Should men have the right to choose?

United States
December 4, 2008 1:32am CST
First let me say, I am not trying to start an arguement. I just want some honest opinions. A poll, if you will. I had recently listened to a discussion involving a group of women who were debating on whether or not it is right to abort a pregnancy if the father of the child wants to raise the baby. Of course, it got heated. People have so many opinions. But it is a valid question, isn't it? We women can have an abortion without saying a word to the baby's father about it. What happens in his world when he finds out that an abortion was performed and he really wanted to raise his child? We do this in the name of - It's my body, therefor, it's my right to choose. The law says that I can. Should the law also consider what the father of the child wants? Or is it right to terminate a pregnancy without first asking what he wants?
11 people like this
51 responses
@minx267 (14585)
• Hartford, Connecticut
4 Dec 08
This is a tough question. I think that maybe the father should have a right.. if the baby is wanted... the woman "played" she should in this case pay by incubating the "wanted" baby. If however neither parent wants the child and it is certainly up to the woman on what she chooses to do. I am not either for or against abortion, but I think the woman should take the mans feelings (and the childs) into account as well before she terminates an unwanted (by her) pregnancy.
4 people like this
• United States
4 Dec 08
Thank you minx. That is exactly what I was wondering. I, too, think that if the man wants his child then, by law, he should have the right to challenge the mother's abortion decision. To me, that's fair. Currently, we don't have to take the man's feelings into consideration but...if it takes two to make a baby, then shouldn't it take the same two to determine what they both want to do with the baby?
3 people like this
@minx267 (14585)
• Hartford, Connecticut
4 Dec 08
Yes - I think it should. If the child is wanted by EITHER parent - it should be allowed to come into the world... And receive all the love that parent has to give.
2 people like this
@Pitgull (1523)
• United States
5 Dec 08
I do not believe it should be because one parent wants a child. If the person carrying the child (the emotional and mental and physical health of this individual directly relates to the health of a child) does not want said child, what could that do to a child? It may not only result in a loss of the child, but of the mother as well....
1 person likes this
@maximax8 (28490)
• United Kingdom
4 Dec 08
If a lady is pregnant then she could hide this fact until about 16 weeks pregnancy. She could go and have an abortion and not tell her boyfriend that she is pregnant. Some men might have had their baby aborted and not know that. I think that is so sad because men matter too. It is awful that it is only the pregnant ladies opinion that matters. However I guess that a nasty man might get violent to his girlfriend that is having an abortion without his wishes. If a lady doesn't want her baby I think it would be fine for the dad to bring the child up. Imagine if a man finds out his wife had an abortion ten years ago before they go married. It is likely he would be really angry and wonder about his child that was aborted before birth. He would probably look at his two daughters and be horrified that their older brother or sister never saw the light of life.
3 people like this
@maximax8 (28490)
• United Kingdom
4 Dec 08
Hello again. I would just like to add that at 36 weeks pregnancy I found out I was expecting a spina bifida baby. I went to the fetal medicine unit and they offered me an abortion. The father and I were horrified at that offer just a month from the birth. The fact is if I had said yes the father would have been really upset and this knowledge might have made him extremely depressed.
2 people like this
• United States
4 Dec 08
That's my point. We can go have an abortion any time that we want to without telling the father. Yes, alot of men would still say 'hey, go have the abortion' but there are men out there who are devastated by the fact that their' child was aborted and he didn't know anything until after the fact. Should we change the law to include a father's rights?
• United States
4 Dec 08
Wow max, I gave birth to a perfectly healthy baby at 35 weeks. To kill a baby at 36 weeks is murder big time. Those people are sick.
1 person likes this
@lisa0502 (1726)
• Canada
4 Dec 08
This is a very touchy subject that you have brought up. In one sense I think that some men do get the short end of the stick when it comes to this. I also think that if a woman was forced to carry a child who knows what she might do during the pregnancy. I do have to say that in some manner that a woman should have the most say because this will affect her health and body.
3 people like this
• United States
4 Dec 08
That is true. But at the same time why shouldn't we give men the legal right to object if he wants the baby. Are we not being completely one sided here by leaving it all up to the woman? I know of a man who was devastated to hear that his girlfriend had aborted his child. She never bothered to say anything to him until after it was done. Some men will still want the abortion performed but those who don't and have no right at present to do anything about it have to deal with the grief of "what if?" The law has to be fair. So what do we do?
@lisa0502 (1726)
• Canada
5 Dec 08
I do agree with you that women have all the say. But my concern would be what would the woman do to the child in her if she is a vendictive woman. You do have a point though so please do not get me wrong.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Dec 08
I'm just trying to see this from a different angle. From the vantage point of a man who wants his child but has no say in the matter. Women have very strong opinions on abortion, whether it be for or against. I wonder if there isn't a way to be more fair to the men who want their' children. I admit that this is a really tough question where no clear lines have been drawn. That is why I asked it. I think it's very interesting to know what other people think about this.
@savak03 (6681)
• United States
4 Dec 08
I don't really want to add fuel to the fire but I just couldn't let this pass without making a statement. You asked shouldn't the law consider what the father of the child would want. I think, what the child would want should be considered before his little life is taken. Or better yet how does God feel about it? If a woman wants to choose whether or not to have a baby she should make the choice before conception.
2 people like this
• United States
4 Dec 08
While that is true...'A woman should make the choice before conception'...currently the law is bent toward women only. Shouldn't the father of the child have the 'right' to atleast be heard if he wants the child?
2 people like this
@savak03 (6681)
• United States
4 Dec 08
Given the parameters of the question I do agree that the father should have the right to be heard. After all the woman didn't make the baby all by herself.
2 people like this
@Pitgull (1523)
• United States
5 Dec 08
It should not be about the law, or anyone else for that matter. If a mother does not want to raise her child, or go through labor and carrying of a child, she should have the right to decide what happens to her body. Regardless. Before conception sounds like a good idea, but too many elements come into play here. Some people discover they are pregnant, and then get cheated on discovering that is not the man they want to raise their child with and do not think they could manage elsewise. I believe in a healthy relationship, all things equal, a man should be entitled to some involvement in the decision, but in the end a person's body is her or his body. A child cannot sustain itself without the mother until after birth, so until then, it is the mother's body.
@Drumman (305)
• United States
4 Dec 08
I've never thought about this before but you have an interesting point. The father should have just as much right as the mother to raise the child. Afterall, she didn't get pregnant on her own. If the child were born and the mother wanted to kill it the courts would award custody to the father.
2 people like this
• United States
5 Dec 08
A lot more would happen to the mother if a child was born and wanted to kill the baby.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Dec 08
Drumman, My passionate friend! Boy! You have been busy on this discussion! LOL! I think you are right and YOU also bring up an interesting point...if the mother wanted to kill the baby after it was born, the courts would grant the father custody. So shouldn't our laws give the father that same right BEFORE the child is born? The fathers' rights should be recognized on an enforceable level.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Dec 08
Prinzess, That is all too true. I just saw something similar in the news. I'll never understand people!
• United States
4 Dec 08
I do not believe in abortion.. Just wanted to make sure that is clear first... Men do not get to "choose" because they aren't the ones who are pregnant. The women are choosing not to be pregnant, that is something men can't do.
2 people like this
@Drumman (305)
• United States
4 Dec 08
The only way the man didn't choose is if the woman got pregnant by herself. Besides, if the woman didn't want to be pregnant why did she choose that in the first place?
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Dec 08
No I am saying, men don't have any rights because they aren't the one who is pregnant.
2 people like this
• United States
5 Dec 08
Hey Prinzess! I disagree. Didn't you see the 'pregnant man' on 20/20? LOL! You know I actually thought they had done some weird science thing before they fully explained? LOL! I understand our laws too and why they are in place but I don't think they are fair to the men who really want to raise their' children.
1 person likes this
@jambi462 (4598)
• United States
4 Dec 08
No I don't really think that men should have any say on abortion. That's one of the weird things about our country we have people that have no experience on the issues making the decisions. Congress is dominantly male and I have always wondered why they get the right to decide on whether abortion should be legal or not? The woman already has to go through enough if she has to get an abortion and I don't think males really have the experience on birthing a baby.
2 people like this
@Drumman (305)
• United States
4 Dec 08
All you have to do is go through 9 months of a little inconveniance and then give the baby to the father who wants it and never have to worry about it again. Are you saying you would rather kill someone?
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Dec 08
Told ya this one could get a little hairy. Sorry. All I'm asking is if the law should include the man's rights. Many men will still want the abortion but, as it is now, there are many men who are mourning the loss of a child that they did want to raise. The Supreme Court has said that abortion is legal. But should the law also be fair to the Fathers? Aren't we lopsided right now?
@twoey68 (13651)
• United States
4 Dec 08
In my opinion...and this is just mine...if a woman finds out she is pregnant and doesn't want to raise the child and the father is willing then she should give him that option. Afterall, it is just as much his child as it is her's. I realize that the woman is the one that has to go through the nine months and the delivery but to me that's a small price to pay for a human life. I've heard all kinds of reasons why women get abortions...some are valid but most aren't. It's simply more convenient, less messy and less stressful and many of them regret it after it's done...not all but quite a few. I'd think that if a woman REALLY didn't want to become pregnant there are plenty of precautions to take to ensure she doesn't get pregnant other then killing off a baby. Just my thoughts... [b]~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~ **STAND STRONG AND TRUST IN GOD**[/b]
2 people like this
• United States
4 Dec 08
While I agree with what you have said, I have to ask this question....Rather than depend on women to 'give the man the option', should we not change the law to include the man's right to object to the abortion? If he wants to raise his child, should he not have the right to take it to court?
1 person likes this
@twoey68 (13651)
• United States
5 Dec 08
By all means it should be a law, I'm afraid that while I was typing the response I was thinking of what would be the right thing for a woman to do in the situation and not the legal side of it. I do think that since there are women who will do what suits them it would be far more fair to both to simply have the law that if a man wants to raise his child and the woman wants an abortion then his rights should also be considered. If he's fit and able to raise a kid, why destroy it. To me, it would be like finding a good home for a pet and then rather than give them a good home, you have them put to sleep. It makes no sense. [b]MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! ~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~ **STAND STRONG AND TRUST IN GOD**[/b]
2 people like this
• India
5 Dec 08
A very interesting discussion if I may say so. I do think men should be informed and have a right to choose. In my opinion, many abortions take place just because the father refuses to acknowledge the baby or shakes off all responsibilities and walks off into the twilight. Society has never been kind to the women and for an act which is shared equally by man and woman, often the burden and shame of unwanted pregnancy and child-rearing is the woman’s alone. The reasoning of ‘me, my-body’ is there of course but many more abortions take place either coz society will not accept a bastar*d child or (esp. in today’s scenario) a woman who has fought for her rights in the corporate world, would not want to give it all up (and rightly so) just for the sake of a baby. If fathers were more responsible (even staying at home, if required) and society accepted a child on the basis of its mother and not father, I am sure we would have seen many less abortions.
2 people like this
• United States
5 Dec 08
You may say so! :) Your' answer went straight to the heart of abortion. It should be a much more rare thing than what it currently is. The reasons that you listed are all true in my mind as well. In this day and age, with all of the children that are being raised by single mothers, you would think that society would be more accepting of these women and their' children. Hopefully we will get there soon!
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Dec 08
That is a hard one. If the woman wants to carry the baby to term and give to the Dad to raise it's cool. I don't agree with forcing a woman to carry the child if she doesn't want to. It takes it's tool on the body. I think making sure this doesn't happen is a better answer. I would really feel sorry for a guy if he want to raise the baby, and the woman didn't want to carry the baby, thats a tough one for sure.
2 people like this
• United States
5 Dec 08
There is a man on page two of this discussion who went through this very thing. Prevention would be the key but with the amount of abortions happening, prevention isn't working. It is a hard question and I thank you for your' answer!
5 Dec 08
Hi Rebeccalynn, You made a good point there, but as a woman who couldn't have any children feell it is wrong to have an abortion but to me I think that a man has created a child as much as the woman so I think he as the right to oppose to it because it is his child and he is willing to bring the child up so I do agree on that one. Tamara
2 people like this
• United States
5 Dec 08
Hi Tamarafireheart, I'm sorry that you couldn't have children. I also think that for the men who want to raise their' children, they should have a voice in the decision.
1 person likes this
@bcl_me (583)
• Philippines
4 Dec 08
First of all, women gets impregnated because they mate with men, so although women carries the unborn child in their body gives them all the right what they need or want to do with the child inside their body, they should inform their mate before they proceed with whatever they wish to do.
2 people like this
• United States
5 Dec 08
Thank you. I'm glad you said that. I agree with you.
• Nigeria
4 Dec 08
abortion is only legalised in USA but not in all part of the world.. but to me i will sue any woman who abort my baby without my concent.cos when we were having it it was both of us and when anything must happen to it , it must be a collective responsibility and morealso, aborting is a crime against \god and humanity .. and i think it should be stopped.
2 people like this
• Australia
4 Dec 08
It gets complicated when the woman doesn't want the baby and the man does. When the law sides with the woman the decision can't be a fair one but how can you force a woman to have a baby since it involves primarily her body. Hm.. i haven't thought much of it that way but i guess the men won't have much weight in such a decision. But it is consideration to ask what the man wants first and then thoroughly think through the issue together. Whatever the decision, it is right when both parties make it.
2 people like this
• United States
4 Dec 08
It is right when both parties make the decision. But I wonder if we need to make it so that it is required that both parties make the decision so that the man is heard. We tend to ignore them when we make these decisions.
• Philippines
4 Dec 08
actually decisions should be talked for both parties its not just with the men or girl? if the girl can't handle to have the baby i guess she has the right (ex health), this is tough especially to both ongoing parent. - the girl can do abortion from the moment she knew it but its her conscience whether shes going to asked for a permission or not?
2 people like this
• United States
4 Dec 08
Ok. Good answer. But what I'm asking is...should the laws be changed in order to include the father's rights to the baby? Should he have the right to take the mother to court to stop an abortion if he wants to raise the baby?
1 person likes this
@DonnaLawson (4032)
• United States
7 Dec 08
Everyone has the right to make choices unless the choices infringe on the rights of others.. The child should be considered first and foremost.. The child should be protected.. I am not trying to add fuel to anyone's fire, but this is my opinion and I will always feel this way.. I would not like to have to live the rest of my life knowing that I had taken the life of an innocent child.. This world is getting to be a sorry place when we can murder a child and call it abortion, what else can we do in the name of rights?? What happened to responsibility, when so many couples are trying so hard to have a family and babies are being killed in the name of abortion, what is wrong with this picture.. When a woman is carrying an unborn child, her rights should cease until the child is born and in a safe place, then let her do as she pleases with her body, then and only then is her body completely hers, when another life is not dependeant on her.. I don't believe in choices when responsibility should be the first consideration.. As I said before this is my opinion, I will not debate it, I will go to my grave believing the only rights a woman has is to nurture a child or give it to someone who can and will..
2 people like this
• United States
7 Dec 08
I posted my response and then read through everyone elses responses and felt like I had to say something else. None of this would be an issue if people, women, would stop using abortion as a form of birth control.
2 people like this
• United States
7 Dec 08
First of all let me start by saying I think it would be wonderful if abortion were illegal and this wasn't an issue. That being said, I absolutely think the father should be considered in this matter. If a woman has an unwanted pregnancy and wants to give the baby up for adoption she has to have the fathers permission to do that. So, I think she should have to have the fathers permission to kill the baby also.
@molloy (136)
4 Dec 08
i agree that the father should have a choice,but if a women is raped and gets preg then the father should have no choice.im sorry for bringing that up but it as to be said. i also think its really wrong to get rid of a baby cause what as that poor thing ever done to you. and i for one would not be able to live with myself if i was a women and got a abortion. sorry if i have offended anyone with this post but im speaking my mind
2 people like this
@mlh8087 (370)
• United States
5 Dec 08
Yes, it is the woman's right to choose. It is her body but I also think the father should be informed. If he wants the baby then he pays all the bills and legally adopts the baby after it is born. Leave the mother out of it after the baby is born. That is only fair for the baby. Now in the case of rape, definitely the victim has a right too choose. Now as for the people who say that there should be no abortion for any reason, I only have to say, How many of those babies,you are forcing woman to have, are you going to adopt. You know accidents do happen when it comes to birth control. If you are going to unilaterally force a group of women to do what you believe to be morally right then you must take full responsibility for that decision.
• United States
5 Dec 08
Well, First, you are right. No one group should try to force every woman to live by their' set of moral standards. We agree on that. I also agree that in the case of rape, the decision should be left to the mother and only the mother. She didn't ask to be raped. I do like your' idea about having the father adopt the child and pay all of the bills. If the father truly wants to raise his child and has the means to do so...that would be a great thing if the mother agreed to it! Thank you for your' input!
@mlh8087 (370)
• United States
6 Dec 08
There are always exceptions that why we let the politicians make all those confounded and confusing things. The first situation you gave-there's no controversy there. The man wants to keep the baby that a complete stranger is having. After doing the bumping nasties for a night they ain't exactly strangers no more. If he wants the baby and her health is not endangered then too bad, it takes two to tango and they did just that. The second situation you handed out is a rapist and a rapist has no rights. He is a criminal and he has no rights to do nothing except rot in the deepest darkest prison we can send him too. The woman has all the say in that situation. It's really easy for me to see.
@lvaldean (1612)
• United States
7 Dec 08
It isn't that easy though is it? The woman in the first situation doesn't want to be pregnant. Doesn't want the risk of pregnancy. Doesn't want to risk her future fertility. There is no assurance that something won't go wrong. Why should she have to take this risk for a stranger? Bumping uglies in the night doesn't change the fact that they are indeed strangers. Why should a stranger have any say over another persons medical decisions? The termination of an unwanted pregnancy in the first trimester is nothing more or less than a medical decision. Second case, that of a rape. Well the rapist is convicted and likely will not go to trial for months. It is likely that that rapist will either be let out on bail (bond) or will remain in jail awaiting trial. In the US you are innocent until proven in a court of law, guilty. This means that the rapist has the very same rights as the "stranger" in scenario #1. He has the right to demand that his victim continue the pregnancy because he wants the child to be born alive. If this is true and men have the right to prevent a woman from obtaining an abortion during the first trimester than his victim will now being forced to carry to term the result of a violent attack, in essence she will be victimized twice. In truth three times as she will then either give birth and give the child up or raise it herself, a constant reminder of her victimization. You never addressed my third scenario. There is absolutely no way in which to write laws that protect women while giving men a voice. The only voice a man can have is the voice that allows him to "opt out" of parenthood in the first trimester.