Ending the Relationship

@reasco1 (299)
United States
December 21, 2008 1:48pm CST
It's been a lot of years trying to make my relationship work with my fiance but it's just not working and I know I can't brake it off during the holiday season. I still love her but I"m not in love with her. I always though when two people love each other that nothing could break them apart but it's time to move on because there is nothing real about our relationship, I haven't seen her in over a month not since her birthday last month on the 9th, we talk on the phone from time too time but we don't even really talk we just go through the motions. I think maybe she may have someone els, then I don't know, I just know that we're not being true to our feelings. Somethings not right, and I know that I'm not seeing anyone at all. I just thought that she was the one but maybe we had our chance a long time ago and know we may be better off as close friends. I just know that right now I can't fool myself anymore I need to let her go and just may if we are blessed we may find happyness with another.
1 person likes this
15 responses
@paigey (12)
• United States
21 Dec 08
Why did you get engaged in the first place? Try to remember the happy times you've had before. Schedule a fun date for the two of you. See if something rekindles. If not, definitely try to talk about your relationship with her and see if it has any chance of surviving. Be upfront with her about it. The longer you keep it a secret, the more pain it causes.
• United States
22 Dec 08
Well if you feel that you are not in love with this person, and you know this to be true, then you as the one with the feelings, should be real with yourself and in return to the one that you are not in love with! It will only get worse and believe you me been there done that. I married for all the wrong reasons, I married knowing that I was not in love with the person at all. And in doing that, I had two children by them and now, we are divorced!!!!!! I still have to deal with them, cause of the children. So, I am speaking of experience not just a window shopper looking in on your situation, giving opinions! You feel really better once you are true to them. And you say that you two have not seen each other in about a month. What is that person sating to you, by allowing that to even take place. I mean if I didn't hear from my Boyfriend in about a day or maybe two, I am on the horn and he has some explaining to do! LOVE IS AN ACTION THAT PROVES THAT IT IS LOVE!!!! Not just by the words that come out of your mouth! Please for your true happiness, talk to them and make it right. Whichever way that is together or apart.
@paigey (12)
• United States
22 Dec 08
I definitely agree with you that if the relationship won't work out, it needs to end. However, say that his fiance was on business or caring for a sick relative and that is the reason they haven't seen each other in a month. Then, you could say, maybe he forgot how in love he really was (out of sight, out of mind). The problem here is we don't know why they haven't seen each other. The only point I was trying to make here is that a last-ditch effort should be made before you completely give up. Sometimes we can forget why we were in love in the first place. I am sorry that you married for the wrong reasons, but maybe he got engaged for the right ones. He said that he loved her and you said you didn't love them so the situation is a bit different. I would hate for this guy to give up on the relationship of his dreams because it was going through a rough patch.
@Gesusdid (1681)
• United States
22 Dec 08
yeah i suggest not to break up with her within the holiday season , cause it makes it twice as worse for the time being, its sad to see a relationship fade to that blank void in which you never wanted it to see, thats the base of the whole concept of a relationship , its called TALKING , weither short or long conversations , voice messages or texting , if anyone out there goes thru a void of no talking with their lover , then have a sit down and talk , be concerned ..cause you dont want the day to come where your remebering the good days , you should have more good days ahead , no one said they had to stop ....but as for you sir , have a sit down , and discuss your current situation , and see where offically at right now , you never know if she wants to stay together or not ....godbless
@sharra1 (6342)
• Australia
22 Dec 08
What difference does the holiday season make? If he no longer loves her then she will probably know this. Girls pick up these feelings of withdrawal very easily. She is probably either already in pain or protecting her feelings because she knows it is coming. I find it bizarre that he had not talked to her yet. How can you have a relationship if you do not talk face to face about your relationship. He is talking about letting her go like she is a possession that can be discarded so easily. Maybe he is waiting until he finds a new girl to go out with and then he will drop the old one. Some men can be so insensitive.
@sharra1 (6342)
• Australia
22 Dec 08
You really should talk to her about this. She maybe withdrawn because she is getting the wrong signals from you. If you are avoiding her then she will withdraw and may well be very confused and not know what to say. I am surprised why men find talking to their girlfriends about serious issues so difficult and why they always assume the she is playing around just because she is withdrawn. I always withdrew when a boyfriend started avoiding me. It was a way of protecting myself from getting too badly hurt as I could feel that he wanted to break it off. You say she is a fiancée but you cannot talk to her about your feelings? If that is the case then maybe you are the wrong person for her. You certainly should not keep playing with her feelings by pretending you still care even while you are thinking of dumping her.
@smarif (1)
• Bangladesh
22 Dec 08
Great Experiance
@subha12 (18453)
• India
22 Dec 08
it is hurtful to end the relationship. but when there is nothing left there, it is better to leave it there. Also in some point people try to talk and mend the ways,I do not know what really went wrong.
@robert19ph (4584)
• Philippines
22 Dec 08
hello reasco1, If you really don't love her anymore, I don't see any reason why you need to prolong the agony. Besides, you have a feeling that she has somebody else already. Go ahead, talk to her and tell your feelings towards her. Maybe she is just waiting for you to tell her that. Maybe the feeling is mutual. Being honest to her is the best thing that you can do. The earlier the better. So you can both move on and not hurting one another anymore.
• Philippines
22 Dec 08
i hope that you and your fiancee will be able to talk about this so that you can pour out what you have been feeling towards her and at the same time she can pour out what she felt about you. having an open communication between both parties will help a lot in solving this kinds of issues. that is true doing it over the holidays is not a good time but it would be better that you two find time to sit together and talk about it may it be that you both is ending the relationship or you can still work it out together. wish you all the best. happy mylotting!!!
@3dgardo (14)
• United States
22 Dec 08
ok have a long talk with her. ask her hows evrything going. and just try to spend time together. Spending time together might bring you back to liking her. who knows?
• Philippines
22 Dec 08
Are you not ready being single on holiday season? I just don't understand reas. If you want to break the relationship, might as well to do it now. Just my personal opinion,there has no difference between breaking off now or after the holiday and I guess it hurts more.
• United States
22 Dec 08
I think you really need to go visit her. that could change your mind. since you haven't talked to her in person for quite a while
@jha2x_09 (74)
• Philippines
22 Dec 08
hi... Are you sure with your decision??? because sometimes,others.. feel the same way but when they broke up with their love one they finally realized that she/he really love that person.. Maybe in your situation, you need both of time to see each other.. In a relationship its not enough to just communicate through phone... especially if your not yet married... Or rather ask her if she still love you,as you were saying that your not inlove anymore but you love her,what does,does it mean???/ are you just confuse?? You have to think first and weigh everything before you make actions.. you might regret in the end...
• Philippines
21 Dec 08
First and foremost, I would advise that you really looked into your heart if you do not love her that much. You see when you do decide to break up with her, probably the chance of you being friends is slim. So you got to be prepared to lose this person. I know someone who has the same predicament as you. The relationship has dried up. They rarely talk sweetly to each other. So the man decided to end it. They remained friends but when the girl has finally moved on, the man was devastated because he realized he still loves her - he just did not know it. But its too late. Perhaps you can ask that you can talk to her. Tell her the status of the relationship and see if there is a way to repair it. Or perhaps you may give yourselves space for a while so both of you can really think this through. Then you decide if you want to break up or not...
• United States
21 Dec 08
You haven't seen her for over a month? Why? Is one of you away on business or something like that? If not, and you say you're only speaking on the phone from time to time, then she may be gone already. You need to decide whether the spark is still there. You wouldn't be doing either of you any favors by just going through the motions. In any case only you can decide for yourself what do and when it's the right time to do it. I'm sure you will make the right decision.
• United States
21 Dec 08
Love is complicated, and sometimes people change, and things change, and the person you thought that you knew and fell in love with is not that same person anymore. Couples find this out all of the time. You still love them, but you do not love what they have become or you have lost that connection in the bedroom.
@sk66rc (4261)
• United States
21 Dec 08
I guess I don't get the whole concept of "no right time to break up" but if you're saying you guys should break up during holidays, are you saying there's a "wrong time to break up"? I don't think there is no "right" nor "wrong" time to break up... If you get the feeling that you both feel the same, then right now, whenever that may be, would be the best time to do so... I always thought that, especially when relationships are concerned, 2 people should always communicate their true feelings at the 1st avaliable moment... That way, instead of spending your holiday with a nagging thought of your "danggling by a thread" relationship, you can enjoy the holiday with a clear & sure thoughts... I've been living with my girl frie nd for a while & we constantly talk to each other... It just makes things easier... I was always tought that almost everything in life is easiest at the beginning... My girl friend & I always try to get our issues known at the first chance we have so that those issues don't boil up inside us until it becomes something bigger... All I'm saying is, may be this is one of those cases where "sooner the better", not "waiting for the right time"...