hi my loters

United States
November 19, 2008 5:16pm CST
i need your opinion i will take any advise if you can help.i have adaughter that i gave up 25 years ago.she has contacted me and would like for me to come and meet her and her three children in calif .i want to do this very much i am very busy and dont have much time i also have triplet boys that are 6 years old i would have to fly and would need to take them with me .do you think it is ok to travel with small children like this?also i am not sure how my husband will feel about this i am not so sure he will understand and i will not leave my boys behind.do you have any advise on this?
5 people like this
12 responses
@sudalunts (5527)
• United States
19 Nov 08
I think that if your daughter wants you to come and meet her and her children, you should go along with your boys. After all your sons are uncles to your daughter's children and they should get to know each other. I would hope your husband would understand and support you on this. It should be a great reunion. I wish you well.
1 person likes this
@Nhey16 (2519)
• Philippines
21 Nov 08
i agree with sudalunts ... it would be nice to see your daughter and her kids... and besides, you are her mom, so i guess your husband should be supportive of you.
@ElicBxn (60044)
• United States
20 Nov 08
First, you husband does know you gave up this girl, right? I have a few questions. How long have you been in communication with her? Did you put your name into a contact registry or was this an "open" adoption? Has there been any counseling on either of your parts? I'm asking this because there are people that are looking for a "mom" because they didn't feel they got what they wanted from their adopted parents. I just hate to think that you have flown out to California, with or without your young children only to discover unreal expectations. Personally, I wouldn't take my young children out there, I don't think they are old enough to discover this older "sister" who might behave in an unexpected way.
• United States
21 Nov 08
my husband now does know about her.and she is with her real dad wich at the time was in the marines. there was never a court battle or any thing between us i was very young and he had the good job it was what i thought was best for her she and i are older now and i can tell she has missed me very much.her dad and i seem to get along real well also.
@ElicBxn (60044)
• United States
21 Nov 08
Well, then, can you AFFORD to go out there, with your children? That may really be the question!
@dozhou (326)
• United States
20 Nov 08
That is a big question. Think it over. It may affect your family. Take care.
• United States
25 Nov 08
thanks for your input it really does help.
• Canada
20 Nov 08
My opinion on this is that you can never have tooooo much family. Yes you should absolutely go with your kids. I just have a couple of questions though. Did your husband know about this daughter before she contacted you? Have you ever spoken to him about the possibility of her contacting you? I really do believe that if she is willing to meet you after all this time you should be thrilled and should go.
• United States
25 Nov 08
yes he did
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
20 Nov 08
Take the kids along with you. It will be nice for them to meet their older sister. It is all right to travel with small children and I am sure your husband will understand. In fact, he might want to come along as well.
• United States
21 Nov 08
thank you so much
@psspurgeon1 (1110)
• United States
20 Nov 08
I would discuss it with your husband first and foremost. He is enevatbly(sp?) part of this dicision. I would simply explian your feelings and the situation and see what he is up for. It is perfectly normal to travel cross country with six year olds but I would not reccommend doing it alone. If you do it, you will NEED your husband there. Not only for emotional support (as Im sure this situation could be emotionally taxing) but also for help caring for the triplets. I do hope you come to a solution that works for everyone! Maybe your daughter would be willing to come to your house if nothing else. Good luck deedee! :-)
• United States
21 Nov 08
thank you
• United States
20 Nov 08
Begin a relationship by phone, or better yet - email. A person to person visit is nice, but seems inconvenient right now. I wonder why she didn't ask to come see you? It is not fair (imho) for her to ask you to be the one to travel, as it was not you who searched and sought her out...yes? I sure hope my 'lost' daughter wants to find me and get to know me soon!
• United States
21 Nov 08
she did just get a promotion in her job and will be taking her training about 5 hours away from me. this will be the perfect oprotunity to meet her i last saw her on her first birthday.but she will not have her children with her and she wants me to meet her children a few months after this.
@katrhina23 (1282)
• United States
20 Nov 08
Why not talk it over with your husband. you'll never know his reactions . He might be as supportive as he really is. I think your kids and your daughter's family should know and meet each other.
• United States
21 Nov 08
thanks so much this helps me to here so many recamendations from every one .this really is a hard thing to do.
@Thumper11 (662)
• United States
20 Nov 08
I am adopted... I will tell you, I am 26 and I have been searching for my birthmom. I would tell you to go for it if you want to. I would just love to have medical information if my bmom don't want a relationship, because I do not want to just reappear in her life after she gave me away years ago. I had a wonderful life because she made such a loving decision, so I am not angry at all with her. I guess I just want answers. I would talk to your husband though. See how he feels about it before you just dismiss it. You never know.... She may be a wonderful person and if you don't meet her, you may regret it for the rest of your life. above all else, do what you feel is best for you and your family. You may not want to take the young children with you on the first visit. I think I would think about that twice. But listen to your heart. I think it would be perfectly fine to travel with children, but why put them through the emotional baggage of the situation.. especially on a first visit. You may decide that you can't deal with it all now, but why bring the children into the situation until you are sure.....
• United States
21 Nov 08
i do think she is a wonderful person and i owe it to her to answer any of her questions .i can tell this will fill a big void in her life.
• India
25 Nov 08
Hello my dear deedeehall Ji, I do not know, if it would be feasible to you, but in case, If I am in your shoes, I would first ask my hubby, take him into confidence, would never go against him, and i am sure, he will permit me, then next, I would see, if my 25 yrs back given up daughter could possibly come to my place to visit, and finally, if there is no choice but to visit, then i will just go alone as six yrs old children can be taken care off by father for a day or two. I would not take my triplates for the first tyime, after so many yrs gap. i will face that music alone. have a great time.
• India
20 Nov 08
This is very much sensitive issue, For this you have to sit with your husband and your son, and decide what you have to do.. Other members of your family (your hus and son) may also willing to meet them.. there is also a possiblity know..? So, its better to sit and discuss with them and you can take the decision.. On the name of the responses, we may give you lots of ideas like - you better to avoid them, since you cannot bring your son - you should not leave your daughter like that, since she is also have a 3 kids, they are your grand children know.. you must meet them soon - There is nothing wrong with travel even if it is a long distance travel, you can go and meet your daugher. - you can ask your daughter to come to your place, you can sponser the Flight/Train Ticket for the same. -- like this we would have give you as many as suggessions, but your decision is the final, and that too should be accepted by your family members, infact, your daughter is also a one of your family members.. and your grand childrens also a part of your family...your blood only.. So, you first have a word with your family people, hopefully, you will take the amicable solution for this issue.. Have a good day.
@fasttalker (2798)
• United States
19 Nov 08
If your daughter has opened up her hom and invited you in then by all means you should go. New beginnings can be a great thing. As far as your triplets..well they would be her brothers or half brothers so I would think she would want to meet them. I am assuming your husband is not her dad so he is probably going to be your biggest obstacle. I'm sure he would understand if you explained it to him and hopefully support you in your decision. Good Luck and I hope this is a new beginning for you and your daughter.