When did myLot become your therapist or diary?

@TessWhite (3147)
United States
December 22, 2008 12:35am CST
I've been seeing a growing trend on here for people to tell just about EVERYTHING about their personal lives, their family battles, and on and on. Why is myLot becoming their diary or therapist? I know I've had a couple of vague family discussions on here, but nothing as detailed as I'm reading on some of these posts. Some of these "discussions" aren't really discussions at all, but more like a book outlining each stressful moment of their lives. Do we really need to pour all this into myLot for strangers all over the world? Do we really have to add a question at the end of our long rants just to try and turn it into a discussion? Am I the only one bothered by this? Or does it bother any of you to see these incredibly long posts that have so much personal detail listed?
11 people like this
23 responses
@ellie333 (21029)
22 Dec 08
Hi Tess, I suppose myLot is sometimes the only way these people can speak out and ask for advice as maybe too many friends and family are involved so cannot voice in life. I myself have put a few personal ones on here and have received some great advice. Also I guess what is going on is unique to these people so is a discussion that hasn't arisen before. I struggle trying to think of discussion questions and yesterday after having had so many of my discussions deleted because someone put nasty tags in I can't even be bothered posting another. If I find a discussion too disturbing or personal I don't respond but that is what is so great about myLot we all have the choice or which discussions to respond to. So in answer to your question, no it doesn't bother me. Huggles. Ellie :D
6 people like this
@guybrush (4662)
• Australia
22 Dec 08
Ellie, I was appalled to read someone had been tagging your discussions with horrible things - please don't give up posting your excellent discussions; those of us who are your friends love and support you - the others can be ignored. Bless you, and have a lovely Christmas!
4 people like this
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
22 Dec 08
I guess it depends on what's shared in my opinion. I once had a topic on depression because my son is going thru it. But I tried to make it a generalized topic, without too much personal information if I recall. Some of these are so detailed that its just TMI you know? LOL I guess its just me. Thanks for the input Ellie. Huggles back. :)
3 people like this
@ellie333 (21029)
22 Dec 08
Love, huggles and seasons greetings to you all. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
@zalilame (880)
• Malaysia
22 Dec 08
Sometimes mylot tends to be a place where one can let out their emotions. It is quite a normal things to do. Sometimes they felt really comfortable to throw out their problems to those unknown since those people can provide honest opinions and sympathy. Some of them are just sharing their experiences so that someone else can learn something from it.
6 people like this
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
22 Dec 08
I guess I'm just a bit more cautious about over sharing. Thanks for your reply.
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
22 Dec 08
OUCH Tess!! That one hurt!! Well the reason I do is because I've made some really great friends here on mylot and it's a really good way to vent and get a heavy load off of one's chest. It's much better than going out and beating something up or holding it inside which can be worse health wise. Friends here have held me up, advised me, rooted me on, prayed with or for me and my family, helped me out monetary wise and many other things. As for the so many others seeing the details... who cares? The truth hurts, so be it.
4 people like this
@mommyboo (13207)
• United States
22 Dec 08
I don't see anything wrong with it, as you'll see from my post further down lol. Friendships can develop at a place like this, deep and lasting ones, and people should trod lightly when thinking there is a line differentiating 'real friend' from 'face to face'. I have long distance friends who are just as real as my best friend in person - I am lucky to have her in my life locally, some people are not that lucky. I say you take friends where you can find them and not question it too closely.
4 people like this
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
22 Dec 08
Cats, I don't know why the ouch? But anyway, thanks for the input. And Oreo, everyone has their opinion I guess on what they call over sharing. Thanks for your thoughts on it as well. Tess.
2 people like this
@guybrush (4662)
• Australia
22 Dec 08
It doesn't bother me to see the long posts, but it makes me realise there are a lot of people doing it incredibly tough out there - and I feel for them. I know writing things down can be therapeutic, so I'm guessing it really helps to be able to do this - and behind the facade of anonymity, it's probably like venting to a handy, random friend who's willing to listen and not judge harshly. Maybe sometimes people are given surprising answers to their woes from strangers - or at least another way of looking at things which might give them hope or make them feel a little better. Even having someone empathise and say, 'yes, this has happened to me!' might make someone feel a little cheered and a little less alone. There are lots of good and kind souls on myLot - it's probably not the worst place to come if you want to talk something out. Blessings to everyone having troubles at Christmas time - may the new year bring some happiness to you all.
4 people like this
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
22 Dec 08
Thanks for your thoughts and reply. :)
2 people like this
@mommyboo (13207)
• United States
22 Dec 08
It doesn't bother me. You see, when I was first introduced to discussion forums, courtesy of my husband when he was just trying to find me a cure for morning sickness, I found not only a great place to talk and gossip but some longdistance friends who were experiencing many of the same things I was. Some of them had 'gone before' so they could tell me all the trials and tribulations of pregnancy, babies, preschoolers, and older kids, others were still trying to conceive or had had miscarriages, etc. There was a lot of personal angst, information, emotion, smiles, and tears in these posts, and many of us made quite a bond with each other. I still talk to some of them, in email, messenger, facebook, phone. There are other people there who ended up more like 'frenemies', people you didn't particularly like but they were so 'into' your life that you had to include them a LITTLE to risk pissing them off. I'm sure you know what I mean, at least vaguely lol. Anyway, SOME of these people - it came to light - really had NO 'real life' social contacts, the whole of their social circle was literally in the computer. These are some of the people who really played up detailed events in their lives. I think that people NEED to have social contact, even people who say they don't. It is necessary for survival. However people can get it, it's important, and let me tell you, something like a discussion forum is totally cheaper (and causes less stress) than seeing a therapist. I think the reason behind why so many people do this is BECAUSE this is virtual, BECAUSE it's a bunch of strangers. Getting advice, tips, ideas, and suggestions from strangers, opinions and disagreements too - really does open the door so you're not feeling like your back is against the wall asking people who actually know you. You aren't sharing your personal business with people who can actually affect your life, or hurt you by knowing what happened or have a hand in how you intend to deal with whatever it was. It is anonymous, a way to gather information, to sort out what may be good and bad and 'play god' before you make any decisions. I don't know you, and you don't know me. I guess a few people do know some things but the point is, the personal detail makes little difference to me. It makes for interesting reading and often excellent discussions where other people as well the the original poster may get some much needed information or help someone in the end.
3 people like this
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
22 Dec 08
All good points. Thanks for sharing your view. :)
2 people like this
@mommyboo (13207)
• United States
1 Jan 09
Thanks for the BR . As much as I use this for entertainment, it's also been a good place to go for answers to hard questions in life. Someone has always been there, but sometimes people we know in real life don't have any idea.
@ElicBxn (59755)
• United States
22 Dec 08
then don't read them... I feel that if my friend came over for a cuppa tea and wanted to talk about her problems, that I would listen, and make suggestions if I could. I feel the same about mylot. I have made friends, and if they want to meet me at our common coffee shop (mylot) and pour out their problems, I'm fine with that. If I had a problem, I'm sure they would want to hear about it too.
2 people like this
• Canada
22 Dec 08
True enough if someone does not like those discussions they should skip them. However, your analogy about a friend coming over for coffee to your house and discussing her/his problem and discussing them on Mylot does not make sense. You have the possibility to send PM's to good friends in Mylot, however the forum itself has over 150 000 members from all over the world from many different cultures. I am sure some people are astonished to read some of the very personal stuff that is aired on this forum.
2 people like this
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
22 Dec 08
Exactly Linda. I can see private messages to friends. But to publically broadcast such personal information? Well it just amazes me at times.
2 people like this
@ElicBxn (59755)
• United States
23 Dec 08
And if he/she has over 200 or more friends, how will he/she know who will be interested and who won't. If I start reading a discussion about wrestling or soap operas, I just skip, because I don't watch either, but I do care what is happening to my friends, and since I'm often not the only one responding, there must be others as well. If they start talking about their "sexcapades" I'm gone, I don't have any of those, but I do have family and friends and issues and might be able to give them some advice....
@pyewacket (43961)
• United States
22 Dec 08
I really don't see anything wrong with people having discussions about the problems they may be going through as long as it isn't too personal, such as specifically giving out names, addresses, phone number, etc. With a place like MyLot, often this place is the "only" place to vent or rant out about problems and often makes a person feel less alone, that often someone out in MyLot land may have or is going through the same problem and maybe in effect the other person might give comforting advice to the person starting the discussion. Even if a person is seeing a therapist, they might not always be of help, as a therapist will listen with a more "clinical" and cold attitude, while a MyLot friend can have more empathy/sympathy. I was seeing a therapist myself and eventually dumped him as I just felt he wasn't helping me..was rather a putz to be honest....LOL. I've gotten better advice from people here who are truly understanding of whatever might be bothering me at the time than I ever did with a therapist....and heck...it's cheaper too! LOL So nope, doesn't bother me in the least to read rant/vent type discussions. People here often establish great friendships sometimes better friendships than in "real" life
2 people like this
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
23 Dec 08
Thanks for sharing your views Pye. :)
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13207)
• United States
1 Jan 09
No kidding Pye! Also, when you talk to a 'professional' vs a friend, they don't always understand what is going on, even if they do from a clinical standpoint. Friends at least try to mean well, even if they bumble while doing it. I can't always say professionals mean well, even if they are quote unquote educated... Being educated does not mean you've experienced a situation, know what I mean?
1 person likes this
@royal52gens (5379)
• United States
22 Dec 08
Hello Tess; I don't think MyLot is a therapist or a diary. Although, it does help people to state the issue and then receive a variety of responses, ideas, insight from people around the world. This then helps the person to make decisions in their life. I, myself, have been helped many times by the insight of others. They have a clearer view because they are directly involved. They are not emotionally involved. My friends here have been very helpful to me. At times, they have been very comforting. It reminds me that I am not alone in this world. It makes me feel good when I can be helpful to one or two of my friends. Yes, some people give us a lot of details to work with. This helps us to be of more benefit to them. Do you help your friends? Do they help you when you need help? Even our children come to us and ask for help or advice. Do we deny them? Most likely, not. So why would we even consider denying our friends here in MyLot? The distance between us should not deter us from being friends who help each other. Royal Mom
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
22 Dec 08
Yes, I help my friends. But, its usually done in private discussions or emails - not broadcasted for the world to read. LOL But, thank you for your view. :)
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13207)
• United States
1 Jan 09
LOL! People blog too and share a lot of personal details there. I don't think this is any different than that, just because there is tons of information out there never means anybody HAS to read it, or god forbid SEARCH for it. I also have to admit if someone overshares, then it's not the reader's fault, plus 'oversharing' is a matter of perception. . Can't really blame the sharer either because of that pesky perception thing.
• India
22 Dec 08
Well i think that mylot has really become my diary for quite a few months now and i think it really feels better when you come to know that many people have problems similar to me and you really are able to help them with your knowledge and i'm able to tell my feelings to others and when i'm able to get some nice advises i'm really happy about that...happy mylotting...
2 people like this
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
22 Dec 08
Thanks for your input. :)
1 person likes this
@alindahaw (1219)
• Philippines
23 Dec 08
I have not really posted any personal stories out here but I think that posting personal stories out here is not really that bad. Some people do not have somebody to talk to that is why they are posting some personal things out here. These people just want to get something our of their system and they find this place very convenient.
1 person likes this
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
23 Dec 08
Thanks for your input. :)
@katsmeow1213 (28589)
• United States
23 Dec 08
I am the type of person who is an open book. I tend to give advice through my own life experiences, so in order to back up my advice, I give details of an experience I've been through. I see no reason why not to share it, I enjoy talking, especially about myself. I do tell the same stories to people I meet on the streets.. if it comes up. That's just how I am. I think a lot of people are like that, they just enjoy talking and sharing their life experiences. Sometimes it can help others to know that they're not alone, or to know what you went through so they can handle their own situation a different way. But understandably, others are more stand offish. They don't enjoy sharing personal experiences, they'd rather keep those moments to themselves or share with only very close family and friends. That's fine too, it's whatever you feel comfortable with.
1 person likes this
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
23 Dec 08
I guess for me it depends on who and how many I'm sharing with. I do have some online friends I've known for years that I share all with. But, its kept between us and not broadcast for everyone. Thats just me. :)
1 person likes this
@Lindalinda (4116)
• Canada
22 Dec 08
I think the reason for this is that people are anonymous and feel safe to pour out their hearts to virtual friends or strangers. Often people are isolated, cash strapped or in debt so they cannot seek professional counselling and often they get no support from their families. What frightens me though is that some people are careless with information about their families and children and I wonder if they risk being stalked. Personally I do not partake in those discussions. I am not qualified to give psychotherapeutic advice and I would worry if I could cause more harm than good. I shake my head and skip over those discussions.
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
22 Dec 08
Yes, this worries me too. I've been stalked before and know the dangers. I also saw one topic the other day asking for very serious medical answers. From myLot? How dangerous! Thanks for your reply.
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18576)
• Jamaica
22 Dec 08
I'm not really bothered by this at all. The way I see it is that women need contact with women and many people probably do not have anywhere else to vent. After venting they feel better about the situation or they can obtain some really good advice on how to deal with the issues. Yes, it may be therapy for some but when a friend is hurting you cannot let them down. Because they are not actually seeing the person they can be more honest. Perhaps they are far from relatives and friends and are lonely. I only answer discussions from my friends and do not enter into a discusion with someone who is not a friend on any personal issue. To be honest - I am not bothered by this by I do understand why some people would find it annoying. Have a wondeful Christmas my friend. Blessings
1 person likes this
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
22 Dec 08
Thanks for your thoughts. :)
1 person likes this
• Canada
23 Dec 08
It does not bother me in the least because talking with others that do not know you is a way for people to get out all their frustrations. You cannot see others reactions so it makes it easier to listen to their advice even if you don't like what they have to say.
1 person likes this
@Nhey16 (2519)
• Philippines
23 Dec 08
Sometimes, I share my experiences here in mylot, I feel happy when I could share something and a lot of times with others experiences in life, I do learn from them. Maybe if I would be bothered with some discussions, then, I may not read and respond to it... But all I know Mylot is one way of expressing myself and letting out my emotions... There are also times when I one of my experiences is similar to someone's discussion I could share with him/her my thoughts and hope that it may help the discussion starter.
1 person likes this
• India
22 Dec 08
it is not irritating for me.
1 person likes this
@siZidni (1860)
• Indonesia
22 Dec 08
i never see mylot as my diary or therapist. but i think it's ok. since peopel want to know other opinion as they can refer to while they are trying to resolve their own problem. as long as they don't dicslose much their private identity. i see it's good for them though.
1 person likes this
• Brazil
22 Dec 08
Sometimes people from outside can see the situations better than people that are participating on it. Maybe that´s why they come to mylot and share their experience to know other people´s opinions.
@brian_s (570)
• United States
22 Dec 08
I'm not that bothered about it. If some teenage girl wants to write about how her boyfriend wanted a bracelet back after she slept with his best friend in her moms car, the night after she told him that she loved him... well, I'll just stay away from that discussion. Other people might enjoy the conversation, or trying to give help in some way. On the other hand, some people complain when posts are somewhat trite in nature (not that there is too much of substance in that fictional TMI story example above). I say to each his/her own. I'll comment on the ones I feel like commenting on, and just let the other ones to the people who want to comment on them. People feel different ways about how much is reasonable to share, and guess I think that should be a personal choice.
@brian_s (570)
• United States
22 Dec 08
I guess that it's kind of ironic that I feel that way considering the fact that my avatar is a whole bunch of people wearing masks.
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
23 Dec 08
:) Thanks for sharing your opinions.
@bunnybon7 (30017)
• Holiday, Florida
16 Jan 09
hey Tess. i love mylot for that very reason. you can vent and ask questions and make friends. i love it when someone goes into detail about a problem and i can help. it makes for interesting interaction. some people like myself have no real friends or anyone to talk to any time they want except for online. when your disabled its hard to get out and meet people.
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
17 Jan 09
I know quite well the no real friends, being disabled thing. I am disabled and I'm home pretty much 24/7. But I try not to get too personal in mylot. I guess I just don't like broadcasting too much information out there. I'll chat in person with friends, but won't post alot to the public.