Traditions: Parents interfering to personal decisions
November 28, 2008 2:03am CST
I have a cousin who married the man that she didn't love. Her parents were the one that was so eager to 'give her away' to a rich, established man. He's not that filthy rich... He's a pure blooded Filipino but a citizen of America whose ancestors were known to our family. My cousin actually has a boyfriend for almost three years who was an opposite of that Fil-Am. According to her, she loves him the way he is. But her parents, especially father, strongly disagree to their relationship. I met him twice and he's not bad as they think. He's just misunderstood because of the way he carries himself. He's a rocker, a guitarist but I believe he has dreams other than that. I have met his family and they are pretty well-off. He welcomed us in their house and let us stay for free at their lodging house when we had our vacation in Boracay. Even food was free. That Fil-Am and my cousin got married after two weeks that they met each other. And for that two weeks, she cried every night. She feels so hopeless because she can't disobey her parents. She's scared that they might disown her. I just hated that Fil-Am because even if he said he loves her, why then did he let them force my cousin to marry him that soon.. and she have a boyfriend. I was hoping that he will give my cousin time to know him more and not get married that soon. Or time to have closure with her lover. He took advantage of the fact that her parents want him so much for their daughter. Hate him! In my opinion, it's nice that we consider our parents in making our decisions but talking about lifetime, they won't be the persons dealing with that person whom I get married to. If I give my parents what makes them happy at the moment, will it still make them happy if they learn that my husband abuses me (in any form) after years of marriage? They barely know that person to begin with. All they know about him is that he's a Fil-Am who belongs to a family with this business and blah blah. If love is not enough... then money isn't enough either.
28 Nov 08
My case is similar to your cousin's, only I chose the guy I love over my parents. I know that they will disown me (and they did, for like 3 years), but I still chose to fight for our love. I will be the one to live with my husband for the rest of my life, not them. I didn't want to choose them and lose the one I love and eventually resent or even hate them because they tried to control my life. I think I will forever be miserable if I allow them to choose who I will marry. I've been married for 6 years now, and glad to say that things are healing between me and my parents. I am not saying I was proud of what I did, disobeying them and all that, but they will always be my parents no matter what, but if I lose the one I love then things can never be the same. As for the Fil-Am, he must be really shallow to be willing to get married even if he knows that the girl does love him. Why would anyone what to marry if not for love right? But what is done is done, I guess your cousin will just have to get to know her husband and just give him a chance to win her heart... it would be a lot better if she grows to love him eventually than to resent him for the rest of their lives together.
28 Nov 08
I felt bad for your cousin. Weighing two important persons, her family and her lover, at the same time is too hard to handle. I can't imagine there is still that kind of thing going on in this generation. It's way too old fashioned. oh well, they're married now. I just hope that their marriage will work out well.