What do you do with a child who lies?

United States
November 23, 2008 1:15pm CST
My ten year old son has gotten really bad about lying when he is caught doing something wrong. Just today I found him with my bf older phone charger. I asked why he had it, he said he just wanted to play with it. When I went to put it up my bf and I realized his new charger was missing. Asked my son and he denied having anything to do with it. When I found the charger in the couch He finally admitted he had taken the charger and then couldn't remember what he had done with it. I have told him repeatedly that he will get in more trouble for lying about something than if he tells the truth. We are still deciding on a punishment. What else can i tell him that will reach him?
1 person likes this
10 responses
@gemini_rose (16194)
23 Nov 08
I am afraid that for a lot of children it is normal behaviour, I was a liar at that age my eldest son was a terrible liar at ten and my other children no doubt will follow. I hate the fact that they lie but it is something that they feel that they have to do, they think that they will be in trouble they do not want the punishment. It is hard to find the right way to go about it and with my eldest I tried everything and even punishment did not work. With my other children I try different tacts I tend to tell them that if they tell me the truth I will not punish them and it seems to work, only time will tell though I guess.
• Philippines
24 Nov 08
I agree with you about children lying at a certain age. Believe it or not, children are just following stages of growth and development. Lying is somewhat part of it, which starts at nine years old. IT IS A NORMAL PATTERN. BUT this doesn´t mean that you should tolerate your kid about lying. Some tactics do work, like what you said about promising not to punish them if they tell the truth. I believe, too, that a child like that seeks attention but does not know how to express it. In my opinion, you should take more time with your kid because at that stage starts PEER PRESSURE, too. Yes, lying accompanies peer pressure. You could remember one time or another when you´re closer with your friends than your parents. I hope this helps. Just try spending more time with him. =]
@Karpov (68)
• Australia
25 Nov 08
What kind of punishment will you take? Time out? Well, the origin mechanism is that the liar might know the reaction that how a person would have if he was told a truth. he might think that such reaction is far too radical, for which he has to tell lies to make a protection for himself and the person. This, however, is designed as a positive mental mechanism, but if a child always fear, he might abuse this, which might develop into a habit, as long as sharp scolding released from parents or no redirection was provided. So try to explain to him, to teach him facing the truth and reality. This is a very important attitude of life, either.
@spoiled311 (5502)
• Philippines
25 Nov 08
uh-oh...hmmm... maybe we should not shame the child in front of people. but when you are alone with him, explain the situation and teach him the correct values. i think it is important that the child knows that you know he is lying so that he will not think that he can get away with it. and let us all pray for guidance in parenting. i am praying and preparing. take care and God bless you!
• India
24 Nov 08
dont give him strict punishment .try to make him understand because he would be worrying that you will beat him and if you will do that then thats not good .so just make him understand the importance of honesty in life.if not now he will understand later .and before giving punishment you should keep yourself in his place and then give the punishment. happy mylotting and have a nice time
• India
24 Nov 08
try telling him/her good moral stories so that he listens and understand what we want to tell him
• India
24 Nov 08
Don't directly tell the child that he is doing wrong. This way they just try to do it again and again. Try to explain him with examples, stories etc. as to how telling lies harm.
@annjilena (5621)
• United States
24 Nov 08
hi my son been lying all of his life lies just roll off his tongue.my son do not know how to tell the true i told him he going to be like the little boy who cried wolf.when he need me iam not going to be there because he been lying all the time.i have gotten him a appointment to mental health when is he going to stop he now 17 and is a liar,a thief i think he needs help.lying can only get worse and lead to other things because you have to tell one lie to cover another lie.
• Philippines
24 Nov 08
like everything in parenting and children---i hope this is just a phase that will change in time...but i would suggest that you keep talking to him, keep explaining to him that you will not get mad if he tells the truth and he will get punished once he lies...you can also try giving him a dose of his own medicine as punishment, so that he would understand how it feels to be lied at...am not sure if this would work, but there'e no harm in trying...goodluck!
• India
24 Nov 08
im 17, and i dont lie to cover up things at all, i come clean generally...i think u need to highlight ur son's conscience..make him realise wt is right and what is wrong...
@izathewzia (5142)
• Philippines
24 Nov 08
When my kids commit mistakes, including telling lies, I talk to them like matured persons. Explaining everything the best way I could do. I keep on reminding them that I am correcting their wrongdoings because I love them that much.