My two best friends hate each other

@aero89 (422)
United States
November 15, 2008 3:16am CST
They haven't liked each other for a long time, but they each have 'dealt' with each other and usually get along amicably. Tonight was not the case. They started blowing up at each other, calling each other names, threatening each other, all the fun stuff :-/ My concern is now, that I'm eventually going to be seen as choosing sides, since they no longer want to be around each other and at some point, I'm going to have to say, "No, I can't do _____ cuz I'm hanging out with _____" Neither one of them could probably care and I do not foresee them making up, but here I am, stuck in the middle - whether I like it or not. And I'm a little irked about it because I really don't know what to do when one starts going on about the other. Listen, and point out where each is 'wrong', causing tension involving me? Bite my tongue and keep my opinion to myself? Tell 'em both to go to hell for putting me in this spot? lol So, any good thoughts on how I can deal with this? Right now, I feel like I'm going to be in a custody battle ffs... the amount of time the three of us spent together over the years is going to be all split up and basically I feel like my life is going to be upside down cuz I love them so much and this sucks.
2 people like this
4 responses
@sktekweb (277)
• India
15 Nov 08
Jealousy,insulting jokes,outbound anger,non-acceptability,material selfishness and many other reasons are the cause why sometimes best friends become enemies and you in the middle as their friend should avoid listening to both them.Better leave them until they compromise and forget and excuse each other from their inner heart.
@aero89 (422)
• United States
16 Nov 08
Yeah, I almost feel like I would be better off to leave them both alone for a while, at least until I can think things through. I do hope they will forgive each other from their hearts. So, girls, if you're reading!! Thanks for responding
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
7 Dec 08
I think you being in the middle might be a blessing in disguise. Instead of choosing sides ,I think you should try to be a bridge between the two. I suspect from the way you are talking that you don’t want to loose either one and as such let that be your motivation for what you must do. Firstly I think you should talk to each other separately. Let them know that there are both your friend and you love them dearly and you don’t want to have to choose .Tell them you would rather had them both as your friend but then the way they are behaving now you are thinking of alienating them both unless they can resolve their behavior .Don’t choose sides, let them know that the way the behaved was embarrassing and you cant believe that adults could behave in such a fashion and if they continue to treat you like that then you will not see them again until they have sorted out their differences. Secondly you may have to show that them that you are serious by not calling either of them or be seen in either ones company. Hopefully the time apart will give them both time to think. When you think they have both had sufficient time to think call them both up and tell them they must meet you somewhere and you should arrive there first and demand that they both apologize to you and each other or else they loose your friendship Maybe after they have both apologized then you can listen to both stories again and decide together and in a more amicable setting. Hopefully that should work
@aero89 (422)
• United States
7 Dec 08
Thanks for your thoughts. The three of us (plus several family members) have been together one time since that dreadful Friday - and the gathering was as successful as it could be, meaning there were no fights lol Maybe after enough time goes by, it will be like it never happened, something we will all laugh about one day...
1 person likes this
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
8 Dec 08
Some wise person(I dont remeber who )time is the master of aevrything ,so maybe this will heal all wounds ,where all elaborate schemes ahve failed. lol
• Philippines
16 Feb 09
Hello Aero, Your situation is quite hard. But I think I experienced this once. When two of my best friend had a fight. Being in between friends you love is quite hard. But just divide your time and schedule enough time for the both of them. Other helphful tips have been posted already. Good luck
@aero89 (422)
• United States
23 Feb 09
The very weird thing about it is, you typed to me 3 months after all this happened, and it also happened to be the first day the two of them put aside their differences... It has, indeed, been 3 months of divided time, and I'm so glad it's over. Now, I just gotta hope they don't do it again heh
@matersfish (6311)
• United States
17 Nov 08
Look, seriously, it's really not your problem. You feeling uncomfortable in the situation has more to do with the kind of person you are -- not who or how they are. It's rude of your friends if they're expecting you to deal with it, and you should really get in there and tell 'em what's what. If friend A hates friend B, tell friend A you don't wanna hear about friend B, and vice versa. Don't read Hints from Heloise for secret tips on how to sit 'em down and hug it out. You don't have to be Dr. Phil here. Get mad at both of them. Let them know that it's bothering you. After all, it's YOU that it's affecting. They obviously couldn't care less that it's putting you in a tight situation. So, I say it's ultimatum time. Tell them to grow the $&@* up or just walk around with a binky so people know right away what babies they are.
@aero89 (422)
• United States
18 Nov 08
Yeah, the thing is they KNOW it bothers me, how could they not ? And yes, I have expressed much anger toward the both of em .. but only from the comfort of my own home and mother's ears. It does come down to hurting someone's feelings and basically I am in the middle, and CERTAINLY one's feelings would be hurt while the other's wouldn't, were I to sit em down and holler at em. They've already had me invited to do stuff... and I just said No to both of em, and unless they figure something out, I think they seriously are going to have to have 'custody' of me; one girl gets me Friday night, the other Saturday and during the week they can consider making up with each other. And yeah, when they say, "I know ya don't wanna hear it, but..." (which they have) I should just cut em off huh? I just feel like I should "be there" just as if it was a problem they had that didn't involve me, but dang I've been hearing this crap for 2 or 3 years now! It's no wonder I have always preferred the company of men, no drama!