Same old crap??

There is a reason why you broke up previously and if you got back together it must be because you felt whatever the problem was, you have been able to address it. But if now after sometimes you feel like things are getting back to the way it was (i mean on the bad sides) then maybe you should make a decision. Should you stay in a relationship where you are unhappy? Talk to your husband about how you are feeling and let him know how you feeling.

Forgive me being blunt, but why are you with someone who "lets you" do things? Surely that's your choice, not his? Never go back, that's my rule - NEVER, unless the person has had a life-changing experience. If not, they're still the same person and you're just headed back to familiar territory and the same old crap. :(

Forgive me for saying this, but from what you've written here, all I see in your husband is a selfish person. Why doesn't he want you to take a job... you need time out as much as he does and it would give you some feeling of achievement and usefulness within the family unit. Doesn't he trust you to go out of the house alone, or something? He doesn't come with you on your night out... why? Aren't you supposed to do things "together"? Your words... his 'thing to do' is to stay home when you go out and smoke pot. You have a baby, for goodness' sake!!! Why is he smoking pot in the house, around the baby... selfishness again. I feel you've either got to talk these problems out with him, so that you both get your own 'space', or it's time to move on for good, and no going back a second time, my friend. If he doesn't take serious steps to kick the pot habit and an anger management course, and prove to you that he genuinely cares, then you're better off without him. I'm sorry, but I can only see this ending badly, and the child will suffer. Brightest Blessings and good luck with this.

I'm sorry things aren't working out for you. I hope things look up for you, and I'll look out for you on here. Its good that you can come and talk on here with us. Please try and be happy and do what is best for you and your baby.

It was an act. He was manipulating you and you fell for it. He also sounds like a control freak...the kind that wants a lot of control but not a lot of responsibility. Take backs are a bad idea and this is just another example of why that is.

I do not think you are in a good situation at all. It sounds like your husband has not changed and if you are arguing about bringing up your baby it is not good for the child. I presume you have been raising your baby without him and you have been managing. If you have to get permission to go out it is not good. neither is your husband smoking pot around your child. Get away from there as soon as possible. A leopard does not change its spots.

if your instincts are telling you "this isnt going to work" then TRUST THEM. sounds like everything is backsliding into the same situation it was before you left him. and thats not a place you want to be. he did the "im different" act to get you back, and now that he has you back and you are doing what he says (or giving into his bad mood) then he has no reason to keep up the act. dont let him push you back down into the hole you got out of when you left him!

I had an officemate who did the same thing, broke up with her guy, then she took him back after he promised to change and was super sweet and thoughtful. They had a baby, but after a while he was not just back to his old ways, he got worse. He even started hitting my officemate. I think if someone tried to change because they wanted to get something in return or to win someone back then the change will not be permanent. Unless a person changes because he is truly repentant of his ways and that he admits that what he does was wrong then there will be no real change. Maybe you can try to talk to him first, remind him of his promise to change, but if he refuses to listen then it might be better for you to stop the relationship before it becomes harmful for you and the baby.

It appears to me that you are not set on making the marriage work. If you are then you are not going about it the right way. Why the night out? Are yo really more interested in teh night out or in making the marriage work? I know we all love certain things in life but then if it is coming in the way and becomeing a hinderence to something more important tehn why not stop it.it is not as though you can not do without yor night out. Why not sit at home with your husband and create the right atmosphere for a romantic evenign and have a drink with him insteasd of a night out. Why is the night out so imoortant when yor husbvand resents it? I think if he does resent your night out then you should stop it. Decide what is more important to you. There will be differences but you should sit and talk it out like two mature adults instead of quarreling over petty things. If things are not going to work out tehnjust separate and go your ways and do not try to get back together again.

I can understand ur situation and feel ur pain. But then as u have mentioned u couple have a baby,so it's ur people's responsibility to be good parents for them. After all every baby needs the love and care from his/her parents. Living with just one among them will do no good for him. He might be bad,but still some positive thing in him made u get back and so from his side,he'd have also not been able to live without u. Both of u sit and discuss and resolve ur issues. Compromising to some extent will do no harm,it will just multiply ur happiness. I've seen many men chasing theri wives for work and spending the salary wives earn for their purpose. Thats not the case with ur husband right. Don't think I am supprting him totally. I just want to show u the other aspect or dimension of ur problem. As a third person I can view this problem in all aspects. Dont worry things are going to be fine for u. Take care.

It was just an act to get you back. If you somehow get away from him again, STAY AWAY!!!When he starts doing lovey things and creeping back into your confidence, remember all the reasons why you left him the first (and second) time. Kick him to the curb and raise your baby. I worked with a young woman once who had a baby and her husband was telling her to go against her maternal instincts. He thought he knew everything and what he was doing was going off of information that he'd always heard without knowing that it was age-sensitive. You don't treat a newborn the way you treat a toddler and you don't treat a toddler as you would a teenager. Men don't know these things. Good luck and... Happy MyLotting!

Although your baby might be a good reason for you to get back toghether, you should ponder if both of you create a good environment for him/her. Usually relationships involve a mutual respect between partners. From your words I can only understand that you share different systems of value. Either you make some compromises in order to understand, respect and love each other, either you follow a different path. People don't change overnight, or without a triggering factor. This factor could be you, so actually if you want him to change, show him that you changed too. This is my 2 cents advice.

I'm in the same boat, sweety. I'm 19 years old, a first time mom and going through a divorce. I left my husbend back in July ( before our son was born) because he wanted to live with his parents and not get us a place, along with some other things. After I had the baby in August, I came home to my parents and filed for divorce. He has a job and some how thinks he has no resposiblaties. All he wants to do is party and to him having a baby is "not real". We were going to try and work things out, but he started being a jerk again. He's controling and the kind of guy that always has to have it his way. I would leave his butt if I were you. No one changes.

In all honesty, you need to do what will make you happy and what is best for the child whether or not that means you are apart or together! Whether it means you take turns taking you daughter. Realize that no one can make this choice for you. Don't stay in agony and don't leave and wonder what could have been. If you need to maybe seek marital counseling. I know it sounds for the weirdo's, but it is a great way to mediate. Make clear what you expect and give in return. Only treat someone the way you want to be treated. I'm not saying you havent. Relationships are hard and they take lots of work. I have been with my boy friend for 3 & 1/2 years now. It's not long, but we have been on the long hall! He has a son, with another girl. He is about 4 years old. They are seperated, and happy, both have moved on. As for the child. He has even more love in his life. In some situations things work out better. Even though we are not ready to have kids, I accept his son as my own and I respect his mother. I am just letting you know, hope is never lost!!! If you are afraid of leaving for her sake, you need to think about everyone involved in your family. It is possible to find love and acceptance other places. But deep down only you will know how you feel! Listen to your instinct's.