How do you or did you teach your toddler how to share?...

@aseretdd (13709)
Philippines
November 21, 2008 9:11am CST
This is my current dilemma with my two year old daughter... i can't seem to teach her the value of sharing... this afternoon i brought some fudge cake... they were the extra ones i got from a meeting... and i told her we would give some to her cousin... but she kept saying no... always insisting that they belong to her... After an hour... i gave her some picnic fries for snack... and when i took one from her bowl... she cried for more that 30 minutes... demanding me to return the piece i took... i cannot make her understand that it was already in my tummy... after crying... she refused to eat the picnic fries left on her bowl... These are not the only incidences that occured regarding her not sharing rule... so i hope you can help me out on how to teach her the value of sharing...
8 people like this
25 responses
@Raven7317 (693)
• United States
21 Nov 08
I did this with my now 3 YO son: I got two different things that I knew he would like/want, one for me and one for him. Sometimes I would do it with bowls of food, with toys, or with books or whatever. I would wait until he asked me for what I had, then I would say, "can I have (whatever he had)?" If he shared his with me, I shared mine with him. I always repeated "that's a good share." whenever he/we succeeded. This also taught him to trade whenever he wanted something else. It helped to introduce the concept of taking turns. If my son throws a tantrum, which is rare now, he looses everything. I also tell him, when he says, "it's mine," - "No it's mommy's and she shares it with you." Don't get me wrong, there are a few things that he absolutely won't share with other children, and in those cases, that item is put away so nobody can play with it. Tell her, it's okay if you don't want to share 2/3 very special things, make a big production out of it, give her the chance to decide, and tell her the special choosen toys will be put away so nobody can touch them. Then explain that everything else is fair game. Good Luck!
3 people like this
• United States
22 Nov 08
This is the best thing I guess to teach you child the value of sharing.
2 people like this
• United States
22 Nov 08
That's excellent advice! WTG mom!
2 people like this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
23 Nov 08
Wow... that is such a nice method of teaching your son about sharing... i will try that... and i hope it will work with my daughter... she is still two years old... but it would certainly help to start early... so i won't wait till she is 3... Thanks for the response...
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (29029)
• United States
22 Nov 08
Kids will always have a problem sharing. I have 5 kids and most of their fights are over toys, because they won't share. It's worse between my toddler and my 6 year old son. They just eventually get better at it, with constant reminders. Besides that, yours is going through terrible 2's right now. Temper tantrums are a major part of this stage. She's trying to push her boundaries. Be firm and stand your ground. It will eventually pass.
2 people like this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
23 Nov 08
OH my... talk about tantrums... i just let her cry... until she gets tired of it... after that... i hug and carry her... that would make her feel better since she is quite disappointed that i did not give her what she wants... but five kids can really be a handful... good thing you are able to handle all of them... Thanks for the response...
• United States
23 Nov 08
I used to give my children a "time out" when they had a tantrum, either in their room or in their play area or somewhere away from us. Sometimes they just had to sit on the sofa until they stopped crying. This let them know that I wouldn't be giving in to them, so the tantrums stopped very quickly. I don't remember my older children having many tantrums at all. My younger boys certainly do though.
2 people like this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
24 Nov 08
I just let my daughter cry while i go about my work or watch tv... it is so hard to just ignore her... but that usually works... eversince i did that... she had less tantrums now... i guess it really pays to be a little tough on our kids... but that is all for their best interest...
1 person likes this
@keir3000 (296)
• Philippines
21 Nov 08
I don't know how to teach them. Before giving the cake to him, slice it to make 2 even the size is smaller. It looks more so that her cousin can have one too.
2 people like this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
23 Nov 08
Well, that won't always be the case... because there are times when there can only be one slice... or that some toys need to be shared... but i guess you have not encountered such dilemma yet... Thanks for the response...
1 person likes this
@keir3000 (296)
• Philippines
24 Nov 08
you can slice the piece into two... I guess that's easy to do..
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
25 Nov 08
Hey, that rhymes... nice one...
@laladida (151)
• United States
21 Nov 08
I just let my daughter go to preschool and she normally shares. I realized she knew how to share at dinner with the family
2 people like this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
23 Nov 08
That might be it... if you take dinner together as a family... then that is one way of showing the young ones how to share... in my case... i only eat after i finish feeding my daughter... so she doesn't see that family eating together sort of activity... Thanks for the response...
1 person likes this
@Nhey16 (2519)
• Philippines
21 Nov 08
you just have to have your patience with you... :) in time, she would understand the meaning of sharing... my kids are 9 and 11, but til now i still have to remind them about sharing...
2 people like this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
23 Nov 08
Patience is indeed the key here... if we parents are not... then i do not know where our kids will learn any values... it is but natual for kids that age to fight over toys and food... and the best thing we can do is to remind them to always share... Thanks for the response...
1 person likes this
@alexsis (2149)
• United States
21 Nov 08
I'm still trying to teach/learn my 3yr old daughter how to share. What I do is ask her if I can have some of her food/snack. She gives me some and I tell her "Thank you, that was so nice of you". The same thing when she is playing, I ask her if I can play with one of the toys and we play together. She is my only child, so there is really no kids around for her to practice sharing with. She does attend Head Start and I'm hoping that she share with the other kids. I haven't asked the teachers if she shares, but if she didn't I'm sure they would have told me.
2 people like this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
23 Nov 08
My daughter is also the only one... and she gets to play with her 5 year old cousin only during saturdays... and they would always fight about toys food and drinks... because both do not want do share... but they still have fun playing... Good luck to the two of us... i hope we can inculcate the value of sharing to our daughters... Thanks for the response...
1 person likes this
@izathewzia (5142)
• Philippines
21 Nov 08
I ask my children to share with each other everything they have. But if it something that they need to, then it is okay. Occasional fights is unavoidable. I just tell them again and again that they should learn to share in order to be given by others as well. Law of karma.
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
22 Nov 08
Law of karma indeed... it is never too early to teach children the concept of good karma... but it can be difficult to since my daughter is still a toddler... kids can be very possessive during that stage... Thanks for the response...
1 person likes this
• Philippines
21 Nov 08
My nephew and my cousin are of the same age. Often, they do a lot of things together, both by the way are 2 years old. Anyways, there was this one time when they wanted to use the same chair, but the said chair is only one. So what I did to settle the issue between the two of them is have each one use it for 10 seconds, then the other would use it for 10 seconds too. Until, they learn to take turns in using the chair. About your case, I really do not know how to deal with it. But I guess, it would be more of telling her that whenever she is hungry and she has this yearn to eat... just make her understand I guess.
2 people like this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
22 Nov 08
That is a nice strategy you did there... very creative... letting them take turns within 10 seconds... for a toddler that is like a long time already... well, i am really trying hard to explain to her that she needs to share... since that is very important if she wants to get along with other kids... Thanks for the response...
1 person likes this
@rainmark (4306)
21 Nov 08
I have my son and his early age i started to teach him how to share foods. And he enjoy sharing it to me and his daddy. About your toddler you need to explain to her how to share and the goodness of sharing. Introduce to her the new programs in the television or buy a dvd which is educational which shows sharing to each other. Happy posting.
2 people like this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
21 Nov 08
My husband is working abroad... so there is only the two of us in the apartment... and she doesn't share any of her toys with other kids at her grandparents house... because she is the only toddle there... i think i will follow your advise on the dvd... but i will buy those that specifically show the value of sharing... Thanks for the response...
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Nov 08
My son learned most of his learning skills from TV shows, there are a lot of shows out there now that talk about sharing. Also I was always asking him to share. Now whenever someone comes over he tries to give away his toys, cause he likes to share so much..lol. I guess he learned all too well. But he is 5 now and really understands that if you want to keep a friend you have to be nice, take turns, and share.. My trick was TV and it worked for me.... Good Luck
2 people like this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
21 Nov 08
My daughter watches Barney, Dora, and Hi-5 all the time... and they teach a lot about sharing... but she also watches Tom and Jerry... and would shout "That's Mine"... whenever one of the two would run away with something... i guess i should lessen or stop her from watching that cartoon... Thanks for the response...
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Dec 08
How I taught my children to share was taking the thing away from them if they did not share. I then let them cry when they missed out. I would say if you would have shared then you would have gotten some. I would tell them "Look mommy is sharing" when I was sharing something of mine. I think that she will learn I think she is going through the terrible two's. You need to just let her cry and not try to placate her no matter how hard it hurts you to see her cry. It sounded like when she was crying she needed to take a nap or had other issues to deal with.
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
5 Dec 08
That is a tough way of teaching your kids how to share... not tough on them but on you... because as a mother... i know how difficult it can be not to comfort our kids when they cry... but being a first time mother... i am learning how to control myself because i know it is for the good of my daughter... Thanks for the response...
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Dec 08
I think it is so hard to be a mother and you make loads of mistakes with your first child. The first child is your training child, like training wheels on a bicycle.
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
16 Dec 08
I definitely agree with you...
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
22 Nov 08
Hi aseretdd,I fell you are unnecessarily getting concerned,dear.Believe me your daughter is behaving like a typical 2 year old.As she grows older,and starts schooling and mingling with other children ,she will learn to share and to care.At this age children are unpredictable in their behaviour....Some times they appear selfish,at other times very generous.As they grow older,their education will also teach them the value of sharing.They will surely have stories highlighing such things and they gradually learn these things....So rest assured dear.
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
24 Nov 08
Thank you very much for the assurance... she is my first child... although i took care of my two nieces in the past... but being a mother is so different from being an Aunt... well... i sure hope that she will learn the value of sharing soon... i hope before she goes to school... Thanks for the response...
1 person likes this
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
24 Nov 08
Dont you worry dear,she will........
1 person likes this
@gr8life (6253)
• Malaysia
4 Apr 09
Hello aseretdd, I have the same problem with my son too. I feel like he is very stingy person. Whenever he has something -food or toys, he doesn't want to share it with others, not even the parents sometimes. Every time when I fetch him from the babysitter's house, I will buy some food and a pack of drink for him. He knows it and he always look for it once he enters the car. He will close and lock the door quickly so that none of the babysitter's grandchildren can take his food and drink. But when I tell him that I am not going to buy it anymore, he will give the stuff to me. After a few times with the same tactic, he doesn't care my warning. Every time he gets used to it, I have to find another way to teach him not to be stingy!
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
5 Apr 09
Well, our kids are still too young... and they just do not understand yet... my daughter is slowly learning how to share... but i need to explain it to her really hard... like when we give some food or her old stuff to less fortunate kids... good thing she doesn't cry anymore when we do that... Thanks for the response...
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (13336)
• Philippines
14 Jan 09
In my case I have only a son and we taught him to share when he was still small like one year old. We always show him that he has to share, my wife would always give me something and I as well would give to my wife. From then on he would also share anything that we give to him. Now he is six year old and so far he has not shown any signs that the sharing value has faded. but of course there are some traits tends for him to be self centered but then again we always remind him to share things.
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
16 Jan 09
This just proves that it is really important to have a complete family... i am not able to do this because my husband is in another country... but now that he will be back home soon... we can start with teaching our daughter how to share... Thanks for the response...
@riyasam (16578)
• India
12 Jan 09
we have 2 kids aged 6 and 2 and when we bring something,they have to share.otherwise they donot get a thing.this has taught them to share. belated happy new year.
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
13 Jan 09
How does the your two year old take that... mine is still so stubborn... but in your case you have two kids... so teaching them how to share is less difficult than having only one child... Thanks for the response...
@oyenkai (4398)
• Philippines
12 Jan 09
I don't know much about teaching kids because I don't have any :P But I do have niece and nephews that I look after often. I think that sharing is innate between siblings but is harder to teach if the kid has to play nice with other kids. Right now they won't understand it very well except that it's a rule imposed on them as adults - and I think that's good enough for the time being. Just like how we teach them to say Thank you. They couldn't really grasp it, except that they have to do it and understand it's meaning only later in life :) Thanks for the response on my discussion!
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
12 Jan 09
I think that is it... they will know and understand the essence of something like sharing when they are old enough... so we just have to be patient with kids... like mine is two... so i cannot really punish her for not sharing because that is like their nature... Thanks for the response...
@mykmari_08 (2466)
• Philippines
24 Nov 08
Hi, friend. I was getting ready to leave the workplace when my eyes caught this particular discussion. Like you, I also am bothered by my daughter's negative attitude of not sharing what she has. Even if a certain fruit or food was bought by her aunt (my younger sister and her godmother at the same time) and hands it to her, she rarely shares it with anyone. If ever she gives us or anyone of us for that matter, she would make sure that it was a tiny bit or piece. If it were fries, she would give only one piece. And what's worse sometimes, she would even bite at it before giving it to anyone. Or at one time, the piece has initially fell from her hands; and this is the one she would give. And with regards to clothes which are no longer fit for her or those she has outgrown already, she doesn't want to give it to anyone who's younger than her. It's annoying at times. She also has her tantrums. When she wants something and we don't give it to her, she'll resort to crying. I guess her being an only child (still), has affected her attitude. But we're trying to discipline her to share from now on. Hopefully, we both would be successful in this endeavor.
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
25 Nov 08
That is the exact attitude of my niece when it comes to giving or sharing... she is now 5 years old... but she has changed for the better... but not totally since she still doesn't want to share most of her toys with my daughter... her cousin... With my daughter... it is so hard that she will resort to a tantrum when somebody gets just a small piece of her food... or she would shout at other kids when they so much as touch her chair... or something that she is fond of... sometimes embarrassing... but then she is only a toddler... I guess we need to give our kids time and space to develop this virtue... but we need to constantly guide them... so that they will learn it sooner... which is so much better for us parents... Thanks for the response...
@sivanj (1263)
• India
24 Nov 08
i know it is not a common practice among children to share. not all do it automatically. i know my nephew who used to share with others when we ask her to give one toffee to the uncle/brother who visits our house. but there are others who feel that it is theirs and don't want to share. what we do in our family is first induct the first experience of sharing. so start it by asking the child to give one toffee to the mother or father. say that there is no toffees left and ask for one from the child. first they may hesitate, then they will give. second or third attempts with the parents will also work. then try this with the children from neighbor whom ur child likes much. then slowly improve this habit. all the best.
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
24 Nov 08
That is a very nice method... i will try that tonight... but then i can only try it with her cousin who she will play with this saturday... so i still have time to practice with her at home... and i hope i get good results... Thanks for the response...
@mssnow (9495)
• United States
23 Nov 08
She is only two, she may not be ready to share. If she is with you most of the day she is probably used to having things just for her. It might be helpful to get her in a play group where other kids are. That is really the true test of learning to share. Good luck and im sure she will share soon. Make sure you praise her when she does shar even if its an accidetal share. dropping something in your lap perhaps.
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
24 Nov 08
Well, she will only start in the play group when she turns 3... and she plays with her cousin who is also an only child only during Saturdays... so there is really no one to share her things with... but i do praise her all the time... Thanks for the response...
• Philippines
22 Nov 08
I can imagine that...so funny. Anyway, why not cut the cake in half before giving her her piece of the cake, while explaining that the other one belongs to her cousin? Prepare two bowls of picnic fries before giving one bowl to her? Perhaps, you're right at saying that you should choose the cartoon programs she's going to watch on tv. They really have influence on kids. It takes patience to teach toddlers. I learned somewhere that children develops discernment by the age of 8. So, you still have 6 more years to go. Good luck!
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
24 Nov 08
Oh my... 6 more years... that is too long to wait... i hope the will develop that discernment thingy earlier... and yes... i will indeed choose the cartoon programs she will watch... since they are really vital in her development as a person... i will chose that teach more values... Thanks for the response...