Was it really wrong of me?

@mojcica (1512)
Slovenia
November 19, 2008 11:07am CST
I few days back me and my boyfriend discused if he can take next friday off form work...so we could go away for three days. Just the two of us, to have some time alone. He said he cant take any more time off till new years. Ok, I understood. But today he comes home, telling me he has tomorrow off and this friday. Of course I asked him whats going on, how come he can have some time free this week but not the next week? And he gets all angry and blah blah blah. Of course I was ofended, first him taking the time off this week and not the next and later because of his reaction. Was it wrong of me to react? WHat was I suppose to say? Was I suppose to be happy for him having 4 free days now?
2 people like this
15 responses
@deedeehall (1144)
• United States
19 Nov 08
men really are from mars i bet he didint even think about it at the time.he probably didint realize the conflict in sceadules until you said some thing about it. by then he probably did not want to afend you again by saying oh i forgot about that then he would have really been in trouble.dont try to figure it out it will just drive you crazy.
@mojcica (1512)
• Slovenia
19 Nov 08
I agree, i was just writing the similar thing in the upper comment. He just didnt think of it at that moment. You're right men are from mars hehe. i sometimes want to send them back to mars and set on fire the whole planet Nah, I do love them..its just that sometimes they just piss me off lol
1 person likes this
@hildas (3031)
19 Nov 08
yes send them back
1 person likes this
@hildas (3031)
19 Nov 08
My husband does things like this to me all the time. No I would of went mad if I was you. I would be very angry. I would ask him to try and swap one of these days for next Friday as my husband can do this at his job. If there is free time going then he might be able to do this. I would certainly not be happy with him having four free days off. I do not get men sometimes (no offense guys) Your boyfriend probably thought this would be great but he does not get it. Sorry no offence to him either but I bet he thinks this was a good solution.
@mojcica (1512)
• Slovenia
19 Nov 08
Men are strange. I always said they dont think in advance. They just see the problem and fix it but dont consider what gonna come out of it. I never thought they were mean or anything, they just dont see the whole picture. Like this situation..I wanted him to take a day off, because its our anniversary and I really wanted to go away for a few days. it wouldnt matter if it was even this week, but he knows we cant do it this week as we have some family things we have to go to. But Im sure what happened was that his boss came and told him he could be free now and he was all happy thinking yes we can go this week, without considering that we already have plans. When he realized this, after seeing my reaction, he felt bad and so reacted the way he did. Now I know this, its common sense but understanding the situation still doesnt stop me from hurting...emotions dont act on logic as mind do. I guess all men are somehow the same when it comes to these things :) Thanks Hildas!
1 person likes this
@hildas (3031)
19 Nov 08
Thats no problem.
1 person likes this
@pitulica (56)
• Romania
19 Nov 08
Usually, i have the same reaction, but i know (even if i do not admit in front of him) that is not his fault. So, my advice is to avail oneself of an opportunity to spend time with him because in those days, moments like this are more and more rarely. And a moment like that is always needed in a relationship. And after that, you both will have more energy for the next problems.
1 person likes this
@mojcica (1512)
• Slovenia
19 Nov 08
Thank you for your words, I agree free moments are so rare, thats why I reacted that way. I really wanted to be free next week as this week i cant be. Now he is free this week and Im the next??? WHat a mess lol
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Nov 08
yeah try to understand that its not his fault. hmm we need to be reasonable sometimes ;)
1 person likes this
@AURTHER (15)
• China
20 Nov 08
I am sorry to hear that you quarrel with your boyfriend,i think you should take a seat with your boyfriend and talk about this problem,being open with each other,there are no serious problem,you two should mutual understanding,everything will be ok.You aren't wrong,your boyfriend aren't wrong too,you two lack of communication,have a talk,good bless you two.
1 person likes this
@mojcica (1512)
• Slovenia
20 Nov 08
Thank you. You're right people need to talk. but still first reaction will always be there and we cant control them. Its good that way actually at least its not borring. Imagine how the world would be if we only acted reasonable and not emotionaly? Just a cold, cold place.
@Barbietre (1440)
• United States
20 Nov 08
After 40 yearsof marriage I have come to the conclusion, that ( most not all, there are some more evolved men) men act without thinking. They do not take us or anyone one else into consideration. And then they get defensive when we call them on it.
1 person likes this
@mojcica (1512)
• Slovenia
20 Nov 08
Yes i agree, its not always like that, but you are right women will more often think of others aswll and try to find the best solution for all people involved, while men will not. Its the same situation when men complain things have to be the way we want it. But its not true. here's the example: A man and a woman are going out for a drink. A man knows a woman dislikes plastic chairs, but he doesnt think of it when he shows a place where he thinks would be ok. Of course a woman complains, saying she doesnt like plastic chairs. And then she shows another place, which has good chairs and she knows that place would be good for her and him. So what happens is that a woman decides where they are going, but thats only because she considerd both of their wishes, and man feels like he didnt get his way, but thats only because he didnt consider...anything. So now we have a women getting her way and a man complaining it always have to be what she says, of course not admiting she chose a better place and thats why she 'won'. LOL Why do we even bother hehehehehehe
19 Nov 08
No it wasnt a bad thing to ask. He sounds like a total butthole he has no considerations for of your feelings and he should have refused and asked for the two days off next week. He is so insensitive to u. Dont u feel bad cuz of someone who doesnt want to spend time with u evidently. So what u do the next time he wants to do something tell him no and then make him think next time for being a jerk.
1 person likes this
@mojcica (1512)
• Slovenia
20 Nov 08
Well he is not a butthole lol. He is great,but sometiomes he just dont think....like every man I guess. Maybe my first reaction was as it was exactly beacuse I thought what you have written. He doesnt want to spend time with me. That wasnt my mind talking, but my emotions I know now its not why he has days off and that it has nothing to do with him not wanting to be with me, but my first reaction didnt even considerd that. I reacted as any other women would...emotionaly. And I dont see a reason why I shouldnt have. And him being upset about it is just as absurd as my reaction was :))
@mariposaman (2967)
• Canada
19 Nov 08
Sounds to me that the problem is not the time off it is something else in your relationship, the time off thing is just a trigger. You still have the weekend for your anniversary. He probably thought since he could not get the time off at the time you wanted and he was able to get 4 day off in a row this week you would be pleased, instead you crap all over him. I believe you are the one not being understanding. Then again I am a man so what do I know.
1 person likes this
@mojcica (1512)
• Slovenia
20 Nov 08
This is a typical male answer lol I was not all over him, I did however say i do not appreciate it. Why should women keep quiet, when its obvious men do not think of what they are doing?
@mods196621 (3631)
• Philippines
19 Nov 08
Sometimes men are hard to understood. They are like women with changing mind they have their second thought... Now he was off for 3 days earlier than you will expected. Okay for me if I were you just let it be, well if he would like it now so go. Anyway you are the one or he, insisted to have off and then try to talk to each other in peace and let the day go fruitful to both of you. I think you have to give way first to let your plan pursue and ended your off happily ever after, like fairy tales. How happy it was!
1 person likes this
@mojcica (1512)
• Slovenia
19 Nov 08
Yes they are like us, they just dont want to admit it hehe. We wont argue about that thets for sure, but it just doesnt seem fair, that he could be free this week but not the next. I cant be free this week..grrrr im scheduled for next... I guess I gonna need to find something to amuse me next week when Im free...facial and manicure here I come Thanks for your response.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Nov 08
your reaction wasn't wrong, but it wasn't right either. maybe your boyfriend has something coming up at work that is going to take more of his time next week, or maybe he just thought about you wanting to spend time with him and did his best to rearrange his schedule so that he could have a long weekend with you, even if it wasn't your weekend of choice. sometimes you have to find coverage for your time so that you can get the time off, maybe he was able to find coverage for this week and not next. give the poor guy a break.
1 person likes this
@glords (2615)
• United States
19 Nov 08
I completely understand how you feel. I've been there before myself, plenty of times. It is easy to internalize mens decisions, and think that he doesn't care as much about you as he does about (whatever inspired this 4 day holiday.) I don't think that is necessarily true... its just men are selfish and they usually don't think things through... I'm glad you didn't keep your feelings pent up inside or he would never learn. Men are like puppies, they need to be trained. Maybe next time he will think before he makes a careless and hurtful decision. Good luck, and don't give up. Everyone makes mistakes, and eventually you will need him to overlook something for you.
1 person likes this
@result7 (136)
• Malaysia
20 Nov 08
what should i said?
@mojcica (1512)
• Slovenia
20 Nov 08
lol Are you a man? then nothing Men stick together anyway hehe.
@result7 (136)
• Malaysia
21 Nov 08
How could U? nice tongue!
@mojcica (1512)
• Slovenia
21 Nov 08
Sorry :(
@briggah (171)
• United States
20 Nov 08
Lose the Zero and get with a Hero like me. lol
@mojcica (1512)
• Slovenia
20 Nov 08
LOL heheheh thanks for the laugh :) But he's not a zero...no way!
@briggah (171)
• United States
20 Nov 08
Hehe well either 2 things could have happened. He might not have known he was going to be off or he simply forgot to tell you. My friend always wants me to take off but I'm the type that just likes to go to work and get things done. I hate to call out or take days off unless they are days I've already picked. I dont think you were wrong in what you did cause if I put myself in your shoes I would of been upset. Alot of times I never know I'm off till the week when we actually have the day off. I guess I tend to just not think of those things. I would just talk to him and see what he has to say and just tell him the truth. Don't accuse him of doing it on purpose or anything, maybe just ask him to take off the day you want him too again. Good luck
@nadooa247 (1096)
• United States
20 Nov 08
I would have been ticked off as well. Is it like his work decided to close down on those days all of a sudden? I highly doubt it... at work you usually know days off given by the company in advance it's on the company calender. The only thing you don't know if you will be working late in advance. If he picked these days off why didn't he request them for the coming week? He is the one that overreacted because you were just asking him. Instead of explaining he got defensive?? Yeah... would make anyone more understanding to not get answers to their questions.
@mojcica (1512)
• Slovenia
20 Nov 08
well Im sure we both did overreact. But just as you, I see no reason why I shouldnt. I was angry for things working out the way they did and when Im angry I say it. i dont just swallow down my emotions and put on a happy smile, just because we wouldnt argue. I think men sometimes still have that prehistoric look on the world lol thank god its only sometimes hehe thanks for your respond.
@Nhey16 (2519)
• Philippines
20 Nov 08
it's normal for you to react that way... he did say that he cant take a time off til next year but he did come home telling you he's having his time off... that's so absurd... maybe he's going through a hard time that's why he got angry, but he should have explained to you the reasons. i also experience that with my husband... but since we love them, we would try to understand them. but i guess, when they feel ok, they should explain things to us.
@mojcica (1512)
• Slovenia
20 Nov 08
My point exactly. I dont mind him beeing home now, of course not. Im happy for him, but he did say he CANT. And now all of the sudden he can just not when I wanted to. Just not fair. Its not like its a major problem, I just think I had the right to point this out.
@maxilimian (3099)
• Indonesia
20 Nov 08
Maybe he has the hardtime at his work place, so he gets angry with you, maybe it was not easy for him to have the days off, i think maybe you should talk to him with patience, and i think both of you should understand each other, get rid off the anger feeling, so maybe you both will have a way out to hang out together, it's not fun when both of you have to spend a holliday with an anger heart Talk from heart to heart, be patience