Bullying - How to deal with this?

November 25, 2008 6:03pm CST
I know I haven't been around much in forever but that's due to uni and nothing I can do about that really. Anyway, I'm kind of in a dilemma and I wondered if you guys would be able to give me some advice. My daughter used to be hell on legs, and I'm not even joking but in the last 6 months or so she has calmed down and become a thoughtful, well mannered young lady who I love to death and no longer want to strangle every 5 minutes (I still don't know what caused this change but I'm not complaining!) Anyway lately at school she's being bullied and the school seems to be doing nothing about it. I have talked to her class teachers (there have been so many subs I've lost track and she now has a permanent one) who say they haven't seen anything of the sort going on. Mainly this bullying appears to be happening when the teacher isn't looking so of course they aren't going to see anything are they? The bullying often happens in the playground or in choir practice or in cheerleading practice when all the teachers are trying to pay attention to everyone else and failing badly. I tried to be understanding and talked to the headteacher who told my daughter (who is 10 by the way) to come and se eher any time she gets bullied. The trouble is, her new class teacher and other teachers seem to be holding my daughter accountable for every little transgression she had in the past and won't let her near the headteacher. This has resulted in my daughter coming home today with a fat lip with a nasty bruise on it after being deliberately pushed by another child while she was trying to apologise to him for a mistake she made, her glasses' nosepiece being busted off so I had to go to the opticians and another child in her class smashing her £25 High School Musical Watch that I bought her as a birthday present in October. There is another child who lives on my street who witnessed the boy deliberately smash her watch and is wiling to tell the headteacher what she saw and other things she has seen happening which helps tremendously but I have a few of questions: 1. How do I approach the headteacher this time given that her last attempt failed badly? 2. What can I do to take steps against my daughter receiving physical harm at school? 3. Should I contact the police about this? I know she was a horror in the past but surely this shouldn't be held against her now as she has been well behaved for nearly a year! Am I wrong in this or do I have a reason to complain to the Local Education Authority? All replies gratefully appreciated
3 people like this
7 responses
@hildas (3031)
26 Nov 08
If the School has done nothing before this when you have told them time and time again, I would certainly get the police. I had a nasty run-in with my daughters bully off the School grounds and I went into school and told them. The head teacher walked me out to my car and the bully and a crowd of older girls where waiting damaging my car. They phoned the police and they dealt with this. I know my daughter is no saint either but everything she tells me I know is the truth. I would not tolerate your daughter going through with this anymore. Please get the police to the School. This is just awful. Maybe she misbehaved before to show of and stand up to the bullies in School and then she realised it was to much and backed away, maybe this is why they are picking on her now. I am probably wrong but I hope this gets dealt with. The School will just slap her/him on the wrist and welcome the bully back next week. I wish you well with this matter. My thoughts are with you.
@hildas (3031)
26 Nov 08
Please do not blame yourself. You really did try to sort this out, but the School let you and your daughter down. The bullies are to blame. Not you. Go and speak with the School tomorrow and if they do not give you the help and support your daughter needs then get the police. I hope you get through this with your little daughter and this gets sorted once and for all. My thoughts will be with you.
3 people like this
@coolseeds (3921)
• United States
26 Nov 08
You can home school your child, call the police or hire a personal body guard. There isn't much of anything else you can do. Since it seems to be more than one child talking to the parents would probably be useless. I went to school. If someone even came close to bullying me I kicked their azz. That is how to put an end to it. However the law no longer allows you to defend yourself so it isn't a wise choice today. But if nothing is done then it is going to happen. I know that kids lie to their parents all of the time saying they didn't do anything or they will stop doing something. So there isn't much you can do to shelter your child from the world. Stuff is going to happen. Since there is more than one child doing it... are you certain your daughter isn't drawing their attention to her? She is just the center of anyone wanting to pick on someone's attention? Or is this a group of butt hole kids wanting to ruin someone's day?
3 people like this
• Indonesia
26 Nov 08
Bullying is very bad in the school, often some student because of their experience at home bring their problem to bullying other. But some time the teacher not aware about this because they think, this some of teen behaviour, Teacher some time reject if a student tell they have been bullying. to stop bullying all school component like teacher,student, parent must unite together to reduce this ( we can't remove, just reduce to not harm people) because from bullying it can grow to another crime, and so on.
@sivanj (1263)
• India
26 Nov 08
first of all i am sorry that you are facing this problem. but children fighting is a problem that would occur in childhood. but being bullied is very bad and needs attention. i think it has to be sorted calmly and gently. well when one of my relatives son had a problem of this sort he actually told the teacher to take care of the child. but here the problem was even worse as my friend's son was mischieves all the time and did something to get others into trouble. as the child is with the teacher, esp in break times, they cannot create problems. might be with age they get better. i don't know if this solution exactly suits you but i belive that something similar to this can be looked at rather than making it a bigger issue to handle. wishing you the very best so that your problem gets sorted out at the earliest. happy mylotting.
2 people like this
• Canada
26 Nov 08
Oh hunny if you are in a position to take time off to go in there and sit everyday for a bit to make sure that things are being done, then go in there and sit, My mom did with me when I was being bullied. It is also well within your right to request a meeting with the other student, their parents and the headmaster, as well as yourself and your daughter. It does not matter that she was a horror in the past, it matters what she is like today, and iven if she still were a horror, no one deserves to come home with a fat lip, broken glasses and undoubtedly hurt pride. I would arrange a meeting with the headmaster, I would go in there and tell her that if she does not see fit to take care of this problem then you will become her worst nightmare, you will go in to the school everyday and do whatever is necessary to make sure your daughter is protected, and that you will make sure the local newspapers coem to the school to do a story on the mother who had to go to school to protect her daughter, because the headmaster didn't take it seriously....I would call the police, I would press charges against the child for assault, it was a boy none the less hurting your daughter? Place a call to his parents, tell them that you have been made aware that your children are having issues with one another, and you were wondering if they were aware of it, and if they would be interested in meeting with you and your daughter to talk things over, maybe they don't know their child is being terrible?!?! Keep squawaking until someone listens and does something, even if you literally have to do it every single day.
• Canada
27 Nov 08
thank-you very much for best response. You are an amazing mother for your concern, and attempts to make a better life for your child. Best of luck with this, I will be wishing for you to have an easy go ahead!
1 person likes this
@littleone3 (2065)
26 Nov 08
Your poor daughter i am sorry to hear of what she is going through i know how awful it can be seeing your children bullied. I would insist on seeing the headteacher and tell them what is happening Then i would inform the head that you are going to call the police in as you feel that the school is not addressing the issue. Yes i believe you do have a reason to complain to the Education Authority if nothing is done about the bullying. The teachers are also in the wrong they should not hold a child's past against them. Most schools in the UK are very anti-bullying. My eldest children school have just done a anti-bullying week to highlight the problem. It helped a lot i think all schools should do this. Good luck with whatever you decide to do i hope it all gets sorted.
1 person likes this
@quinnkl (1668)
• United States
26 Nov 08
We have kids that the school here seems to ignore all of their wrong-doing. My friend's child had another kid who was stabbing him in the shoulder and back with a lead pencil. It went so deep you had to literally pull the lead out. When the parent and child went to the principal the principal said "I play golf with his father and I am sure he wouldn't do anything like that". When my friend told me this, I exploded! I told her, call the police, file charges. This is ridiculous. When the school turns their back, plays favorites, or what ever, it is time to take charge. This child was being assaulted. When someone is hit or hurt physically, it is time to go a step further and get the law involved. I cannot believe that schools are still sweeping this kind of thing under the rug. Good luck to you!
1 person likes this