Friend or Enemy?

Canada
December 3, 2008 9:06pm CST
I have this friend that always talks about me behind my back. She Sais nice things to my face then when she talks to someone else she talks bad about me. Every time we chat on the computer If i tell her I had a cold she would say shes got the stomach flu. If i said I was tired and hadnt slept in 48h which is normal for me. She sais Oh I havent slept in 64h. I tried to talk to her about my financial problems she just kept saying oh im in the same situation. When i told her that its hard being a single mom raising two kids on my own she sais she knows how i feel she is a single mom of two boys whos father lives 3 doors up from her and has the kids every second day. Is she really a friend or what? How can I make her realize that everything is not about her and get her to listen to others? I know this sounds a bit petty and i should listen to her but im not the only one she does this to. Our mutual friend told her the other day that she may be pregnant and this friend said oh yea i may be pregnant to. What is up with her?
5 people like this
20 responses
@munhozmib (3853)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
4 Dec 08
Hello, mamalovestoread. I believe that this friend of yours just want to be the one pitied. She doesn't want you to be in a worst situation than her. She wants to play the role of poor little undefended woman. She needs affection, that's for sure. I wouldn't be too friendly with her, nor would I share my problems with a person like that. You should not talk to her about your bad things. Just leave her with her problems, she always seems to be in a worst situation than you. If she is saying things by your back, don't worry. It just means that you are human. Nobody is perfect. Somebody has to say something by your back. Respectfully, Munhozmib.
1 person likes this
@joystick7 (730)
• India
4 Dec 08
not sure if you can call her a friend who biches at your back...Atleast she is not a true friend whom you can rely on bad times... True friends are like stars, you dont always see them but they are always with you... Here the same seems vice versa...
• Canada
5 Dec 08
Thanx for your reply. That was so nicee its true about friends bing stars.
@mods196621 (3631)
• Philippines
4 Dec 08
She is not a serious type of person who has concern to others. For her life was just like to repeat all the way what others telling her.As what I've read she is not a reliable friend at all because every time you talked to her she has that kind of attitude she is not interested to anybody's feeling. Try to tell her that life was not just easy like she does to you and to other friends. Advice to be serious. Does she hates her lifestyle now? Well what I tell you friend is have your patience be longer than the street in your corner. Think she has more problems than yours and you will be blessed by understanding her in a way of friendship. Be happy!
• Canada
5 Dec 08
So true she is not serous. Yes she does hate her life she made the mistake of moving to another province to be with her boyfrined. Only to find out that he got th babysitter pregnant. Total yucky. But still hre having a bad life dont make up for backstabbing.
• Philippines
4 Dec 08
I think that she's not a true friend. I mean you don't back stab your friends. It's not right to talk behind people's backs. Maybe if I were in your situation, I'd stay away from her.
• Canada
5 Dec 08
Thanx for responding. Its so true that i should stay away but the problem is im her kids aunt. So its kind of hard. We do only talk on teh net though. I really dont tell her much anymore
@silverglint (2001)
• Philippines
4 Dec 08
I think your friend may be competitive in nature, too competitive that is. I wouldn't mind if she would just keep trying to outdo me in everything but to have someone back stab me, talk bad about me... I don't think she is a friend at all. I would really be careful about what I tell her. If you really care about her as a friend, maybe you can try to check out her background why she is like that. She seems to be so insecure with herself and always need to prove something. Maybe she wasn't appreciated or was ignored when she was younger so she grew up always trying to exert herself to people.
@bing28 (3798)
• Philippines
5 Dec 08
If she's not only talking at your back bad about you, I supposed to say, maybe she just want you to feel you're not alone with whatever negative things you're sharing or just her way of comforting you. Try to weigh things does she had done good things too? She might be emotionally disturbed that's why shes's acting like that...
@chaolai (162)
• Philippines
5 Dec 08
i think she doesnt know the value of keeping the mouth shut. or maybe theres something wrong on her. she just need to learn a lesson in the hard way actually i think she has a personality problem, and that was common to all people who has insecurities in life. maybe she was envy on you on something. try to observe first.
@suzzy3 (8357)
4 Dec 08
I think this friend is doing you no good at all, the last thing you need is a competition on whos got the worse life or problems ,to be honest you have been tipped off about her so stay away, pretend your computers gone wrong.It is called one upmanship in England. One woman buys a new washing line ,the next door neighbour buys a washer dryer,someone buys a new car the next one buys two new cars,cannot stand that it seems to me this women has to be top dog,if your other friend was having triplets she would have quads.Let her get on with it and stay away from her.xx
• Nigeria
4 Dec 08
Hey friend! All I have to say to you is that you have to be very careful. This friend of yours could get you into trouble. Have a nice day
@afparks (49)
• United States
4 Dec 08
I don't think she is really your friend. It seems that everything that is happening to you is happening to her too twice as much...Honestly, i don't get your friend too. Maybe you should ask her, what's wrong with her.
@aprilsue00 (1992)
• United States
4 Dec 08
I have a friend like that. I usually just quit talking about what I was talking about and listen to what she has to say. Then when she's done talking I will go back to what I was saying. I don't think that these kind of people do this intentionally they just want to feel important.
@flojever (403)
• Philippines
4 Dec 08
What I figured out was that, this "friend" of yours was doing her best to compete with you. She's always in any situation you're in, she doesn't like to be left behind. She needs to be ahead of you and I think, it's because she's a bit insecured. I bet she doesn't like the idea of her friends getting ahead. She prefers to be the first one to lead. She also likes to be the center of attraction always. As long as she stays harmless, then don't mind her, but the moment she back stab you, then that's another matter. She's not a friend but an enemy.
@deebomb (15322)
• United States
4 Dec 08
I don't understand how you can call this person a friend. a friend doesn't talk about you behind your back or try to compete with you about the every day problems that we face. If she is talking about you behind your back why on earth would you want to confide to her about your financial problems if there is a chance she's going to be telling it all about town? If I had a so called friend like that I would distance my self as fast and as far as possible. With friends like that who needs enemies. Life is hard enough with out have the stress that a friend like that can cause. [i][/i]Trouble is inevitable misery is optional
@krfanlim (232)
• Malaysia
4 Dec 08
It really depends. For as such, if she is your friend, the reason why she's doing that is because she wants to make you realise that you're not that bad, as compared to her, afterall, and that will make you fee grateful to keep moving on with life. But if she's not exactly a friend, she's just probably wants pity, or it's just a really bad character of her to do that out of 'habit' and 'personality'. We meet all sorts of weird people on earth, don't you think??
@faizi1 (157)
• Pakistan
4 Dec 08
my dear dont't be disoppointed every thing will be right i think that she is not ur friend but she is your enemy i want to distroy you or she is jealousing from you that if you talk with other girls and she watched you at that time this is the one reason i think she is not your best friend best friends just like stars
@xavier_sh (222)
• Nepal
4 Dec 08
Neither she is ur fren nor an enemy. She is the one with th ehabit of back biting a friend. She finds enjoyment in backbiting others. and when u put forward some problem in front of her she also puts forward the same problem, that's amazing how could a person do like that. at least not about pregnancy.
• Philippines
4 Dec 08
she is not ur real friend, You should start avoiding her, maybe she is just bitter towards u or jealous. you just wasting ur time on her coz that kind of person doesn't know how to appreaciate things that u will do for her..
@etranger (126)
• India
4 Dec 08
I think she is not a friend she just want to pase her time .and back bite is very bad . I feel that more then such freinds, books are the best friends.
@idcoder (382)
• India
4 Dec 08
hey your friend , upon ur description seems very stupid..if i were you i would rather talk less with her and find someone who really cares about friendship and who really hears out everything you want to say..i know it is hard to find good people but it is not impossible...also if anyone hurts you then it is better to stop talking to them...
@kaka135 (14155)
• Malaysia
4 Dec 08
Well, I do not like talking to this kind of friend. It's not a friend or an enemy, but since she always talks bad about you, why do you still tell her about your stuffs and your problems? She may twist your meaning and spread the news around. I don't mind listening to her, but I don't think I'll tell her about myself, it doesn't help telling her anything, but it only makes you feel bad about it.