Is She Really My Cousin Or Not?

@Rozie37 (15505)
Turkmenistan
December 20, 2008 3:02am CST
While I was doing my family tree on http://www.Ancestry.com, I came across a woman who had a most of the family members on my mother's side on her tree, so I contacted her and told her who I was and she e-mailed me back and said that we were cousins. Two weeks ago, my aunt was visiting and I showed her the girl's picture and I said, there is your cousin and my aunt said, "Oh no she is not either." My aunt says that she only counts first cousins, which is totally absurd. I look at it like this, if she is in my family tree, she is family. Whether is is my first or 10th cousin. She is my great-grandmother's brother's great-granddaughter. To me, she is my cousin. When I told her what my aunt said, she says that she understands what my aunt means and that it kind of all depends on the closeness of the relationship you share with that person. If that is the case, she is definitely my cousin. I am closer to her than most of my first cousin's. What do you think?
5 people like this
15 responses
• United States
28 Dec 08
If you are related you are related no matter how far back. I think some people are just closed mined and do not want to know about their heritage. Silly people!
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
28 Dec 08
I agree with you.
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15900)
• Australia
22 Dec 08
I don't know technically how she is related to you, but who cares? You are obviusly close and in my book that makes her family. If you care for someone I think you are family. Include her in your family tree and rejoice in the relationship you share.
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
22 Dec 08
Thank you.
@reinydawn (11651)
• United States
21 Dec 08
I think that makes her your 3rd cousin, which is still a cousin. Some of my "cousins" are really my father's cousin - they're my first cousin once removed - but they're actually my age and I grew up with them so I've always called them my cousin. Some of it's the blood-line some of it's the personal relationship. Some of my cousins' kids call me their aunt because they don't have any aunts. That's fine with me too! I'm their aunt "figure" so it's more of the personal relationship for that too.
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
22 Dec 08
This is the way I feel. Those kind of relationships are the most special, they are the ones that you have the option to choose.
1 person likes this
@getnbuy (1315)
• United States
21 Dec 08
I do a lot of genealogy, too. I think anyone on your family tree is a relative. It doesn't really matter what generation removed it is. A cousin is a relative. Congratulations of finding this person. You will be able to share lots of information and learn a lot!
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
21 Dec 08
Family is family and that's that. She is definitly related to you distantly. She is definitely your cousin by definition. She's family. I actually have people that I consider family that I am not related to by blood at all. This girl is your blood so you are right.
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
22 Dec 08
Thank you so much for your response.
@GardenGerty (92230)
• Marion, Kansas
21 Dec 08
By blood she is a cousin of some degree. By closeness, maybe even more a relation. It sounds as if you have good connections working for you.
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
21 Dec 08
It's a whole lot of fun to meet relatives that you never knew.
• United States
6 Mar 09
I believe you would technically be called "third cousins" since you share a set of great-great grandparents in common. So, yeah, calling her cousin is completly legitimate. Legally, though, she would not be considered immediate family, I suppose. Also, a lot of people don't keep track of relations passed first cousins or "once-removeds" (children of your first cousin would be your "first cousin once removed,"). Given how many people move away or get married multiple times, I can see your aunt's point of view on the subject, too. But even if you don't call a distant cousin "family," the nice thing is that you can still always call them a "friend".
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
6 Mar 09
I guess I can see your point in the sense that if we go back far enough, we are all related, but I some point, one must draw the line.
1 person likes this
• Ireland
20 Dec 08
Hi Rozie37, i am also a member of that site. I kinda got stuck with my relations though. Good thing that you have come across somebody through that site who shares the same lineage with you. For me, i think she is your cousin. What made it more nice is that you're closer to her than any of your cousin.
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
21 Dec 08
I had been stuck for a long time. Then I started paying the monthly fee and I have found my dad's family, whom I didn't even know existed. I have also found a few people on my mother's side. The site really works and is very exciting. But you have to have the time and desire to put into it.
@SomeCowgirl (32273)
• United States
20 Dec 08
I have a cousin that we're not really sure is my cousin to be honest but I consider him as such. I can understand what your aunt means, and I think your cousin is right that it depends on the closeness to some.
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
21 Dec 08
I understand what my aunt means too. But I still don't agree with her.
• United States
20 Dec 08
I am trying to figure out what exactly she is to you. You are obviously are related but I am not sure what her title would be.
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
21 Dec 08
Oh alright. She had to tell me how we were related, I didn't know enough about her side to figure it out myself. But now I understand completely.
@winterose (39931)
• Canada
20 Dec 08
there is close family and extended family, your aunt is wrong, she can count whatever she wants but it is not the rule, this person is part of your family tree then she is your family whether you ever knew her or not.
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
21 Dec 08
I totally agree. And it's not like she is a stranger to my aunt, my aunt knows her mom and her grandmother. I don't know why my aunt reacted that way, I think it is silly.
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
20 Dec 08
My opinion is this, family is of the heart. It doesn't matter to me if there's blood relation or not, the heart is what really counts HOWEVER, this gal is a blood relation so yes she's a cousin but a distant one at that. Everybody feels differently about distant this and distant that and that's all well and good but you don't have to agree or disagree out loud because it's a case of to each his own thing and/or belief.
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
21 Dec 08
Yeah, people try and make this thing more complicated than it has to be. I figure, if I can trace her, without getting totally confused, then she is family.
@rocketj1 (6957)
• United States
20 Dec 08
I think a distant relative like that should be referred to as a cousin. You are family and it would really be difficult to call her your "4th cousin 3 times removed on my mothers side by marriage......."blahblahblah. Go ahead and call her your cousin! Family is to be celebrated!
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
21 Dec 08
That is exactly how I see it.
• United States
20 Dec 08
She's a cousin, but a very distant one. In fact, if you trace your ancestry back far enough, you would find that just about everyone on Earth is our cousins. But, if you were wanting to marry someone, it only matters if they are your first cousin and anything more distant is considered not really related in terms of genetics. You share familial relations, but probably very few common genes.
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
21 Dec 08
Oh alright, I see what you are saying. Thanks for responding.
@Polly1 (12650)
• United States
20 Dec 08
She is your cousin. These days families don't have to share blood, you and her happen to come from some of the same people. That makes you family. Even more important to me when it comes to family, is how you feel. Family doesn't matter when it comes to races, religion, or whatever. We are all connected in this world. We are all family, we are children of God. Some folks just don't know it and hide from him. Take us Rozie, both of us are God's children, when it comes down to it, we are family. I just feel it in my bones if we lived close, I feel we would be great friends. Someday we just might get the chance to sit on the dock by the bay and waste some time.
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
21 Dec 08
You know what, the old roommate that use to play that song came to visit me today. It was very nice to see her. When she first left, she would call me too much, so it was hard to miss her. By the time she came over today, it had been so long, I had started to worry a little. She tells me that she does not have a phone any more. You are absolutely right, you and I are sisters. After all, we do have the same father. It would be cool to meet some day.