Her Mom Gave Away Her Stuff! How would you deal with this situation?

@trickiwoo (2702)
United States
December 3, 2008 11:51am CST
Every year at Christmas time my friend's mom goes out and buys a bunch of toys and gives them to poor families that can't afford to buy toys for their kids. This a wonderful, generous thing she does and my friend really likes that her mom does this. Except this year instead of going out and buying new toys, she gave away the toys that belonged to her kids. Now both of her kids are in their early 20's, and so she decided to give away some of their childhood toys since they're too old for them now. Except, she didn't bother to ask her kids, she just gave away their stuff. My friend is absolutely outraged. Her mom gave away a bunch of her things that had a lot of sentimental value. Her mom gave away things she had been holding onto to give to her own kids one day. But one of the things she is most angry about her mom giving away is a big box of collector items. These items were worth A LOT of money. One of the things in the box was a set of figures. The set was almost complete, it was just missing one figure. My friend had actually recently ordered that last figure, and it's on it's way. So now instead of having the complete set which is worth a lot, she only has the one figure which isn't worth that much. So her mom gave away everything that mattered to her, but left her with childhood toys that had very little sentimental or monetary value. My friend would have gladly given up old childhood toys to families in need if her mom had just asked her first what she wanted to give away and what she wanted to keep. I told her that she should give away a bunch of her mom's personal items to charity... stuff like expensive jewelry she never wears. What would you do if you were in the same situation as my friend? How would you react?
4 people like this
12 responses
@Porcospino (17931)
• Denmark
3 Dec 08
I have been in a similar situation myself. My mother gave away a lot of my old toys and she didn't ask me first. I was very angry at her, if she had asked me first, it wouldn't have been a problem, but she didn't ask, she just did it. Some things had sentimental value, but that is not the main problem, as I have already given away many other things. I have moved many times and I have only been able to keep the most important things. The real issue here is the feeling of disrespect and the feeling that I had been deprived of my chance to make a decision. I would never give away things which didn't belong to me and I expect others to respect my things the way I respect theirs, and I must admit it took a while before I was able to forgive my mother. I understand your friend and her situation because felt the same way, but I think it is important to see the situation in one than one perspective. What her mother did was wrong, but she probably didn't mean to hurt her daughter or make her angry. Maybe the just assumed that her daughter would mind giving up those things. Or maybe she couldn't afford to buy new things this year, and a strong wish to do something for the poor families, made her forget about her daughter's rigths and feelings. I wouldn't judge the mother too harshly. Sure I would get mad at first but having thought about the situation I would be able to forgive her.
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (17931)
• Denmark
3 Dec 08
Ooops, I meant "I think it is important to see the situation in MORE than one perspective"
• United States
3 Dec 08
What a sad story. And this must be very traumatic for your friend. I like your suggestion, however, "two wrongs don't make a right". My mom used to always say that. Your friend should try talking with her mom and express how she feels and let her know that this should never happen again. I don't know what else she can really do at this point, since the items are long gone. She could try finding out where her mom donated the items and go there to see if they have any of them left and if she could by them back (after explaining the situation). Again, I really feel for your friend and I hope she can salvage some good out of this situation. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@trickiwoo (2702)
• United States
3 Dec 08
She's explained it to her mom, but her mom just doesn't seem to get it. Her mom doesn't feel that she did anything wrong. Yes, it's definitely true that giving away her mom's things is NOT the right thing to do, but it might make her mom understand where she's coming from. And hopefully prevent it from happening again. But I'd highly recommend a better solution to this problem if she can come up with one!
• United States
3 Dec 08
Definitely her mom should have asked first. I know when my brother and I left home my mom warned us that she cleaned out closets and things every three months so if we had anything that we wanted to come back to get at a later date it should be packed and labled accordingly. But my mom is compassionate and would never do anything to intentionally hurt me, so if she had given my things away I would be mad....but I would get over it and forgive her.
1 person likes this
@YoungInLove (1254)
• Canada
3 Dec 08
She should take her moms stuff and bring it to her house and hide it and then tell her mom she donated it becuasee she never wore it. See the look on her face and see how she feels, and then begin explain thats how she felt when she found out she gave her stuff away. That way her mom can most deffiantely get the point, and then yet she didnt erally lose her stuff. Personally, if this was me, I would absolutely flip,especially if my mom didnt get it or really care after I explained to her how upset I really was. My mom gives my stuff away to charity when I dont use it anymore, but she alwasy has me go through it to pick what I want to keep and what is good to give away, thats what her mother should have done.
1 person likes this
@vicki2876 (5640)
• Canada
3 Dec 08
First I would think that they aren't very close to know what is important to her children. I also give away many things but always go through them with my children first. Also there are things I am aware are important or valuable that we would not donate. So I wonder how close they can be if she just order the last item of her set of something so valuable and her mother not being aware at all that it was so important. Or if she did know but didn't care, that would be even worse. Was it large and taking up storage. Was she paying for storage fees? For myself I got nothing of mine when I left home. I am pretty much fine with it because I am not one to hold on to too many things anyways, but I guess when I lost my "my little pony" items, Which many I paid for with my own money, I was a little bummed out. Especially when my daughter was little and I couldn't give them to her. But I was able to score a few original ponies on ebay so that we could share that together. So if it is for sentimental reasons, she may be able to get another one, though not her original one, it may help. If it is for monetary reasons I would find out the value of the items and see if my mother is willing to compensate her loss. Which she should really in my opinion. It is nice to give to charity but charity begins at home.
1 person likes this
@neuronic (242)
• Japan
4 Dec 08
Sentimental value, huh? Let them grow up! I will admit, it happened to me as well. As a kid I had so many toys and I'd always keep them for myself, never giving away anything. And when I entered high school my mom wanted to get rid of them, but I'd refuse each time... Just before I turned 16 I realized all this sentimental crap is actually useless and I am an idiot for still keeping something that is the biggest dust gatherer in my home. So I told her to give my stuff away to my cousins and her friends' kids. And it was the right thing to do. OK, it is true I kept my favorite teddy-bear, but I still have it with me, and it was my present to special someone, but everything else, I don't care. If someone else can find better use of it, I'd be glad to share it with them. If my mom didn't do what she did, now instead of giving it away, I'd had to throw it away, which is much worse in my humble opinion.
@trickiwoo (2702)
• United States
4 Dec 08
Lots of the sentimental items were gifts from other people that meant a lot to her. And you gave your mom permission to give away your items to other people. And my friend would have been more than willing to part with most of her stuff if her mom had just asked. But her mom didn't ask and gave her stuff away and didn't tell her about it until after the fact. Would you feel differently if your mom had given away your stuff including your favorite teddy bear and didn't even ask you if it was ok? And as for the collectors items that were worth a lot, it would be like if someone took thousands of dollars out of your bank and gave it to charity without your permission. Yah... it's going to a good cause but it's your money and you didn't have a say in it.
• United States
4 Dec 08
We don't get to decide what is and isn't import to other people. For whatever reason, these toys meant a lot to her friend and were actually collector items.
@neuronic (242)
• Japan
4 Dec 08
The thing is, even if she gave away that Tbear it wouldn't matter in the end, because that bear is currently gathering the dust as well, and to be honest I wish had gotten rid of it. Money example. I think your mixing emotional and substantial here. If the stuff was worth like 5000 bucks than why'd she keep it in her mom's reach in the first place? Second, when your money is stored somewhere you are trying to make sure that no one gets to it(protection/security), while your toys and stuff are all over the place and anyone entering your house can actually see them, touch them, smell them, toy with them ;) Thank you for your comments!
@Sheepie (3118)
• United States
3 Dec 08
That's just what moms do. They touch your stuff. It's just something she does. It is a real shame that she went and did that, but that stuff doesn't really matter. Hopefully someone else will be able to use them and will appreciate them even more. I mean, I would be mad, but I wouldn't give anything of her mom's away to charity. Plus, the mom is the one who bought the stuff for her daughter in the first place. She could have asked, though.
@trickiwoo (2702)
• United States
4 Dec 08
The collector items that were worth so much money my friend bought herself with her own money. And some of the other stuff her mom gave away had been gifts other people had given her.
@sachinkr9 (141)
• India
3 Dec 08
She Is doing very good thing my best wishes with her. In today world who cares others people and family I think she is doing great job and god will bless her for this good thing.
• United States
4 Dec 08
Did you read a different story than the rest of us?
@twoey68 (13651)
• United States
4 Dec 08
Well, I'd be upset too simply b/c she didn't ask me first. But these kids are in their early 20's so I'm wondering why all the stuff was where their mom could go through it...especially a collection set that was worth alot of money. If something was that important to me I'd have it put away where only I could get to it. [b]~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~ **STAND STRONG AND TRUST IN GOD**[/b]
@tammytwo (4304)
• United States
4 Dec 08
I think I would be more hurt than mad. Her mom never considered her own daughter's feelings. That is the important thing. You know, in life we often tend to hurt those we love the most while pleasing others whom we have never even met. Sounds sad, but is so true. I'm not sure what I would do, as the toys are gone now and not much can be done. Unless the daughter could get them back by explaining that the mom made a mistake.
• United States
4 Dec 08
What did her mom say? What did she say to her mom? She can go to the charity she gave it to and try to get them back.
@mariposaman (2967)
• Canada
4 Dec 08
The mother did not respect boundaries. Just because she is the mother does not mean she can do anything she wants. Unfortunately the children should have taken possession of anything if it was that important because that is what mothers do. They see all this stuff laying around and want the room and the children do not seem to be doing anything with it. If I had a bunch of kids with boxes of their junk laying around the house and they would not pick it up I would warn them on such and such a day the Salvation Army truck will be backing up to the front door and everything of yours will be going on it so come pick it up or say goodbye to it. I would never arbitrarily just give it away without asking though, that is just wrong.