Are you done and dusted?

@Humbug25 (12551)
November 30, 2008 2:22pm CST
Whenever I have gone out with a guy and it doesn't work out, that's it for me. I am done and dusted with him never to enter into a relationship with the same guy ever again. The way I have always looked at it is that your relationship with someone comes to an end in a negative way. Maybe there was no trust, maybe they went off with someone else, maybe you just didn't love them but for whatever reason it is always a negative one. I have always believed that you have to go forward in life, never backwards, and this surely would be going backwards! My question is though, would you date someone that you have already dated in the past? Did it work out the second time around? Would you never go out with someone you have already dated?
4 people like this
12 responses
@scorpio19 (1363)
30 Nov 08
Hi Humbug, No, I've never re-dated someone once it's over it's over because there is obviously a reason why it ended the first time so what's the point but I've never had the opportunity to met with them again. With the father of my kids we have a friendship now but that's different and funny how I just don't see him as a fanciable male now.
2 people like this
@Humbug25 (12551)
1 Dec 08
Hi scorpio19 It's weird how that happens isn't it? I mean you must have loved him at some point because you had kids with him!! I guess once you have fallen out of love with them then that it really! Cheers scorpio
@ellie333 (21029)
30 Nov 08
Hi Humbug, I know a couple who remarried each other after 10 years apart and in that time they had both matured, both had other relationships but both also realsied it was each other they wanted to be with so I would never say never but I personally have never goe back once a relationship has been over although I have thought about returning to an ex and very recently in fact but I was the reason we split, nothing to do with him, I am just too independent for my own good sometimes. Huggles. Ellie :D
2 people like this
@Humbug25 (12551)
1 Dec 08
Hi ya ellie333 I guess it can work in some cases but I am like you and my independence would get in the way now. Thanks ellie
@Anne18 (11036)
30 Nov 08
In the past I have gone back and dated the same guy, it didn't work out the seconfd time, so should have just left it where it was. I didn't learn as I then did the same again with a different guy and that didn't work out the second time either. So never did it again.
2 people like this
@Humbug25 (12551)
1 Dec 08
Hi ya Anne18 You didn't learn from it the first time and you still did it again a second time Hahahaha. I am glad you didn't go for a third, I would then have to question your sanity! LOL Thanks Anne
@wolfie34 (26792)
• United Kingdom
30 Nov 08
I think you and I my friend are so much alike on that front, once I have dated or been in a relationship with someone I won't return to it, it's like work isn't it, I hate revisiting places where I have worked before, it's in the past and that is where I want to keep the past, trouble is with ex's sometimes they DON'T want to be forgotten or pushed into the past and keep resurfacing like a piece of, well you get my drift! I move on, not backwards, I have wasted too much of my life living and reliving the past, it's time to move on, yesterdays flames are not tomorrows, leave them in the past and shut the door and bolt it!
@Humbug25 (12551)
1 Dec 08
Hi ya wolfie34 I couldn't afree with you more my friend!! Cheers
@kykidd (6819)
• United States
30 Nov 08
I've always quoted Merle Haggard on this subject. He says "Once you pull the curtain down on love, it's there to stay." I believe this. Now, I am not talking about when you get in a little spiff and then you talk and make up. I'm talking about down the road. After you've moved on and they've moved on. There's no reason to try to do it all over again, because someone would most likely hold a grudge even if you could have a good relationship. Thanks for starting this discussion Humbug25 and have a wonderful day!
2 people like this
@Humbug25 (12551)
1 Dec 08
Hi there kykidd I totally agree with you there. If it didn't work the first time around is there any reason it should work for a second time? I am glad you are liking my discussion and thanks for your response
@riyasam (16571)
• India
5 Dec 08
that is the right attitude,but i am sort of emotional,i would give him a second chance.7getting emotional causes some drawbacks in life.being practical and level-headed is a sure shot to success.
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
6 Dec 08
Hi ya riyasam I certainly agree with you there! Thanks for your response
@ronaldinu (12440)
• Malta
1 Dec 08
Up till now it has not happened to me since I am still committed to the same woman. However a friend of mine has dated her first love after that her marriage failed. Her first love was abandoned by his wife. My friend started dating this guy and now they have married and are leading a happy life. It might be that things work out a second time. Perhaps one is more mature and is more committed to make the relationship work. © ronaldinu 2008
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
2 Dec 08
Hi ronaldinu It has never happened to me either but probably because the situation has never arisen! I guess it can work out if enough time has passed and any previous issues forgotten. Thank you for your response
@sid556 (31002)
• United States
1 Dec 08
For the most part, I can't imagine dating any of the men I've dated again. There is one special man however that I have seen on & off for several years. I don't know why it is we just can't get it together but that is how we are. We have never once and one argument and when we are together we always get along great but then we drift apart, date others, end up back together at some point. I know it is weird but with or without the relationship, we will always be great friends.
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
2 Dec 08
Hi sid556 I think that if you are happy with the way things are and neither of you are getting hurt than there is no problem. Maybe one day you'll make it together for good and you will be ready to make a commitment to each other. In the meantime enjoy yourself! Thanks for your response
@aisaellis22 (6449)
• United States
1 Dec 08
Hello humbug25! I never dated anyone aside from my husband so I can really never tell. But if it's in my case, it still depends upon on how we broke up. If we broke up because of some worst things, expect me not to date with him again but if the reason we broke up are minor problems, why not give it a try right?
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
2 Dec 08
Hi there aisaellis22 I think no matter what the problems in the relationship were the first time around that they would be still be there the second time around too! Thank you for your response
@jayyerex (224)
• Canada
1 Dec 08
I would never go back to someone in my past. I wouldn't say that it would be a step back but most certainly you would be re hashing the same old problems. Whatever reason you had for ending the relationship in the first place would likely still exist. Especially if they have violated your trust somehow.
@Humbug25 (12551)
2 Dec 08
Hi there jayyerex I definatly wouldn't go back with a guy if he did the dirty on me. How would someone be able to trust them again and that would be a big issue if you were to rekindle the relationship. Thanks for your response
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
30 Nov 08
I would think that if many years had passed and you know that YOU are not the same person that YOU were, you could assume that HE would not be the same person HE used to be too. You could at least give it a try. This is assuming that things just didn't work out in the past. I don't think a REAL JERK would probably be changed by time all that much unless you have some evidence of it through what others have told you. So if it was an ugly breakup or you remember him as being a real JERK, then I would leave well enough alone.
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
1 Dec 08
Hello rocketj1 I guess it can work out the second time around, I think it depends on the surcumstances of the split but I can't see how a split couldn't have been anything but negative. I split up with a guy when I went off to live in the US for a while and if I thought that much of him I would have not gone. I didn't write to him the whole time I was out there either. Oooh look at you, nearly reached 1000!! Thanks rocketj1
• United States
1 Dec 08
it depends, if you all broke up because of differences you all had or if one was immature. people sometimes can change for the better and if he or she changes later on down the line and you like him then why not give it a try. you never know what the future holds. i have known many of people who split becuase of arguments, or differences they had, and they part for years and then later on down the line they cross paths and become attracted to one another all over again and they both are so amazed at the transition that took place with the other person.but now if we break up because he intentionally hurt me by cheating or anything then no i wouldnt give that person another chance
@Humbug25 (12551)
2 Dec 08
Hi there latriciajones I guess you are right. Soemtimes a bit of time away from each other would give people the chance to mature and grow and ready to re-enter the relationship like you say provide the trust hasn't come into it. Thanks for your response