We Got A Wedding Invitation

Marriage Bliss - I need advice as to dollar amount for a wedding gift.
Canada
November 17, 2008 3:59pm CST
I'm always left to be the decission maker and I need help with this one. Here's the senerio: My husbands sister has four grown up children that now have children of their own. One of those children is getting married. For many different reasons, mainly health issues we are not going to be able to go. I was very impressed we got an invitation and I'd definately go if it was feasable, but it's not. My husband and I have never seen this person getting married so obviously we don't know they have or need. All my husband said was "You'll have to sent the card back saying we can't make it," I'll do that but even though we don't know the kids they are relatives and I feel I want to send a gift. Given the circumstances I feel a gift of money is the best option. The question is How much money should we be sending? Please give me advice. Thank You in advance.
7 people like this
28 responses
@nadooa247 (1096)
• United States
17 Nov 08
Typically when my parents would send a cash gift to the bride and groom it wouldn't be less than a 100 dollars... Some people might say gift certificate or something similar but then they HAVE to go to the store you bought the gift card/certificate from. Another option is an American Express Check... they can cash it in to do just about anything they wish with it plus more secure. No one besides the person who's name is on it can cash it ;) So typically it'll be a 100 dollars cash because they ARE relatives. If they were not so close friends or something 50 dollars would be more than sufficient. Or relatives you had no real contact with same deal. BUT since you said you would go if you could treat it as such... a close friend/relative... $100.
4 people like this
• Canada
18 Nov 08
Thank You so much for your response. The idea of sending $100.00 is beyond our means right now but you did a good job of explaining your thoughts. I appreciate your response and I like your train of thought. Thank You
2 people like this
@eztuner (451)
• United States
17 Nov 08
It's a very most appreciated gift for newly weds. And is well thought for you. As the amount, just think in a gift you will buy and the amount it will cost you to send and your math will add up to the right amount for you to give. It's a gift there is no rate to fill. The gesture is what it counts.
3 people like this
• Canada
18 Nov 08
Actually you are very right it's the thought that counts and I needed to be set straight on that. Thank You.
2 people like this
@Polly1 (12649)
• United States
17 Nov 08
I think a gift of $20 is sufficient. Some would say thats too little, but with the circumstances I think that is enough. If you guys have lots of money, go ahead and send them more. But I have a feeling that you are "normal" (chuckle) people and $20 is alot of money. Less then that would seem sort of cheap. But if you can't afford the $20, less would be ok too.
3 people like this
• Canada
18 Nov 08
Me normal??? hehehehe You're funny!!! I asked hubby and all he says is "Oh whatever you think." I kind of thought this over and I can definately send $20.00 but here you buy nothing for $20.00. I somehow think just send a card but guess that's real cheap. Thanks, talk soon.
2 people like this
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
17 Nov 08
I think $25.00 would be a nice gift..They can get a set of towels are a small applance with that amount..That is what i always send...I sometimes will get a gift certificate to Walmart sometimes..Now this is not what i do for my children or grandchildren but someone in the family that i seldom see..I think a gift is a wonderful idea...
• Canada
18 Nov 08
Before I say anything I want you to know we will very likely go with 25.00 cheque. I did seriously think about a gift card but being they live in such a small town I have no idea how often they go to the city, so I'll just tuck a cheque in the card. Now I just have to tell you I read your response and I thought, "Oh my goodness a set of towels and a small appliance for 25.00 ???" I'm moving to Texas honey, got room for me till I find a place ??? Wow I wish we could shop that cheap here. I might even get to like shopping.
2 people like this
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
18 Nov 08
Well yes, i know that sounds strange but you can get really good prices here in Texas...I purchased a nice toaster for less than $25.00, and Kohls has big thick towels for $5.00 each and so does Ross...Now where they live they may not have those type stores but here ,you can buy a nice set of towels for that price or purchase a small applance such as a can opener,a toaster,or a coffee pot...They have Mr Coffee right now on sale for $24.95....Where do you live? maybe things are higher there....
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Nov 08
Okay so your great niece/ nephew is getting married- is that right? As for the gift are they registered anywhere, if so that could be the best place to start. With all the registry options many have gift cards, ect.. and then you would know you were giving them something that they really wanted. As for the amount- that is totally up to you. Our family is very close so I grew up with my great Aunts and Uncles and wedding were always common place invites and gift giving opportunities. My favorite Great Uncle did the sweetest and silliest thing ever- he actually purchased a $50.00 gift to Babies R Us for the future and you know what we used it a year later- it was great. Anyway just a little food for thought. Good Luck
• Canada
18 Nov 08
I seriously thought of the gift card idea but because they live in such a small place and I don't know how often they would go to the city it's best we just send a cheque. This is a great niece Yes Thank You, I have always been useless at figuring out all this stuff. I'm from such a small family, I've never had to know all this. Thank You so much for your response. I rate all with a + and I love hearing from everyone.
2 people like this
• United States
18 Nov 08
I see your point about them living in a small town- so maybe cash would be best. You could still look at the registry and include a note that says I thought you could use this towards whatever the item is. Good luck to you and your welcome.
@mentalward (14697)
• United States
17 Nov 08
I would think of what kind of gift I would want to buy them and send them equivalent amount of money. If you don't really know someone but they are family, something in the $20.00 to $30.00 range, I'd say. At least that's what I would send. I feel for you, having to be the decisionmaker. I'm forced into that role in my family as well and I can't stand it!!! Drives me bonkers sometimes! LOL Good luck!
• Canada
18 Nov 08
It's so nice having everyone here for me and I have pretty much made my decission based on everyones ideas here. Just once more when my myLot friends have come through for me. Thank You.
2 people like this
@mentalward (14697)
• United States
18 Nov 08
You're quite welcome! Isn't myLot great? We're like one big family. Sometimes we argue, but mostly we're here for each other. That's one of the main reasons I love it here so much!
1 person likes this
@Paula1966 (1102)
• United States
17 Nov 08
Are they registered online? If so, and you are comfortable with online shopping, you may be able to have the parents pick up the gift at the store and provide it to the newlyweds with your name on it. This way you can find something within your budget, and know it was something the couple is looking for, even if it is a set of corn cob holders. :)
• Canada
18 Nov 08
I don't know if they're registered but I'm thinking Not because they live in a small one horse town. There's no Wal Mart even. We've decided to just tuck a cheque in a card and call it good. Thank You for your help. I have rated everyone a + and it's here at myLot one more time where I got my help. Thanks.
2 people like this
@drannhh (15211)
• United States
17 Nov 08
That would depend on your own circumstances and what you feel you can truly afford to give, if we were not going to the wedding. Since it is your husband's sister's grandchild, whether or not to send a gift should be his decision and if he leaves it up to you, I would read that as his decision not to send a gift. Since you as for advice, my advice would be to ask your husband directly if it is his wish that a gift be sent. If he doesn't give you a straight answer, that means "No!" and if he says "I don't know" that means "No" and if he says "yes" then I would ask him "What kind of gift do you think might be appropriate?" Are you close to your husband's sister? If you are and want to send a small gift just for her sake, then why not ask her what she thinks her grandchild might like? Personally, I would just send a nice card saying thank you for the invitation, and although we cannot attend, we wish you a very joyous ceremony and a happy life together.
2 people like this
• Canada
18 Nov 08
You are very right and I wish hubby thought like you did. Of course I asked him what he felt we should do in terms of a gift. I also told him I couldn't see the sense in mailing a gift because the gift and cost of the postage is too much and the risk of it getting there. I suggested a cheque inside the card and yes that was fine. Then when I asked how much he felt we should send he just said, "Oh whatever you think." I can't stand hubbys sister and neither can hubby but we don't want that to reflect on our gift or well wishes to the kids, but I wouldn't ask her anything. I will remember the way you worded the comments to write on the card because I'm no good at that sort of stuff. Thank You so much my dear friend.
2 people like this
@carolbee (16241)
• United States
17 Nov 08
If I were in your position I would send a check for $50.00. That's a nice gift and am sure the bride and groom will appreciate it and remember your kindness. If $50.00 is just not feasible right now, a $25.00 check is also very much appreciated. We have given more, in the past, to someone we really didn't know but my husband was a business associate of the parent or something of that nature. It's always nice to keep peace in the family and put a smile on everyone's face.
2 people like this
• Canada
18 Nov 08
I thought about $ 50.00 and I asked my husband and he say, "Whatever you think." I think it should be his decission really but I thought oh heck I'll ask my friends here. Everyone is so good to me and give their oppinions the way they see fit. I appreciate all you guys, I really do. Thank You.
2 people like this
@Celanith (2334)
• United States
18 Nov 08
I would send no less than $20 but you could go up from there as you choose. A couple starting out can always use extra money. You might also consider purchasing a gift card for a set dollar amount. If there was phone # to call you could ask where the bride and groom are registered and get a gift card from that store to send in the mail. Or if not registered ask for a list of most needed items and then you have an idea how much to send example set of four towels might cost $30-40. That would be practical and helpful.
• Canada
18 Nov 08
I seriously thought of the gift card idea but because they live in such a small place and I don't know how often they would go to the city it's best we just send a cheque. Thank You so much for your response. I rate all with a + and I love hearing from everyone.
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
22 Nov 08
I think a check is a good idea. A card and a check are what we often send.
@moondancer (7434)
• United States
18 Nov 08
I would sent them a card of congratulations and send the amount of money I'm able to send without hendering my finances. If you can afford $100. that's what I'd send. It's enough to allow them to add to other amounts that they get from other people. But also not enough to break you, that is if you can afford this amount. It is a good amount to send. It shows you care without being cheap. Keeping in mind you don't have a trip to go on and time spent out that you can not do anyway. The money you would normally spend on new clothes or an outfit to wear fro you and your husband would be close to this amount or more. So in the long run sending them money may save you. I know you really would like to attend the festivities. Your health will not allow this, but sending them the money you would normally spend on the things to either get there or attire needed for the function will surfice.
1 person likes this
• Canada
18 Nov 08
You bring about a very good point. I would need a pair of shoes for sure and there's at least 40.00. The wedding is a long way away and we could never afford to go that far anyway. Then we'd need a room because I'm up and down so much during the night. Thank You for putting this in proper prospective.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Nov 08
You are quite welcome. I and my mother would have the same issues. We have problems with having to get up all during the night too. And she has to check her blood sugar a lot, she goes to the bathroom for that. Also buying the clothes and the trip since none of the family lives close by they are in another state. The only family I have close to me is my daughter and her family. My Aunts daughter sent us an invite to her wedding, we couldn't go. They were signed up at Bed and Bath so we were able to see what they wanted or needed. I also sent money to them so they could get something they didn't have at Bed and Bath if they chose to. I sent them a nice card and the money was enclosed.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
18 Nov 08
That's a difficutlt question....if it were me I'd send a token gift of twenty or twenty five dollars. I know as the years have went on it seems like they are giving more...my cousins daughter just got married....I hadn't ever met her but went because all the cousins on my mom's side were going to be there....we each gave twenty five and got a prepaid visa with it.
1 person likes this
• Canada
18 Nov 08
Thanks to all my friends here at myLot, I have read all response and we've decided to tuck a cheque in the card with well wishes. Thank You so much.
1 person likes this
@JoyfulOne (6242)
• United States
17 Nov 08
I have to agree with Polly1 here (above post)^^^, twenty (or even twenty five) bucks is plenty for us 'regular' folks to give as a gift; especially for a relative who you've never even met. A gift is something given with the heart, and should not break the bank of the giver! Don't ever feel guilty for giving what you can afford, and never let anybody make you feel guilty for staying within your affordable spending limit. If it was me, I'd probably put a $20/$25 Target or Walmart gift card in with my wedding card, along with a nice note wishing them happiness.
1 person likes this
• Canada
18 Nov 08
Thank You for not only supporting one of my friends here but for putting it in proper perspective. I have never met the girl and my husband only saw her when she was very small. I am just so grateful to everyone here. Thank You.
2 people like this
• Philippines
18 Nov 08
Some of our relatives sent us around 100 dollars as a gift and we appreciate it very much. We sent them an invite but unfortunately they couldn't make it. Hope this info helps
• Canada
18 Nov 08
WOW that's a very generous donation.
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
22 Nov 08
That's a lot of money. No one sent that much to us and I would NEVER have expected that much. You know some people some serious money. I know people with average jobs or on fixed incomes.
@drealm (79)
• China
18 Nov 08
I think a gift of $55 is sufficient.Some would say thats too little,but with the circumstances I think that is enough.If you guys have lots of money,go ahead and send them more.that all.thanks for your patience.
• Canada
19 Nov 08
Lots of money we do not have, but we will send them a cheque in the card. Thank You for your response. Good to hear from you.
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
22 Nov 08
I was sending $20, but with the economy the way it is, I don't know what I could afford to send. I usually figure $10 for each of us, but that was when we were both working. Since you won't be eating a meal (and they tend to be a lot of money per person), you can send less than if you were going to be there. Hope you found an answer you liked.
@samijo719 (1054)
• United States
18 Nov 08
I think a card with $20 would be just fine. If you can send more great, if not $20 is perfectly fine. I think I saw somewhere where it said $20 doesn't buy much but if you think they are getting married and others will be giving money also they can take the combined amount and buy something or just use it for day to day needs. Nowadays money is money no matter the amount...it helps!
@jillmalitz (5132)
• United States
18 Nov 08
If I were you I would send them a nice card with say $25 or a gift card from a store they frequent. That should get something for them or they can put it toward something.
@SomeCowgirl (32271)
• United States
18 Nov 08
Say this relative was a close friend or closer relative (in relation). What would you buy them? How much would it cost? Whatever you would pick up for them, take the cost of that and decide whether or not you can afford to supply her with that much money.
@rajnayar (33)
• India
18 Nov 08
i think you can send a nice gift to them of abt 25$ - 40$...moreover they would be happy that you had send them a gift and ur blessings wth it...so i dont think you would have to buy much costlier gifts