when it hurts and you hang around...

Philippines
December 1, 2008 3:44pm CST
how do you know when it's still worth fighting for? what are th signs? when do you stop wishing that things would go back to where they used to be? and why do you stay? =,(
8 responses
@LouRhi (1502)
• Australia
1 Dec 08
It's only ever worth fighting for if you know there is a chance of winning. Listen to your heart of hearts for the answer. Generally though I have found if you are asking for signs to show you that it is worth staying then it is better for you to go. Things never go back to the way they used to be, that is the beauty of change. As for why you stay, well I guess because it is always good to live in hope. May everything work out for the best for you. ~ Fairy Wishes and Butterfly Kisses ~
• Philippines
2 Dec 08
fairy wishes and butterfly kisses. i like that. i've been blessed by you. very sweet. change may have its good times and bad times but i guess i'll never know where it will bring me. and i love how you say these words, "because it is always good to live in hope." i should jot that down. =) cheers to you, louhri.=)
@LouRhi (1502)
• Australia
2 Dec 08
I am glad that you could get something from my thoughts. I am a big believer in having hope, for without it we are hopeless and that is never a good thing. ~ may in every way this be a special day ~
@JoeBrat (77)
• United States
1 Dec 08
You never know when to let go of someone you really love. Its not a natural thing to do. True love is a bond that can never really be broken. They will always cross your thoughts from time to time when they are gone. Sometimes losing a love makes it hard to love another for a very long time. The sad truth is that things usually never go back to the way they where in the beginning. In the beginning everything is exciting, fresh, and new. Slowly that fades and what you are left with is the real person as they truly are. You start to learn their weaknesses and flaws. You become more comfortable around them and say things and do things you might not have done before. The best advice I can give you from my experience is that if you truly love this person but they want out, let them go. Good signs of when to start letting go is when they prefer to be around others instead of you. Or when they appear in a better mood when your not around. We can't make the ones we love, love us back. Things just don't work that way. Finally the answer to your last question is we stay because we are in love. We accept the pain, misery, and ignore the signs because we don't want to be without our love. We don't always open our eyes right away to the truth that we need to let go. Good Luck
• Philippines
2 Dec 08
hi, joe. just like Amanda up there. you speak like you've had your share of experience. thank you so much for these thoughts. i hope someday, if i get through this, it will no longer hurt to hold on to your memories. cheers! =)
• Singapore
11 Jan 09
Hey Joe! Very well said. You cleared my mind. I also have this kind of question in my head and what you said really helped.
@oldboy46 (2129)
• Australia
11 Jan 09
Only the person involved knows whether or not the other party in the relationship is worth fighting for and they are the only one who can decide whether to stay or go. Some people are happy in a calm serene relationship, others in a volatile one and others somewhere in between those two ends of the spectrum. Draw up a chart of sorts and on one side list the positives in the relationship for you and on the other list the negatives. However you must be brutally honest with yourself when yo do the list/chart and not look through rose coloured glasses, making sure you include the things that you like about your partner as well as their flaws. Think with your head and not your heart. This is not always easy of course but is really is essential before you get to the stage that your self esteem is at rock bottom and you are afraid to leave an unhealthy relationship. The comment in an earlier response where the person said “My personal opinion with anything in life is that if you ever have to question it and ask strangers or friends than you really already have your answer.” is one that I agree with entirely. Each and every one of us is entitled to happiness in our life and if you do not have that with your current partner then it is probably time to make the break. A relationship is give and take, in other words a two-way street where you each care for what happens to the other person. If it is only about one, then it is not a balanced relationship in any way whatsoever and the other person is bound to get seriously hurt. Also when a relationship breaks up, if both parties can come out of it with some self-respect then so much the better so you need to consider if you could be losing both your self respect and self esteem by staying in the current relationship. Generally the longer a person stays in an unhappy relationship, the less self esteem they end up with which means they then need to start to like themselves so that others can too. Yes it will hurt for a while I kniow, having been there myself, but breaking up can be the best thing you have done in some instances. It certainly was in mine. Only when you make the break from your current partner will you find that special person who treats you as you deserve to be treated. If that special person is honourable, he would not do anything to attract your attention while you have a partner and I doubt that you would want him to either. Yes I have been married and divorced but am now with a wonderful lady but had I not ended upwalking away from my marriage, I would not be with my life partner now. If you have unsuccessfully tried to fix the relationship in the past then nothing that you do now is going to change where you are at now. It can be hard to let go of a relationship or see it wither away but once that love, trust and respect are no longer there, it is impossible to get them back again. Once there is a major change in a relationship it can never be the same again and that is regardless of whether you change or he does or both of you simply go in different directions. Good luck to you totallyundecided and I hope that you are able to make a decision on what is best for you, not anyone else.
@jamie08 (430)
• United States
1 Dec 08
i dont think that is a question anyone can truly answer because how do u know when its still worth fighting for.. i think that is jsut something that everyone has a different opinion on and how they feel towards that person. and why do u stay? i guess people really dont understand why they stay with the person when they argue alot and everything but they still stay and they dont leave so i guess again every person is different
• Philippines
2 Dec 08
hi, jamie. yes, i do get your point. and answers will always vary when this kind of situation comes. thanks for the response. cheers! =)
@jamie08 (430)
• United States
4 Dec 08
no problem anytime!
• Canada
1 Dec 08
Only the person in the relationship at hand can ever answer if it's worth it to fight for. My personal opinion with anything in life is that if you ever have to question it and ask strangers or friends than you really already have your answer. It's at that time that we don't entirely want to admit it and want to see if someone can convince us otherwise so that we have some sort of reason to stay. Your heart will guide you but use your head as a tool as well. Don't waste time where you know you can't resuscitate the relationship. If attempts have already been made and failed then you have to ask yourself how many more failures will it takes till its right again. If your answer is never then time to close that chapter in your life.
• Philippines
2 Dec 08
lol. you are so very right. asking you guys for your opinion will only make myself more in denial of the situation. it's hard to be friends with acceptance sometimes but to have a reality check, i am a slave to my emotions and it takes a lot of will to get over and stand up from this misery. i might feel enlightened now but i hope this will continue on and on. thank you so much. i felt your sincerity in this response. i guess you have had your experience too. cheers and more power to you! =)
• Philippines
2 Dec 08
I guess it would be Love.. No matter how you define love, I think love when it is true is enough reason for you to stay because as long as there is love, you can still hope and expect for the best. Therefore, there is a reason to stay. To keep on holding on.. I don't know, but this is what I personally think. I'm an idealist, after all.. By the way, true love should be something that would make you a better person. If it is not, then it is not true love...
• Philippines
2 Dec 08
lol. love will always be the culprit. =)
@snowy22315 (168368)
• United States
2 Dec 08
I think that is a question that everyone needs to answer for themselves. I guess when the pain outweighs the rewards it's time to get out. You have to decide though what you want to do.
• Philippines
2 Dec 08
You can stop wishing for those things that might not happen anymore if you can see that the relationship can longer work. Sometimes we should be brave enough to face the truth... By doing that, we are keeping ourselves not to be hurt anymore. You're the one who can tell if the relationship is still worth fighting for or not anymore. We only live once so make tyhe most of it... You still meet a lot of good people. Don't trap yourself in a relationship wherein you're only getting heartaches, etc.