
• Defiance, Ohio
16 Nov 08
Well, if you feel you have to hide anything from your boyfriend. Than you need to get rid of him. because it is obvious not the one fo ryou. Something is lacking somewhere in teh relationship if you are seeking love from another man. One married at that. YOu will not only hurt your current boyfriend. But the married man's wife? How would you feel if it happen to you? I don't think very darn goo. I suggest you stay away from the married man and leave your current boyfriend. As it seems he is merely a friend and not the one you plan to spend your life with. Otherwise you would not have those feelings for another man. I am sure this is not what you wanted to hear. But the truth never is.
1 person likes this
• China
16 Nov 08
Hey rusty2rusty. I am thinking of your words and maybe there is really something missing between me and my bf. We have been together for just half a year, but it seems we are running out passion. Maybe he is not, but I am. Is it because he is so nice and so available to me? I am still thinking... Thanks for your responding.
1 person likes this
@Margarit (3677)
• Philippines
15 Nov 08
Hi denise, honestly im so proud of you for your good decision for not talking with your colleague, it is the best way to do it, i know it is so hard but you should always use your mind over your heart. And if you are ready to face your colleage again, tell him honestly that you should stop what ever feelings you have right now and put limitation on the things you do. chat only when needed but nothing more than that or talk about work only and no more personal matters. About your current boyfriend i guess you should tell him the truth and accept what ever consiquences he makes. If he really loves you, he will forgive you and give you another chance, in this way you wont feel alone for you already release the feeling of loneliness you have right now. Dont let your boyfriend discovered it by other person for it will be more difficult for him to forgive you. You make mistake and you should admit it to him. And if you are a christian, i would suggest you have to pray first and ask for discernment to God for the right things to do. After all it is still your decision to follow.
1 person likes this
• China
16 Nov 08
Hey Margari. Thanks for your encouragement. It's so hard for me but I know it's the right thing to do and I will force myself to think no more about him. I will arrnage my schedules and no time and attention for him...God, give me strenth!!!
1 person likes this
@umart13 (841)
• Ireland
15 Nov 08
Hello Denise_Tung and thank you for sharing these feelings with the rest of the world. However, I hope that your boyfriend, or this other married guy that you fancy, are not MyLotters, as they may read your secrets online. If this guy is married then you should steer well clear of him. He is betraying his wife and you should learn from that. If you are not honest with your boyfriend, then your relationship with him is a false one and you would be better off ending this relationship. Have a nice weekend. Umart
@Margarit (3677)
• Philippines
15 Nov 08
Well i think it is good to be brave sometimes by posting discussion like this that can help you to resolve the problem in the best possible way. I know some of the mylotters here can also relate with this kind of situation for mostly have their own secret love affair, but they are just too embarrassed to post it. I admire her bravery and her trust to all the mylotters by sharing her problem with us.
1 person likes this
@1corner (744)
• Canada
14 Nov 08
hi Denise, Looks like you've made a decision. You don't need to stop interacting with your co-worker all of a sudden, or he'll think something's gone wrong. So far, you've told us how YOU feel about this relationship. It's possible he doesn't feel the same way you do, and is just being friendly. You just need to keep your conversations light. Like princesskitten, I wondered about the status of your relationship with your bf. How is it you don't seem to share this connection with him? The distance between you two shouldn't be enough to keep you from interacting. There's the phone, email, instant messaging. Hiding stuff from a loved one isn't honest, and could ultimately hurt the relationship, especially the kind you're keeping from him. You need to be honest to yourself and him. If you no longer love him, say so, or maybe you need your bf to be close by. In that case, you'll have to find a new one, just one who's unattached. (Unless the current one is willing to drop his job to be with you). I agree with another poster who thought you're simply suffering from your bf's lack of attention. If so, your bf must be involved in the solution. Let him know about this.
1 person likes this
• China
14 Nov 08
Yeah, I am also thinking about my boyfriend. I know he loves me and he tries to do his best to make me happy, but sometimes, he just doesn't know what I want and in what way. Recently he is abroad and I have been through a lot of hard things without him beside me. He tries to comfort me, but I know very well that in his heart and mind, these just piece of cake for him and he thinks I bother to think so much is because I am still a little girl, the nickname he gives me. I can't tell him now, maybe later, after I am calm and over this. Thanks for your responding. That really helps.
1 person likes this
@jdyrj777 (6549)
• United States
16 Nov 08
Infatuation when acted upon can be disasterous!
@whyaskq (7532)
• Singapore
16 Nov 08
You have my empathy. I feel you made the right move. There is nothing wrong in not able to confide to your bf if it is not going to help you solve the problem but instead create more problem for you. I see speaking out in mylot is one good way. It could be awkward initially but I feel if both your colleague had a heart-to-heart talk, things might work better for both of you in your working relationship once both of you have achieve some mutual understanding.
1 person likes this
• China
16 Nov 08
Hey gal! Of course you made a right decision to keeping the way with this married. you really really fighting alone,I suggest you to make a trip to see you bf. or your bf have to come to see you. not just chatting on the internet it's no good.bad for both of you and your bf... think about my suggestion.and take care cheers!
1 person likes this
• China
16 Nov 08
You are right i think,do not be the third party ,give more love to your bf.
@vanities (11401)
• Davao, Philippines
16 Nov 08
you must avoid this man stop chatting with him..i mean he is married and not free of course..he have a family of his own ..if you really dont love your bf then break up with him..its not fair for him i guess thinking that its a one way kind of relationship..
15 Nov 08
Honey put your mind working and see who makes you relly happy and with who can you have a better future and choose one, dont play with someone elses heart and feelings....
1 person likes this
@kun2349 (23473)
• Singapore
15 Nov 08
U are definitely doing the right thing in backing off from your colleague, for it's never a nice feeling to be a 3rd party, and especially, he's married and u have a bf.. However, as for hiding from your bf, i'm not sure if u are doign the right thing.. Because if he were to find out one day, things will be hard to clear up.. BUt if u tell him now, there might be a risk too.. Thus, it's up to u, to decide, what's more important.. The present or the future??
1 person likes this
@mssnow (9493)
• United States
15 Nov 08
well yes if you are backing off of the married guy that is a good thing. Just know that it will most likely go nowhere. Most married men (even if they promise you) will not leave their wife. Hiding it from your boyfriend is probably a good idea because you will only hurt him. Just realize you made a mistake and move on.
1 person likes this
@TheCatLady (4695)
• Israel
15 Nov 08
I would suggest keeping away from your coworker as much as possible. If you can switch departments at work to be farther away from him do it. You can even tell him that you think he's cute and you think that the two of you should keep more distance.
1 person likes this