Where is the worst place or the worst time you ever farted?

@Loverbear (4929)
United States
December 2, 2008 3:10am CST
I can't resist this post. If I offend you I'm sorry. My worst place to fart is in a hot shower. The steam usually settles just at your eye level. With the curtains or doors closed and you fart (gas and smell rises, trust me.)the only place it has to settle is from just below your eyes, which means up your nose. I warned a friend's husband about it, but he didn't believe me, until he farted in the shower. He honestly thought he was going to die!!! LOL. My worst time...in church. My ex and I were in the church when the Pastor announced a moment of silent meditation. Well the pews were wooden and I thought the fart would be a silent one. OOPS, wrong!!!! It was loud and long!!! I managed to look innocent, but my ex turned red and was sooo totally embarrassed. He got the blame, and when we left and shook hands with the Pastor, he looked at my ex and said "next time we have a moment of silent meditation, could you please try to keep it silent?" I did find out why they called them "pews" that day. My ex never did forgive me for letting him take blame for that one...and to make it worse I laughed like a hyena over that one. Where is the worst place and the worst time for you?
2 responses
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
7 Dec 08
You absolutely hilarious, I am laughing my as_s off, this discussion is really good, I don’t care what anybody says. And how could you do that to your ex, is that why he is your ex lol .Anyway I think the worse place I farted was in a packed bus when it was raining and all the windows were closed and the air condition was on, however I don’t think there was anything the A/C could do to condition the air after I let that one rip. I was sitting beside a fat lady who was squeezing the daylight out of me and I hadn’t eaten the morning, so I guess I may have been a little gassy. A dreadlocked man was also standing close by at the time and for some strange reason fat people and dreadlocked are usually two types of people who are normally stigmatized in situation like these. Fat people for eating too much and dreadlocked for eating too much green vegetables .Anyway as the bus was going around the corner and the fat lady about 3oo pounds leaned down on me a mere 170 pounds I guessed she squeezed me a little too much and that was the only way I could relieve the pressure so I let one rip, no that I had much say in the matter, it just came out. It was a silent one just like yours but as you may now know those are the killers. I prayed silently that it wouldn’t but NO SUCH LUCK, it was heavy as smelly and it seemed to linger in the vicinity of me, the fat lady and the dreadlocked. By this everyone was looking in our direction but mostly at the fat lady and the dreadlocked as I put on my most innocent look ever, occasionally glancing accusingly in their direction too. People were putting their hands over their noses and scampering to open windows proffering to face the rain rather than the smelly onslaught inside the bus. Eventually the smell dissipated and the bus settled and now wanted to lay blame .No doubt it was a toss u between the dreadlocked man and the fat woman who both got arrogant to the point where they fat lady jumped up and shouted ALL YOU PEOPLE I AM SURE YOU HAVE BOTTOMS TOOOO!!!!!!
@Loverbear (4929)
• United States
7 Dec 08
You have given me the best laugh I've had in a long long time!!! Thank you so much. You don't know how much you have helped me on a day that I was so depressed and blue! I can see the whole thing happening! And the more I imagine it the more I laugh!!! In fact this is going to get cut, pasted and printed so that I can have it next to my bed to read when I get up feeling blue! The worst possible farts are those from total vegetarians who eat lots of broccoli. Maybe that's why Bush doesn't like the stuff, LOL! I usually announce to people that "I never said my $hit doesn't stink either". Thank you sooo much for brightening my gloomy day!
1 person likes this
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
7 Dec 08
Thank you firstly for the laugh I still laugh now even though I have read it already lol.I am flattered that you think my discussion is worthy of cutting and pasting. I can’t see why this discussion hasnt gotten more responses, it is really good . Keep up the good work Ps You have given me an excellent idea I am going to share this joke with my friends and even give it as regular joke when we are having joke sessions.
@Beruang (1309)
• Malaysia
2 Dec 08
LOL! You made me laughed reading your about your farting moments. To me the worse place that I have farted was in the elevator. I had just finished my lunch and got into the elevator to my office. Since the elevator was empty and I had some big gas wanting to come out badly, I let it go. As you know how air tight can an elevator be, I almost fainted... But the next thing that happened would be the real reason for me to faint. Suddenly, the elevator stopped at a floor and a bunch of people that looked like they are on a way to a big meeting walked into the elevator and as the door was closing, I could see the reactions of them to the "flowery" smell that lingered in the elevator... I did not dare to look straight at them but I stood still without making any move or sound... That was really bad and I would never farted in an elevator again, ever! Cheers!
@Loverbear (4929)
• United States
2 Dec 08
OMG!!! I have laughed until I cried over that one! It's like my sis says, no matter what anyone says, farts are funny! The hardest thing for me would have been to keep a straight face in the elevator for the rest of the ride!!! One thing you have to look at on the bright side, at least you had a few moments of fresh air. A friend and I were in Macy's and heading for the escalator. We walked through the worst "black cloud" we had ever smelled. I loudly announced that we didn't do it. Ahead of us was a family (two men and a lady), well the lady turned and glared at me...while the two men laughed hysterically. Obviously this beautifully dressed lady had passed the gas... We laughed for half an hour over this woman's look that could kill! Thank you for starting my day with such a wonderful laugh!!!
1 person likes this
@Beruang (1309)
• Malaysia
2 Dec 08
You are most welcome! You are right that fart is actually a funny thing rather than anything else. We should look beyond the smell and see lots of wonders that it could bring. It would sometimes bring a "killer look' on one person but lots of smiling faces and laughters for the others... and laughter is the best medicine... that's what they said... Have a nice day as I am going to bed now. Cheers!