How Could A Person Do This

United States
December 2, 2008 8:17pm CST
There is a girl that came to work in the same building that I do. We all knew that she was married and that her husband was in the military and right after the got married he had to leave for Iraq. Now this is the bad part she has started to date a guy at work. They are very open about their relationship and so we all know what is going on and so does the guy she is seeing. How could either of them do such a heartless thing. She talks about how much her husband did for her and everything but says it is his own fault for being in the military and leaving her behind. We all want to say something to her but we know we can't and it is not our place. I just hope her husband finds out what she is doing and finds him a girl that will treat him right. People amaze me at how far they will go to hurt someone.
4 people like this
19 responses
@jbrooks0127 (2329)
• United States
3 Dec 08
Sadly this is not unusual. This happens far more than people think. Part of the problem I think is that they get lonely...they begin to put the blame for that on the spouse...and then someone comes along and makes then feel wanted. If she truly loved her husband she would not have done this but it is also the fault of this man for knowing that she is married but continues to have the affair with her. You are correct in that there is not much you can say to her. You could have a conversation with the man she is cheating with but it sounds like he knows and is okay with it so he would not hear you. I too am amazed at how little people think when it comes to affairs of the heart. All reason is lost in the moment and their head is on cloud nine. Pitty her when that cloud will burst because it surely will.
3 people like this
• United States
3 Dec 08
I am sure that she got lonely but I will never understand how some could act in such a way. I could never cheat on my husband no matter if he was away or not but I know that there are many out there that do. I just hope that she gets a wake up call and realizes what kind of person she has become and chooses to do something about it. She seems like she could be a really nice person but I just can't be around her to much cause it justs eats at me when I am.
@lanlan011 (701)
• United States
3 Dec 08
That is horrible. She knew what she was getting into when she married someone in the military. Its like signing a contract and not reading the small print or just ignoring it. She knew there was a chance her husband would be sent off. I know she probably felt lonely and all but she was the one who said "I Do". She doesn't realize that its not just her husbands heart in jeopardy. If he found out he could be heartbroken. Even if she broke it off with the "mistress" and went with her husband there's no telling what the "mistress" would do. He would probably be upset and heartbroken or maybe not. She's playing with other people's feelings
3 people like this
@bbydollz (114)
• United States
3 Dec 08
That is just totally and completely heartless, and I don't for the life of me know what would cause someone to do that especially since she knew what she was getting into before she even got into it. Even though it is not your place to say something to her maybe you can find someone who you know that would tell him when he got home so you don't have to have the burden of it. Who knows maybe he will find out on his own. Just hope everything turns out for the best.
• United States
7 Dec 08
I heard yesterday that he was going to be home on leave in January so I hope that she stops what she is doing or that someone tells him what she has been up to while he was serving his country. Something was said to the guy she had been seeing but he didn't seem to care and that made it even worse. He used to be a friend but I don't think I want someone as a friend that would act in such away.
@trickiwoo (2703)
• United States
3 Dec 08
This is very horrible, but surprisingly I've actually seen a lot of this. It is actually pretty common. I know lots of military wives who feel neglected when their husbands are overseas. Being away from your spouse can be very stressful. Especially if they're in a dangerous situation such as fighting a war. Many military spouses feel that they can handle the separation, but then when they are put in the situation they feel differently. They get angry at their spouse for leaving them, and for choosing to join the military in the first place. Often they chose to deal with this hurt that they feel by hurting the one they believe is responsible.
@zalilame (880)
• Malaysia
3 Dec 08
That is a very cruel thing to do. I cannot understand how can someone lie to her spouse. When they bow to say I do in the aisle, they should stay true to it. I just hope that she stop doing that. IKt is unfair for both of them.
2 people like this
@gemini_rose (16194)
3 Dec 08
You are right it is a horrible thing to do, but that is what some people are like they have no regard or thought to the ones they are supposed to love. And she is doing this to a man who is fighting for her country and well being some love he is getting back in return ah? Unfortunately it is not your place to say anything to her as hard as it must be to hold your tongue but hopefully someone will tell her hubby and she will get what she deserves.
1 person likes this
@karubod (603)
• India
3 Dec 08
yes...this is a very heartless thing to do.. now a days such things are becoming common...just imagine what would the girl do if her husband does the same thing to her...shje is just taking advantage of her husband's goodness....also insulting a person who is working for a good cause....she should be proud of him instead....then why did she marry him!
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Dec 08
I will never understand anything like this! She knew her husband was in or going into the military and she still went through with the marriage. It bothers me just as much that the guy knows the situation and still decided to get involved with her. Its heartless and cruel. Any guy that would do something like this will do it to anyone they ever get with. Same with her. Personally I think the two of them deserve each other and I really hope someone will tell the soldiers wife what she has been doing at the first chance they get! This man is serving his country while his wife is serving her libido! She deserves what she gets!
@palonghorn (5490)
• United States
3 Dec 08
if she didn't want to marry the military, she shouldn't have married him. my daughter is married to the army, my son-in-law has had 3 tours of duty in iraq, and not once did it cross her mind to cheat on him. but, there are more that do cheat than those that don't, on both sides of those marriages. if they live on post, believe me he already knows what she is doing. the gossip and grapevine run rampede on base.
• United States
4 Dec 08
My heart goes out to your daughter. Having had her husband go on three tours must have been very difficult. You also raised a very moral and loving daughter. She is an someone that she be looked up to and an example for other people that are going through similar situations. Thanks so much for your response and I hope that this message gets across to someone and helps them see the error of their way.
1 person likes this
@Pleiades (847)
• United States
26 Feb 09
I don't want to say what I hope happens to her or that boy she's cheating with, but I'm sure you can imagine. How DARE she and that boy disgrace the uniform and flag her husband wears proudly out of duty and honour. My boyfriend is deployed in Iraq as well in the Army and I would never do anything intentionally to irritate or make him mad. Even when he came to see us during his leave I made sure he was always comfortable and happy. Even though he didn't spend as much time with me, he was safe and at peace with all of us. That was worth it. Yes, I do hope however her husband finds out. It's a shame because I know of a retired Air Force man who has a wife in the National Guards. She went over to Iraq and found herself another man. It's a common thing that happens, so many marriages and relationships ends during the deployments. But, in my case, my relationship started because of a deployment. That man of hers works for a living, places his life on the line for people he doesn't know, for a country that isn't even his...yet he does it. It's not his fault, it's his duty. *Pleiades
@dozhou (326)
• United States
4 Dec 08
Anyone could make a mistake. Maybe he or she is selfish and does not pay attention to others, Please give her some time to change. I think in the near future this lady would go back to the right track if she still falls in love with her husband.
@teshavill (278)
• Philippines
4 Dec 08
Hi! it is always a pity why this situation must happen.For a fact that two person got married because of love,that no distance can tear them apart,that no amount of temptation can shred the love of a couple.But it seems the woman let in such temptation.definitely the woman is very vulnerable to all temptations just like in this case someone will come along and make you feel so wanted and important at the absence of a husband.It is just a common sense that the third party here is just trying to test the woman if she has the guts to play unfaithfull to her husband. Based from my experiences as a wife whose husband is working so far away,definitely there would be lots of unscrupulous individuals who would try to enter and try to ruin my fidelity to my husband.I can't say that loneliness is the basic reason or excuse because you can always divert that loneliness or boredom to be busy with your work and focus to some recreational activities if ever they still don't have kids.But you are right,the saddest part of seeing these things happened is we are always not in the right position to say something to them.
@GADHISUNU (2164)
• India
4 Dec 08
This is really sad. A person who joins the Armed Forces should be apple of the eye for his/her countrymen.Cheating just behind the back and that too so blatantly- well why did the girl get married to an Army Man in the first place?What should have been a matter of honor for her, has turned out in retrospect to be her cheapest behavior. She just doesn't deserve to be the spouse of a noble man. That is all. If she is left with any honesty, she must move out of his life on her own and that will only IMO restore her honor.
@raven66 (335)
• Canada
3 Dec 08
Its always very CLEAR when it happens to someone else...we can all compare judge and say what we want.. However if you can put yourself in her shoes.. Well! from what you describe she really needs affection, and someone there to talk , touch, hold , listen to.. etc...etc.. and.. Whos to say the guy isn't cheating on her in Iraq!.. with any relationship "What goes around comes around".. so if she does mess up sooner or later the truth will show.. and hearts will be hurt.. but hopefully SHE and HE will learn from this!!
@cupkitties (6732)
• United States
3 Dec 08
You shouldnt say anything because first off you dont know their real situation. To you it seems she is doing something wrong when her husband could very well be ok with what shes doing. Some couples do have open marriages. They could both have an agreement that she is allowed to have a boyfriend when he is gone. How do you know that he does not see another woman while he isn't home? I know that it is not uncommon at all for a soldier to have a woman he screws on the side when he isn't home yet no one says anything about that and only picks at the wives for doing it.
• Philippines
3 Dec 08
Thats horrible. I hate cheaters and I don't like people who cheats especially on their husbands or wife. I hate people also who knows this people are married yet they condone to what this other person is doing even if they know the other would eventually either have to choose somebody in the end or that some family would be broken and people would be hurt. I am against this kind of act and I do hope she really gets caught. She is a selfish woman who thinks only of what she needs.
@lilisor (205)
• Hungary
3 Dec 08
You'd be surprised to know how many people do the same thing. I had colleagues who used to cheat on their partner although they worked in the same building. Some people just don't know when it's time to settle down and be responsible. It's sad but there's nothing you can do :)
• India
3 Dec 08
i see no reason for such a hue and cry over it. it is but natural for a woman to atisfy her physical and emotional needs. In th eindian army a gorkha soldier of Nepalese origin is permitted to get married whenever he goes on leave. he normally goes home on leave once in three years and each time he goes on leave, he finds that his wife instead of waiting for him for three years has got married to some one else. all he does is gets married again without a divorce and it is acepted. It is perfectly legal. a wife can't be acdepted to wait for him for three years. She needs physical and emotional needs whe need to be fulfilled. if he goes off for three years she can't wait endlessly for him so she ofen gets married again. Would a man in teh same situation be totally honestly a saint and not get involved with another woman? why expect a woman to be un attached?
@jesbellaine (4157)
• Philippines
3 Dec 08
That is so distressing and disappointing plus it is so awful! Oh… based on your story, she is awful! I just can’t imagine how someone could betray his/her spouse or even a boyfriend/girlfriend. It is just not right. Yup, I just hope her husband finds out what she is up to so that he can put an end into this. Either they talk it through or maybe a divorce will do. I am so sorry but I am a person who hates cheating partners. I had experienced it once that is why I know it is awful for the guy or husband. And I don’t see the reason of cheating your wife or husband just because he is far away due to his job, right?