I think I'm sinking FAST!

@Katlady2 (9920)
United States
November 30, 2008 3:41pm CST
Maybe it's the holidays. Maybe it's because I never hear from my siblings anymore. I know it has a lot to do with my back pain since my doctor hasn't called the pharmacy with my refills for my pain pills and my blood pressure pills (I'm out of both). But I've been doing a lot of crying for the last month...and I'm so very tired of feeling like this. I just want to wake up and not hurt anymore. And I want a relationship with my sister. Although with the email I just fired off to my sister telling her how I feel, I seriously doubt that I will hear from her any time soon if ever at all. And it's not really helping my disposition that we don't have very much money to do Christmas with. I haven't even heard back from Social Security Disability yet as to whether they are even going to have me go before the judge or not. I'll have to call them tomorrow. I'm sorry for sniveling to everyone about this. I'm just really having a bad day today, and I need my friends. Please forgive me for being so down. I hope I haven't dampened anyone's spirits. I love you all very much. I guess I better do something to make this into a "real" discussion. What do you do to bring yourself back up out of situations that are bringing you down? Feel free to share if you'd like. If not, that's ok too. Lots of love and hugs.......Carryl
11 people like this
17 responses
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
30 Nov 08
Oh sweet Carryl!! Hon, we're both having a rotten day so why don't we cuddle up together and cry on each other's shoulder? My dad is being a hard head and isn't going to live up to our agreement and instead he's going up to the old house and paint it himself and clean out the big ole shed. He has help coming to help him but still, he agreed he'd return on the day that we go up but he's not having it now. I refuse to leave mom by herself. It just isn't happening. He's to come back on either Tuesday afternoon or Wednesday day or hubby and I will not go up there. I don't mind leaving mom behind for a couple of hours but that's it, not for days or a week. It just isn't going to happen. Mom thinks he'll have a heart attack if he paints because he won't quit and push himself too far. I told her if he does that then I'll feel terribly guilty over it and he's putting me between a rock and a hard place which isn't fair. She agrees but says she'll be fine and wants me to go but I won't leave her till he's back with her. It's a terrible circle all because dad has to have it HIS damned way and it isn't going to be HIS damned way and so he might as well get used to it. I told mom that I wanted to ask dad who is it that needs the help? But I didn't because I know he'll go off on me and she agreed and begged me not to say anything like that to him. So again, I lose. I have no use for my brother or his son nor will I till they straighten up and fix their asinine ways. I'm not holding my breath either for I don't see that ever happening. Good luck with you and your sister hon. Either way it goes, you have us here rooting you on!! Hugs to you Carryl!! Wish it could be in person but for now, this will have to do.
5 people like this
@Katlady2 (9920)
• United States
30 Nov 08
I've fluffed up the pillows on the sofa for us and have lots of tissues ready. Dads can be so darned stubborn! I know mine was. He was the "I'll just do it myself" type too. I'm thinking your dad just wants to get it over and done with. Too bad he's being such a poop about it though. I'm sending lots of hugs to you too hon. I wish it could be in person too. Love you bunches sweetie.
4 people like this
@savak03 (6676)
• United States
30 Nov 08
As I was scrolling through discussions to find some to respond to yours caught my eye. Your situation struck a cord with me because mine is similar. I too, suffer from a bad back and can never seem to get enough relief. I don't know about your doctor but the doctors I'm used to have a problem with prescribing pain medicine in any quantity or on a continuing basis. It seems that the government is more worried about our becoming addicted to pain meds than in relieving our suffering. As far as social security goes, I got mine but it is such a small amount that I cannot afford to live on my own. Because of that I had to move to a new state and live with my daughter. I have been here several months and haven't been able to find a doctor to care for me here so now I don't get any pain meds at all. Like you I am financially challenged. It always seems to be that way this time of year. We can be our own worst enemy when it comes to relationships. I know that I frequently say things I would not normally say. I truly believe it is the pain that makes me hard to get along with. When I have my meds everyone seems to have a good time around me. The human body was not meant to be in pain all the time. I wish someone would find a way to fix that.
@Katlady2 (9920)
• United States
30 Nov 08
I hope you are able to find a doctor that can help you hon. My doctor has no problem keeping me on the pain meds since my blood pressure isn't the best and he doesn't want it to get higher. But the correspondence between him and the pharmacy isn't always the most prompt. That's what I get for having my meds put on the automatic courtesy refill program at the pharmacy...I do that and still have to struggle to get them on time. UGH! I'm the same way you are....I have the pain meds and life is good. When I'm in pain, I'm not the most pleasant person to be around. Good luck to you hon.
4 people like this
@carolbee (16241)
• United States
1 Dec 08
Am so sorry to hear you have back problems. I can certainly relate. It's no fun and seems to magnify things way out of proportion just trying to survive. Pain can cause depression and anxiety. I know it can in my case and I don't have a history of being depressed. Drags a person down to the bottom of the barrel. Sure hope you feel better soon and life starts going in the right direction. I had a situation last week while our kids were in town visiting for a week for the holiday. Along with being in back pain, trying to lift a 22 lb. baby and all the stress of the holiday in general I was exhausted today. I needed some "down" time so today was my day to veg and do nothing. There was a little problem with our son-in-law so I discussed the situation with two of our kids today. I felt alot better after the phone conversations. Brought me back to reality and made me feel like I could wipe the stupid off my forehead and move forward. Feel better soon, carolbee
4 people like this
@Katlady2 (9920)
• United States
10 Dec 08
I do the same thing. I lift a 20 lb bag of cat food and am down for the rest of the week. I think we both have a stubborn streak in us. LOL! Thanks so much hon for being here for me. I'm here for you too.....I hope you know that. And I hope you're feeling better as well. Big hugs to you.
1 person likes this
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
1 Dec 08
The first thing I do is contact my best friend...That would be you PPP.... Hugs to you... I don't have a relationship with my oldest sister..and I don't want to have one..I talk to my two other sister now and then.... I am so sorry you are in so much pain...and not to have your blood pressure medicine is not good..neither is not having your pain pills... OMG..Your doctor needs to get on the stick and get those for you... I am right here for you honey...and I know you know that.. I have done alot of crying and I mean everyday crying for a few months now. Not sure if my meds aren't working or it is just the holiday....but I do cry everyday... I went to the ER yesterday becuz I thought I had a blood clot in my right leg...I had all but one of the symptoms...MY foot and leg are numb from the knee down..They have been for two weeks. I was tested for a clot and there isn't one...thank god.. I called my doctor and he said not to wait to go right away...so I did..I think maybe I have a pinched nerve in my back and will need and MRI...I am calling to get an appt. tomorrow to get checked out... The numbness does not go away and I have pain in my leg and cramping in my leg and foot...even when I sleep... You and I need to go on a vacation...health spa...special treatments of whatever will make us feel really good... Don't worry about anything but YOU right now...I pray for you everday and always will....I wish you happiness always... And you are my bestest PPP...and don't forget it. Okay...You have my phone number...call me...I will call you right back..promise... Email me with all your hurt...I will be here to listen to it all.. Oh sweetie, I have tears in my eyes just knowing you are hurting.... I love you PPP...((((((((((((PPP)))))))))))))
4 people like this
@Katlady2 (9920)
• United States
10 Dec 08
I love you so much PPP. You're one of the best friends I have on this earth. I'm ready for that spa vacation like YESTERDAY. I finally got my meds last Monday. And it turns out it wasn't my doctor's fault that I didn't get them. It was one of the girls at the pharmacy. She misunderstood the nurse at my doctor's office and only filled the other two prescriptions. But the nurse got them straightened out and told them off for letting me run out like that. So I'm feeling a lot better now. I'm so glad it isn't a clot in your leg. Are they going to try to do something to ease the pain? I hope so. I'm here for you too any time of the day or night. Big hugs to you PPP.
1 person likes this
@dodo19 (34280)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
30 Nov 08
I'm really sorry that things aren't working out to well for you. I'm sure things will work out. For your sake, I sure hope they do.
4 people like this
@Katlady2 (9920)
• United States
30 Nov 08
Thanks so much hon. I hope they do too.
3 people like this
@MsTickle (24994)
• Australia
5 Dec 08
I don't connect with my sisters either...or my brother. They don't seem to care that I live alone and might need them. I don't see my brother much and the last time I had to ask him for a "decent hug" and I explained that I don't get any hugs and I need the contact. There was a moment where I know he heard me and understood what I was saying but he could not bring himself to comply for some reason., My family just do not know me or understand who I am ...they think they do because they have judged me since I was a teenager. My family were convinced that I was seriously bad and they pretty well convinced me too but as I aged I realise what a load of rubbish it all was. But I've still been left feeling unworthy and unlovable. I responded to this because I think I feel what you feel and I need some of the "love and hugs" you offer. oxoxoxox
3 people like this
@Katlady2 (9920)
• United States
10 Dec 08
Awwww....if I was there with you, you would definitely be getting lots of REAL hugs from me. Since I can't be there in person I'm sending you lots and lots of virtual bear hugs. Can you feel them yet? I'm here for you sweetie any time you need me. Family can be the worst critics, can't they? UGH! Lots of love from me heading your way hon.
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
10 Dec 08
MsTickle this makes me sad to read it really does I wish I could be there to give you a big warm loving Hug You certainly have love and Hugs from me
3 people like this
@MsTickle (24994)
• Australia
10 Dec 08
Thanks you two. I feel so "needy" a lot of the time. I really love hugs and I think they are really necessary. Sending you both some big ones too.
3 people like this
@someonesmom (5765)
• Canada
1 Dec 08
Your doctor really needs to get moving, on getting your prescriptions refilled. The two prescriptions I take, will run out in the New Year. I have to make sure I make an appointment with my doctor before this happens (her directive), and then she'll renew both of them. They should be good for a year again. I can be really cranky to be around too (to say the least), when I'm in a lot of pain. This can be quite a regular occurrence for me, as I have my ongoing feet and leg problems. People who are always relatively pain free, just don't get this. As for being down in the dumps, and crying frequently, I can relate to this. I'm so stressed out about so many things, that this is often the norm for me. When I'm really low, I count on good online friends (like you), to lift my spirits. I sometimes feel better after being on 'here,' than I do actually talking with other family and friends. Please try to hang in there, and I do hope and pray you'll feel better soon. Big hugs to you.
@Katlady2 (9920)
• United States
10 Dec 08
I am definitely feeling better....finally. It was the fault of the pharmacy and not my doctor for the mess up with my meds. It's all been straightened out and the nurse at my doc's office gave the girls at the pharmacy what for for letting me run out like that. So hopefully it won't happen again. Thanks for being such a wonderful friend sweetie. It's the friends like you that get me through the rough stuff.
2 people like this
• Canada
10 Dec 08
I'm so glad to hear this. Thanks too, for being the wonderful friend that you are. I was just thinking, that with the Holiday Season here, I'm very thankful for my special myLot friends. I 'know' everyone even better than last year (of course), and it's just great.
2 people like this
@Katlady2 (9920)
• United States
19 Dec 08
I'm very thankful for the wonderful friends here too...and you are definitely one of them sweetie.
2 people like this
@alamode (3073)
• United States
2 Dec 08
Hey, sweetie... I'm sorry I haven't been on, and sorry you're feeling so down. This time of year will do that to you, especially if you're estranged from family members. I was thinking about my sister the other day... but she has done things lately that are even more unforgivable (like showing up at our baby sister's church just so she could snub her!),and I doubt we'll ever reconcile. I do simple things, the best thing being to share time with family and friends who return the love. Our youngest and her daughter have been with us for the last couple of weeks... in 2 hours they leave for their new permanent home in Hawaii. I'll miss them something fierce, but what vacations we're going to have, visiting them a few times a year!I taught our granddaughter Kaitlin the basics of almost every craft I know, and she learned it all! (Gramma's gurrrl!!) That time was much better for me than the time spent stewing over some- one who only cares for herself... I'll take the rest of my fantastic family over one spiteful sister any day! Hope you're feeling better... big hugs, hunny!
3 people like this
@Katlady2 (9920)
• United States
10 Dec 08
I've been spending lots of time with my kids. My son even stayed with me all weekend at the house instead of heading over to his girlfriend's house each day. That was the best therapy of all. He did all sorts of crazy stuff to keep me laughing. And he even put up my Christmas lights and the tree for me. He's such a good kid, and so is my daughter. I'm glad you were able to spend that time with your daughter and granddaughter. Hey...when you go on your Hawaii vacations, can I stow away in one of the suitcases? LOL! Big hugs to you sweetie.
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
1 Dec 08
Awwww (((((HUGS)))) to you. I'm sorry to hear you're in such a down mood. Did you know sometimes one can experience the equivalent of withdrawal type symptoms from different meds that can make you feel like shat too? Depending how long you haven't taken them, that might be what's going on. And you're about the sixth person I've heard of having trouble with their siblings, which makes me feel glad I'm an only child...LOL As for Social Security Disability..mmm..they're not known for speed. Did you ever think of getting in contact with a local Congressman? Most have representatives that deal with SSI disability issues...that's what I did last year when I was having "problems" (to put it mildly) Anyway, as one of your friends...I'm here for you and sending my prayers to you
3 people like this
@Katlady2 (9920)
• United States
10 Dec 08
I was off the meds for about 3 days, so I know that was part of it. Although the regular Vicodin didn't affect me as bad as the liquid Lortab I was on right after my surgery. But I still didn't feel too well as it was. But I'm better now, and have even cut down on the number of pain pills I take each day. I guess the shock to my system helped a little bit. LOL! I'm about to contact my congressman again and see if he can get in touch with SS. Maybe that will speed them up again. Plus I have another friend that has had to deal with all of that stuff and whenever I do get the appointment with the judge, she is going to help me with what to say and she is going to go with me. So now I'm not quite so nervous about it. I just wish they would hurry up. Like that's going to happen. Hahahahaha! Thanks so much for being such a good friend hon. Big hugs!
1 person likes this
• Canada
1 Dec 08
Hello Carryl, Sorry you are down right now and that your sister is not being supportive. Relatives often disappoint. I have a sister and a daughter and they are both very self-absorbed people, so I have stopped looking to them for any kind of help or encouragement. I mention it to let you know you are not alone. Christmas doesn't have to mean buying stuff. Forget about it and try to just be happy in little blessings. Please don't sink cause your friends are here.
@Katlady2 (9920)
• United States
10 Dec 08
I'm trying to get myself into the mind set that I don't need my sister for the encouragement. It's been a long process but I think I'm getting there. Thank you so much for YOUR encouragement....I really appreciate it. It's the friends like you that are the best to have around. Hugs to you hon.
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15499)
• Turkmenistan
1 Dec 08
I know that for me, gospel or inspirational music, always lifts my spirits. There are times when we feel it is a good idea to let people know how they have hurt us, but you would be surprised at how much better you feel if you were to write your sister back and apologize for being so harsh in the first email. Maybe send her a free card through http://www.hallmark.com. Let her know that she is loved and special to you. Remember that when you blame, you give up your power for change. As for the other issues in your life, prayer always works for me. Trust God to bring you through.
3 people like this
@Katlady2 (9920)
• United States
10 Dec 08
OH believe me I've been praying my little heart out every day. And it truly does help. As for my sister, I haven't even heard back from her, so until then I'm just leaving it all alone and leaving it up to God. It's pretty much the only thing I can do right now to keep my sanity intact. Thanks so much for the wonderful advice hon. I really appreciate you taking the time to stop in and help.
1 person likes this
@Grandmaof2 (7603)
• Canada
1 Dec 08
Well we'd be good company today. I have had a huge case of blues for awhile I'm not going to get into it right now because I'm anxious to answer your question. You asked," What do you do to bring yourself back up out of situations that are bringing you down?" Well I just did it, I go in my bedroom where my computer is and I go into myLot and talk to my people on my friends list, when I do what I can there I then check out all discussions. Don't ever say sorry for sniveling, that's why we're here to help others and chat about anything. I do think a lot of your problem right now based on what you've said is financial. In Canada where I'm at I was refused and yet I can only stand for about 3 minutes at a stretch. You just don't know what it's like till you've been there and done that and believe me I have so I do know what you're going through. We're told God won't give us more than we can handle, so have faith Carryl and Please keep in touch. Anytime!!!
3 people like this
@Katlady2 (9920)
• United States
10 Dec 08
Thank you so much sweetie. You are so wonderful to me and I treasure your friendship. I've held onto my faith, although it feels like I'm hanging on by a little tiny thread sometimes. But I'm doing better now. Still financially embarrassed, but not quite so stressed out. How are you doing sweetie? PM me if you would like my email (if I haven't given it to you already.....I'm so ditzy I can't remember LOL), and you can get in touch with me that way any time if you need a shoulder. Big hugs to you.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
3 Dec 08
Oh Goodness Sweetie what is going on Please why have you been crying and what is happening there Why have you not written to me you know I am here for you Please I do hope you are better and things are better with you Remember I love you very much
2 people like this
@Katlady2 (9920)
• United States
10 Dec 08
I love you too sweetie. And I'm sorry I didn't get in touch with you. I hadn't been in touch with anyone during those weeks. I did the one thing I tell everyone else around me not to do....I held it in. And it finally got to me. I promise I won't do that again. I'm so glad you're my friend. I love you bunches and I wouldn't trade you for anyone or anything in this world. Lots of big hugs to you.
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48715)
• United Kingdom
10 Dec 08
Sweetie you better not do you hear me I will try and ring you later I love you to very much
2 people like this
@jesbellaine (4157)
• Philippines
1 Dec 08
Hey There! It's alright to be down at times especially when we are missing our love ones... I feel the same too.. it's like having a bad hair day for me. But hey! It will be good :) Cheer up!
2 people like this
@Katlady2 (9920)
• United States
10 Dec 08
Thank you so much for your upbeat response hon. It's helped a lot and I really appreciate it.
1 person likes this
@smacksman (6074)
1 Dec 08
Pain is a terrible thing. I really feel for you. I wish I could suck some of that pain out of you over the airwaves and give you some relief. I once tried to imagine myself ejecting the pain in my body as a mental image - willing my pain to go away. It sort of worked while all was quiet but as soon as a noise was made my concentration broke and the pain came back in waves. However, I reckon that if I had the self will to really master the method I could help myself that way. Good luck. Hugs from smacksman
2 people like this
@Katlady2 (9920)
• United States
10 Dec 08
I wish I had that ability as well. I know a few people that are able to use meditation and other forms of mental exercise to control their pain. But I can't seem to manage it for myself that way. Thank you so much for your great response hon. I really appreciate it. Great big hugs right back to you.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Dec 08
Natural Cures Book - This is the cover of the Natural Cures They Don't Want You To Know About.
Hi Katlady2, Sounds like your current psychological disposition may be linked to your physical situation right now. A book which may help you is "Natural Cures They Don't Want You To Know About". It's helped many people (including myself) look at life, food and medication differently. Hope you get to feeling better soon! Here's to your health! Happy MyLotting!
2 people like this
@Katlady2 (9920)
• United States
10 Dec 08
Thank you so much for the suggestion on the book. I will definitely be checking it out.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
19 Dec 08
Hugs to you! Don't ever appologize for feeling as you do. We all get that way at times. Times are so tough for so many people right now. I think many of us can relate in some way or another to what you are feeling. It is not a kind world these days and we all need to pull together and help one another the best we can. I get like that at times and I just try to see what is good in my life. Some days that can be tough but I am fortunate to have my children and a few very wonderful friends. Recently our area was hit with disaster and I am ever so fortunate not to have been personally hit. Many people I care for, however, were and it has just been crazy. As for your sister, how about sending her off another e-mail, telling her pretty much what you said here. I'll bet she is wanting a relationship with you as well. Tell her how much you miss her in your life. Who could resist that? She is probably feeling as bad as you are. Put aside your differences for the sake of the relationship and i'll bet you'll both feel so much better. I don't know what your problems are with her but sisters are important. it'd be a great xmas present for both of you, I'm sure.