I know A secret should I tell

United States
November 17, 2008 9:10pm CST
One of my good friends boyfriend cheated on her while they were together and I new it all along be kept quite and now that they are seperated and he is about to marry another girl should I tell my goodfriend all that I new or just keep quite? I know if I tell her it might cause confusion and on the other hand I feel she has the right to know, and then again I wouldn't want her to be mad at me for keeping the secret from her. what would you do
4 people like this
23 responses
@aya215 (41)
• Philippines
19 Nov 08
I have been in that kind of situation before. But try to weigh the things. Since you know your friend, if you tell her the truth you think she will react negatively or vice versa? I know its hard to keep that kind of secret, but if you think that your friend is over him already and she's not affected at all maybe that's the right time you tell her. but say it in nice and a clear way that she would understand and would not think that you fooled her for not saying a thing before.
• United States
19 Nov 08
Im not to sure how she would react because I know she is highly emotional and she is no where near over him, they are not together but I know she still calls him because he mentions it all the time. but I think if she was a truly my friend she would understand why I didn't tell her then
• United States
19 Nov 08
ah you should havetold her before, now shell just be angry and think your a bad friend for not helping her rid herself of a bad man sooner
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Nov 08
Really you think I should have told her. you don't think she would have blamed me for her relationship breakup If I told her then what I new?
• United States
19 Nov 08
honestly i think that you should have told her he was cheating when they were together. real friends tell the truth regardless. how would you feel if the roles were reversed? since you didn't tell her before and he's about to get married i would keep it quiet. has she moved on?
• United States
19 Nov 08
I agree I thought about that before but I didn't want to come in between there relationship in a way I kind of felt like it wasn't my place and that eventually it will all come out. if the rolls reversed I guess I would want her to tell me no matter what, it would hurt me in the begining but I would get over it. your right its different on the other foot I really do feel bad for her because she still loves him even though she is with someone else
@Amberina (1541)
• United States
18 Nov 08
I wouldn't say anything at all it's over an done with and it's time for her to move on. Maybe if you had told her back when she was with him she may not have listened to you because as they say love is blind. I would just keep quiet and not stir up sleeping dogs.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Nov 08
I think either way I go I stuck because I have the strongest feeling she is going to find out eventually :o(
@di1159 (1580)
• United States
18 Nov 08
Remember the old adage "Let sleeping dogs lie". She's not with him anymore and he has apparently moved on. I don't see any good coming form this being revealed. When it comes to romantic relationships, friends of either party are best left out of it, at least in all of my experiences. If she were marrying him, then maybe I could understand why you'd want her to know, but seeing that's not the case, I'd let it go. Good luck, whatever you decide!
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Nov 08
the bad thing is he moved on but she has not she still cries over him
@hildas (3031)
18 Nov 08
I think you might be better saying nothing to your friend. She might be really annoyed with you for not telling her before. You know your friend best, but I would personaly not say a word. I am so glad she spilt with her old boyfriend also.
@34momma (13895)
• United States
18 Nov 08
if you didn tell her when it happened, i would not say anything now. besides they are not together. he is about to get married, at this point is it really even important any more? i say let it go, and move on.
• United States
18 Nov 08
I feel the same way that maybe I should just keep it all in but I can't stand to see her cry over this guy even though they are not together she still feels for him, and on top of that I don't think she knows he is getting married to this other girl...
1 person likes this
@34momma (13895)
• United States
18 Nov 08
i still say to leave it alone. we all go through what we need to move on. if you want to cheer her up then find a way to do that. but don't do it telling her negative things about her ex. i would just leave that whole thing alone
@Miziou (35)
• Poland
18 Nov 08
I wouldn't say absolutely anything. This won't change a thing apart from what you mentioned, that is, your friend will know that you knew about the situation... Leave it as it is. Be happy that the guy is gone and will not hurt your friend anymore - and support her with her decisions. That's what you can do to help. Telling her won't do any good...
• United States
18 Nov 08
But the guy isn't completely gone. we are all apart of the same church organization and when we travel he's right there and on top of that he's very close to my family. I feel sometimes she feels I'm holding back because of what happen between them two I kind of distance myself altogether.. what makes me even more sad is she is seeking counseling because of his behavor
@Miziou (35)
• Poland
18 Nov 08
Then if it's such a comlicated issue, you may try to tell her everything. But if you don't want to lose her, make it really everything. Including every detail of why you didn't say anything before. And hope that she will understand... I wish you good luck...
@magojordan (3254)
• Philippines
19 Nov 08
I think it's better not to say anything and let them discover and solve the problem by themselves. If she gets mad at you for keeping the secret you could explain that you don't want that you meddle with her romantic affairs even she's your friend because romantic affairs should be solved first and foremost by the couples themselves.
• United States
19 Nov 08
True, I just didn't want to get involved. what should I do if she keeps crying and saying I can't live without him, and takes depression pills because of him?
@Mikyoo12 (187)
• United States
18 Nov 08
Well in my opinion, You should take that secret to the grave with you. If you were to tell your friend now about what happened back then it will cause more than just some congusion. Your not sure how she will react so I would just keep my mouth shut. Your friend may get really upset with you for being her friend and not telling her that secret. She might end up saying that she doesn't want to be your friend anymoresince that trust is now broken. But since she doesn't know just leave it be and kepp living your life as if nothing happened. Besides it happened in the past.
• United States
18 Nov 08
your right it probably would be best to just keep quite but its hard having him and her around in the same church organization when we travel we see him all the time its just a constant reminder...
• India
18 Nov 08
well if u think in thhe long run it will b okay.. then u shud
• United States
18 Nov 08
See thats the problem I don't think it will end good either way Lol
@tammytwo (4303)
• United States
18 Nov 08
That is a hard one to call. I would be afraid of making her mad because I didn't tell sooner so I don't know if I would tell now. Follow your heart and do what it tells you to do. You will find it is the right thing in the end.
• United States
18 Nov 08
It is hard but I think its best to keep quite
18 Nov 08
I would not tell her especially if she does not feel responsible for the break up. She has a right to move on with her life and so does he. However, I would suggest that you tell her exboyfriend that you know about the affair and that it was not easy not to tell your friend and that things like that could ruien his new marrage.
• United States
18 Nov 08
the bad part of it all is she is blamed for the break up. because of her neediness he felt she was just to nagging and what not but that is an excuse for him not being totally honest with her, so she blames herself all the time. and I just want to tell her he was the dog its not you boy what a mess
@cupkitties (7545)
• United States
18 Nov 08
With the STDs floating around I would probably open my mouth and say something. I mean I don't know about everyone else but to me a persons life is more important than trying to protect their emotions. Now if you know for 100% certain (which I doubt) that your friends bf is sexually transmitted disease free, then there probably isn't any point in bringing it up. They aren't together any longer and he plans to be with someone else so let the past be the past.
• United States
18 Nov 08
shes really good at getting tested and hopefully she protected herself hopefully I just feel morally wrong for holding something like that and at the same time I don't want to be in the mix, but I feel either way im obligated, to hold the truth and then to let her know. event though they are apart she still calls him in hopes of him realizing they were in love
@jesssp (2742)
• Canada
18 Nov 08
I agree with the majority, there isn't really much point in saying anything to her now. All it would do is just open up old wounds and make her question her trust in you. Now that he's about to marry someone else, so they're separated for good, it's really just a moot point. Just keep it under your hat and focus on being a good friend in the future.
• United States
18 Nov 08
I think im going to loose either way I go because if I don't tell her eventually its going to come out, there are so many who are friends with him and her. I just don't want to be blamed in the end... its a crazy mess.
• Malaysia
18 Nov 08
I thinks it better to hold it forever in your hands. Lets by gone be by gone. this certainly will make matters much worse as you friend will know that she will no longer trust in you later as you knew something that she was supposed to know.
• United States
18 Nov 08
Your so right but I know in the end she is going to find out. everything you do in the dark comes to the light and I really don't want it to bit me then. and the other bad thing is when we travel to different places with our church he's right there and he's apart of my family so its like a constant reminder of what he did to my friend
@subha12 (18453)
• India
18 Nov 08
i think you are the better judge of this situation. when she is no more with the guy, she should not get offended that much. but still. if you want you can say judging the sitaution
• United States
18 Nov 08
She will take it to heart Im sure, this guy has given her depression and the worst thing of it all is she's with another great guy but she still loves him
• United States
18 Nov 08
I would say just hold tha thought. You know your friend. How do you think she would respond. If you had of told her while she was with him, that could have turned out ugly. What would be the point in telling her now? Other than to indicate she is not missing anything good. Wait a while. Good friends don't like to hurt good friends. It would have hurt then, and it will hurt now....... Tell her 10 years from now when she is really over this person that wasn't for her anyway.
• United States
18 Nov 08
I don't think she would handle it so well she is the type of girl who loves hard. and she thought he was the one but he ended up doing her so wrong. I feel bad because he kind of lead her on in a way, and now he's getting married and she still loves him soo much. I want to get it all of my chest but I know if I do it will hurt her even more, and then I am scared if I don't its going to come to the light in the end and bit me in the behind I guess its just a catch 22
@dodo19 (33984)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
20 Nov 08
I think that you are in the best position to judge. Start by simply thinking about i and asking yourself things like how would your friend react, what purpose would it serve, and such. Think about it, judge the situation and see how you feel about it afterwards.
• United States
18 Nov 08
I would say to go ahead and just hold it. If you have not told her already then it is too late and will only cause pain on that person with no good to come out of it.