Help me please..I dont know what to do.

United States
December 7, 2008 4:40pm CST
I've been in a relationship with this guy for a month now and I like him a lot. He is a good person overall but some minor changes will help. We live walking distance away so seeing him isn't the problem. I see him just about every other day. I feel like I'm putting myself through so much stress and It's only been a month. I'm scared of what his next move may be and how he would react to It. I explain my feelings to him and he listens but I don't think he actually care. He say he do and sometimes I can see It. He got angry today because I had a picture of my best friend who is a guy on my , myspace page. He took it over board and so he got mad. He asked me about it and I tryed to explain to him that were ONLY ! friends and he didn't want to believe me. I tryed to calm him down but he kept hanging up In my face. He told me I had too many guy friends and he didn't trust me. This has been about 3 hours ago now and he hasn't called me back yet. I'm a good girlfriend and I don't like forcing myself to be calm about a situation when I know It's not that easy. He was suppose to come over today but he didn't seem like he really wanted to come . Can someone please let me know what I should do ? and how I should act when he call's me back ? Thanks
4 people like this
18 responses
@donsky14 (5947)
• Philippines
8 Dec 08
trust is definitely important in a relationship. If he loves you then he should trust you. Its hard to be in a relationship with no trust, cause everything just falls down.
2 people like this
@lvaldean (1612)
• United States
8 Dec 08
First off if "minor changes" are required he isn't for you. We should not seek to change the people that we are with nor should they seek to change us. Second, if he is so insecure in himself that he is intolerant of your male friends than he isn't for you. Jealousy isn't a sign of caring for you it is a sign of a controlling personality. This is not healthy and it is not appropriate, especially this early in a relationship. Shed this one like a winter coat. He is not worthy.
2 people like this
@trinale (1479)
• United States
8 Dec 08
Having been around for awhile and seem relationships time and time again, the best generic answer to your situation is to advise lots and lots of open communication between both of you. We've heard your side here and trust me, there is ALWAYS two sides to every story. When two people first get together, there will be some changes that need to be made by both but it has to come from within not from being forced by the other. This is where the communication comes in. As you learn each other's likes and dislikes, you make changes on your own free will to make your partner happy. I know a lot members will reply with not making sacrifices for his insecurities, but I would ask you honestly, IS there a legitimate reason for his suspicions? Please don't answer that here, that's for you to know and answer to yourself. Keep the lines of communications open and if either you get upset to the point where you get angry doing a discussion, call it off for the time being (the discussion not the relationship). It takes a lot longer than one month to get to know someone and it just maybe you weren't meant to be together because of who each of you are. Cheers, Stan
1 person likes this
• Philippines
8 Dec 08
I think you should talk to him personally. You should talk it over. Settle things up. You cannot change a guy just because you want the relationship to work. Changes should come from the person himself. He will change to better because he wants to do so, not because he's into a relationship. Don't try to change him, and vice versa. That will not work at all. In a relationship, acceptance is the key. Every person has their owm flaws, but what set two people apart from the rest, is how they accept that flaws whole-heartedly. In love, you should not love someone because of the things he/she possess, but because of the things he's not capable of doing or doesn't possess. If you happen to do that, then you truly experience to love.
@se7enthbird (8307)
• Philippines
8 Dec 08
a month relationship is still fresh. you both need to make some adjustment. in a relationship people must understand and love what the person love. my wife when we are just dating has a lot of guy friends. i am not used on a lady having too many guy friends, because i myself my friends are just guys. but slowly i understand that she is a very out going person, very friendly. i was also shock to see that her ex-bf is one of her best friend. i accept this things because i love her. i dont want to lose her just because of my insecurities. give him time to get used to it. but he does not change.... maybe it is time to find another that can love you just as the way you are.
1 person likes this
@gracie04 (4549)
• Philippines
8 Dec 08
One month? i'm positive that both of you would undergo a lot of changes.. one month is still fresh and there's a lot of things to discover between the two of you... i've had problems with my hubby during the first few months of our relationship and it was really dreadful.. but after a year, we became really close and decided to rent out a condo of our own.. i hope you would be able to patch things up with your boyfriend.. and i hope he won't be too harsh on you..
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
8 Dec 08
This is a little lovers misunderstanding which can be a turning point for both of you. If he doesn't accept your explanation you can't do much about it but try to control your emotion at this time. Pretend to be hurt by his non show up to your place and do not call him either. Let your silence trigger his emotion for a day or two and see whether he press his panic button at your silence. I am definite that he would quickly show up in your front door on the 2nd day of your love strike.
@sk66rc (4250)
• United States
8 Dec 08
Few things... It's natural for people to go through changes depending on the situations... I myself have gone through few changes when I first met my girl friend, although it didn't happen over-night... People change... Change in itself is not a bad thing... But I do believe change has come from with-in, not with-out... If he, or you, is willing to change for the better of the relationship, than it's a good thing... I do believe person goes through life learning new things everyday & make minor changes, or even adjustments, everyday... My point is, make sure those changes are for the better & it comes from with-in, either yourself or himself... Not because the other person wants you to, or him wanting you to... That ties into how he's reacting to you... As you probably know already, insecurities of any kind can be, & often are, relationship killers... Apparently, his insecurity is hurting your relationship with him... Don't try to change him... All you can do at this point is to point out to him, which it seems you already have, the situation & if he's not willing to accept it & change his ways, may be he's not for you... If not this, at one point, something else is gonna come around to hurt & even break the relationship... On the same token, if you're not willing to change your ways for him, than may be you're not for him... Relationship is about compromises... Willingness to do the things that are not necessary a "norm" for you... That means change... When I was single, yeah, I used to drink straight out of the milk carton... Now that I live with my girl friend, I don't any more... I know it's no comparison but I'm just saying, only you can decide what about yourself is worth changing for this person & the relationship with this person.. Again, everybody changes... Change isn't a bad thing... Changes for the better of the relationship with someone isn't always a bad thing... It's when you put aside your values & beliefs to do so is when it becomes questionable... I guess you have some choices to make... Stand by your conviction, weather your friendship with other guys are more important, or if your possible relationship with is guy is worth pursuing despite the risk it carries over your friendship with others... Only you can answer that...
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (157593)
• Boise, Idaho
8 Dec 08
Trust,communication and respect are three of the most important things in a relationship. You have only known him for a month. It sounds as if he has some growing up to do. Jealousy is immaturity speaking out. I would tell him when he calls back that he needs to have enough respect for you to listen to you. And then you need to communicate to him about your male friend. If it is a major problem for him then it may be time to look elsewhere for a guy to have a relationship with. One thing people don't seem to realize is that there is very little changing of people that can go on in a relationship. YOu need to compromise and communicate but expect people to change a whole lot. Your welcome.
@Polly289 (269)
• New Zealand
8 Dec 08
Hmmm, interesting (not new) but interesting. First of all, you've only been in this relationship a month and, if you're having these worries now try to imagine what it's going to be like a bit further down the track, especially if, as you say, he doesn't care when you're explaining your feelings to him. Secondly, there is a choice to be made, the friend or the boyfriend. Simple as that. Some men do get the old heckles up when they know their woman has a male friend. Jealously pure and simple. Men do like to think that their woman is theirs and theirs alone. Some even get jealous of their partners' families. Ridiculous but true. Same can be said for women. I could give you all the advice on earth but in the end, the decision is ultimately yours as to what you should do. Do you stay or do you go. Good luck with this
• United States
8 Dec 08
How I look at it. If he has friends that are girls if you don't get mad at him he shouldn't get mad at you. Never try to change anyone cause in the end the relationship never turns out. It just causes problems between people. You shouldn't have to get rid of your friends because he is jealous. He just needs to get his morals straightened up and get over his self. Not trying to be mean about it or anything. But that is normally just a guy thing. He thinks he can have as many friends he wants that are girls, but you are not a loud to have any friends that are guys. I had a guy like that he was even jealous of me going to places with family who were guys, alot of the time when I cam home and my brother was the one who dropped me off, it broke out into an argument, and sometimes he would hit me. But like I said he should be with you and trust you. If there is no trust there is no relationship you may have to move on.
@trm820 (222)
• United States
8 Dec 08
I can understand jealousy issues and also being unable to trust people because I am both. However, I also try to see it in these ways because we all have a right to have our friends. I would not want my fiancee jealous of my male friends, so I try holding my tongue on his female friends. Also, you need to be happy for you. You may like him, a lot, but trust goes both ways. If he can not trust you now, what about a year from now?
• India
8 Dec 08
"if u love somebody let them go if they comes back to u they were always urs and if they dont they never were" so just chill!! i m sure he'll contact u very soon and behave as nothing happened betwn u n him.
@Saizster (21)
• United States
8 Dec 08
TRue Understandable. I Been in the same situation. if you know your a good girlfriend and hes like jelous type thinking every guy is talkin to you. then try to talk to him for a while. if that dont work.. give it a couple of days. my boyfriend says the same thing about guys. cuz im in the same exact situation every other day. my bestfriend is a guy and he says i have too many guy friends and stuff like that. just give it time. he'll learn to trust. hopefully mine will too
@underdogtoo (9579)
• Philippines
8 Dec 08
I would be thankful about this blowout. I can see that this guy is not the ideal person you make him out to be. He sounds like a cretin or something less. You should be thankful that you see this side of him which is very unreasonable. He could be dangerous. Or not. Cheers!!
8 Dec 08
I think this chap needs to do some growing up before he will be able to commit himself to a serious relationship. It is not good for you to be with someone who is so jealous. He will have to grow to understand that you are entitled to have as many friends as you want, both male and female. If he cannot understand this or he gets funny with you again, tell him goodbye.
@smgr105 (19)
• India
8 Dec 08
Hi Britzsofly,First of all what i wanna tell you is that u r d best judge.We all can give you advice but we dont know exact situation or your relationship so ultimately it is u who has to take the call.But as per me you have to be a little cautious.See as per your words you seem to have some friends which is but natural but in case he is getting upset about them than there is definitely a problem. YOU KNOW TRUE RELATIONSHIP IS WHEN A PERSON ACCEPTS THE OTHER PERSON THE WAY HE OR SHE IS.I know lot of people say that he will change and all that but whatz the fun.If the person loves you than he should change himself and accept you having frienship with other guys.Because trust is the most important ingredient in every relationship.Today he has said that he doesnot trust you which is think is a big big statement to make clearly implying that he is not the right guy for you.I mean wat the hell,does he mean to say that u shouldnot have any relations with boyz and if u have just finish them.Pathetic point of view buddy but i will definitely reccomend u to not even think about going serious with him.
• China
8 Dec 08
We ofen bewiderment when we falling love.Be clamily,remember everything you do with him,be sure he is do everthing for you,not consider himself only.If he got angry only because he love you,then try to communicate with him.If he is not a good-tempered man,stay with him will send you much stess.you need a lot of time to recognize a person,not only through your feelings.I hope you are happy for ever!